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    1STATEOFDENIAL   135,471
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Dear Santa (this won't be the letter you're expecting)

Tuesday, December 23, 2014      2 comments

Little children are always told to be good so they get gifts from Santa at Christmas. They're told if they don't behave, they will get a lump of coal instead. This rule isn't really true, we know, because there are good kids who get nothing and ... Read more

Plagiarism is hurtful, disrespectful, and just plain wrong!

Saturday, May 03, 2014      6 comments

No, this has nothing to do with SP, but I'm angry and hurt that I've been plagiarized elsewhere. I want to say something about it here because maybe someone who's plagiarized in the past or might consider it in the future (even on a small scale)... Read more

Got my SSDI backpay! But my housing situation is a nightmare.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014      5 comments

Well, a little more good news. Tip: if you sign up for EFT (direct deposit) right away when applying for SSDI, your payment will come pretty quickly. I called the SSDI office today to ask some questions, and it turns out that they deposited my b... Read more

Surprise, surprise: my SSDI decision is in.

Tuesday, February 04, 2014      4 comments

I'm exhausted after spending the day doing... just doing. It's 3 am and I still have to shower before going to sleep and getting to an appointment at 2 pm to work on my advance directive again. But... I got a letter from SSDI today. The jud... Read more

Talked to my neurologist today

Thursday, January 09, 2014      6 comments

Called my neurologist's office today. I wanted to mention the concussion while I asked if I can keep increasing the gabapentin now that the side effects have stabilized at 200mg 3x/day. Strangely, he and his nurse are the first people to care at... Read more

Concussion & nonstop problems causing too much stress

Wednesday, January 08, 2014      3 comments

A week ago, on New Year's Eve, I got a concussion and it's really made everything else so much more difficult. With my conditions, as my dysautonomia specialist said, no matter how much they try to treat me, I will always be prone to fainting, l... Read more

I got really bad news about my sister

Thursday, December 19, 2013      5 comments

I spoke with my sister today and found out she's been having some serious symptoms for the past year and kept being turned away by doctors. (She lives in the small town in WI we grew up in, where the medical staff is decades behind in knowledge ... Read more

Results of testing I mentioned in my last blog

Friday, December 06, 2013      4 comments

I have an important decision I need to make, and it's weighing heavily on me. A few weeks ago I had testing done on my bladder. It was painful and sucked horribly. Yesterday I found out the results, and they're not good. The doctor believes the ... Read more

Update: too much bad, some good, and tons of unknowns

Friday, November 15, 2013      4 comments

I've had more hits since my last blog. Some "good" came from today, though it isn't good news, just validation of the serious symptoms that too many are denying I could be dealing with. I'll start with what's happened the past few weeks. I ... Read more

It's all just too much for me.

Friday, October 25, 2013      6 comments

The hits never stop. Today I was told my appt for next month with a neck/spine/SI joint specialist is being cancelled because he looked at my record and has nothing to offer me except "do PT" or "go to Mayo". Mayo is CRAP! The only people the Ma... Read more

SSDI hearing was a total waste of time.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013      4 comments

The best way to NOT give someone SSDI is to pick a doctor to speak against the claimant at the hearing who can't even pronounce the conditions, let alone know how they're diagnosed. That way they can say they don't believe you have the condition... Read more

Vascular specialist today & SSDI hearing tomorrow

Tuesday, October 22, 2013      1 comments

Tomorrow morning is my SSDI hearing. I have no idea how I'm going to make it through the hearing. I'm not even sure if I'll find out a yes/no tomorrow or if I have to wait for the official judgement. My hearing starts at 9:30, but have to be the... Read more

Having an unprofessional doctor is not good.

Thursday, October 17, 2013      2 comments

I have 5 appointments with the orthopedist this month. One was last week and I had another today. The doctor I'm supposed to be seeing isn't even coming into the room (the first appointment with "her" weeks ago she came in for 10 minutes and hav... Read more

I'm totally shattered and broken

Wednesday, October 02, 2013      9 comments

WARNING: Don't read unless you have a strong heart. My pain has been poured out into a mess below. I've reached the end of my rope. I've hit the limit of things I can deal with. My ARMHS worker was on her way and my lawyer emailed me asking... Read more

Then there's that moment you realize it can get worse.

Monday, September 23, 2013      7 comments

Today's actually worse than yesterday, but in a different way. I feel like I'm coming down with the flu all of a sudden. I don't ever get colds or the flu; I don't even crack a fever for more than an hour for anything (my immune system is really... Read more


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