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    LADYIRISH317   73,521
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LADYIRISH317's Blog Entry Summary View

The black day and the twenty hour night

Saturday, April 18, 2015      30 comments

Tuesday night was a horror story. I was closer to self-destruction than ever before. I kept having the recurring thought, what are you waiting for? So I decided that the next morning I would go to the Kaiser ER in Santa Rosa. However, late that ... Read more

It continues

Friday, April 10, 2015      14 comments

The psych appointment needs to be rescheduled. In limbo right now.... Read more

I don't know

Wednesday, April 08, 2015      21 comments

The appointment with my MD didn't go well. She pretty clearly thinks I just want to get out of work. I hope I have better luck with the psychiatrist on Friday.... Read more

Going to the doctor tomorrow

Sunday, April 05, 2015      25 comments

I've had a sore throat and intermittent cough for two months now. I'm having other physical symptoms I won't discuss here that scare me. And mentally and emotionally I'm barely holding it together. I'll admit to having had some self-destructive ... Read more

Home sick -- boo

Friday, April 03, 2015      18 comments

I have a bad sore throat today. I'm also coming off of a particularly brutal work week. Monday and Tuesday I had huge amounts of payments to post because Tuesday was month-end. Then on Wednesday I had to catch up the huge volumes of corresp... Read more

This morning

Sunday, March 29, 2015      19 comments

This morning I decided to go out to breakfast. Yes, I have plenty of food in the house, but I decided to go out anyway. Funny, but all the way down the walkway to my car I felt this huge pressing sensation, like I was doing something wrong and N... Read more

On a treadmill

Wednesday, March 25, 2015      24 comments

While my boss is on vacation, HER boss has been badgering us every few minutes. Why isn't this done? What's happening with that? Why? How? When? we're all on eggshells. I've been working like crazy trying to get a little ahead and I can't even k... Read more

Friday night

Friday, March 20, 2015      17 comments

What was that old Simon & Garfield song? "Time it was and what a time it was." It's been a demanding week. I'm still trying to dig out from under a mountain of other people's demands while catching up my work from being sick last week. Helping m... Read more


Wednesday, March 11, 2015      18 comments

I had to move files around today, so I'm sore and tired. My boss (who's luckily in Atlanta this week) thinks I should be as strong and capable as anybody younger who's not on a walker. Well, I did get them done but I hurt right now. Meantim... Read more


Saturday, March 07, 2015      22 comments

This was a very emotional week for me. In addition to what I already blogged about, Thursday was the 33rd anniversary of my daughter's passing. I can't stop wondering what she'd look like, what career she'd have, if she had a family, and so on. ... Read more

Don't know how to feel

Thursday, March 05, 2015      25 comments

Tuesday was my birthday. I've worked at my job for thirteen years. My department mates fuss and celebrate for each other's birthdays. Nobody so much as wished me happy birthday. Maybe I'm being childish, but I'm very hurt. They only notice me wh... Read more

Which day is this?

Saturday, February 28, 2015      17 comments

Yesterday the love of my adolescent life passed away. Rest in peace, Leonard Nimoy. I'm sure Heaven is a much more logical place! Yesterday was also month-end at work,... Read more

Feeling dangerous

Tuesday, February 24, 2015      19 comments

Yesterday I had a near panic attack at work and almost quit my job. The situation I reacted to turned out to be not nearly as bad as I thought, so luckily I kept my head on (sort of) and I'm still employed. I've had a problem with using the... Read more

Saturday sleepies

Saturday, February 21, 2015      19 comments

Long week at work, poor sleep the last few nights. I'm drowsy and unmotivated today. But there's SO much I need to do. Cooking meals seems overwhelming lately. I stay in bed in the morning until I have to run, never mind breakfast. And at night,... Read more

Relighting a dead Spark

Wednesday, February 04, 2015      23 comments

I have had literally no Spark for months. I've even been kicked off of a team I used to lead. I want it back, but I don't know how.... Read more

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