29 Lines to Make You Smile
TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive on... Read more
Pecans in the Cemetery
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old, pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree,
out of sight, and bega... Read more
> Tour boats ferry people out to the USS Arizona Memorial in Hawaii every thirty minutes.
> We just missed a ferry and had to wait thirty minutes.
> I went into a small gift shop to kill time. ... Read more
I Don't Think I'll Die Too Soon
I have read all of the health articles on Spark People and I'm on my second read. I need those three points! Anyway, I've determined that I'm not going to die too soon. A lot of the ailments say that it's bad if you're losing weight with no e... Read more
I saw an infomercial on TV for a banana ice cream maker. This may be a good product but you don't need it. It takes frozen bananas and puts them through a grinder to mash them up. You can do this yourself. I have done it but I didn't like th... Read more
Speeding Ticket Excuse--For Us Oldies
Best speeding excuse ever!
When asked by a young patrol officer "Do You know you were speeding?"
This 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smil... Read more
HOT HOT HOT HOT
Next week will start the 100s that the central valley of California is known for. I hate the heat but will manage to get through. Exercise might go down the tubes. I didn't do any last summer. I'm trying to walk early, but not like 6 or 7. ... Read more
Exercising vs. Stretching
Until Sparkpeople, I didn't know the difference between exercise and stretching. I always did stretching and called it exercise. I would try to touch my toes standing, I would sit with my legs spread and try to touch my head to my knees or my... Read more
University Farm Store
Our local university, which is less than a mile from my house, has their own farm store. They pick their own crops, produce their own ice cream, milk, and cheese, make wine, jams, syrups, and sell flowers.
I took the grandbabes today and we g... Read more
Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity (funny)
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1..In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
3.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
4.... Read more
Enjoy Life While You Can
One day I had lunch with some friends.. Jim, a tall, balding golfer type about 80 years old, came along with them---all in all, a pleasant bunch.
When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Jim... Read more
Proud of Myself
I am 65 years old and a complete techno idiot. I can work the computer pretty good but that's about all. I have an I-phone but can only use a few features. I got it mostly so the grandchildren can play with it while waiting or in the car.
I... Read more
Quote of the day: 'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, s... Read more
Wine for Senior Citizens
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people... Read more
GED Test Results
The following questions were asked in last year's GED examination.
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds')............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of t... Read more
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