If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get on to an Oriental rug, or a shagpile carpet.
Determine which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening. The guest wont dare push you off... Read more
Several centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. I... Read more
Bumper stickers seen in Michigan ...
IF YOU CANíT FEED EM, DONíT BREED EM!
Constipated People Donít Give A Crap.
If You Can Read This, Iíve Lost My Trailer.
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
So Many Pedestrians - So Little... Read more
Ridiculous US-Laws Part Deux
1. In Columbus, it is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.
2. In Oxford, it is illegal for a woman to disrobe in front of a manís picture.
3. In Youngstown, it is illegal to run out of gas.
1... Read more
1. A man can legally beat his wife, but no more than once a month.
1. In, LA, a man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than 2 inches wide, or she gives him permission to use... Read more
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they w... Read more
Little Johnny is at it again...
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the m... Read more
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I havenít seen
you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didnít have that bef... Read more
If... Part Two...
- If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
- If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
- If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound ... Read more
Feel free to add your own....
- If money doesnít grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
- If the day before a holiday is called Christmas Eve, is the day after Christmas Adam?
- If there were a knowledge contest, would the... Read more
The Plumber Has Arrived
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands. Wh... Read more
THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEKEND:
Feel free to add your own ;-)
1. Wouldnít it be nice if whenever we messed our life up we could simply press ĎCtrl-Alt-Deleteí and start all over?
2. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and n... Read more
Beethoven Halloween Joke
A daring vacationer in Vienna is walking through a graveyard on Halloween when all of a sudden she hears music. No one is around, so she starts looking to see where itís coming from.
She finally locates the source and finds it is coming fro... Read more
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man", the bartender says, "I'm sorry, her... Read more
A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, " We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourse... Read more