New Year's Resolutions for Nerds
16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
14. ... Read more
Rudolph the Red
There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red.
He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his
wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting. He turned to her
and said, "Look my dear, it has begun t... Read more
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.... Read more
The Deaf Wife Problem
Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a sim... Read more
Thanks to margemf:
One day, a cowboy rode into a Wild, Wild West town. The people in the town love to play jokes on visitors. After tying his horse to the pole outside a bar, the cowboy went in. "A cup of milk please." he said to the barten... Read more
California Company Memo
California Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 1, 2012
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take plac... Read more
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think... Read more
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 ... Read more
A very prestigious, wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open - mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and wal... Read more
I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even
the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take
care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965...
1. Causes ... Read more
A union shop foreman walks into a bar next door to the factory and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama’s victory when he sees a guy close by wearing a Romney for President button and two beers in front of him. He doesn't have to be an ... Read more
Sven and Ole
Two Minnesota engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking
A woman walks by asks what they were doing.
"Ve're supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, “said Sven, "but ve
don't haff a ladder."
T... Read more
The Afghan Quarterback
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ens... Read more
Coyote -- California VS. Alabama
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.
A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.
1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "... Read more
Men vrs. Women at the ATM
A new sign in the Bank reads:
'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use t... Read more
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