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    1STATEOFDENIAL   134,990
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1STATEOFDENIAL's Blog Entry Summary View



Hospital stay and how it's continuing to affect me

Monday, April 16, 2012      3 comments

I have the most extreme amount of exhaustion going on right now. A large portion of it is emotional exhaustion. I've spent so much of my emotional energy on fighting to be positive while people around me in person are dragging me backwards with ... Read more

Worsening allergic reactions and stalled weight gain

Monday, April 09, 2012      3 comments

I had a really rough night last night. The bumps and horrible itching have continued to spread. It took hours for me to even attempt to fall asleep because it was so bad. It feels like little bugs with knives for feet are running up and down my ... Read more

Lost my job, EDS testing, allergic reactions, and family problems

Sunday, April 08, 2012      7 comments

In my last blog I didn't mention that I found out since I can't return to work this Thursday (the end of my FMLA), I'm out of a job. Can't do anything about it, but it's terribly scary. What in the heck reason do I have to get well enough to wor... Read more

I feel let down by those around me.

Saturday, April 07, 2012      6 comments

I'm feeling hurt. My sister and brother in law are in town to visit the Mall of America and don't want to see me. They're literally 10 minutes away, I rarely see them, they've never been to my house (I've owned it 2 1/2 years), and they're makin... Read more

I had a breakdown today

Thursday, April 05, 2012      7 comments

Today was just a horrible day. My insurance company is really going out of their way to not have to cover a medication - in doing so it could mean surgery or worse. My long term disability company must be trying to kill me because they are being... Read more

Oh the irony - burgers and fries forever! haha

Tuesday, April 03, 2012      5 comments

Here is the new pj set I bought the other day. I was looking for cheap, soft, and fits without falling off. (They're size small from walmart and still a little big on me, espe... Read more

The good news is I gained weight...

Wednesday, March 28, 2012      6 comments

The bad news is it is wholly because of the TPN. My ability to eat and drink without pain keeps falling. I've gained about 6-7 lbs, but it's because of the 1577 calories per bag (right now it takes 24 hours to get in a bag, so if I pause it for ... Read more

News on THE GUY

Saturday, March 24, 2012      3 comments

Found out in a back and forth text session with THE GUY yesterday that he has a girlfriend, though not one he's currently too fond of. He thinks she's stupid and ditzy. Though that was probably his upset at the rain and her not wanting or unable... Read more

Buttons and blood bags

Wednesday, March 21, 2012      2 comments

Are any of my sparkfriends artistically inclined? Have any of you ever designed an image to be used in raising funds? In trying to find some buttons, patches, etc that I can use to 'dress up' my TPN backpack I came across www.cafepr... Read more

Roller coaster days, PICC problems, and the charmer

Sunday, March 18, 2012      4 comments

Imagine being told that one little mistake on your part could kill you in a few hours. Now imagine that the mistake can come anywhere within a long, somewhat complicated process and you must do that process every day for a few months. So pay att... Read more

PICC/TPN pics and a chance encounter

Wednesday, March 14, 2012      7 comments

Here's my PICC line, which goes into my upper arm and feeds through the vein to my heart. Which means Damon and Stefan Salvatore or the Original Siblings (vampires on The Vamp... Read more

An update, who I choose to be, and asking my sparkfriends for help

Thursday, March 08, 2012      6 comments

I haven't been blogging lately because of all I've been going through. I've gotten down to 113 lbs (at 5'7", this is BAD), have been getting weaker, and I'm constantly exhausted. Even being on more and more medications to try to help with the ga... Read more

Some not so good results, more appts coming

Friday, February 17, 2012      5 comments

A lot has been going on again, and next week will be a crazy busy week too. I didn't hear from my GI specialist for several days, so I emailed again and said I was desperate. My doctor called me a short time later and submitted 2 different nause... Read more

I hope V-day was great for all of you

Tuesday, February 14, 2012      3 comments

My health is still deteriorating and it is disheartening. I haven't heard from my GI's office and my primary doctor said she can't order TPN so if I'm feeling this bad I should be going to the ER. Both of my short term disability policies are dr... Read more

The past few days have been bad and getting worse

Sunday, February 12, 2012      7 comments

I'm starting to consider begging for TPN. I'm feeling sicker and sicker, with more and more pain, and it's harder and harder to be the 'showrunner' (so to speak) for my health. My insurance company has a nurse line and I called to see if I can f... Read more


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