I WILL NOT LET EXHAUSTION WIN!
I'm in a hard place. Son home on fall break so routine is disrupted. CANNOT SLEEP, and I mean, really not sleep..like 2-3 hours a night, MAX, and this for ages on end now. I am so bleary eyed I can't put two thoughts together, never mind execute... Read more
I'm Happy Here & I Love Where I'm Going!
Oh, it feels good! The rhythm of slow and steady progress is really taking hold. I have days, lots of days, when I eat far less than ideal, or I ditch exercise, but I get up and try to do it better the next day. I take on teeny-weenie challenges... Read more
Re yesterday's blog, case in point:
9:00am - Hurt feelings!
9:01am - Head spinning!-what to do?-ouch!-what to do?-ouch!-hurts!-spiraling!-wh
at to do?
9:03am - Food-fatty food....lots of it...
9:05am - Pizza?
9:07am - Gotta ... Read more
60 pounds lost - Reflections from an Emotional Eater
Yesterday I hit 60 pounds lost. It's a big one for me, because I've not been at this weight since 2003. That's real progress. And I am SO happy about it!! But it certainly does not erase, or even ease the sadness that sometimes engulfs me.
... Read more
How I Lost The First 50 Pounds
I started here on Spark in mid-April, 2010 at my all-time high of 338 pounds. I had just celebrated my 48th birthday; (well, not celebrated so much as endured the recognition that yet another year had come and gone trapped in my morbid obesity).... Read more
The Noise Inside My Head
Some of you know I have been in a downward spiral these last days. I have been deeply appreciative of the email messages you've sent, telling me you're there to lend an ear if I need to talk. I have not been able to take advantage of your genero... Read more
Spark Friends Do It Best!
I want to say thank you to all who read and posted on my last blog. I feel much better, and ready to move forward.
Sometimes I go to such a dark place!!! I work every day to keep depression at bay. However, there are times when it grabs hol... Read more
Discouraged & Disconnected
The weight loss has stalled. I am eating right and exercising (both moderately), but am not losing. In fact, I registered a 4 pound gain this morning. This, after vowing to stay off the scale. Yet, I can't resist the scale, because I keep hoping... Read more
MAD SCIENCE -- My Experiment with the Scale that Wouldn't..
My scale has been frustrating the heck out of me. It won't do what I expect it to do, when I expect it to do it!!!
Cause and effect is an equation where the effect should be somewhat predictable given the cause. If I am doing well with my ... Read more
Spark Salvation - State of Wonder
I have read several blogs recently, in which folks talked of having been away from Spark for periods of time during their journey, and returning, ultimately to reach their goals. I have also seen a number of posts by people expressing gratitude... Read more
Just like the often unpredictable, and seemingly non-sensical fluctuation of the scale, the same is true of my mood. I have no clue why my mood torments me the way it does, but the truth of life at present, is that I do not know on any given m... Read more
Yesterday I had a tantrum. It was much needed and felt good to get it out. In hindsight I see the pressure had been building. All week, I found myself chafing at the limits of my calorie range. Getting to the end of each day without a binge was... Read more
I'm Just a Hunk a Hunk o' Burnin' Rage..
It's not pretty in here. A few days ago, it was about cupcakes vs. hugs, and how much I needed the hugs. Cupla days further down the calorie deficit, and we're talkin' 'bout some mighty ugly mofo rage! Yep, that's what really lurks beneath..ben... Read more
Hugs or Cupcakes?
Last night was one of those nights. One of those where the loneliness (emptiness?) is palpable. Where the agitation makes my skin itch. Where the restlessness makes me want to disappear..to run..to hide.
When these demons appear, as they d... Read more
Crabcakes & Champagne...
Today I attended a lovely celebration at a fabulous restaurant I'd been dying to try.
Just two short months ago, my mind would have been a-whir, inventing a way to gracefully decline the invitation, because;
a) As the fat girl, I w... Read more