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    LADYIRISH317   73,694
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The ongoing story

Thursday, May 21, 2015      18 comments

The leader of my therapy group said two things about me yesterday. I talked about how I feel weird making an elaborate crocheted lace project that isn't going to be a gift for anyone else. She said I need to consider this part of my therapy, to ... Read more


Friday, May 08, 2015      24 comments

I couldn't make myself leave the house today, even for therapy. Filled with fear and anxiety.... Read more


Thursday, May 07, 2015      16 comments

No therapy on Thursdays. I'm feeling tired and wobbly today. I'm making a rule that I have to eat at least two meals a day, and one of them has to be hot. Right now there's a pot roast in the crock pot with potatoes and carrots. I seriously... Read more

Where am I?

Monday, May 04, 2015      20 comments

I feel like I'm turning to stone. A couple of times I've gone a day or two without eating or drinking anything. It's hard to make myself do anything. I'm in therapy and I've started on meds (though they take time to work), but I feel like I'm lo... Read more

The black day and the twenty hour night

Saturday, April 18, 2015      30 comments

Tuesday night was a horror story. I was closer to self-destruction than ever before. I kept having the recurring thought, what are you waiting for? So I decided that the next morning I would go to the Kaiser ER in Santa Rosa. However, late that ... Read more

It continues

Friday, April 10, 2015      14 comments

The psych appointment needs to be rescheduled. In limbo right now.... Read more

I don't know

Wednesday, April 08, 2015      21 comments

The appointment with my MD didn't go well. She pretty clearly thinks I just want to get out of work. I hope I have better luck with the psychiatrist on Friday.... Read more

Going to the doctor tomorrow

Sunday, April 05, 2015      25 comments

I've had a sore throat and intermittent cough for two months now. I'm having other physical symptoms I won't discuss here that scare me. And mentally and emotionally I'm barely holding it together. I'll admit to having had some self-destructive ... Read more

Home sick -- boo

Friday, April 03, 2015      18 comments

I have a bad sore throat today. I'm also coming off of a particularly brutal work week. Monday and Tuesday I had huge amounts of payments to post because Tuesday was month-end. Then on Wednesday I had to catch up the huge volumes of corresp... Read more

This morning

Sunday, March 29, 2015      19 comments

This morning I decided to go out to breakfast. Yes, I have plenty of food in the house, but I decided to go out anyway. Funny, but all the way down the walkway to my car I felt this huge pressing sensation, like I was doing something wrong and N... Read more

On a treadmill

Wednesday, March 25, 2015      24 comments

While my boss is on vacation, HER boss has been badgering us every few minutes. Why isn't this done? What's happening with that? Why? How? When? we're all on eggshells. I've been working like crazy trying to get a little ahead and I can't even k... Read more

Friday night

Friday, March 20, 2015      17 comments

What was that old Simon & Garfield song? "Time it was and what a time it was." It's been a demanding week. I'm still trying to dig out from under a mountain of other people's demands while catching up my work from being sick last week. Helping m... Read more


Wednesday, March 11, 2015      18 comments

I had to move files around today, so I'm sore and tired. My boss (who's luckily in Atlanta this week) thinks I should be as strong and capable as anybody younger who's not on a walker. Well, I did get them done but I hurt right now. Meantim... Read more


Saturday, March 07, 2015      22 comments

This was a very emotional week for me. In addition to what I already blogged about, Thursday was the 33rd anniversary of my daughter's passing. I can't stop wondering what she'd look like, what career she'd have, if she had a family, and so on. ... Read more

Don't know how to feel

Thursday, March 05, 2015      25 comments

Tuesday was my birthday. I've worked at my job for thirteen years. My department mates fuss and celebrate for each other's birthdays. Nobody so much as wished me happy birthday. Maybe I'm being childish, but I'm very hurt. They only notice me wh... Read more

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