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Going from Binge to Sparkpeople
Sunday, November 20, 2016      0 comments

Tonight I wondered if I would have time and the wherewithal to eat ice cream at 4 AM before I have to catch a plane. Not because I might be hungry at 4 AM. Not because we are having a special 4 AM ice cream party. But to fit it in before I go... Read more
What they don't want to tell you about weight loss
Friday, November 18, 2016      2 comments

The truth is, you are going to be uncomfortable. I've been looking (for years) for a way to lose weight without feeling hungry. Hypercaloric diets with massive strength training (too much protein, couldn't do it). Volumetrics where you fill... Read more
Non-scale victory for today (11/18)
Friday, November 18, 2016      1 comments

Yesterday I ate and drank, and drank and ate. I blew through my budgets, felt depressed and bloated and helpless. I've been worse, but this was a familiar stop on the long way down. I'm not good today. I'm still depressed, still feel helple... Read more
2016 has been hard on all of us
Monday, November 14, 2016      1 comments

But it is also a symbol of hope. I went to a costume party where someone was dressed as this year 2016, but they were on fire. It has been rough for all of us on this little island called Earth. We wonder whether next year might see less stress,... Read more
Whole30 Day 5 (3.1) SUGAR DETOX DAY
Saturday, July 30, 2016      1 comments

It came late for me. Word on the street is, the worse you treat yourself pre-Whole30 the longer it takes for the crash to come and the harder it is when it arrives. I abused myself pretty heavily to handle the month of July which was my first (v... Read more
Short entry: Whole 30 day 3 (or day 1.1)
Thursday, July 28, 2016      2 comments

Notes on my progress: I woke up easily this morning I am nevertheless physically tired I had a big happy breakfast but less than an hour later I am experiencing something that I am pretty sure is hunger I have been miraculously fre... Read more
Whole30: Day 2, a screw up and a near miss
Thursday, July 28, 2016      0 comments

Day two I am not yet feeling the full withdrawals of the program (oh but I will) however while happily munching on my salad tonight I thought it needed more kick and only after adding more craisins (dumping them, really) did I wonder how such a ... Read more
Where to start?
Sunday, July 24, 2016      2 comments

Where to start? When I turned 21 I began paying dues on a legal trust cooperatively managed by my paternal family. In laymen’s terms, I partially own a non-operational two hundred-year-old Farmhouse on 600 acres of land in Massachusetts. It... Read more
Cranky beginnings: Whole 30
Tuesday, July 19, 2016      1 comments

Of late I have been eating cakes, sweets, milkshakes, ice creams and other similar desserts. I have been consuming these multiple times in the day, sometimes for breakfast. When I'm not inhaling dessert I'm shoveling cheeses, white bread rolls, ... Read more
Cranky beginnings for a "wellness journey"
Sunday, July 17, 2016      0 comments

I am ornery and it ain't cute* in the least. I want to do some kind of combination of extreme sport mixed with competitive eating. Either one is a form of self-harm and it takes a lot of jittery resentment to sit in a chair and write instead. ... Read more
Whatdidja get for Christmas? Fat :) I got fat! (and I regret nothing!)
Sunday, December 27, 2015      2 comments

The me in the mirror full of vim, vigor, and chipper one-liners exercises for the sheer love of it. She likes to get coated in a gruesome slick of sweat and pant like the Hulk or some other raw and masculine super hero. She is visceral and vivi... Read more
What if I am just always fat and sad? 12/11/15
Friday, December 11, 2015      4 comments

Biking home today, only my forth ride of the week when I usually ride ten, I thought What if this is how I am? I've been trying to lose weight since I was eight years old. I've been melancholy and prone to depression since fourteen. Maybe I wil... Read more
Depression and healthy living 12/9/15
Wednesday, December 09, 2015      1 comments

My depression is inert. It is not so that I want to lay around motionless and numb, it is that I don't want anything. I lack. I stop. I could stop eating but I don't. I sit and push food at my face--no, not food. Ingredients. Items. Never m... Read more
December 7, 2015 endurance
Monday, December 07, 2015      0 comments

My last post was titled Breakdown Imminent. I had a few nights of ugly crying and a few zombie days of blank staring. I gained some weight and got a rash of migraines. It's not over but part of overcoming is to endure, to get through this wor... Read more
Breakdown imminent, 11/24/15
Tuesday, November 24, 2015      4 comments

Without hyperbole I can verifiably say that I am on path to a major breakdown. Work is killing me. My depression is rearing. I am letting projects slide. I am less friendly. I am disappearing. Strangely, I have lost weight but been bingeing ... Read more

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