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    PATRICIAANN46   313,207
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Note On The Fridge

Saturday, August 04, 2012      12 comments

The wife left me a note on the fridge: "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. Gone to stay at my Mother's." I opened the fridge. The light came on and the beer was cold. I have no idea what in the h_ _ _ she was talking about........ Read more

Children Are Quick

Friday, August 03, 2012      14 comments

TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? STUDENT: You told me to do it without using tables. TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ... Read more

Humour From Both Sides Of The "Pond"

Thursday, August 02, 2012      14 comments

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER 8 years old, Hateful little so-and-so. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES Mothe... Read more

Puppy Size

Wednesday, August 01, 2012      12 comments

"Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this," the mother told the volunteer. "What is it she keeps asking for?" the volun... Read more

No Sunday Paper

Tuesday, July 31, 2012      10 comments

This is dedicated to all of us who ARE Seniors, to all of you who KNOW Seniors, and to all of you who will BECOME seniors. "Where is my Sunday Paper?!?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her S... Read more

Smile For The Day

Monday, July 30, 2012      14 comments

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energ... Read more

A Gift Certificate

Sunday, July 29, 2012      8 comments

A HUG Certificate for You!!!!! If I could catch a rainbow I would do it just for you And share with you its beauty On the days you're feeling blue. If I could build a mountain You could call your very own; A place to find ser... Read more

Advice For An Old Guy.......

Saturday, July 28, 2012      11 comments

I was working out in the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing....... I asked the trainer that was near-by, "What machine should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?" The trainer looked me up and down and said, "Try the ATM i... Read more

A Problem-Solving Method That Works

Friday, July 27, 2012      13 comments

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called---and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman p... Read more

Please Heed This Warning.......

Thursday, July 26, 2012      19 comments

DOOR LOCK HOLE---WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT????? Hole Under Door Lock A victim wrote: Wednesday, I approached my truck from the passenger side to place my computer bag in the front passenger seat. As I reached to open the door I notic... Read more

Dog's Prayer

Wednesday, July 25, 2012      13 comments

We have 2 dogs and I can hear both of them making the same requests as listed below.... Dear God: It's me, the Dog. Dear God: Is it on purpose that our names are spelled the same, only in reverse? Dear God: Why do humans smell ... Read more

Catholics Have To Have A Sense Of Humor

Tuesday, July 24, 2012      14 comments

A priest was invited to attend a house party. Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his Priest's Collar. A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The l... Read more

Watch Your Wrists

Monday, July 23, 2012      10 comments

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within... Read more

Paul Newman

Sunday, July 22, 2012      15 comments

Only women of a certain age will appreciate this....... (If you don't understand this, tell your mother, she'll get it!) A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often vis... Read more

First Grade

Saturday, July 21, 2012      17 comments

A group of Kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use "Big People WORDS!", she was always reminding them. ... Read more

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