1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... She has 14 kids but she doesn't really care..
2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs
3. My mind ... Read more
INSTALLING A HUSBAND!!!!
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5... Read more
THe Pearly Gates!!!
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests.... Read more
The teacher was asking the children in her Sunday School class, "If I sold my house and my car,
had a big garage sale and gave all my mony to the church, would I get into Heaven?"
"NO!" the children all answered.
"... Read more
Life's a test and your graded on a curve.
At age 4, success is ....not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is....having friends.
At age 16, success is....having a driver's license.
At ... Read more
You may have seen some of these before but they're worth another read!!!
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' w... Read more
A Nun at Hooters!!!!
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was
hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn
Each time the lights would go ... Read more
Finkelstein and Jesus:
Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when he decided that he really needed a new robe.
After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor.
So, he went in and made the necessary arrangements to ha... Read more
Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bu... Read more
A man fell asleep on the beach under the noon day sun and suffered a severe sunburn to his
legs. He was taken to the hospital where his skin had turned bright red, was painful and had
started to blister. Anything that touch... Read more
Children are quick!!!!
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do... Read more
Husbands and Wives!!!!
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the... Read more
Old Folks Deep Thoughts.....
*I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one so I'm wearing my garage door opener!
*You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people... Read more
1. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just ... Read more
And that's how the fight started.....
If you've read these before, they're worth reading again! LOL
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.... Read more
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