ZOWIENUT1's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=ZOWIENUT1 ZOWIENUT1's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Nancy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5105210 She was a mom to me. My mom died when I was young. My dad too. So the passing of Nancy has been very hard. I loved her deeply. I miss her now. Fri, 19 Oct 2012 17:02:17 EST A poem by Janet Nutt http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5103981 I saw you, and we embraced <BR> I leaned in and whispered <BR> I love you so very much <BR> You are precious to me <BR> We held on a moment longer <BR> As if we knew these moments <BR> Would be our last <BR> And then, <BR> You died Passed Moved on <BR> And I cried <BR> It hurts to be here <BR> In the now <BR> Without you <BR> I whisper <BR> I loved you <BR> And to my spirit <BR> My soul <BR> My inner most being <BR> My core <BR> In my knower <BR> You say <BR> I know <BR> And I sigh and I bre... Thu, 18 Oct 2012 16:23:45 EST Quietly - a poem by Janet Nutt http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5088143 Quietly <BR> I seep down <BR> Into the folds <BR> Of myself <BR> There I battle <BR> The underwater dragon <BR> Of my youth <BR> Holding my breath <BR> Urgency screams <BR> I've been under <BR> Too long <BR> This time <BR> Still, I won't give up <BR> I want the tip of his tail <BR> In the palm of my hand <BR> We wrestle in slow motion <BR> Sound is muted <BR> Desperation <BR> Determination <BR> I hold my breath <BR> I focus <BR> And I reach Fri, 5 Oct 2012 16:41:25 EST If - a poem by zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4530716 If I cry a thousand tears <BR> It will not quench the pain <BR> Of one traumatic <BR> Memory <BR> <BR> If I laugh for a year and a half <BR> It will not ease one layer of sadness <BR> That is wrapped tight around my heart <BR> <BR> If I Run a hundred miles <BR> It will not remove me from where I am <BR> Nor will it take me where I want to be <BR> <BR> If I sleep for eternity <BR> It will not replenish my energy for one day <BR> Nor will it take the weariness from my step <BR> <BR> If I s... Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:17:19 EST Who am I? - a poem by zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4530712 Am I not <BR> Loved in the arms of the beloved? <BR> The question flits thru my existence <BR> Like a moth attracted to light <BR> Why is it that I choose to wear the shoes of lies? <BR> And tap out my existence over layers of shame <BR> Why is it that I turn my ear to the echoes of deceit? <BR> And lean into the shrouds of disdain <BR> My soul grieves over who they say I am <BR> Unworthy to even breathe <BR> I cry out to the creator from which I came <BR> Can I love? <BR> Can I be loved? ... Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:15:54 EST Shiva - a poem by zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4530656 Come, <BR> Sit with me <BR> For A season of Shiva <BR> Is here <BR> Images of terror <BR> Cut across my lids <BR> Like grand mal seizures <BR> I am rendered helpless <BR> I convulse to their pulse <BR> Hold me tight <BR> For Their colors <BR> Flow thru my veins <BR> The antidote of my soul <BR> Horror and betrayal <BR> Searing white pain <BR> Grief so deep <BR> It reaches <BR> The marrow of me <BR> Gently, <BR> Rock me in your arms <BR> As forgotten memories <BR> Become my unfolding ... Tue, 11 Oct 2011 16:34:32 EST Passing - a poem by Zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3498799 Down, depressed, deflated <BR> <BR> No where near elated <BR> <BR> Sad, saddened, filled to the brim with sadness <BR> <BR> Drenched, Wrenched Wracked in Grief <BR> <BR> I want to weep softly, cry deeply, wail loudly <BR> <BR> I want to be moody, sarcastic and down right rude <BR> <BR> I want to kick and run and scream and hit and shout <BR> <BR> I want the stars to fall out of the sky <BR> <BR> I want the sun to never shine <BR> <BR> I want the mountains to quake and groan and spil... Tue, 3 Aug 2010 12:01:57 EST I want to be..... - a poem by zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3475299 I want to be the ocean you sail on <BR> To seek out your destiny <BR> I want to be the mist that rises from the lake <BR> Each morning you look out at me <BR> And ponder questions unknowingly <BR> I want to be the water you reach for <BR> On a hot summer day <BR> To splash in <BR> Relax in <BR> And play in <BR> I want to see the smile on you face <BR> And the pleasure in your eyes <BR> As I take you in <BR> I want to be refreshingly cool <BR> I want to soothe you <BR> When you feel dirty... Tue, 27 Jul 2010 14:33:00 EST JFK November 22, 1963 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3447226 <BR> Warm Bright and sunny <BR> November 22 1963 <BR> With my black crayon <BR> I color within the lines <BR> A picture of the engine that could <BR> The Father of my country <BR> Journeys down a grassy knoll <BR> I hear shots ring out and see <BR> Him collapse in the arms of Jackie <BR> I am 4, my daddy died <BR> Something wrong with the head <BR> I know that the President is dead. <BR> <BR> I hear him call my name <BR> His room the color of grassy knoll <BR> On this bright warm sunny day... Mon, 19 Jul 2010 12:46:36 EST That Night..... January 14, 1975 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3447187 ......Paul was sleeping in that king sized bed, when all of a sudden he jumped up and started yelling "purple spots......purple spots!" He ran down the stairs exclaiming loudly, words that made no sense. At the bottom of the stairs he finally woke from his dream and plopped himself down. As I stood there looking at him, He quietly got up and went upstairs to bed. Fully awake I got dressed and quietly slipped out the back door. The air was crisp and the night was clear. I walked around t... Mon, 19 Jul 2010 12:37:06 EST I want to Love you - a poem by zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3447175 I want to love you in all its shapes and forms and colors <BR> I want to hold your hand <BR> And rub your feet <BR> I want to lay beside you in tall grass on a windy day <BR> And stare at the clouds as they pass by <BR> I want our kisses to be long and hard <BR> Soft and gentle <BR> I want to have fierce fights that lead to passionate sex <BR> When we make love I want the universe to stop and watch <BR> I want to look into your eyes and see my soul (staring back at me) <BR> I want to have you... Mon, 19 Jul 2010 12:34:12 EST Doll whose hair is blue - a poem by zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3447167 My precious Doll with the pretty blue hair <BR> I fall asleep with you beside me <BR> All cozy and warm and Embraced by you <BR> Together we dream of far Away lands <BR> Full of milk and cookies <BR> Sun ray kisses and Marshmallow clouds <BR> With Grass between our toes <BR> We hop and skip and leap like frogs <BR> Chasing butterflies <BR> Thru Fields of Never ending daisies <BR> Awakened from our dream I search for you <BR> Thru ruffled covers and pillows of blue <BR> I find you gone, with... Mon, 19 Jul 2010 12:31:57 EST Introduction http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3439014 Hi, My name is Janet. I have always written...mostly short stories or detailed memories. About three months ago I started going to a poetry therapy group. We write on Monday nights. Since then I have written 43 poems. Most of it very dark but I am writing on the lighter side of things at times. I lost 100 pounds 2 years ago and stopped working on it. I have gained back 20. So after a two year rest I am ready to tackle another 100. The poetry really helps to get some of the pain out. ... Fri, 16 Jul 2010 16:13:41 EST Morning Has Come - A poem by Zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3438957 Morning has come <BR> Swirled together <BR> Yellow and blue <BR> Drunk with laughter <BR> Sunshine violently strikes <BR> Like lightning in the night <BR> <BR> Its statement bold and true <BR> Its course precise <BR> A crack appears <BR> Within my heart <BR> And makes its way <BR> Along the crevice of my soul <BR> <BR> Thru layered wounds <BR> And anguish that is ripe <BR> Lamentations fall from me <BR> Like old scabs that have lost their grip <BR> Death retreats and fades <BR> A lover fo... Fri, 16 Jul 2010 15:49:45 EST Beautiful - A Poem by Zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3438953 Beautiful on the outside <BR> So I was told <BR> Delicate and fragranced <BR> Like petals on a rose <BR> <BR> Elements of childhood <BR> Have trampled my soul <BR> I have no beauty <BR> I have grown old <BR> <BR> Lonely on the inside <BR> That’s how I feel <BR> Pain and Deprivation <BR> Is all too real <BR> <BR> Like ants that ravish the Peony <BR> I am consumed by fear, a mote of tears <BR> My sadness blankets me <BR> <BR> Depression my horizon <BR> As far as I can see <BR> Will I ever h... Fri, 16 Jul 2010 15:48:38 EST Hunger - A Poem by Zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3438786 I know I am hungry <BR> Yet food does not seem to sustain me <BR> Could I be hungry for something else? <BR> Perhaps it is my soul that hungers <BR> And no food on earth can quiet <BR> Its beautiful roar to be fed <BR> <BR> I hunger not for food <BR> But to be loved <BR> To be acknowledged <BR> To be understood <BR> To be heard <BR> And for the right to be silent <BR> I hunger to be alone, But not lonely <BR> <BR> I hunger for answers <BR> And the right to question <BR> And for questions to... Fri, 16 Jul 2010 14:44:43 EST Spider - A Poem by Zowienut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3438781 First warm day of spring <BR> You make your way onto <BR> The windshield wiper of my car <BR> Frightened for a moment <BR> At the sight of you <BR> I drive away <BR> Leaving you to fend for yourself <BR> Against wind and fate <BR> You hold on for dear life <BR> I am amazed at <BR> How strong you are <BR> And perplexed by your <BR> Determination to live <BR> As I stop for a red light <BR> I find myself rooting for you <BR> And hoping that you will make it <BR> The short distance to my house ... Fri, 16 Jul 2010 14:42:03 EST Jesus didn't eat it....I don't need it!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2250407 I have given up ice cream. I can no longer walk that path. I have decided to go another route. Ice cream is not for me. I Love it too much! It's been 15 hours. I feel much much better already! Wed, 22 Jul 2009 12:47:13 EST OA http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2237133 So I went to a meeting and found that I liked it very much. I like that there is no crosstalk or comments on what I say. I like that the meetings start and end on time. I like that I hear about others struggling also...but making progress too. I will go back. Fri, 17 Jul 2009 14:37:19 EST OA... does it help? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2206635 I am wondering what your experience has been? Has it helped? Mon, 6 Jul 2009 13:07:04 EST Starbucks..either accommodate me or.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2134270 About fifteen or so friends and I meet for coffee each Sunday night at 6pm. We meet at someone's house during the winter but during the summer we meet at Starbucks. I started going in the winter. I lost a hundred pounds but still have trouble fitting in the out door seats. I asked if I could take a chair outside and they said no. After some time had past and all of my friends showed up I asked to see the manager. I put it to her like this....either accommodate me to be able to sit comfo... Mon, 8 Jun 2009 17:34:14 EST Wake UP! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2100954 I got off track recently. I have been exercising but I have gone back to some old habits. On March 9th I had lost 103 pounds. Since then I’ve gotten cocky thinking that I can go back to old territory and not become a casualty. The scale does not lie. I have been wounded….but I am not dead! I am coming back with a vengeance! I am at war! And I will win this battle! I have joined the summer biggest loser challenge. I am starting now!!! Thu, 28 May 2009 10:57:13 EST Today is the Day to CELEBRATE!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1960670 Today is Good Friday. I will attend my church service at Noon today. It will probably be somber and serene. But inside I will be dancing before the Lord My God My Savior and Maker. This is a day to Celebrate. It is the day that My God paid the ultimate price because he Loves Me so much He wants me to be with Him for Eternity. So He paid the penalty for my sins and has declared Me Pure and Holy In His Sight! <BR> <BR> I AM MY BELOVED'S AND HE IS MINE....FOR ETERNITY!!! <BR> <BR> <BR>... Fri, 10 Apr 2009 10:23:05 EST Water http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1958381 I am most Thankful for water. <BR> <BR> We swim in it, we drink it, we cleanse ourselves in it. It is a symbol of Spiritual Baptism. We use it to grow our food. We can see our reflection in it. We draw it, take pictures of it....enjoy the reflection of a beautiful sunrise. We learn from the ripples of a skipped pebble. We understand water's strong current and the danger it could pose. We use it as a means of transportation. We enjoy the power of an ocean tide. We acknowledge water, i... Thu, 9 Apr 2009 13:53:12 EST Spring Fever! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1955704 I want the SON to Shine down on ME! Wed, 8 Apr 2009 16:54:59 EST I met a women.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1952477 I am part of a ministry that goes out on Friday nights. We go down to the local park and pass out food to the homeless. <BR> On one particular cold night, a homeless woman approached me. She said, “Just before you got here there were two men sitting at this table and smoking. When they were done with their cigarettes, they flicked them at that tree over there. Do you really think they deserve free food?” <BR> <BR> Before I even had time to think about what she had just told me I heard mysel... Tue, 7 Apr 2009 17:39:22 EST Thirsty for Love http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1942129 When I was 9 I visited some cousins in Texas. I remember it was really hot. It got to be 114 degrees during the day. My cousins lived in an old farm house in the country out in the middle of nowhere. During one of the hottest days ever my cousin said “Come on, Let’s go down to the Spring!” I was like “Hey wait up….what’s a spring?” I chased after him and we ended up about half a mile down this dusty dirty road. He pointed and said “That’s a Spring.” It didn’t look like much at first until I g... Sat, 4 Apr 2009 10:21:04 EST When I grow up...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1939708 When I was a child, I remember being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said that I wanted to be a missionary in Africa. <BR> <BR> My Father died when I was two. My mom did the best she could to raise my two brothers and I. Life was hard for us. When I was fifteen my mother died in a car accident leaving us orphaned. I was very angry at God. We went to live at my grandma's house. She enrolled us into a Christian school. I read the Living Bible in a summer so that I could pass my rel... Fri, 3 Apr 2009 11:27:12 EST Create a memory.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1937694 I have a group of friends I hang out with on a regular basis. After going to a movie or a really good resturant I will often say, "Do you know what we just did?" And they will say, "What?" I always answer, "We just made a good memory." They laugh at me, but most often I am being serious. My childhood and young adulthood is full to the brim overflowing with traumatic events. I am not interested in bad memories. Today I have struggled with "flashbacks" from a less than desirable memory. It's be... Thu, 2 Apr 2009 17:59:04 EST Jewels from Darkness http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1927308 It has been some weeks now since the suicidal depression has lifted. But I wanted to take a moment and share with you the few treasures I got out of it. All bad things bear some good fruits...you just have to look a little harder for it. One of the first things I remember feeling in a profound way was that NO ONE AND NOTHING could take away MY God. My Joy could be robbed from me, but not God. That in the midst of depression God is with me. I remember thinking.... if there existed a place or p... Mon, 30 Mar 2009 17:45:46 EST 102 POUNDS!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1866264 i HAVE LOST 12 POUNDS SINCE LAST MONDAY Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:20:25 EST THIRSTY FOR LOVE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1864115 Thirsty for Love <BR> <BR> When I was 9 I visited some cousins in Texas. I remember it was really hot. It got to be 114 degrees during the day. My cousins lived in an old farm house in the country out in the middle of nowhere. During one of the hottest days ever my cousin said “Come on, Let’s go down to the Spring!” I was like “Hey wait up….what’s a spring?” I chased after him and we ended up about half a mile down this dusty dirty road. He pointed and said “That’s a Spring.” It didn’t look... Mon, 9 Mar 2009 17:42:59 EST How I lost my first 100 pounds http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1864029 This is how it all started. At the beginning of last year 3 of my friends had the gastric bypass surgery. I had been getting up the gumption to lose weight. I usually have to think about something for months before I am mentally ready to take on such a large task. I worked a desk job. I helped start a homeless ministry at my church. I serve on the prayer team and I am a co leader of the Wild Women’s fellowship…other than that I worked and watched TV. So when my friends had the surgery,... Mon, 9 Mar 2009 17:08:00 EST 100 POUNDS!!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1863204 I have lost 100 pounds in 1 year. I am very happy! Praise God, I can do ALL things in Christ Jesus who strengthens me! Mon, 9 Mar 2009 12:47:43 EST Awesome day! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1855935 Today is a good day. Sunny and 60! I've lost 4 pounds this week. I am excited to go to the homeless ministry tonight and see my friends! <em>36</em> Fri, 6 Mar 2009 13:24:25 EST Zowie http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=1853647 <BR> <BR> Do pets go to heaven? It's a question that has been on my mind for some time now. I wonder....is it wishful thinking or is there a possibility that it could be true. Our pets that have passed on do go to heaven. I think back to the garden, in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, He created all things, nothing was made that he did not create and at the end of each day he declared "It is Good". God placed man as the keeper and caretaker of animals. He allowed Adam t... Thu, 5 Mar 2009 17:10:53 EST