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    1STATEOFDENIAL   146,391
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Perfection isn't perfect.

Monday, October 03, 2011      2 comments

Okay so I have perfectionist issues. I don't expect others around me to be perfect, but I want it in myself. I not only want to KNOW everything, I want to UNDERSTAND everything and how it all fits together. If something interests me in any way, ... Read more

I didn't realize it was that many.

Monday, September 26, 2011      6 comments

Today I started writing a list of symptoms to show the docs at mayo. Anything that is clearly not ordinary, has lasted for more than several months, and has been detrimental to my life is going to be written down. I also hope to give a general i... Read more

This condition takes so much away from me.

Saturday, September 24, 2011      1 comments

Tonight I was so hoping to go out. I have some acquaintances who are a cover band. The lead singer's 40th birthday was earlier this week and they're celebrating with a show tonight. I really wanted to go, but throughout the day I've been feeling... Read more

I want to share something.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011      6 comments

(If you stop reading after the first sentence then you are probably illustrating the point of my blog.) I've never been overweight; actually I spent plenty of time in high school being underweight. Yet I was beaten up for being too fat, the... Read more

I need to get writing

Saturday, September 17, 2011      1 comments

Awhile ago I was talking about emailing the Ellen show. I keep telling myself to do it, but I keep putting it off because I really don't know what to say. I keep asking myself 'what about my Tubie Duckie project and my own struggles will draw at... Read more

Same story, different day

Friday, September 16, 2011      1 comments

I haven't been blogging lately because there isn't much to tell. I've spent half of each of the last 4 weeks in DTP flares. I feel like I'm falling apart as this keeps getting worse. I'm still scared about going to Mayo and leaving without getti... Read more

When will this weeping generation dance again?"

Sunday, September 11, 2011      2 comments

Something I'd like to share today, on the 10th anniversary of something all Americans, and many around the world, will never forget. I don't particularly like the pictures in the video, so I suggest minimizing it and just listening to the sound.... Read more

Took pictures for evidence

Sunday, September 11, 2011      3 comments

One thing I didn't mention about my last Endo appointment was that he wanted me to take a picture of my distended abdomen. Not sure why, since a picture won't really do it justice. I decided to take it a step further and I've taken multiple pict... Read more

The cravings for normal food got to me.

Friday, September 09, 2011      2 comments

One huge annoyance: seeing food that makes me want food and knowing I can't have it. There are plenty of times when I say I just want to eat a normal meal no matter how much it hurts me, but I know it's a horrible idea. I was watching the Supern... Read more

Got the first set of records to go to Mayo - now reconsidering

Thursday, September 08, 2011      5 comments

It's simple: about half of the records from my current primary clinic and the affiliated hospital keep saying 'need psych consult', 3/4s show doubt in most of what I've said, too many basically say 'can find no cause for the symptoms, nothing wr... Read more

Mayo appt is set up

Thursday, September 08, 2011      3 comments

Apparently my Endo doesn't want me putting things off any longer. His office called Mayo Clinic and set up an appointment for me. Luckily, I didn't have to reschedule because I'll be able to take off work that day. Here's the plan: Tues, Oc... Read more

Should I celebrate or should I cry?

Tuesday, September 06, 2011      4 comments

The next time you go to the doctor for an illness or issue (not a healthy checkup), see how long your doctor allows you to talk about your symptoms before s/he interrupts you. On average it is 18 seconds before you're stopped and expected to lis... Read more

In a holding pattern

Tuesday, September 06, 2011      3 comments

I've been considering what to say in this email to the Ellen show. I just don't even know where to start! I can be such a windbag sometimes, and having a 1500 character limit will make this difficult on me. I've set it aside for the past few day... Read more

My sparkfriends, please give me your opinion

Thursday, September 01, 2011      3 comments

I've been debating something, and I don't know if I should... My Tubie Duckie project can't move forward until I figure out how to make the ducks safer. I had used pieces of a thin cocktail straw with a piece of a twist tie inside it to hol... Read more

Horrible night turned into a very trying day

Wednesday, August 31, 2011      2 comments

If you read my rambling blog from the middle of the night, here's the update. At midnight I called the plumber and left a voicemail. I was so worked up I couldn't get to sleep so at 2 am I called work and left a voicemail that I wasn't goin... Read more

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