I read this one a long time ago but re-reading it made me laugh, so I hope you enjoy it too.
This is an article submitted to a newspaper contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner. This won first prize.
CHRISTMAS WITH LO... Read more
You know it's a cold day when your teeth start chattering and they're still on the nightstand.
It's not really cold out until the dog's frozen himself to the hydrant.
I was caught without earmuffs during a sudden cold snap but managed ... Read more
If you see a fat man.......
Who's jolly and cute,
Wearing a beard and a red flannel suit,
And if he is chuckling and laughing away,
While flying around in a miniature sleigh, with eight tiny reindeer to pull him along,
T... Read more
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR.........HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door... Read more
Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.
Holiday leftovers incognito.
HOLIDAY GROCERY LIST:
What you spend hours w... Read more
1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.
2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calorie... Read more
It takes more than four minutes to get out of your car.
When backing into a parking spot, you just back up until you hear something.
It scares you to drive the speed limit.
The only thing you pass on the road anymore is the Amish.... Read more
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn... Read more
I am sure that most of you have already read this somewhere........I hope so. For those who haven't, I am happy to share it with you for the first time. For those who have.......I don't think that this message can be experienced too many times... Read more
If you have a friend, family member, or coworker who is a caregiver, you may want to consider the following for a possible Christmas gift idea:
* Offering to take the caregiver out for dinner and a movie.
* Being a shoulder to cry on... Read more
I loved this and want to share it with you........
Why do I have a variety of friends who are all so different in character? How can I get along with them all? I think that each one helps to bring out a "different" part of me.
With one ... Read more
A man in rural Wisconsin wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there's an ad for "Up North Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minu... Read more
I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"
My ... Read more
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols.
This seemed like the perfect gift. "H... Read more
One of the reasons it did make me laugh so hard is that it would be something my DH would say.......
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for ... Read more