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Whatdidja get for Christmas? Fat :) I got fat! (and I regret nothing!)
The me in the mirror full of vim, vigor, and chipper one-liners exercises for the sheer love of it. She likes to get coated in a gruesome slick of sweat and pant like the Hulk or some other raw and masculine super hero. She is visceral and vivi... Read more
What if I am just always fat and sad? 12/11/15
Biking home today, only my forth ride of the week when I usually ride ten, I thought What if this is how I am? I've been trying to lose weight since I was eight years old. I've been melancholy and prone to depression since fourteen. Maybe I wil... Read more
Depression and healthy living 12/9/15
My depression is inert. It is not so that I want to lay around motionless and numb, it is that I don't want anything. I lack. I stop.
I could stop eating but I don't. I sit and push food at my face--no, not food. Ingredients. Items. Never m... Read more
December 7, 2015 endurance
My last post was titled Breakdown Imminent. I had a few nights of ugly crying and a few zombie days of blank staring. I gained some weight and got a rash of migraines.
It's not over but part of overcoming is to endure, to get through this wor... Read more
Breakdown imminent, 11/24/15
Without hyperbole I can verifiably say that I am on path to a major breakdown.
Work is killing me. My depression is rearing. I am letting projects slide. I am less friendly. I am disappearing.
Strangely, I have lost weight but been bingeing ... Read more
I am angry, 11/19/2015 ($#@^#!!)
I am angry.
I am on a bus in public and I try not to be a d!ck in closed quarters, so I am quiet about it. But I. Am. So. Angry.
I am angry with the well-meaning condescending canned "information" that I am being fed.
1) anyone overweight is ... Read more
Windy has stormy eyes that flash at the sound of lies! 11/18/15
Gorgeous weather today, children. 25mph winds with a warm undercurrent and splashes of rain. Bluster and splatter. Puddlestomping weather.
I had a bad ... Read more
When success is as scary as failure, 11/17/15
November two big things. The first is National Novel Writing Month. My goal is 50,000 words in a month which means at least 1667 words a day. And for el... Read more
Morning routine, 11/12/2015
My alarm goes off at 6AM with a jolly, tinkling set of bells that my dead-asleep husband rarely hears. I snooze it three times before maybe turning it of... Read more
Down weight, 11/8/15
I forgot to weigh myself in the morning yesterday so I weighed myself midday with no change in weight. Then I got busy (and did a factory restart on my ... Read more
I was getting overwhelmed at work and a bit cranky. A slice of very good apricot cake with some *much* needed coffee helped, but then the stress returned... Read more
Thursdays are a JOKE, 11/5/15
Go away Thursday, you're drunk. I don't need Thursday. Thursday doesn't serve me. Give me Friday or for God's sake just give me Saturday already.
Thur... Read more
Wednesday, what even are you? 11/4/15
Why don't we have midweek holidays? Four day workweek sounds solid to me. Wednesdays are just a hurdle.
Novelling is going surprisingly well and yester... Read more
Cram life into every minute, 11/3/15
Fall back! It is clear, at least to me, that my own frenetic pace is making me sick. For my own health I need to cut down my productivity at work, whi... Read more
Upweight, Sunday November 1, 2015
Welp, November will be an adventure from 195 to 190. I suppose I was only kidding myself that I could skip the game, eat more junk, and still lose the w... Read more