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    BLUEROSE73   122,836
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Today ... just quiet, sad contimplation

Saturday, September 17, 2011      2 comments

I finally got it yesterday. When I would text Terry and tell him I miss you, he'd hear where are you and why aren't you here with me. When I'd say I hope to see you later today, he'd hear me demanding to know where he was every minut... Read more

Still a basket case ... so sorry

Friday, September 16, 2011      7 comments

I am still not doing very well. I am starting to realize just how serious it all is though. And trying to work through it before I completely fall off the deep end. I got on the scale this morning. Down to 220lbs. That's almost 10lbs ... Read more

An update ... Finally got ahold of Terry...

Thursday, September 15, 2011      13 comments

I texted this morning and asked if he was talking to me anymore or not. He answered. Said he's just been busy. I was going to leave it at that, but you know me. Things are eating at me. Asked him if I could ask him a question. ... Read more

What a rough day yesterday... emotional stuff

Thursday, September 15, 2011      4 comments

I just looked back on my blogs yesterday. What a rough day it was. 5 blogs. All so full of hurt and anger. And I honestly wasn't able to get it all out. I guess it's a real eye opener. I was wondering if it was possible to fall that hard t... Read more

I don't know if I can do this tonight ... more emotional stuff. Sorry

Wednesday, September 14, 2011      9 comments

I didn't realize it, but I guess I've been hoping I'd hear from Terry today. Just a text. Let me know he knows I'm still alive. Okay. I didn't want to admit how much I still want to hear from him. Despite everything. I still care. A... Read more

Heart is breaking all over again... Know what. Changed my mind. ANGER!!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011      1 comments

I've been texting Harry. Harry is Terry's room mate. I like Harry as a friend. He's a good man. Not interested in anything more. Anyhow, since this thing with Terry's gotten so bad, Harry's been helping me figure it out. I was ... Read more

Okay. Time to stop wallowing

Wednesday, September 14, 2011      1 comments

After my last blog, I feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel very tired. Like I've been through something exhausting. And now it's time to be good to myself and recover. Surprising how writing does that for me.... Anyhow, I was ... Read more

Sorry - emotional mess my mind is in right now.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011      2 comments

I am still working on the STOP. SMILE. IT'LL GET BETTER. thing today. I'm not going to stop. But I'm finding my mood swings are getting a little nuts, so I'm here to try and write them out. One minute I'm grinning and at peace. The ne... Read more

Just a quick update

Wednesday, September 14, 2011      3 comments

Y'all know I'll be back blogging a few times today. I need to blog to keep my sanity today... STOP IT. SMILE. IT'LL BE OKAY. That's my mantra for today. Anytime thoughts I do not want to get caught up in sneak into my consciousness... Read more

Okay, I need some advice - personal stuff

Tuesday, September 13, 2011      7 comments

Okay, if you don't already know, I'm pretty sure what has caused my knight in shining armour to disappear recently. Now the person left in his place? I have no idea who he is. Drugs. I think Terry's back on drugs. Anyhow, earlier toda... Read more

Wow. Just had the "ah ha!" moment again

Tuesday, September 13, 2011      8 comments

I think I know what's wrong with Terry. Drugs. I've always known he does pot. But I just found out he's done much harder stuff too. And his behaviour is telling me he might be back into it. It explains so much. Why he's pu... Read more

I am beyond getting lost in emotional mind right now...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011      4 comments

I need to practice grounding exercisess. And other mindfulness tools to help ground me and help me through this. I see my pink hard hat I feel the chair underneath me I smell .. not sure. Something is there, but I can't identify it ri... Read more

Not sure if I'm coming back yet or not...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011      5 comments

I have some online access again. But I don't know if I feel like coming back yet. I am so sad. The loss of my friend and the way he passed has hit me hard. Even harder because Terry was never there for me. Instead, he pulled away. Ju... Read more

Will be offline for a while

Friday, September 09, 2011      11 comments

A very good friend of mine died yesterday. Massive heart attack. He was a wonderful person. Always had a smile for everyone. So the first thing I did when I found out was text Terry. No answer. I texted a few other friends to help dist... Read more

More working through this mess I call a mind ... emotional stuff you may want to skip

Thursday, September 08, 2011      7 comments

Okay. Today I've got kids on my mind. I'll finally admit it. It's been weighing heavily there for a few weeks. I've been having symptoms. I know it. I also know they are PMS symptoms as well, so... I cracked and bought a test. ... Read more


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