_COSMOPAULATAN_'s SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=%5FCOSMOPAULATAN%5F _COSMOPAULATAN_'s Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ What Happens When You Don't Give Up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6248354 On August 18th, I started working with a dietician to help me mindfully focus back in on nutrition and movement as a way to lose weight. Let me tell you, losing weight is hard enough but if you add an eating disorder into the mix, it's like renegotiating what you ever learned or heard or read. It's a completely different ballgame, looking at food from the perspective of "all things in moderation" vs. good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. Everything has a place, even DQ ice cream cake. Seriou... Sat, 8 Oct 2016 13:45:58 EST The Final Frontier http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6241576 It's hard to believe that we are well into fall at this point. Life seems to be moving faster than I'm used to. I guess that's a good thing though, it means I'm making progress. <BR> <BR> A couple weeks ago I graduated from my eating disorder group. I had spent almost a year in the group and due to some changes it felt like it was the right time to leave. I feel no different today it was definitely something that I had moved on from. I remain thankful for what it taught me but it cleared e... Sun, 25 Sep 2016 12:52:29 EST May Recap http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6174703 I don't even know where to start... 2016 has been such a difficult year for so many people. Unfortunately, I didn't escape. My sweet baby Puccini died in my arms on May 19th. He was 16 years old. It happened overnight and was so unexpected. It broke my heart and I am working on healing. <BR> <BR> I finally came to terms with that I had regained all the weight I had lost - and then some. There was a period of time at the beginning of this year that I was in full-on sabotage mode. It wa... Wed, 1 Jun 2016 21:14:10 EST Spring and New Starts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6123727 It's been an emotional weekend. I haven't dealt with what I need to deal with yet, but I know what I need to do. It makes me sad, but it's part of my reality. <BR> <BR> I've eaten too much today... my appetite lately has been insatiable. Most likely my unfinished business. <BR> <BR> I did get out for a walk today. 20 minutes, only averaging 3.1 miles per hour. It sucked. My legs froze up something fierce and I had to stop 4 different times. I'm working on letting that go in favor o... Sun, 20 Mar 2016 17:31:37 EST Cultivate Joy - 2016 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6078610 It's been five years since I've taken myself - and my health - seriously. I'm in full-blown nostalgia mode this morning and it's making my heart ache with what was. I did it before, I can do it again. Perhaps not as extreme this time, perhaps not as fast this time, but I can do it again. <BR> <BR> I have different tools in my arsenal this time, and an eating disorder diagnosis riding my coat tails. I have to go at this differently if I expect to have long-lasting results. I know quick, ... Mon, 25 Jan 2016 09:59:01 EST Week One Roundup http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6009013 Despite being sick this week, I lost 1.4 pounds. Given that it was my first week back at working on my health, not so bad. It's easy for me to point to my first week back in 2010 and remember I lost 6 pounds... but this isn't then and I know more now than I did. Forever is going to take a bit longer to accomplish, especially when I'm not going to be restricting the way I did during that first week back then (unknowingly). <BR> <BR> I've decided to skip church this morning as I only have... Sun, 4 Oct 2015 09:49:47 EST Plugging Away http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6008580 Well, my cough didn't kill me so that's a start. I spent a good portion of my day yesterday frustrated I couldn't access anything at work (thank you technology) and when I got sick of my own whining, I laid down and slept for 3 hours. That was probably what I needed in the first place. <BR> <BR> Got up, went to Target and got myself a care package of sorts (cough drops, Nyquil, ice cream, Kleenex, soup...) It's been awhile since I've been sick, so I forgot how much I sucks to have no one t... Sat, 3 Oct 2015 12:39:07 EST Pity Party http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6007566 Well, after seeing myself on camera today, I'm in a complete spiral of self-doubt. It's pretty heavy... I have no idea why the person I am dating loves me. I don't love me. I don't love anything about how I look. Why does he? He probably doesn't. My brain isn't good. <BR> <BR> In other news, I planned on going to the gym tonight, but I'm sufficiently sick. Sneezing, sniffles, coughing, ear ache... the whole 9 yards. And let me tell you, I certainly want to take advantage of the "feed... Thu, 1 Oct 2015 17:24:28 EST Hungry Monkey http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6005715 Well, turns out salad and soup for lunch... regardless of how healthy... isn't very satisfying. Even with a healthy (greek yogurt) and not so healthy snack (handful of tootsie rolls and 3 pretzels)... didn't do much for me today in terms of satisfaction. So I do what I do when I'm hungry... I got Chipotle. I really wanted Indian... but got Chipotle. <BR> <BR> I wish I could remember how I felt last time I was going through this. Oh that's right... I can. I can read all about it. Though... Mon, 28 Sep 2015 17:59:23 EST Food Prep http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6005003 Good gravy, that felt like a lot of work. I'm not quite sure how I used to take pleasure out of my food prep adventures... maybe that elation with return... as for now, however, it's done for a good portion of this week. Still trying to figure out what I spent $130 at Target on... sure, I bought a couple packs of hummus, and pre-cut fruit and veggies... but geez. <BR> <BR> Oh well. Life goes on. I feel like I need a nap. And a shower. And a snack. And a hug. <BR> <BR> Lunch: <BR> ... Sun, 27 Sep 2015 15:50:53 EST Square One http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6004278 So, good morning world. Another week flown by... so much drama packed in, it's almost unbelievable. Sad to see that 6:30am is still pitch black outside... summer has faded away. Bring on fall, my favorite. <BR> <BR> I'm sitting here sipping my decaf coffee with the windows open, taking advantage of the fact there are few airplanes flying overhead at this time of day. Quiet. I hear the crickets chirping their song, as well as the occasional bird. The click-clack of the keyboard is keepi... Sat, 26 Sep 2015 07:40:17 EST Starbursts and Sushi Rolls http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5995013 Today. Not a good food day. Yesterday, not great either, but today was really not good. <BR> <BR> I can easily identify I was feeling anxious both days...got a bit of resolution after the fact this evening, but I honestly don't feel any better about things. <BR> <BR> Doing a bit of beating myself up for "ruining" two good eating/gym days this week since today undid it Trying to not let that overshadow the fact I actually had two good eating/gym days this week. <BR> <BR> Ugh. <BR... Thu, 10 Sep 2015 19:59:18 EST I Said No http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5993665 You know when people are trying to be helpful... genuinely helpful... and they attempt to push you to make a commitment or prediction that you know in your heart isn't something that you are willing to do or make at this time and if you DO make it you end up never meeting that goal because you either undermine yourself or sabotage yourself? <BR> <BR> Yeah. That happened. <BR> <BR> I know she was trying to be helpful and engaging by asking me how many times over the next two weeks I would c... Tue, 8 Sep 2015 20:51:42 EST Back at the Gym and Oh How Things Have Changed http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5992659 Well, I did myself proud. I got up, made myself breakfast, and went to the gym. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/fb5c74ed-bda3-472d-84f0-751ccd21b576.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I quickly made up my mind that I wasn't really willing to do anything I couldn't sustain moving forward, and right now that means 30 minutes. Do I have more than 30 minutes? Today I do, some days I don't, so I'm looking for consistency at the beginning of all of this. <BR> <BR> The other thing ... Mon, 7 Sep 2015 11:24:43 EST Welcome Back - Scales Are For Fish http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5992080 Hello friends. It has been a long time, hasn't it? I find myself laughing at the fact that I've tried to abandon Spark on several occasions only to be drawn back into it at some point. I'm not sure why I thought I'd be better off on my own... ego perhaps, or maybe even wishful thinking... but I'm not. Spark has an amazing community of like-minded individuals who are all striving to become healthier. Why not just embrace that? <BR> <BR> Well, it's what I am here to do this time. Embrace... Sun, 6 Sep 2015 13:04:48 EST The Aftermath of a Graduate Degree http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5880444 It's been two months since my last blog. That is a good indication of what I've been doing. <BR> <BR> Nothing. I've been doing nothing. <BR> <BR> I'm sleeping through the night again (for the most part), but that's about it. I haven't been doing anything with my free time that relates to health or fitness, I've simply been decompressing with my Monday Night TV Schedule, my Tuesday Night TV Schedule... you get the picture. <BR> <BR> I'm feeling restless again, however, and feel as if I... Sun, 22 Feb 2015 11:00:40 EST My "Senior" Picture - Graduation is Tomorrow! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5835393 I took a personal day to soak in the feeling of being done, really done, with grad school. Graduation is tomorrow and I'm a blend of feeling elated, proud and exhausted. It's been a ride. I'm looking forward to 2015 so I can reincorporate myself back into the world. So much to do and see and appreciate. Feeling blessed. Thank you to my very special Spark Friends who cheered me on from a distance. It has made a huge difference! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1... Fri, 19 Dec 2014 10:58:57 EST Approaching the Finish Line http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5817703 I've been in school for the last 98 weeks. I have 4 weeks until I finish my last class and graduate with my Masters in Organizational Leadership. What an unbelievable journey it has been. Let's recap. <BR> <BR> <em>58</em> I've been able to maintain a 4.0 GPA while working full time. Miracle. <BR> <BR> <em>9</em> I've lost, and maintained the loss of, 20 pounds since July 2014. <BR> <BR> <em>521</em> Due to ongoing therapy over the past two years, I've been declared in partial re... Sun, 16 Nov 2014 11:13:18 EST Vacation Is Good (A Picture Blog) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5786806 This blog is coming off of 15 hours of sleep, a healthy breakfast and coffee... in my pajamas... at noon. Someone is on vacation. <BR> <BR> I've been playing for the last two weeks, out to Seattle on business and up to Lake Superior for my real vacation. It's been great. Even though I have had to be disciplined with school still (3 classes left!), I have really worked on relaxing. That has involved drinking way too much, eating well, and waking up to things that look like this: <BR> <BR... Thu, 25 Sep 2014 13:09:46 EST 25% to Goal http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5779684 Well, it's been 3.5 months since June 1. Slow but steady has been the mantra, and apparently that has paid off in spades for me. I am proud to say that with much less chaos, crazy, and effort, I've managed to steadily lose 19.6 pounds which puts me officially over the 25% mark. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2030966532.jpg"> <BR> <BR> It feels different this time, different than ever before. I'm not obsessing over calories, or nutrition, or exercise. In f... Sun, 14 Sep 2014 13:20:18 EST My Own Little Miracle http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5770981 Since June 1, 2014, I've lost 17.2 pounds. As of today, I saw a new "decade" on the scale that I haven't seen since last October. <BR> <BR> Yes, it's slow. However, I'm not doing ANYTHING this time outside of being mindful. <BR> <BR> I'm not meticulously tracking my food. <BR> <BR> I'm not working out 1 or 2 hours/day 5 or 6 days/week. <BR> <BR> I'm not counting my calories. <BR> <BR> I'm not starving. <BR> <BR> I'm not restricting. <BR> <BR> I'm not binging. <BR> <BR> I have ex... Mon, 1 Sep 2014 09:06:15 EST The Fear of Hunger http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5753829 So, today I realized that I am afraid of feeling hungry. I have never really thought about/acknowledged this piece of my personality before, but it came to light today as I was discussing why I didn't want to start exercising again. Inevitably, I will feel more hungry and I don't want to feel that way. <BR> <BR> This was a WOW, stop-me-in-my-tracks moment. It's true, I am afraid of feeling hungry (especially since I have had 2 decent months of fairly contained hunger... I just don't wan... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 18:40:57 EST 2 Months In Review... and a Retrospective http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5752189 It's been 2 months since I decided to try again with myself. It's also been approximately the same amount of time that I have been on my new dose of meds (which honestly has made a world of difference). I want to take a few moments to celebrate what deserves celebrating: <BR> <BR> <em>345</em> I've lost 13.2 pounds and I feel better. <BR> <em>472</em> I've been eating breakfast almost every day. <BR> <em>274</em> I've made drinking water a habit again. <BR> <em>128</em> I've be... Sun, 3 Aug 2014 10:59:01 EST Another Week, Another Pound http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5737750 It's been a very strange week and I've been fighting something respiratory. As a result, there have been a couple of missed meals which has resulted in being extra hungry the last two days. It's been discouraging to feel that hungry again, but it's encouraging to know that I didn't go completely overboard. Little wins. <BR> <BR> Today's scale day. Lost 0.8 pounds, which is better than gaining. Am I happy with it? Not really, but I'm trying to be at peace instead of beat myself up about... Sun, 13 Jul 2014 08:43:14 EST Shame, Vulnerability and Courage http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5733229 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/0/l700516931.jpg"> <BR> <BR> "If we are going to find our way back to each other, we have to understand and know empathy because empathy is the antidote to shame. If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive" (Brené Brown, Listening to Shame, 2012 TedTalk). <BR> <BR> Isn't it funny h... Sun, 6 Jul 2014 17:06:11 EST A Month In Review http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5732558 So, I didn't do anything special in June related to diet and exercise. The only variables were the following: I went on vacation, I bought a lawnmower, I went back on my medication. That's it. <BR> <BR> It's been interesting, especially the last couple of weeks. I have been noticeably less hungry, but when I am hungry, I notice it. Coupled with that, there are all those EMOTIONS that lay dormant until I have space in my life to feel them, and I remember why I eat to numb. I haven't be... Sat, 5 Jul 2014 13:41:52 EST Less Hungry: A Story of Strange http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5727883 I've gained 30 pounds since I started grad school 2 years ago. Yep, there. I said it. <BR> <BR> From my lowest? Let's just say I am back up at my highest. And then some. <BR> <BR> The gloom and rainy tapping on the window should really indicate my mood, after all my trip to Europe was cancelled last week after the professor at my school quit. And while that would be enough, I had already purchased my non-refundable airfare. For $2000. True story. <BR> <BR> Instead? Instead I am i... Sat, 28 Jun 2014 18:32:28 EST Toronto 2014 - A Picture Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5717828 I finally have a free moment to blog. It's been a busy two weeks, with a trip to Toronto to visit RAVENSONG37 and CARMINACG and then a work trip to Madison, Wisconsin, among other things. <BR> <BR> It had been over two years since I was in Canada visiting my peeps, the trip was overdue. It was mellow and relaxing, just what I needed. <BR> <BR> Becky and I were able to spend some quality time together; she's such a gracious hostess. Moreover, I was able to walk the Gutsy Walk with her in... Sat, 14 Jun 2014 12:01:47 EST Therapy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5710022 It's not a secret that I have been in therapy for an eating disorder for the past year and a half. Last week I hit my first real wall, the kind that makes you want to quit. I spent the week angry, for no reason I could connect with, and everything has been a little messy in my life. <BR> <BR> Today, I went again even though I didn't want to. It was one of those days where nerves were raw and everything was getting under my skin, so adding therapy on top of it was like pouring salt in th... Tue, 3 Jun 2014 21:16:47 EST Starting Over (Again) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5708010 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/7/l876278459.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Well, it certainly has been awhile. Grad school has consumed my life and has provided me ready made excuses for about 1.5 years now. With only 4 classes and a lit review to go, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is some breathing room that comes with senioritis and a giant case of "I don't care anymore" (even though I care enough to ensure I keep my 4.0 GPA). <BR> <BR> That being said, I've c... Sun, 1 Jun 2014 10:23:58 EST A Renewal of Hope http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5659941 I finally feel like I'm at a place of neutrality with my journey. I'm at my highest weight ever, but instead of hating myself for it, I find myself curious about it. My clothes don't fit and I'm uncomfortable, but there is a sense of acknowledgement that this is where I am in this moment vs. mentally berating myself for being here. It's a very different experience. <BR> <BR> I give a lot of credit to myself. Working full time, being in school full time, having to support myself and not h... Sun, 30 Mar 2014 10:35:05 EST Coming to Terms With the Truth http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5625383 This has been a long time coming as I've been in complete denial. I can no longer pretend like I am anywhere close to where I used to be. In fact, I weighed in 10 pounds beyond my heaviest the other day. I don't have excuses, but there have been a lot of contributing factors that also deserve some recognition because they played a part in my journey. <BR> <BR> First, I've been in therapy over a year now as I've been diagnosed with an eating disorder. It's the hardest work I've ever done ... Sun, 16 Feb 2014 09:26:30 EST A Spark Team for Those People Who Want To Focus on What Is Going Right http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5581809 We'd all be lying if we said that getting healthy is awesome every moment of the journey because it's not. It's tough choices, dedication and sacrifice, and snippets of glory and then the challenge of negotiating "what is enough?" with yourself when society tells you it will never be enough. <BR> <BR> I've been there. I am there. We all are. I find myself wanting to disconnect from people who are talking about all the negativity that goes along with the process of losing weight. If anyt... Sat, 4 Jan 2014 11:28:12 EST My 2014 Commitment: Do More of What Makes You Happy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5577663 Resolutions are so last year :) No, but seriously they serve no purpose as resolutions are not followed through on. Commitments are. And so, in 2014, I'm committing to be more compassionate to myself. <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1463067935.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Case in point? <BR> <BR> I'm supposed to be participating in the Polar Dash this morning. However, with temps sitting at -9F and with windchills bringing it to -16F in Minneapolis this morning...the kinde... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 10:37:27 EST Week 4: What Goes Down, Must Go Up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5574450 Well, as everyone who struggles with an eating disorder knows, there is rarely a straight line downward when trying to get healthier. Instead, I've been on vacation... and I've been acting like it. Out to dinner, out to the casino, sleeping until 8am... it's really messed with my schedule enough where I am random and unpredictable. But, I've been on vacation. And it's ok. It's been a year since I haven't been working or in school for a period of time, so I am working on enjoying the lazi... Sun, 29 Dec 2013 09:46:08 EST Week 3: Sidetracked http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5569703 It's been a tough week. Considering I have had less to do this week since I was done with school, you would think the opposite... but no. There are several factors that contributed to my 2.2 pound gain (but let's be honest, I can do that in a day so all things considering...) <BR> <BR> 1st: The re-kindling of what I was hoping to be "it" isn't going well. Without going into too much detail, one of us likes drama and the other one of us doesn't have time for it. I'll let you guess which I... Sun, 22 Dec 2013 08:05:51 EST Week 2: Oh Happy Day! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5564755 Let me start out by saying this week was pretty awful at work. Lots of unhappy situations occurred and it was non-stop stress, and unnecessarily so. <BR> <BR> That being said, my week ended on such a high note that the stress of the week was virtually erased! Celebrate with me! <BR> <BR> 1. I found out Friday after I left work that the new department manager we offered a position to accepted our offer! Yay! <BR> 2. I got up at 5:30am on Saturday to start writing the 8 page paper I had ... Sun, 15 Dec 2013 09:46:24 EST Week 1: Moderation Pays Off After All! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5559624 Oy oy oy. It's been a week, in more ways than one. This week, I focused on several different things: <BR> <BR> 1. Taking my vitamins <BR> 2. Getting enough water <BR> 3. Being conscious of my choices <BR> <BR> I can say I was successful on all fronts. I didn't eat grilled chicken and vegetables day in and day out. Quite the opposite actually. I had one of my Raw Fit shakes for breakfast every day (which has really helped with my morning lull I experience). About half the week I brough... Sun, 8 Dec 2013 09:13:05 EST Two Days In http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5555715 Well, I'm two days in. Yesterday, didn't fare so well at 2,300 calories but it's better than what I have been eating for sure (and certainly more balanced). Fairly confident I didn't get enough protein/fat to keep me full, so I will look to bump those today and see if it makes a difference. <BR> <BR> I've been able to get 1 shake in per day. The idea of drinking one for lunch has gone out of the window because it turns out I like real food (NO! Imagine that.) However it's been a great o... Tue, 3 Dec 2013 07:46:22 EST December - The Month of Me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5554012 Now that the biggest food holiday of the year is over, it's time to get real. Real healthy, real disciplined. Real realistic. I've decided I am going to give protein shakes, two times a day, a try. Before your eyes roll to the back of your head, allow me to elaborate... <BR> <BR> First of all, I need to do something. I'm like a hungry monkey every moment of every day. I need some structure to back off of the continual eating. <BR> <BR> Next, I've already cleared this protein powder wit... Sun, 1 Dec 2013 09:32:57 EST 3 years and 50+ Pounds Later... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5552638 Hmm... the real question is how has it been 3 years? 3 years ago I ran my first 5K without stopping, yesterday I walked a 5K in a little under an hour. 3 years ago I weighed 55 pounds less than I do now. 3 years ago my life was completely different. <BR> <BR> I went into my 5K yesterday with a heavy heart, my thoughts wrought with memories of what was... what I was... before. I got to downtown Minneapolis with the other 19,000 people that were signed up for the Turkey Day 5K and my hea... Fri, 29 Nov 2013 08:19:26 EST Patterns http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5543294 Well... if there was anything learned from the past couple weeks, it was this: <BR> <BR> Paula decides to get back to the gym and start taking care of herself. <BR> Paula starts to get happy and feel good about herself. <BR> Paula ends up meeting someone. <BR> Paula goes MIA. <BR> <BR> This is a pattern and it has got to stop. I have been in a real funk the past couple weeks, not to say my latest adventure wasn't the most meaningful one I have had in a long time, because it was, but I'm ba... Sun, 17 Nov 2013 09:19:32 EST Day 9: Minus Zero http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5524662 Well, let's blame it on the alcohol. <BR> <BR> Moving on... <BR> <BR> Though I didn't lose anything this week, I didn't gain either. I went to the gym 4 times. That in and of itself is a big deal since it's been months. Months. Overall, I was more conscious of what I was choosing. I didn't go out nearly as much as I have been going out. I cleaned a good portion of my house, which always makes me feel better and in more control. Cleaned my cupboards so I can actually see what I have in... Sun, 27 Oct 2013 14:00:53 EST Day 8: Life http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5523808 Day 6 turned into it's own kind of evolution... 2 dates with two different guys on the same day. Both were successful in their own way. Left me exhausted on Day 7 with a ton of overdue homework I hadn't touched (since I was busy being irresponsible). I went in early to work, came home after work, and worked on homework for a couple hours. Made dinner, drank two glasses of wine, and went to bed. <BR> <BR> For 12 hours. <BR> <BR> I guess I was tired after all. <BR> <BR> I'm dealing wi... Sat, 26 Oct 2013 10:42:26 EST Day 6: Evolution http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5522029 This may be the first of multiple blogs today because I feel like I'm having a lot to say for some reason. I found myself thinking about my coffee this morning. Imagine that. Thinking about coffee. In the morning. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I was thinking about how my coffee habit has really evolved over the years. It looked a lot like this. <BR> <BR> Never drank coffee, loved the smell. <BR> Started drinking Frappuccinos/Coolers etc. <BR> Started drinking vanilla lattes with soy. <BR> Started ... Thu, 24 Oct 2013 08:12:05 EST Day 5: I'm A Physical Therapy Graduate! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5521619 It's a little known fact that I started working out again last fall. When I started to train myself to run again, I did too much too soon and injured myself. Plantar fasciitis. Awful. <BR> <BR> Long story short, when I decided to stop being in denial, I went to a podiatrist and was officially diagnosed. That was my golden ticket into physical therapy. I have just finished up 10 sessions, and while it's still not perfect, I have more movement than I did previously. <BR> <BR> I'll take i... Wed, 23 Oct 2013 19:26:00 EST Day 4: Death by Chocolate http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5520688 The day started alright. <BR> <BR> Then I got to work. <BR> <BR> Don't get me wrong. I could by WAY worse off. But those days where you just can't answer people's questions to their understanding or satisfaction, and the phone rings off the hook, and you are forced to listen a screaming infant for what seems like an eternity because your desk is above the eating area and cash registers... wait. You don't know? Well, let me tell you. It sucks. And there are days I handle it well. <BR... Tue, 22 Oct 2013 20:40:21 EST Day 3: Observe http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5519384 Well, here I am on day 3. I've been tracking just to see where I end up on the fullness scale and it seems to be around 3,000 calories a day. <BR> <BR> My first instinct is to judge that. <BR> <BR> My second instinct is to just observe. <BR> <BR> Ok... so that is the reality right now. It was also a weekend. I also went through 2 bottles of wine. I also spent the weekend alone. Maybe it will change this week. Maybe it won't. <BR> <BR> I did, however, get more than enough water in... Mon, 21 Oct 2013 12:22:02 EST Day 2: On the Road Again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5518555 Well... I did the unconventional (or me) and started over on a Saturday. I guess Day 1 is officially behind me. Food was excessive, but I made it to the gym, so I'm better off than I was. <BR> <BR> It's Day 2, and I can say that I made it to the gym again. I've decided that 30 minutes walking is what I'm willing to commit to right now, so it at least doesn't feel overwhelming. <BR> <BR> It's a sunny, chilly day here in the Twin Cities. I'd love to go for a walk, but 39 degrees might... Sun, 20 Oct 2013 14:10:55 EST Day 1: Ready or Not http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5517573 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/6/l463086926.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Can you tell I've been thinking? I've been thinking a lot, which is usually a pre-cursor to me taking action so it's a good thing. <BR> <BR> Am I ready to make a life change? No. Can I back down out of that mindset and just agree that I'll make ONE change? Yeah, I can do that. <BR> <BR> I have a lot to choose from. Tracking my food, eating healthier, getting to the gym... <BR> <BR> Maybe, just maybe, I'... Sat, 19 Oct 2013 08:44:49 EST