Ten thoughts to ponder:
Number 10: Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8: Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwic... Read more
WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12 !!!
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called
co... Read more
Microsoft vs Ford!!!!!!!
For all of you who feel only the deepest love and affection
for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX),
Bill Gates reportedly compared
the computer industry with the auto ind... Read more
Why I like Retirement!
For all those who are about to retire or have retired - Life isn't that bad.
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after h... Read more
Hanging by my boob!!!
If you've read this one before....it's still worth reading again!
While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a
lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician,
say, "Your Honor, I'm guil... Read more
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy 's
And shyly walked up to
The woman behind the counter and said,
"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. "
" What type of bra?"
Asked the clerk.
" Type?" inquires the man, "There... Read more
Forgot my glasses!!!!
Yesterday my son asked why I didn't do something useful with my time.
He suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with other folks my age.
I did this and when I got home last night I told him that I had joined a parachute ... Read more
I'M SO GLAD I FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS!
The correct way to weigh yourself:
I can't believe I was doing it wrong all these years.
WE MUST SPREAD THE WORD!
Never take life... Read more
New Address.....something to think about here!!!
Life is ten percent what you make it
and ninety percent how you take it!
WHAT A GROOVEY IDEA
The following is where you'll find me when we can't live alone anymore.
This is my plan and I am sticking to it!!
NO... Read more
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A s... Read more
My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded t... Read more
A Glass of Wine!!!!
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine..
And those who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand.
As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria. ... Read more
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual
information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.
... Read more
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life in 2011- Remember...
My mind works like lightning, One brilliant Flash and it's gone.
The only time the wor... Read more
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Smile and the world smiles with you!!!!
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for th... Read more