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    1STATEOFDENIAL   146,388
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The past few days have been bad and getting worse

Sunday, February 12, 2012      7 comments

I'm starting to consider begging for TPN. I'm feeling sicker and sicker, with more and more pain, and it's harder and harder to be the 'showrunner' (so to speak) for my health. My insurance company has a nurse line and I called to see if I can f... Read more

A few updates

Wednesday, February 08, 2012      5 comments

This weekend my mother and I got a caringbridge started for me. It's nice to see some extended family and my parent's friends interested in my health. Though, to be honest, I like the support here on SP and I'll end up telling more here than I w... Read more

Good news and bad news

Thursday, February 02, 2012      3 comments

Bad news first: my insurance company is continuing to deny paying for my pantoprazole (PPI). I have another chance - this morning I had to lodge an appeal by stating my case over the phone. I was half asleep, so hopefully I got the point across ... Read more

Leave it to a dermatologist...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012      2 comments find yet another link showing I have a connective tissue disorder. Looks like we found the problem with my foot:
ains.htm If you read the last star carefully, it says: * a very rare occasions ... Read more

Today, I feel like I'm alone in my fight

Friday, January 27, 2012      6 comments

Today is one of those days where I feel like I'm fighting the battle against my body all by myself. So many people are being negative saying "you can't get that treatment", "you think it's hard getting short term disability, try getting social s... Read more

If a TVD original earned $22k/yr their whole life...

Wednesday, January 25, 2012      0 comments

Not trying to start a political debate, but I thought I'd share this link because I can relate it in a funny way to a show I'm a fan of.
w_much_d... Read more

In the middle of 2 weeks of overwhelming events

Friday, January 20, 2012      6 comments

This has totally been a crazy week. There is so much going on and I'm getting so overwhelmed. Last week Wed my left leg started not working well. This has happened before, but the fact that each time it gets a little worse is starting to ma... Read more

What is strength?

Sunday, January 15, 2012      3 comments

It's a lot more than physical strength, because there's also emotional strength. Yet, what is the definition of emotional strength? What makes a person strong? For those of us who have significant medical conditions, people call us strong f... Read more

Not much for answers, but steps forward

Thursday, January 12, 2012      1 comments

So those who read my blog yesterday, thank you. I'm still working towards figuring all that out, but I greatly appreciate the support. It's so hard to feel so out of control of my health, my job, and my life. This morning my leg was still n... Read more

How do I overcome this fear so I can take care of myself?

Wednesday, January 11, 2012      5 comments

I have a big decision to make and it's really weighing on me. As my sparkfriends know, my health has been failing and I've not been doing well. I'm struggling every day not only with my health, but trying to do a job that is quite stressful with... Read more

Something to think about

Tuesday, January 10, 2012      2 comments

If you never ask for help, if you never talk about a medical condition, and if you keep everything to yourself, who will know that you need help or how to help if they want to? Case in point, my father would rather not tell a lot of people ... Read more

Ups and downs of today

Monday, January 09, 2012      2 comments

Even when you do your best, plenty of things will continue to stand in your way to slow your progress. It is up to each of us to decide what is worth fighting for and against, and what you attempt to side step. Today my mother went overboar... Read more

Today was an edge piece

Thursday, January 05, 2012      3 comments

In my last blog I said the newest results from Temple was possibly an edge piece to the puzzle that is me. Today was definitely an edge piece. I saw a rheumatologist for the first time. Turns out I didn't have to be as defensive as I've had... Read more

Biopsy results back from Temple

Tuesday, January 03, 2012      3 comments

I got my biopsy results back from Temple today. It's been almost a month and I'm still waiting for 1 more set of results to come back. The biopsies were taken during the endoscopy and took samples from my esophagus, stomach, and the first p... Read more

Already having a not so great start to 2012.

Sunday, January 01, 2012      5 comments

Wishes, wants, and resolutions - all things I suck at. I hate holidays because they almost always turn out horribly crappy. It's easier for me to treat all days as 'normal' days and avoid holiday hype. Plus lately my health is so horrible it's h... Read more

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