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    LADYIRISH317   73,839
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Bleary Monday

Monday, June 22, 2015      14 comments

Yesterday was a mess. Fathers' Day is always hard for me. I had a horrible relationship with my father, so it's always emotional. Also, yesterday would have been my 40th wedding anniversary. We've been separated for twenty-four years. It was def... Read more

(Almost) back to life

Saturday, June 20, 2015      22 comments

It's been an extremely rough several days. I have to be brutally honest -- Thursday night I was so miserable I gave thought to just swallowing all of my meds and get it over with. I thought, "I don't want to live like this." Then I guess the Iri... Read more

Scared stiff

Friday, June 19, 2015      11 comments

Since I got home from the facility I'm scared to death. Yesterday I used the bathroom and couldn't get off the toilet. I had to shout for two hours to be helped. I can't sleep, I can't get in or out of the shower and I have to stand over the toi... Read more

Scared stiff

Friday, June 19, 2015      9 comments

Since I got home from the facility I'm scared to death. Yesterday I used the bathroom and couldn't get off the toilet. I had to shout for two hours to be helped. I can't sleep, I can't get in or out of the shower and I have to stand over the toi... Read more

Have you missed me?

Thursday, June 11, 2015      30 comments

Day ten here. I'm getting the boot next Tuesday morning, so apparently they think I'm sane. Little do they know. I'm on three different meds (Zoloft, Gavapentin and Trazadone). They appear to be working very well. My old therapist Arthur to... Read more

Update and other stuff

Saturday, May 30, 2015      21 comments

I talked to the facility yesterday, and they say it will be one to two weeks. I thought it was cute that they made a special point of telling me the food is very good! Yesterday my friend Paolo bought me a new coffeemaker, so I'm enjoying m... Read more

So you know

Friday, May 29, 2015      17 comments

Letting everybody know that next week I'm going to be going into a residential treatment facility for about a week. Please don't panic when you don't hear from me. I should be back week after next. ... Read more

Even more

Saturday, May 23, 2015      15 comments

I may or may not have next month's rent. That aside, I barely have $500 for food, gas, phone, cable and electric. And now my coffee maker has broken and I can't afford a new one, so I can't even enjoy a hot cup of coffee. I have had no slee... Read more

The ongoing story

Thursday, May 21, 2015      20 comments

The leader of my therapy group said two things about me yesterday. I talked about how I feel weird making an elaborate crocheted lace project that isn't going to be a gift for anyone else. She said I need to consider this part of my therapy, to ... Read more

Scared

Friday, May 08, 2015      24 comments

I couldn't make myself leave the house today, even for therapy. Filled with fear and anxiety.... Read more

Wobbly

Thursday, May 07, 2015      16 comments

No therapy on Thursdays. I'm feeling tired and wobbly today. I'm making a rule that I have to eat at least two meals a day, and one of them has to be hot. Right now there's a pot roast in the crock pot with potatoes and carrots. I seriously... Read more

Where am I?

Monday, May 04, 2015      20 comments

I feel like I'm turning to stone. A couple of times I've gone a day or two without eating or drinking anything. It's hard to make myself do anything. I'm in therapy and I've started on meds (though they take time to work), but I feel like I'm lo... Read more

The black day and the twenty hour night

Saturday, April 18, 2015      30 comments

Tuesday night was a horror story. I was closer to self-destruction than ever before. I kept having the recurring thought, what are you waiting for? So I decided that the next morning I would go to the Kaiser ER in Santa Rosa. However, late that ... Read more

It continues

Friday, April 10, 2015      14 comments

The psych appointment needs to be rescheduled. In limbo right now.... Read more

I don't know

Wednesday, April 08, 2015      21 comments

The appointment with my MD didn't go well. She pretty clearly thinks I just want to get out of work. I hope I have better luck with the psychiatrist on Friday.... Read more


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