A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.
Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take ... Read more
Keep 'Em Dry
An old man goes into a pharmacy to buy some Viagra.
"Can I have six tablets, cut into quarters?"
"I can cut them for you," said Dan the pharmacist,
"But a quarter tablet won't give you a full erection."
"I am 96," said the old man, "I do... Read more
A Cowboy Named Bud
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglas... Read more
Senior Speeding Excuse
When asked by a young patrol officer "Do You know you were speeding?"
This 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated:
"Yes , but .... I had to get there before I forgot where I was going."
The officer put h... Read more
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,
so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thin... Read more
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn'T know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the foll... Read more
A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.
"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."
"I c... Read more
Today's Life Lesson
I've learned that "pleasing" everyone is impossible,
but "pissing everyone off" is a piece of cake.
... Read more
Tell Me This Won't Happen To Us!
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the acc... Read more
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter's h... Read more
AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much... Read more
Wife is Not Happy
My wife and I went to the Orange County agricultural show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR
... Read more
The Rabbi and the Priest
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other in an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still ... Read more
Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills
In your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?
If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day ..
... Read more
Pregnant at 71!
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the... Read more
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