An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a ... Read more
If any of you have ever been to a military funeral in which The Last Post was played;
This brings out a new meaning of it.
Here is something everyone should know.
Until I read this, I didn't know,
We have all heard the haunt... Read more
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly,
"I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied,
"What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
The son replied,
"I do know!"
"Okay," said his... Read more
Today was beautiful and I am blessed to live on the East Coast.
Here are some photos of magical Byron Bay and it's famous Lighthouse.
Walked down to the point where a sign states it is the most Easterly part
of Australia. The lighthouse... Read more
. The deadliest war in history excluding WWII was a civil war in China
in the 1850s in which the rebels were led by a man who thought he
was the brother of Jesus Christ.
. There are 3 colours that don't rhyme with anything (silv... Read more
A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts
whenever she touches it.
"Impossible." says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and scream... Read more
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, the lawn is getting quite long. Can you mow it?”
The husband says, “What do I look like? Jim’s Mowing?”
... Read more
Eye have a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Mistakes eye kin knot sea
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight 4 it 2 say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh
As so... Read more
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter
checks his dossier and not seeing his name there, accidentally
sends him to Hell. It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes
dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hel... Read more
A mother was showing her young son how to zip up his coat.
"The secret is to get the left part of the zip to fit into the right side
before you zip it up."
The boy looked quizzically at his mother.
"Why does it have to be a secret?"
... Read more
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest
in her paintings that were on display.
"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded.
"The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and
wondered if ... Read more
Bill and John are sitting in a boat fishing and drinking beer
when suddenly Bill says,
"Think I am going to divorce the wife as she hasn't spoken
to me for two months."
John takes a long sip of beer and says,
"Better think it ov... Read more
Police in Los Angeles had a stroke of good luck with a robbery
suspect who couldn't control himself during a line up.
Detectives asked each man in the line up to repeat the words,
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot."
One of them... Read more
>> Paraprosdokians(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
>> 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
>> 2. T... Read more
Subject: A Reason
Old age is coming at a really bad time!
I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!
My people skills are just fine. It'... Read more