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    ILOVEROSES   209,552
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Random Thoughts

Saturday, May 23, 2015      10 comments

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, it goes really fast at the end. I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks! I don't need anger management. I need people to stop making me mad! Old age is c... Read more

A Shaggy Dog Story.

Friday, May 22, 2015      16 comments

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quick... Read more

The Pastor's Ass

Wednesday, May 20, 2015      15 comments

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT ... Read more

Cardiologist's Funeral

Tuesday, May 19, 2015      18 comments

A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the ho... Read more

As Good of an Explanation as I've Heard!

Tuesday, May 19, 2015      11 comments

I feel better after reading this . . . Brains of older people are slow because they know so much . People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, ... Read more

A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!

Sunday, May 17, 2015      13 comments

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and... Read more

A week of Chuckles.

Saturday, May 16, 2015      13 comments

MONDAY The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that... Read more

IRISH ALZHEIMERS

Friday, May 15, 2015      12 comments

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?... Read more

Retiree Mental Fitness Evaluation

Thursday, March 19, 2015      17 comments

This test is to ascertain your mental state now. If you get one right you are doing ok, if you get none right you better go for counselling. (I'll meet you there.) There are 4 test questions. Don't miss one. Giraffe Tes... Read more

Little Boy Lost.

Saturday, February 28, 2015      19 comments

A lawyer is trying to call his clients. The phone rings and their little boy, in a whisper, says, ‘Hello’. Lawyer: Is your mummy there? Boy (whisper): Yes Lawyer: Can I speak with her? Boy (whisper): She’s busy. Lawyer: I... Read more

One more sleep...

Wednesday, February 25, 2015      18 comments

I've had a busy day today. In the morning I've done 2 loads of washing, hung them out and with the warm and sunny weather everything is dry now and off the line. No more dirty clothes in the laundry basket till we come back from the holiday in... Read more

The Therapist.

Sunday, February 22, 2015      16 comments

An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that su... Read more

THE MAN WHO GAVE UP SEX FOR GOLF

Saturday, February 14, 2015      16 comments

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself. Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you b... Read more

For the Grandparents- it is just beautiful!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015      15 comments

GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE: Good morning . . . At present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp .... If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from ... Read more

WHY GOD MADE MOMS?

Sunday, February 01, 2015      16 comments

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions: Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. To help us out of there when we were getting born. ... Read more


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