At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an explanation.." The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told my story.
"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was... Read more
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
... Read more
I was visiting my son and family last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.'
... Read more
1) NUDITY: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the bac... Read more
A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The... Read more
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of
Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see if you can read
each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 60 years of age can... Read more
When you drink Vodka over ice,
it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink Rum over ice,
it can give you liver failure.
When you drink Whiskey over ice,
it can give you heart problems.
Wh... Read more
For those of you who missed church on Sunday, here is a recap!
Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four w... Read more
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams. ... Read more
During a visit to
my doctor, I asked him, "How do you
determine whether or not an
older person should be put in a Care Home?"
"Well," he said, "we
fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bu... Read more
A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God
she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you ... Read more
Well, the Church removed my cookies from the bake sale..... again!
I don't know what their problem is -- I just used a dog bone cookie cutter...cut them in half and decorated them!!
I thought they looked rat... Read more