The Bathtub Test
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether
or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to e... Read more
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so w... Read more
The Irish have solved their own fuel problems.
They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and
they're going to drill for their own oil.
My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going
out... Read more
Great Female Humour.
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.'s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.
Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Cam... Read more
Cauliflower: The Future of Cancer Treatment.
Remember this word: "sulforaphane".
It's what helps give vegetables such as cauliflower, broccoli and cabbage their, er, "distinctive" smell when cooked, but it's also the chemical that has been shown to target and kill cancer cells, leav... Read more
Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
They don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
Are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
Filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mother... Read more
He's My Brother!
This is Priceless .
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of TAMPONS and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
... Read more
The Zen of Sarcasm.
(1) Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
(2) It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neig... Read more
Senior Texting Codes (STC)
I thought you needed help with texting your friends...after all, the kids have all their little codes...like BFF, WTF, etc. So here are the codes for seniors:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
... Read more
Last 10 cents
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy three 10 c coins to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....
The father realises the boy has swallowe... Read more
Are you a whale or a mermaid?
Recently, in a large city in Australia, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did ... Read more
CONFUCIOUS HAS THE ANSWER!
If I sleep with 3 men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with 8 girls, everyone calls him a real man. How come?
'When one lock can be opened by 3 different keys, it's a bad lock. ... Read more
Johns Hopkins Update
1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after ... Read more
TWO HILLBILLIES AND A MIRROR
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly
decided it was time to visit the big city.
In one of the big city stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.
Not ever having seen one before, he remark... Read more
Words of Wisdom for Congressman Weiner....
In this day and age of online mischief, please take a lesson from Congressman Weiner, and remember this cautionary advice from your Mom:
If you don't want people to think you're a yutz
Nobody has to see pics of your putz
He who doesn... Read more
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