(Clutches Chest) Elizabeth! It's the Big One!
Just had to buy Brunhilde a new clutch, to the tune of about $1500 bucks. Yikes. Left work Wednesday afternoon, started car, clutch went straight to the floor.
"Oh, @#*&!" I said.
Could NOT get it in to first gear, so had to pop the clutch i... Read more
Are You Out of Your Mind???
...is what I should have said to the Dr.
I went to the osteopath for a spinal adjustment, post-epidural shot which I got for this excruciating bulging-disc-sciatica business (now much better, thank you.)
My BP is up. Now, perhaps I'm jus... Read more
#1 Reason I Should Work From Home
*Disclosure: I'm half a tick off Asperger's on the autism scale, so my social skills leave something to be desired. This doesn't bother me, of course, but can be problematic in the workplace*
ME: "I'm not demanding respect or deference because... Read more
I was searching through the piles of little papers on my desk, trying to locate the login information for the Facebook page under a pseudonym that I forget to maintain. I found this, written on a piece of notebook paper.
A... Read more
Look, Rabbit! I Don't Git Mad No More.
I had this brother, see. He committed suicide 14 years ago, an event I can honestly describe, with no melodrama or exaggeration, as the worst thing I've ever experienced. He took himself out in such a way that his body was not discovered for thr... Read more
Things That Are Less Painful Than Sciatica
2. placing head in desk drawer and slamming it shut repeatedly
3. cardboard paper cuts
4. purple nurples
5. the kind of menstrual cramps that make you do Lamaze
6.slipping on a wet floor and cracking your head off the fur... Read more
A Vision of the Future
The other evening I was sitting at the desk working on something, and had the TV on for background noise. "Sixteen Candles" was on, which is one of the movies I can pretty much quote verbatim from start to finish.
It occurred to me that on... Read more
Random Thoughts Not to Have Whilst Having an MRI
1. "Didn't they do this to Linda Blair in 'The Exorcist'??"
2. "I bet this is EXACTLY what it feels like to lie in a coffin."... Read more
*&*@#!! JANUARY @#$%$&!!!
I am sick to death of the temporary January fitness buffs. You know who I mean; the see the commercials for Planet Fatness' No-Money-Down membership, and they come in DROVES to sign up.
You can tell the January Temps because they all have bran... Read more
It's Not Christmas Until Mr. Thomas and Boy George SAY It's Christmas
A Child's Christmas in Wales - Dylan Thomas
One Christmas was so much like the other, in those years around the sea-town corner now, out of all sound except the distant speaking of the voices I sometimes hear a moment before sleep, that I can ... Read more
Expressions That Don't Get Used Enough
* nuttier than squirrel poo
*I'll fix your little red wagon!
*full of beans
*Can't carry a tune in a bucket
*Oh, my stars and garters!
*got a case of the vapors.
*up to Mike's below Jake's to get a pack of Christ... Read more
Who Are You Calling Perverse?
Someone called me "perverse" yesterday; I've been called this before.
Mr. Dictionary defines it as:
1. (of a person or their actions) showing a deliberate and obstinate desire to behave in a way that is unreasonable or unacceptable, often in... Read more
When this guy found out he had fatal brain cancer, he wrote his own obituary:
"Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a ye... Read more
A Friendly Tip from Auntie Beldame
Never eat bacon the night before you go to have your cholesterol checked.... Read more
Sneaking Around with Journey and Night Ranger, or: Happy Birthday, Dave.
Today would have been my brother's 55th birthday.
In honor of this, I would like tell the story about one of the best Christmas presents I ever received:
When I was in middle school, my holy-roller Christian school had a strict "No Secula... Read more
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