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    1STATEOFDENIAL   151,023
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PICC/TPN pics and a chance encounter

Wednesday, March 14, 2012      7 comments

Here's my PICC line, which goes into my upper arm and feeds through the vein to my heart. Which means Damon and Stefan Salvatore or the Original Siblings (vampires on The Vamp... Read more

An update, who I choose to be, and asking my sparkfriends for help

Thursday, March 08, 2012      6 comments

I haven't been blogging lately because of all I've been going through. I've gotten down to 113 lbs (at 5'7", this is BAD), have been getting weaker, and I'm constantly exhausted. Even being on more and more medications to try to help with the ga... Read more

Some not so good results, more appts coming

Friday, February 17, 2012      5 comments

A lot has been going on again, and next week will be a crazy busy week too. I didn't hear from my GI specialist for several days, so I emailed again and said I was desperate. My doctor called me a short time later and submitted 2 different nause... Read more

I hope V-day was great for all of you

Tuesday, February 14, 2012      3 comments

My health is still deteriorating and it is disheartening. I haven't heard from my GI's office and my primary doctor said she can't order TPN so if I'm feeling this bad I should be going to the ER. Both of my short term disability policies are dr... Read more

The past few days have been bad and getting worse

Sunday, February 12, 2012      7 comments

I'm starting to consider begging for TPN. I'm feeling sicker and sicker, with more and more pain, and it's harder and harder to be the 'showrunner' (so to speak) for my health. My insurance company has a nurse line and I called to see if I can f... Read more

A few updates

Wednesday, February 08, 2012      5 comments

This weekend my mother and I got a caringbridge started for me. It's nice to see some extended family and my parent's friends interested in my health. Though, to be honest, I like the support here on SP and I'll end up telling more here than I w... Read more

Good news and bad news

Thursday, February 02, 2012      3 comments

Bad news first: my insurance company is continuing to deny paying for my pantoprazole (PPI). I have another chance - this morning I had to lodge an appeal by stating my case over the phone. I was half asleep, so hopefully I got the point across ... Read more

Leave it to a dermatologist...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012      2 comments

...to find yet another link showing I have a connective tissue disorder. Looks like we found the problem with my foot: www.epodiatry.com/chilbl
ains.htm If you read the last star carefully, it says: * a very rare occasions ... Read more

Today, I feel like I'm alone in my fight

Friday, January 27, 2012      6 comments

Today is one of those days where I feel like I'm fighting the battle against my body all by myself. So many people are being negative saying "you can't get that treatment", "you think it's hard getting short term disability, try getting social s... Read more

If a TVD original earned $22k/yr their whole life...

Wednesday, January 25, 2012      0 comments

Not trying to start a political debate, but I thought I'd share this link because I can relate it in a funny way to a show I'm a fan of. www.slate.com/articles/b
usiness/moneybox/2012/01/r
omney_income_calculator_ho
w_much_d... Read more

In the middle of 2 weeks of overwhelming events

Friday, January 20, 2012      6 comments

This has totally been a crazy week. There is so much going on and I'm getting so overwhelmed. Last week Wed my left leg started not working well. This has happened before, but the fact that each time it gets a little worse is starting to ma... Read more

What is strength?

Sunday, January 15, 2012      3 comments

It's a lot more than physical strength, because there's also emotional strength. Yet, what is the definition of emotional strength? What makes a person strong? For those of us who have significant medical conditions, people call us strong f... Read more

Not much for answers, but steps forward

Thursday, January 12, 2012      1 comments

So those who read my blog yesterday, thank you. I'm still working towards figuring all that out, but I greatly appreciate the support. It's so hard to feel so out of control of my health, my job, and my life. This morning my leg was still n... Read more

How do I overcome this fear so I can take care of myself?

Wednesday, January 11, 2012      5 comments

I have a big decision to make and it's really weighing on me. As my sparkfriends know, my health has been failing and I've not been doing well. I'm struggling every day not only with my health, but trying to do a job that is quite stressful with... Read more

Something to think about

Tuesday, January 10, 2012      2 comments

If you never ask for help, if you never talk about a medical condition, and if you keep everything to yourself, who will know that you need help or how to help if they want to? Case in point, my father would rather not tell a lot of people ... Read more


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