BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED, FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.... Read more
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he says, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right m... Read more
One more week till our big adventure, meeting my Spark Friends around the world!
I am starting to get excited! One more week and we're on our way!
We fly out on Monday afternoon to Bangkok and spend the night there. Then board Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt and after a 6 hour wait we fly to Edinburgh. I've booked a car a... Read more
Qantas Airlines Mechanics' Wicked Sense Of Humour
The following e-mail whizzed around the web recently...
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet", which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correctio... Read more
Never Lie to a Woman!!!
A man called home to his wife and said, " Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends .
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so co... Read more
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether
or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to e... Read more
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so w... Read more
The Irish have solved their own fuel problems.
They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and
they're going to drill for their own oil.
My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going
out... Read more
Great Female Humour.
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.'s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.
Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Cam... Read more
Cauliflower: The Future of Cancer Treatment.
Remember this word: "sulforaphane".
It's what helps give vegetables such as cauliflower, broccoli and cabbage their, er, "distinctive" smell when cooked, but it's also the chemical that has been shown to target and kill cancer cells, leav... Read more
Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
They don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
Are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
Filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mother... Read more
He's My Brother!
This is Priceless .
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of TAMPONS and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
... Read more
The Zen of Sarcasm.
(1) Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
(2) It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neig... Read more
Senior Texting Codes (STC)
I thought you needed help with texting your friends...after all, the kids have all their little codes...like BFF, WTF, etc. So here are the codes for seniors:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
... Read more
Last 10 cents
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy three 10 c coins to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....
The father realises the boy has swallowe... Read more
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