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    1STATEOFDENIAL   144,349
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What happened today and an explanation of why I have no fight left

Saturday, October 29, 2011      13 comments

I have to say thank you to Amy for sending an explosion of support my way. That's definitely not something I'm used to. I'm the kinda girl that some people attempt to envy but most people just hate. I've spent most birthdays alone - my 30th birt... Read more

Continuing to get worse

Thursday, October 27, 2011      5 comments

Last night I happened to see a commercial for the University of Minnesota Physicians. It said "The first thing we cure is fear." I looked on the website and it says they have a motility clinic and treat gastroparesis. So first thing this morning... Read more

Sparkfriends, I'm sorry

Wednesday, October 26, 2011      5 comments

I'm sorry. I feel like I've let down my sparkfriends. I've always tried to seem strong, help others as much as I can no matter how I'm feeling, and attempt to have hope. Hope is a funny thing. A year ago I read a book written by a survivor of Au... Read more

I've cancelled my appts - I'm leaving Mayo.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011      5 comments

This blog WILL BE TMI, possibly even to the GP team. But I have proof that things are wrong with me and the doctors can't hear when I speak so I'm putting it here. Yesterday I was in my hotel a little before 330. I was already in pain and f... Read more

I'm desperate to leave Mayo and never return.

Monday, October 24, 2011      4 comments

(No need to leave comments or anything about this. I know what everyone wants to say. I just had to say this stuff somewhere. If you read it, I'm sorry to put you through that.) I kept putting off going to Mayo because of an overwhelming fe... Read more

Leaving soon

Sunday, October 23, 2011      5 comments

I have an hour and a half until I have to start fasting for my early morning test. When I'm starting fasting is when I'm hoping to be in the car and on my way to Rochester (Mayo). It's about an hour and a half drive, I'll check into the hotel, g... Read more

Standing up for myself

Saturday, October 22, 2011      5 comments

Part of my time at Mayo next week includes a follow up with the GI doctors. When I called today to ask questions about the tests I wanted to clarify which of the two doctors I saw would be doing the follow up appointment. Of course, it will be t... Read more

My first appointment at Mayo

Wednesday, October 19, 2011      6 comments

One of my major fears when I go to the doctor is that they won't believe me and won't help me. I've been ignored so many times that in some ways it's almost shocking I've survived (like a massive infection in my cheekbone for over 3 months - fin... Read more

Singer Salvage give me strength!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011      3 comments

This shirt arrived last week and I'm glad it did. I'm hoping wearing it today will help give me strength. To those who don't know what Singer Salvage is, it's from my fav... Read more

Final thoughts before tomorrow.

Monday, October 17, 2011      2 comments

Well, tomorrow is the day. In just over 12 hours I'll be on the road to Mayo. I think I'm feeling numb, but that could be the severe lack of sleep last night. I know I'm missing things, I know there's more I could've put together to take, I... Read more

I was disappointed in The Thing.

Sunday, October 16, 2011      0 comments

I went and saw The Thing today (all because of Eric Christian Olsen) and was disappointed. It was lame. Someone needs to tell the director and producers that incredibly loud sound doesn't make something scary! I had to put my fingers in my ears ... Read more

Bad evening - 4 days til Mayo.

Friday, October 14, 2011      5 comments

I got a massage tonight. This time it wasn't an attempt to make my digestive system start working again, it was just to try to get some of the poison out of my muscles that's built up from this past week of having my intestines not working (food... Read more

Best laid plans planning plan

Wednesday, October 12, 2011      3 comments

Yeah, my freaking out about Mayo and the crap going on at work has me totally stressed out. Thus I'm back to barely eating again. I'm trying to stick to my liquid/easy-to-digest diet but I'm so hungry that I'm eating things that are not digestin... Read more

Less than a week until Mayo

Tuesday, October 11, 2011      1 comments

I posted this to someone on a team, but wanted to blog it too. Interesting thing today, I was talking to a guy at work who's been really nice to me and he said he can see in my face that I'm losing more weight. My weight is the same, but I ... Read more

The crow who flew backwards

Friday, October 07, 2011      1 comments

It is quite windy in MN today. At some points when I was driving in my car a gust of wind would randomly hit me and I'd have to really fight it. Well, I was driving down the road and hit a huge gust (some gusts are hitting 40-50 mph) and out of ... Read more

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