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    LADYRINO   59,794
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Halleigh speaks

Tuesday, December 29, 2009      10 comments

Christmas was harder than I thought. I went through the motions for my other children and sobbed in the bedroom in my husband's arms. I knew it was going to be hard. Just harder than I thought. It seemed so hollow without Halleigh's laugh. ... Read more

Shock and Awe

Thursday, December 10, 2009      8 comments

The pregnancy fatigue and nausea is taking its toll. I drink my water every day but right now after doing my shift transcribing and then doing some freelance work for an old boss of mine, it is all I can do to crawl out of my chair before falli... Read more

The present of being present

Monday, November 23, 2009      5 comments

I just can not believe how my life has changed. Everything has been tossed upside down. The grounding points have been my family and friends. They have all sought to think of the things I could not, deal with the aspects of life I could not, ... Read more

Whispers to God

Wednesday, November 18, 2009      11 comments

No doubt about being pregnant ....the nausea has begun....and the shock has worn off a bit. I am sure that Halleigh had a part in this. She sooooo loved kids, especially younger ones as they just loved her for being her and not judge her like ... Read more

Blasphemous Rumors

Monday, November 16, 2009      12 comments

This last week I have not felt like doing much. We have had our first official snow. Kailien and Taegan made snow angels and went sledding. I smiled at them and felt my heart break over the dichotomy of missing one of my angels. And I have b... Read more

Not for the faint of heart

Saturday, November 07, 2009      8 comments

Last night I was primal. I eat meat. My husband and I raise our own meat, most veggis and starting to do fruit as well. Anyway, last night we butchered one of the pigs...all 600 pounds of her. It is a humane of a kill as possible and I have ... Read more

Obstacle course boxing

Thursday, November 05, 2009      6 comments

I am sore...yesterday's workout was good in so many ways. I am sore physically from the boxing especially when I have not worked out since we left for California on August 15th. I was also emotionally raw yesterday and spent a quite of bit of ... Read more

Sweat and tears

Wednesday, November 04, 2009      4 comments

I promised Halleigh that I would keep moving on. This morning when I woke up the day was gray and frozen and a fog had set in....both physically and emotionally. I thought that I would just curl up and hide today. I am working from home and m... Read more


Tuesday, November 03, 2009      3 comments

I have always liked the mountains. I love the vista. I love the smell of the air. There is a beauty in seeing the clouds roll up the edge of the tree line, hugging the edge of the hillside like a lover slowly pulling away. I have climbed lit... Read more

One step

Friday, September 25, 2009      9 comments

Each day is a struggle. I don't sleep well. I don't like leaving my home. I want to curl up all day and cry but can't. I have other children who need me. I have to work in order to pay my bills. I have to keep moving forward. So, each mor... Read more

Enough love

Saturday, August 22, 2009      19 comments

Halleigh passed last night at 11:50 in my arms. She was 95% brain dead and the last week had allowed her lungs and organs to repair enough to be functional but my child was long since gone. We had been hoping for organ donation, but since she ... Read more

18 hours

Tuesday, August 18, 2009      11 comments

Saturday evening I received a call from my sister in California advising me in short that my eldest daughter Halleigh just suffered a seizure in a swimming pool and was being transported via EMS in critical condition. Our mother had started CPR... Read more

Crappy day -

Tuesday, August 04, 2009      5 comments

It has been one of those days. The fridge is close to dead. I am trying to limp it along until the end of the month when I might be able to scrape the funds together to get a new fridge. I have been going through interview process to... Read more

Too Darned Hot....

Thursday, July 23, 2009      5 comments

It has been hot. Too hot. I moved from the middle of CA where triple digits were very common during the summer to the NE side of WA where it is not so hot. My house was originally built in 1894 so there is no central heat or air. We have bee... Read more

I don't know why....

Friday, July 17, 2009      3 comments

Billy Joel had it right in his song "I don't know why I go to extremes..." Due to financial issues I have taken a second job and work 60-70 hours a week between the two. At first I was trying to work both jobs, exercise 60 minutes a day, k... Read more

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