The Cat That Went To Heaven.
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said,
'You have been a good cat all these years.
Anything you want is yours for the asking.'
The cat thought for a minute and then said 'All my life I lived on a farm and... Read more
The Irish Furniture Dealer.
Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.
After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line... Read more
Drunk Driver - True Story from Australia
Only an Aussie could pull this one off!
A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland.
Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub late in the evening.
The officer noticed a man (Luke Sandery) leaving th... Read more
What a nice story!
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.
He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard.
As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls.
He look... Read more
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local saw mill.
One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.
Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hosp... Read more
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
... Read more
SIMPLE TRUTH #1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH #2
When a lady is pregna... Read more
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,
“What day is tomorrow?"
Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!" ..
She's smart, so I asked her "What does Preside... Read more
The Gay Cowboy.
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
... Read more
THE OLDER WOMAN
Last night, at the club, I ended up chatting and having a few drinks with 'an older woman'.
In fact, for a 61 year old, I thought she looked pretty well OK.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking ... Read more
Your Parking Officer's Funeral!
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at your Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams . . . . .;
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles; leans forward, and sucking air through his teeth m... Read more
Believe it or not, this gives you one of the best explanations of our current unemployment.
COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .
ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 7.8%.
COSTELLO:... Read more
An old Jewish guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your... Read more
During a lady's medical examination, the British doctor says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her undie... Read more
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee while another foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee.
The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it ten feet.
She goes over and whi... Read more
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