ZIZZZY's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=ZIZZZY ZIZZZY's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Can't seem to conquer my fears and self-doubt http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5666486 I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't even been on a date since my last (and only) long term relationship ended in October of 2012. I push myself to engage in social activities, at least part of my reason for doing so is the hope that I'll meet someone special. It just hasn't happened. <BR> <BR> The years of ups and downs, of back and forth, really did a number on my self esteem. My steady regain of weight during the relationship, and weight maintenance since the breakup haven't helped eit... Mon, 7 Apr 2014 12:01:42 EST Just a quick update :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5558219 Life is looking good, I still have my down days but I’m finding my way out of the dark days I was in. November has truly had its ups and downs, but today I’m choosing to focus on the ups. I had a wonderful long weekend trip to NYC with two of my favorite aunties. We ate, shopped, explored, walked, walked and walked some more. It was my first trip there as an adult and I can’t wait to go back again! <BR> <BR> I've started exercising more regularly, going to zumba or a dance class once or twic... Fri, 6 Dec 2013 08:42:00 EST Rough Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5400177 I'm having a rough day today - <BR> <BR> I have a horrible case of the Mondays and I cant seem to find my motivation, energy or stride at work today <BR> <BR> I cheated some this weekend and today it feels like someone has tied a knot in my intestines. <BR> <BR> I was attempted to squirt lemon juice on my spinach salad for lunch and instead squirted the lemon juice right into my eyes. <BR> <BR> I'm not losing 3-4lbs a week anymore and it's super frustrating <BR> <BR> I guess if these... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 12:10:40 EST Update with a few NSV! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5393447 I started eating my own version of a primal/paleo hybrid about a month ago and I feel great. I've lot about 10lbs and my energy level has skyrocketed. I've always struggled with low blood sugar and had to eat every 4-5 hours or I risked feeling dizzy and sick, since eating lower carb and cutting out grains and processed foods, this almost never happens! I can now skip a meal without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I still get hungry but it's not the severe, urgent hunger that it used to b... Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:51:58 EST Frustrated http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5332620 It took me a full 3 weeks to lose 1 measly pound. I don't know why my body fights weight loss the way it does, I don't remember it being this hard the first time around. Sigh, I'm not going to give up, just gotta keep stringing the 3 week/1 pound losses together and it will add up eventually. <BR> <BR> Whine-fest over. Tue, 23 Apr 2013 08:13:43 EST This kind of hunger is the worst http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5332029 On a regular basis I get to the point of gnawing hunger - my stomach hurts, I feel headachey, all the usual hunger symptoms but, I just can't bring myself to eat. No food, healthy or unhealthy, sounds appealing at all. I either deal with the hunger or force myself to eat something I really don't even want to eat. Its so frustrating to not enjoy food and have to choke it down. Does this happen to anyone else? <BR> <BR> I just don't know what to do... Mon, 22 Apr 2013 17:25:42 EST Today will be a good day :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5329600 I've had a crazy few weeks at work and the stress has been getting to me. I've been having panic attacks and not sleeping well for a while, but last night I went to bed at 10 and slept all the way until 8am, I don't think I even woke up once! Since I got a good nights sleep I decided to continue to make today great. <BR> <BR> I normally go to zumba on Saturday morning but the wonderful instructor that taught Saturday mornings is no longer doing it and I don't really like the replacement ins... Sat, 20 Apr 2013 11:43:53 EST Struggling http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5307457 I hate to post another negative blog but I'm still really struggling. <BR> <BR> I'm feeling overwhelmed at work. My workload is about twice what it should be and I'm at the point where I can't even keep up with the bare minimum essential tasks for each study I manage. I such a perfectionist and I feel so much pressure to do EVERYTHING - when I can't keep up I get frustrated and my productivity is affected. I end up so drained at the end of the day that I can't muster up the energy to go to ... Mon, 1 Apr 2013 11:44:38 EST panic attack ramblings http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5291139 My ex and I have had no contact since 2 weeks after we broke up, that's 5.5 months of radio silence. It seems like he's moved on, I know he is seeing someone new and I'm doing my best to move past it too. <BR> <BR> On Saturday, I got an email from him - when I opened it, it was just a spam link. It still felt like a punch in the gut, it hurt to see his name there, it hurt that it was just a random spam instead of an apology. I don't want him back, I don't need an apology, all I really want ... Mon, 18 Mar 2013 13:08:02 EST Lesson learned: eating crap = feeling like crap! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5287421 I had to take a friend to the airport really early this morning. As a result, I didn't have time to eat breakfast at home before leaving, dropping her off and then heading to work. <BR> <BR> So, I decided to pick up chick-fil-a. I ordered my usual - the Chicken Mini meal with hash browns and half sweet/half unsweet tea. This is not an out of the ordinary meal for me but I haven't had any sort of fast food in a while and I'm definitely feeling the effects this time. I don't feel guilty about... Fri, 15 Mar 2013 08:15:15 EST Non-Scale Victory http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5286225 I've been back in the gym and doing my best to eat healthy despite intense sugar cravings and a few cookie binges. I feel better mentally and physically but the scale hasnt really budged. I've been trying not to let the scale define my success but its difficult not to get suck in by it. Its hard to replace the immediate satisfaction of seeing a lower number today than you saw yesterday. <BR> <BR> This morning I had my first taste of a non-scale victory. I was rifling through my closet, tryi... Thu, 14 Mar 2013 08:40:17 EST I hate to have to do this... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5285225 ...but, I've made my sparkpage private. The whole time I've been on spark, I've resisted making my page 'friends only' because I wanted to be able to connect with people, to inspire and be inspired by whomever may stumble across my page. Lately though, I've been holding back, not being totally open in my blogs and on my food tracker because my ex knows about how into sparkpeople I am. <BR> <BR> I dont really think that my ex would bother to look me up on here, but the off chance that one day... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:18:25 EST Women, Food and God http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5279780 A while back my dad gave me a book called "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth - I read 85% of it in one night and the other 15% the next day. Her book spoke to me - it touched my heart and mind in a way that I didn't really think anything could. She makes many different arguments about the concept of dieting and how it just DOES NOT WORK. I know that notion is not the norm on sparkpeople and will probably rub people the wrong way - but I'm starting to see the truth in it. <BR> <BR> For eve... Sat, 9 Mar 2013 07:40:41 EST What's up with that?!?! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5275575 Well, I've finally found the drive to get back into the gym. After the breakup, I just couldnt bring myself to go, I stayed out of the gym for 4+ months. To my surprise, I didn't gain any weight during this time, but I was eating fairly healthy and not having massive binges. <BR> <BR> A few weeks ago I went out, got a new pair of brooks running shoes to replace the one's I'd been wearing for 4 years (bad, I know!!!) and decided I was ready to get back into the gym. I've gone to zumba 3 days ... Wed, 6 Mar 2013 08:59:34 EST Here's the deal http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5159119 So, I really need a diversion, something to throw myself whole-heartedly into to take my mind off of what’s been going on in my life. Spark has been that for me in the past, I’ve never been happier or healthier than when I’ve been sparking consistently and using the tools to guide my lifestyle change. <BR> <BR> <BR> I know what has worked for me in the past, I went from 285 to 225 on my own before I found spark, but I didn’t do it in the healthiest way. I started using spark consistently a... Fri, 7 Dec 2012 09:48:11 EST been away far to long... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5158382 Like the title says, I've been away from spark for far too long. Just wanted to say.... I'm BAAACCKKKKK. <BR> <BR> Will post specifics regarding weight, measurements, goals, etc. sometime next week. I was looking through old pictures on facebook and was shocked to see the progression from my lowest to now. I gained so much weight back over the past two years and I'm determined to get back to where I want to be. <BR> <BR> <em>252</em> Thu, 6 Dec 2012 15:43:59 EST Doing my best http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5132531 Life is starting to get back to normal, I'm doing my best to conduct myself with poise and dignity. Today marks 4 weeks since I've had any contact with the ex and I'm soooo proud of myself. Although I still get sad sometimes, the new found freedom is refreshing. I really want to make the best out of this difficult situation, take the time to focus on me and my own health and happiness. I spent too long eating my feelings and ignoring my own needs, its time to be my own biggest priority. <BR>... Mon, 12 Nov 2012 10:10:28 EST new day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5116739 I still feel pretty mixed up inside, lots of ups and downs, a mixture of deep sadness, loneliness and relief... It's been 2 weeks since we've had any contact, each day gets a little easier. <BR> <BR> I still haven't brought myself to workout, even though I know it'll help. Even with not working out, and eating normally, I've maintained the initial weight loss. <BR> <BR> For a while I was going back and forth between staying at my apartment and staying at my parents' house. Going home from w... Mon, 29 Oct 2012 12:25:58 EST It still hurts but I'm trying to limp my way back to spark http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5103753 My ex-bf and I broke up three weeks ago, it rocked my universe at first but I'm slowly starting to feel like myself again. I've lost 10 lbs since it happened because I could barely bring myself to eat. <BR> <BR> I know it was the right decision though, I've realized what I truly want from life and it just wasn't possible with him. I didn't realize it at the time, but my weight gain over the last year was partially due to me eating my feelings. Things were not progressing as he said they wou... Thu, 18 Oct 2012 12:38:41 EST Finally, a good week! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5058722 At the beginning of the week I wrote a blog about putting away the scale, I wish I could stay I've been able to stay away from it, but I haven't. I did sneak a couple of peeks at it hoping to see a crazy 5lb loss from all the work I've done this week. Back to old habits and obsessions...sigh. <BR> <BR> I'm not giving up though, I may not have seen a huge loss but I didnt quit. I stumbled but I didn't put the scale back in the bathroom to taunt me after every potty break. Its staying in its ... Fri, 14 Sep 2012 08:35:57 EST Living well http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5055656 There comes a point when you just have to say ENOUGH! <BR> <BR> I'm tired of stopping and starting... going gung ho, burning out, obsessing over the scale, getting discouraged, binging. Everytime I dive back in I repeat this cycle with another 3-5 lb gain. And ya know what? I've had enough! <BR> <BR> It comes from my all or nothing personality, if I don't see the results immediately on the scale it starts to feel like all my effort is wasted. Like the workouts don't matter and neither will... Wed, 12 Sep 2012 08:49:15 EST I'm afraid http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4816490 I’m afraid – <BR> <BR> 1. That I’m going to get cancer, diabetes, or heart disease because of my poor lifestyle choices <BR> 2. That my boyfriend is embarrassed to be seen in public with me or to bring me around friends that haven’t seen me since I was 140lbs <BR> 3. I’ll never be a beautiful bride <BR> 4. That I may never re-gain control <BR> 5. My anxiety and panic attacks will worsen <BR> 6. That all the working out/eating right won’t matter and I will never lose the weight (again) <B... Mon, 2 Apr 2012 10:26:36 EST I had a meltdown last night http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4816453 I was laying in bed with my hunny last night, checking facebook on my phone when I noticed my friend finally posted the pictures from our trip to New Orleans last weekend. I was excited to see our memories captured in the photos but I could not get passed out HUGE I looked next to 4 size 2 girls. Hence...the meltdown. <BR> <BR> At my lowest weight I was 140lbs or so and and now I'm around 215. I could not believe how I looked in the pictures, perhaps I was in denial about what I actually l... Mon, 2 Apr 2012 10:07:00 EST Quick Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4794879 I'm around on spark but I'm more of a lurker than anything else these days. I'm still working out 2-4 days a week but my eating has been all over the place so they've just canceled each other out. <BR> <BR> Work, the BF, and family seem to consume every minute of my time but life is good and I'm thankful for all of it. <BR> <BR> I'm heading to New Orleans next weekend for my good friend's Bachelorette weekend. Although I wish I was going there at 150ish instead of 200ish, I'm not going to ... Mon, 19 Mar 2012 11:51:29 EST I'm here!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4374546 My life is so hectic but I'm here and I'm still trying... <BR> <BR> <BR> Exercise for the week: <BR> M-off <BR> T- Back/Biceps + zumba = 704 calories burned <BR> W-Shoulders + core class + zumba ~ 900 cals burned <BR> Th-Legs + Kickboxing ~ 700 cals burned <BR> F-off <BR> S-TBD, something ~ 400 cals burned <BR> <BR> <BR> Planned reward for 5lbs lost - <BR> <BR> LULULEMON pants!!! <BR> <BR> And finally, the menu today (just because I'm proud) - <BR> <BR> Breakfast: <BR> 100 grams bluebe... Wed, 20 Jul 2011 10:20:24 EST Making this week a success + today's menu http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4298305 I'm going on a business trip to Boston in 2 weeks and because a lot of important people in my field will be there, I want to look my best. I know I can't be at my ideal weight by then but I at least want to look put together. I went shopping a few weeks ago for some staples because many of my work clothes no longer fit. I'm at the point of pretty much wearing jeans every day to work - although I do have a professional job, we have almost no physical meetings with patients or clients, so jeans... Tue, 14 Jun 2011 13:52:26 EST Pictures dont lie http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4280851 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/0/l700696082.jpg"> <BR> <BR> As the title says, pictures do not lie. I look like a sausage stuffed into a too tight casing. I'm so ashamed of myself. <BR> <BR> <em>46</em> Mon, 6 Jun 2011 13:59:45 EST Cavegirl diet - Day who knows! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4270236 After yesterday's little episode, I tweaked my eating to keep from getting sick again. I do not believe that yesterday was cause by following the paleo plan, it was most likely caused by simply not eating enough. <BR> <BR> I do not believe this way of eating is unhealthy, nor is it a fad. Its a way of life, a way to allow your body to function at its optimum level, the way it was meant to. <BR> <BR> Anyway, since I love seeing what other paleo/primal followers are eating, I though I'd post... Wed, 1 Jun 2011 14:16:02 EST I know its working...but this part kinda sucks http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4267817 So I know the paleo diet is the way to go but I'm having a hard time transitioning to lower carb intake. Maybe I went too low, too fast. <BR> <BR> <BR> According to the carbohydrate curve on marksdailyapple.com <BR> <BR> 0-50 grams/day – Ketosis and Accelerated Fat Burning <BR> 50-100 grams/day – Primal Sweet Spot for Effortless Weight Loss <BR> 100-150 grams/day – Primal Blueprint Maintenance Range <BR> 150-300 grams/day – Steady, Insidious Weight Gain <BR> 300 or more grams/day - Dang... Tue, 31 May 2011 15:30:38 EST On the menu today http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4254930 I know I can't stop raving about it but I absolutely love the paleo way of eating. My BF and I used to joke about how I get HANGRY (Hungry+Angry, get it? haha) when I don't eat every few hours but that isn't the case anymore. I thought I would struggle with the lowered carb intake but I don't, I feel so satisfied and centered. Also, apart from hangriness, I have always been prone to pretty drastic mood swings, since I started eating this way I've noticed they've been almost nonexistent. <BR> ... Wed, 25 May 2011 08:37:39 EST It's working http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4245339 At the beginning of May, a good 30lbs heavier than this time last year and frustrated with my lack of control and will power, I started researching and attempting to follow the Paleo Diet. Its premise is based on eating like a Caveperson - meat, vegetables, fruits, nuts. No Grain and no dairy. <BR> <BR> I've been following it VERY loosely since then and have lost about 8lbs total. This is with more cheats than I can count. But, the cheats are different. Before I started eating this way I wo... Fri, 20 May 2011 11:56:24 EST weekly goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4220726 Last week I started the paleo diet, I followed it pretty closely and allowed myself 3 cheat meals - I probably should cut this down but I'm not going to worry too much about it as long as I'm following the plan 5/7 days. <BR> <BR> And the good news....... <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> I LOST 5 LBS!!!! <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> I realize that a majority of this is water weight but its still nice to see those kind of results. I haven't had a 5 lb loss in a long time. I tend to fluctuate - ... Mon, 9 May 2011 14:14:54 EST Paleo Diet http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4206797 My status yesterday mentioned that I was starting anew and I really do feel like I have a fresh start. I didn't take my measurements as planned but I did buy a tape measure and will do so tonight. On a positive note - thanks to a little inspiration from some spark friends, I've decided to start the paleo diet. Basically its lean meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds - no grains, dairy or "junk food". I like the concept of this diet, its not fanatical and seems really healthy although I'... Tue, 3 May 2011 09:17:55 EST not so good... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4204878 My weight just seems to keep going up, up, UP. It's terrifying to me how quickly and massively I've gained. I feel like a failure. <BR> <BR> I don't know what to do anymore... Mon, 2 May 2011 13:43:51 EST here goes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4191419 Easter was wonderful, I spent the day with most of the family... around 25 people in attendance for Easter dinner, and that's with some missing! <BR> <BR> It was a bit of a whirlwind, and the madness continues. My grandmother and aunt will be visiting from upstate NY for a week starting today. I haven't seen my grandmother in over 3 years, the last time she came to visit I was around 230lbs and I haven't seen my aunt since I was at my highest weight! I'm pretty stoked that this time I'm aro... Tue, 26 Apr 2011 10:28:46 EST Is it Friday yet? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4160835 Today has been pretty stressful, its been so filled with meetings, phone calls, emails that I haven't gotten any of my day-to-day work done. I've literally felt like a chicken with no head, darting from office to office to ask questions, get input, etc. It's honestly one of those days where I feel important, I guess being under the gun has that effect on me. <BR> <BR> Did I succumb to the urge to stress eat and get a brownie from the café downstairs, or treat myself to chipotle for a job we... Tue, 12 Apr 2011 13:52:01 EST It seems like every monday is day 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4158116 I had a fun but BUSY weekend and even the 12 hours of sleep I got last night didn't even seem to do the trick. <em>102</em> <BR> <BR> Friday was girls night out. My friend Ana and I had a delicious dinner at P.F. Changs. It was certainly not low calorie but it really hit the spot and it was fun to catch up with her. Note to self, next time I need to order the lettuce wraps, Ana ordered them as an appetizer and they were divine (They seem fairly healthy too, but looks can be deceiving on th... Mon, 11 Apr 2011 13:06:28 EST back on track - day 1 binge-free http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4131434 SO....I lost site of my goals and have been way off track for a while. I start each day with good intentions but somewhere in there I just seem to fail. I was out of work yesterday because I was sick so I'll just let that one slide. <BR> <BR> I'm back today and feeling much better. I'm hoping to even be able to make it to kickboxing tonight. I bought new sneakers last weekend and I haven't even worked out in them - time to change that. <BR> <BR> As far as food, I really want to get back t... Thu, 31 Mar 2011 11:04:39 EST Me - A to Z http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4066033 A-Z Survey <BR> <BR> A. Age: 24 <BR> <BR> B. Bed size: Full size or Double, I snagged if from my parent's guest bedroom, its soooo comfortable. <BR> <BR> C. Chore you dislike: Probably deep cleaning, scrubbing and dusting. I clean but its more tidying than anything else. <BR> <BR> D. Dogs: None of my own, but my roommate has two, Bandit and Lexi - I get to enjoy playing with them <BR> <BR> E. Essential start to your day: A hot shower....nothing better <BR> <BR> F. Favorite color: Yel... Fri, 4 Mar 2011 12:17:41 EST Quick update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4063655 I haven't been to the gym all week, I just didn't feel up to it....TOM came today, no wonder. My eating has been bad, yesterday was an out of control non-stop binge type of day. I'm talking multiple trips to vending machine at work, candy bars, cookies, chips, Mcdonalds, etc. Not good. <BR> <BR> But each day is a new day, today has been pretty good. I'm within my calorie ranges, and I'm going to do right by my body. I'm going to be kind to myself. I'm going to go to the gym after work, go ho... Thu, 3 Mar 2011 14:36:28 EST The weekend.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4053448 Well, my binge-free streak ended this weekend. Both Saturday and Sunday were epic failures, I didn't work out either day and I ate entirely too much. But, I did have a good time at my niece's birthday party and enjoyed spending time with my family so I'm not going to spoil all of that by being down about the food. Today is a new day, this is a new week, I will do better. <BR> <BR> <BR> So here I am again on DAY 1 binge-free..... <BR> <BR> On a side note, I went to the mall on Sunday and go... Mon, 28 Feb 2011 08:14:53 EST Day 4 -- So glad its FRIDAY! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4047515 Happy Friday Spark-folks! I've done better this week than I have in a very, verrrrrrrry long time, and much of that is thank to all of you that took the time to comment and encourage. Treating my body well has made me feel so much better - mind, body and spirit. Not to mention I'm about 6lbs lighter than I was on Monday morning. <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> Due to time constraints, I ended up going to Cardio Kickboxing last night instead of Hot Yoga and I burned a whooping 680 calories. But....... Fri, 25 Feb 2011 15:46:46 EST Day 3 Binge-free http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4043582 Day 2 binge-free was a success, at least in my eyes. I'm honestly wrestling with what exactly constitutes a binge. <BR> <BR> According to Wikipedia - binge eating is "a pattern of disordered eating which consists of episodes of uncontrollable eating. During such binges, a person rapidly consumes an excessive amount of food. Most people who have eating binges try to hide this behaviour from others, and often feel ashamed about being overweight or depressed about their overeating. Eating bing... Thu, 24 Feb 2011 08:29:31 EST Day 2 binge-free http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4041477 Thank you to all the sweet spark-friends who commented on my last blog with words of encouragement, it really meant the world to me. Day one binge-free was a success!!! I had various errands to run after work but was determined to make it to the gym for a 6:15 class called Dance Jam. Having come from a dance background, the fact that the instructor uses counts incorrectly drives me up a wall (not to mention - it makes it really hard to follow along). I don't really LOVE this class but it wa... Wed, 23 Feb 2011 12:51:16 EST Blog neglect & Day 1 binge free http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4038238 Part of me wonders why there is less activity on my spark page with friends and comments but it's my own fault. I've been the totally disengaged. I still log on daily, read friend's blogs and comment occasionally but I haven't been putting myself out there at all. I think I've been withdrawn because I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed that I was 145 this time last year and I'm about 170 right now. I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm not surprised or angry, I know based on my frequent binges (and n... Tue, 22 Feb 2011 11:54:44 EST Plastic Surgery http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3791033 I've been told that I have a one track mind, once I get an idea, I obsess about it constantly. Currently, I'm obsessing about my skin. I got my breast implants and thought that would tide me over for a while but I'm just not happy with my body. I have a great deal of excess skin on my arms and tummy, I don't really want to loose more weight because my face starts to look like skeletor but I just am not happy with the way I look. <BR> <BR> I've started to consider more surgery, an abdominopl... Wed, 17 Nov 2010 20:40:23 EST Confession http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3732396 I ate the Krispy Kreme Burger! <BR> <BR> Well, I ate about 1/3 of it, it was good, but weird. The co-mingling of flavors was strange, especially because my friend insisted we order it with ketchup, mustard, lettuce and tomato. I think I would have liked it better without the traditional cheeseburger toppings and just the burger pattie/bacon on the doughnut. Oh well, no sense wasting too much thought about it because I will never eat one again. <BR> <BR> Butt......That's not the only thing ... Fri, 22 Oct 2010 06:57:49 EST A thank you....So many wonderful sparkfriends.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3730920 ....so little time. <BR> <BR> I really feel so blessed to get such an outpouring of support and encouragment from all of my sparkfriends. Its just so hard to keep up sometimes but I want each and every one of you to know that I value you greatly. <BR> <BR> This week has been the epitome of up and down. I pretty much got dumped tuesday ( would make this the 4th, 5th time?...I've lost track) followed by a promotion at work on tuesday. The relationship issue made it so hard to even appreciate ... Thu, 21 Oct 2010 13:01:29 EST Goals for the week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3691910 I've been holding steady at 150lbs for the last 6 months, I'm starting to think that my body really likes being at this weight. Being lax at times has not really caused my weight to go up and spurts of super vigilance have not really led to weight loss. My body may be comfortable at 150lbs but my head and heart is not! I really would love to get down to 136lbs. I don't remember setting any particular weight goal when I was 285ish pounds and decided to start losing weight, but I'm sure that I'... Mon, 4 Oct 2010 16:15:30 EST Hoping celebration doesn't ruin my efforts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3530016 My 24th birthday is Sunday, along with it comes THREE birthday dinners out. I know that a birthday is a once a year occasion and a good time to splurge but I've been splurging a lot in recent months for NO REASON and it has led to a weight gain. I'm back on track now, although my grip on it is still shaky. <BR> <BR> I've been through 3 birthdays in my weight loss journey, I know its do-able! So, I'm allowing only one of these meals out to be a true splurge. A good friend is taking to me m... Thu, 12 Aug 2010 13:40:39 EST