A Shaggy Dog Story.
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his
mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and
quick... Read more
The Pastor's Ass
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
... Read more
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life.
A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the ho... Read more
As Good of an Explanation as I've Heard!
I feel better after reading this . . .
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much . People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, ... Read more
A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and... Read more
A week of Chuckles.
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that... Read more
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?... Read more
Retiree Mental Fitness Evaluation
This test is to ascertain your mental state now. If you get one right you are doing ok, if you get none right you better go for counselling.
(I'll meet you there.)
There are 4 test questions. Don't miss one.
Giraffe Tes... Read more
Little Boy Lost.
A lawyer is trying to call his clients. The phone rings and their little boy, in a whisper, says, ‘Hello’.
Lawyer: Is your mummy there?
Boy (whisper): Yes
Lawyer: Can I speak with her?
Boy (whisper): She’s busy.
Lawyer: I... Read more
One more sleep...
I've had a busy day today. In the morning I've done 2 loads of washing, hung them out and with the warm and sunny weather everything is dry now and off the line. No more dirty clothes in the laundry basket till we come back from the holiday in... Read more
An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that su... Read more
THE MAN WHO GAVE UP SEX FOR GOLF
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.
"Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers,
"Would you b... Read more
For the Grandparents- it is just beautiful!
GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE:
Good morning . . . At present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp ....
If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from ... Read more
WHY GOD MADE MOMS?
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
... Read more
Sister Mary joined a Convent of Silence.
The Priest said; “Sister, this is a silent Convent.
You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so.”
Sister Mary lived in the monastery for 5 yea... Read more
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