ZERO2HERO's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=ZERO2HERO ZERO2HERO's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Improving http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5761104 So I thought about how yesterday I not only had two forms of exercise and felt invigorated, but also used my pumping time productively enough to blog. And blogging allows me a place to decompress, but also remain accountable to some degree. <BR> <BR> And, yes, I'm pumping now. <BR> <BR> Today I pushed myself out of bed for a 7 am swim and later took Emilia for a two mile stroll around the neighborhood. And I tired now? Absolutely, but my quality of self and day felt so much better having... Sat, 16 Aug 2014 22:30:16 EST Let's be cliche... again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5760525 My, how time flies! <BR> <BR> I resolved over a month ago that I'd get my rear in gear and yet here I am. <BR> <BR> Again. <BR> <BR> There are so many things I'd like to blog about and so this may seem disjointed and half-a$$ed, but I assure you that is not my intent - though two months of sleep deprivation and almost a full year without caffeine might do terrible things to my stream-of-consciousness as well as any type of fluid writing. <BR> <BR> Let me start off with the positive: I am ... Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:52:19 EST The Art of Decompressing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5736207 First off - I never returned to finish yesterday's blog. I had a feeling that was going to happen only because as much as I love my daughter, once she's up, she's up. <BR> <BR> My mother came to visit today, which has been much less stressful than in years past. Her first granddaughter is clearly responsible for her much less nagging, critical, complaining presence to which I am very thankful. It's actually been a bit of a relief because there's some human contact and an opportunity to pa... Thu, 10 Jul 2014 17:56:11 EST Finding the Right Track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5735287 Okay. So it's been a month since having Emilia. <BR> <BR> As you can see I am all over the place emotionally, mentally, physically, and nutritionally. This newborn, first time mom thing is A LOT more everything than I ever gave it credit for. I love her, but she controls my every movement. I know it's part because I let her and part because I'm one of those paranoid first time moms. That being said I need to evaluate my perspective on me - and a little her. <BR> <BR> (I'd like to prefa... Wed, 9 Jul 2014 11:14:24 EST The Dichotomy of Happiness & Frustration http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5729334 Before finding SP, I typically found comfort and expression in food. Not in a "foodie" enthusiast way - like a no one is watching, shovel food down your throat, and find some momentary relief in whatever emotion "plagues" you kind of way. And it didn't matter what emotion it was - upset, excited, bored, overwhelmed - you name it, I felt it and consequently ate it. <BR> <BR> All the way to 225 lbs. <BR> <BR> Then I started with SP and began to process that trigger through moderation, track... Mon, 30 Jun 2014 20:34:19 EST A New Learning Curve http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5725813 This new life is something to learn. Having Emilia has been wonderful, but - wow - is there a learning curve to life. I anticipated changes, but I didn't think I'd need to learn a new life. At least for now, as a newborn who strictly breastfeeds. <BR> <BR> I logged in to write a blog over the weekend. It was entitled, "Carving Out the 'Me' Time". The irony in that experience is that I tried for three days to finished that blog - string together a few thoughts and musings of a week and a... Wed, 25 Jun 2014 17:56:59 EST Labor & Marathons http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5720556 I have returned! <BR> <BR> Sort of... <BR> <BR> Last Tuesday - June 10th - my husband and I welcomed a baby girl: Emilia Jane at 6:43 pm, weighing 7 lbs 10 oz and measuring at 20 1/2 inches long. It was awesome, overwhelming, and so very rewarding. So rewarding that I have to share. <BR> <BR> I preface this with the fact that I tried to maintain a consistent exercise routine during pregnancy, though after January failed quite a bit. Some of it was a result of poor balance and low blood ... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 10:38:22 EST Day Three - Not too shabby either. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5680314 On my last day of spring break I managed to once again stay within my calorie range and hit the pool. It helped me with my self-worth and really that's a primary focus right now. Besides my health, of course. <BR> <BR> Now onto my new favorite part of SP - the app. I admittedly haven't been on here in a while nor did I own an iPhone, but now, back on SP and with an iPhone, this thing rocks. I can track immediately. I view reports immediately. I can even scan bar codes for nutritional i... Fri, 25 Apr 2014 14:25:52 EST I made it through day two, too! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5679355 Yesterday I expressed my anxiety with hitting up the pool for the first time in a long while AND the first time as a fairly pregnant lady. But, guess what? I did it! <BR> <BR> I admittedly had to talk myself into it and evaluate what I would do otherwise, but made it there. It was a shock to the system - that's for sure. My body doesn't feel the same (for very obvious reasons), but is still very bouyant. It took some time to stretch out and get comfortable with my slightly smaller lung ... Thu, 24 Apr 2014 10:17:33 EST Surviving Day One... Again. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5678484 It sounds silly at almost 33 weeks pregnant, but I'm extremely satisfied at my ability to track and stay in range yesterday after such a reckless hiatus from SP. I love this site and all that it has to offer and this new app just guaranteed my ability to stay in touch on the go. (Just got an iPhone so it's kinda of exciting either way.) <BR> <BR> Anyway, according to my tracking yesterday I stayed within all my ranges (even made it into acceptable protein range!) with the exception of calci... Wed, 23 Apr 2014 08:20:08 EST 32 weeks & Down and Out http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5677766 I apologize in advance - I appear to be returning to the "down and out" blogs of yore... no blog comments necessary here. <BR> <BR> <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> I've just returned from the OB/GYN and my 32 week appointment. The baby is doing fantastically - heartbeat is always strong, constantly moving, and absolutely nothing alarming has occurred - in fact, the baby is presently measuring 2 weeks ahead of schedule. These are terrific and I feel very fortunate to have such a pregnancy as I... Tue, 22 Apr 2014 10:16:38 EST Half way there. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5611885 So this time around it's an entirely different half way there. The last time I blogged about something like that it was for weight loss, but now it's pregnancy - I'm 20 weeks and 5 days. <BR> <BR> And, man, are the hormones raging. <BR> <BR> I've been a mess (so this is a totally selfish post - btw - no inspiration here). My ups and downs are so, well, up and down that I find myself extremely frustrated at times. I've been using exercise as a means to process some of this, but the kind o... Sat, 1 Feb 2014 09:05:20 EST Happy New Year, Self http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5577568 A year ago I found SP. I was in a very negative, almost helpless, head space that wouldn't allow me to see anything beyond the immediate future, which was almost always the refrigerator. After that first (I'm sure emotionally draining) blog, I started to take one day at a time. Each day I tracked was a success, each day I stayed in my calorie range was even more success, and the day I entered the gym only moved things along so much more. I remained realistic and within the 24 hours I had ... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 09:31:06 EST I think it's time to re-evaluate this pregnancy thing. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5576046 After the BLC 23 ended, I took a holiday SP timeout. I had made the decision to trust my instincts and embrace this pregnancy with all it brings. Partially because I was frustrated at my inability to figure out how to change my settings to not losing weight and partly because I wasn't enjoying being pregnant because I was expecting the worst. <BR> <BR> In expecting the worst, I set myself up for sabotage. Instead of diligently continuing tracking, logging, etc... I fell into a rushed gain... Mon, 30 Dec 2013 21:31:26 EST pregnant v feeling fat http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5553268 I feel like I've lost myself this month. The 10 months of focused hard work and health education I've provided myself has gone out the window. Not that it has entirely because I can identify the "shouldn't be doing this" moments, but I'm ignoring the inner dialogue and just going for it anyway, which might explain the guilt. And the cycle it's perpetuating. <BR> <BR> I'm having trouble differentiating between cravings/aversions and emotional eating. I've always associated the desire to u... Sat, 30 Nov 2013 08:44:59 EST It's just venting. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5531345 Every so often I think to myself, "hey, I could be one of those inspirational stories in Spark," which quickly dissipates in a (dirty) pool of self-worth. <BR> <BR> Especially now. <BR> <BR> I'm having trouble distinguishing between emotional eating triggers and being pregnant. Admittedly I've now been fluctuating within the same three pounds for about two weeks. One day it says one number and the following it's three pounds less. I realize this is directly proportionate to A.) what I ... Sun, 3 Nov 2013 21:26:56 EST Well that's different. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5517564 A lot has changed since I last blogged, which seem to fewer and farer apart, but alas, such is life. Right? At the beginning of October I was reporting my awesome inches dropped - especially my waist which has whittled a full 13 inches - and pleasant weight loss of 83 pounds, well past my intial goal weight and easy to maintain. Since the beginning of the month I have lost another 5 pounds. It's been melting off suddenly. I'm exercising less and I'm pretty sure I've been eating more. Per... Sat, 19 Oct 2013 08:32:49 EST The Nine Month Result Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5502655 I began this journey on January 2 of this past year at a whopping 225 pounds. I was miserable and lethargic, heavy and in denial. Since that day I have been plugging along with the daily use of SP with rewarding results. SP has provided the tools that allow me to be honest with myself in a safe and welcoming environment. Turns out that's what I needed! <BR> <BR> Without further ado, here's my 9 month progress report: <BR> <BR> JANUARY 2ND: OCTOBER 2ND: <BR> 225 lbs. ... Wed, 2 Oct 2013 16:12:50 EST Welcome to the BLC23 (a not-so-inspiring blog) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5494864 When I last left this blog I was panicky and had lost track of myself in a week gone mad. I'd like to say it's gotten better, but - alas - it has not. I'm learning to let go of the things I can't control and be content with my best at the moment without feeling like a failure, but the perfectionist in me is freaking out. <BR> <BR> As is the sparker in me. <BR> <BR> I still have "The Spark" - trust me - but my life's focus has shifted exponentially in the past few weeks. I began this journ... Tue, 24 Sep 2013 12:42:21 EST Where the heck did my week go?!? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5486406 It's been a full week back to the 9-5 job - high school English - and I'm a mess. I'm unfocused, half motivated, and feeling like a failure. I knew it would be a tough transition; after all, my inability to remain or even find balance is what landed in me in such an unhealthy lifestyle in the first place. I don't do anything in moderation. <BR> <BR> The positives from this first week are that I planned and ate healthy, well-balanced breakfasts and lunches and slept a decent 8 hours every ... Sun, 15 Sep 2013 17:19:38 EST Conversation w/ Myself: Things I Can't Control http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5477513 It's a beautiful morning - the temperature has that slightly crisp fall air that will burn off around noon and the sun is just creeping over the homes around me without a cloud in sight. I should be enjoying this from the vast windows that surround the YMCA pool, but failed to rise early enough. Today is my only day off until November and my body decided it didn't want to wake to an alarm clock (I don't blame it). <BR> <BR> When I don't wake to an alarm that sets me on an immediate and pre... Fri, 6 Sep 2013 08:10:34 EST The Great "Secret" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5476743 Yesterday was the first day the entire faculty sat together for a meeting at school. It's been about two months since we've all been together and is always full of the "welcome back", "how was your summer", and "you look great" comments so I knew there would be comments about my weight. Some were extremely surprising - a biology teacher told me I'm an inspiration and a math teacher told me he didn't recognize me because I look so much younger. Both of which were great to hear. They had bee... Thu, 5 Sep 2013 12:07:27 EST I.A.B.D.A.I.G.T.B.A. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5472395 I.A.B.D.A.I.G.T.B.A." was the on the back of every swim camp shirt I ever owned. As an adolescent I thought it looked stupid, as a teenager I thought it was obnoxious, and as a young adult I thought it was contrived. Yet here I am thinking, "this is genius." <BR> <BR> I.A.B.D.A.I.G.T.B.A. stands for "It's a beautiful day and it's great to be alive." Every morning the counselors and coaches would swing our dorm doors open and yell, "IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY AND IT'S GREAT TO BE ALIVE" at the t... Sun, 1 Sep 2013 09:46:15 EST The Finish Line http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5468609 January 1st, 2013 I hopelessly created a Spark People account - it felt forced and cliche. It was late; I guessed my measurements and weight, telling myself I'd take care of everything seriously the next day, because I needed to "talk". Getting to the blog portion required establishing everything else first (as you all know) and I wasn't ready to face "everything else". <BR> <BR> Here's the opening to that blog: <BR> "It's 9 o'clock on January first. I haven't decided if this is poetic jus... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 07:52:16 EST A Return to the Daily Grind http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5468073 School starts a week from today. <BR> <BR> I work all summer, but it's outside with younger kids and allows me more flexibility. There's less "justifying me time" with my summer job. That ends with Labor Day. Big time. <BR> <BR> I began this journey in January so I know it is feasible to invest in myself during the school year, but during my morning swim today it occurred to me that I wasn't doing what I'm doing now. In the spring I was doing 4 - 5 days of 40 minutes cardio and balancin... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 16:38:02 EST BLC 22 Week 12: the after pictures http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5463128 This week marks the conclusion of my first Biggest Loser Challenge. As a part of our final TNT Challenge we are to take after pictures to see our progress. So this morning I found the same top and pants I wore in my before pictures and got to photos. <BR> <BR> For a refresher, here are the before pictures, which were taken at the beginning of June: <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/5/l252798552.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/5/l753816385.jpg"> <BR... Thu, 22 Aug 2013 13:35:24 EST I think I'm blogging about a meal... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5460220 After several envious trips to Subway, watching them perfectly dice up my salad, I decided it was high time to splurge on a kitchen purchase: <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/7/l1775691920.jpg"> <BR> <BR> It's a salad chopper - complete with sturdy bowl and double slicer. Every time I watch the employees at Subway pile my veggies high and then dice it up in a manner of seconds. And every time I think, "that would cut my prep time in half." Plus I'm not too hot w... Mon, 19 Aug 2013 18:27:55 EST Vacation Aftermath http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5456338 I have returned! Before I get into a variety of topics and reflections I thought I should share the last sunset my husband and I shared on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon yesterday: <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1280573096.jpg"> <BR> <BR> My current state is exhausted and puffy, which means it's time to blog out the positives and share a few things I've realized along the way. Ten months ago I asked my husband how he would feel about seeing Arizona - prim... Thu, 15 Aug 2013 16:17:22 EST A Conversation with Myself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5443979 Tomorrow is my 2nd wedding anniversary. I realize there are women on SP who have been married well into, and over, the 20 year mark and I will one day join your ranks, but for now I believe I am still a borderline newly wed. A happy borderline newly wed. <BR> <BR> If you'd like background music to reading this. Here's a link to our first dance (Counting Crow's "Mr. Jones"): http://youtu.be/48sAQnRYMMo <BR> <BR> This got me thinking about my perception and body image over the years. I've... Sun, 4 Aug 2013 09:21:22 EST My Favorite Kind of Numbers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5442310 It's the end of my 7th month with SP today and as always I've completed my monthly measurements. I only weigh myself on Wednesdays so I'll be using that number as my weight progression; while I only ever measure my waist, hips, arms, and thighs on the 2nd of every month to chart the unsung losses (and, really, the more visual ones). <BR> <BR> The re-cap: <BR> On January 2nd I started this journey in a very negative head space, reluctantly and perhaps a bit desperately. Nevertheless I got o... Fri, 2 Aug 2013 13:04:05 EST Blog myself out of sabotage http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5439887 I've had two health / weight loss issue on my mind lately and thought it best to blog before I drive myself crazy or eat myself out of house and home. <BR> <BR> 1.) I gained weight this week. The other day I had this moment where I thought, "you're not going to have a good weigh day on Wednesday." I don't know what triggered it, but I just had this sinking feeling. I was bloated and feeling not so great anyway. Sure enough I did gain 1.4 pounds from last week. So I tried reflecting this... Wed, 31 Jul 2013 13:54:32 EST Freggies: A Love Affair http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5435479 For the first time in months, we're low on vegetables and fruits. I need to drop by the farmer's market - and will tomorrow morning - because it's slim pickings at home. It got me thinking about the dramatic change my taste buds have made in less than seven months. <BR> <BR> 1.) The old breakfast stand by was a Soy Joy Bar. Now I reach for bananas and apples as my breakfast stand-bys, whether it's mixed in a protein shake or raw. <BR> <BR> 2.) My previous comfort food was homemade macaro... Sat, 27 Jul 2013 18:20:08 EST BLC 6 Week Reflect http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5429787 I'm half way through my 1st BLC and one of the weekend challenge points is to reflect on the half way process. So this is it. <BR> <BR> I enrolled in the BLC pre-challenge at 175 lbs. and began the official 12 week challenge at 170.8 lbs. At the conclusion of week 6 I weighed in, on my 29th birthday, at 157.8 lbs. That's a 12 lbs. loss in 6 weeks, leaving me with 8 lbs. left before my first goal weight. <BR> <BR> I say first goal weight because 150 still has my BMI as overweight, which i... Mon, 22 Jul 2013 20:00:54 EST You don't need to read this, but I need to write it. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5425280 Seriously. I need a good metatext/reasoning/vent session. So be forewarned that this isn't positive or inspiring or really worth reading at all. This is for me. <BR> <BR> Last night, for my birthday dinner, we had roasted chicken and tostones. I love both and so it was great. I weighed everything out, logged it ahead of time, and was confident and prepared with my meal. Then I got seconds of chicken. Then I went to clean up the mess we made in the kitchen and ate more chicken. Like s... Thu, 18 Jul 2013 11:40:07 EST Kayaking the Day Away http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5424557 Today I turned 29. I hate birthdays. Though to my credit I also hate graduations, anniversaries, and other largely celebratory moving on moments. Since I was little I could only ever visualize my life to high school graduation - you do what you're told, you try things without repercussion, you get good grades, you perform well, you apply to college, and then you go to college. I've had trouble with everything that comes after that since, well, that. <BR> <BR> Birthdays are an uncontrolla... Wed, 17 Jul 2013 20:27:16 EST Ignorance is Bliss if Bliss is Obese and Miserable http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5419641 My husband and I used to make a habit of ending our Friday nights - after a long work day / slow to get out of the house - at Applebee's for drinks and half off appetizers. We always paired it with something else so that we somehow managed to saddle up to the bar somewhere between 12:30 and 3:00am, ordering our usual. Mine was a Jack & Diet and an order of potato skins; my husband would order a 7&7, buffalo wings, and mozzarella sticks. We typically split the sticks and had at least three ... Sat, 13 Jul 2013 09:30:43 EST St. John's Wort http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5413087 I've developed the positive habit of taking vitamins and a few supplements every morning. Nothing too intense - some D, B12, & Omega 3/6/9. Years ago I was told I needed to take all three and always started half-heartedly taking them. It inevitably turned into every other day, to only when I didn't feel well, to forgetting I even had the vitamins in the cabinet. At one point I was so bad that the doctor order injections. <BR> <BR> Not anymore, which is a great NSV for me. I'm beginning ... Sun, 7 Jul 2013 09:32:53 EST The 6 Month Recap http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5408633 Today marks my 6 months with SP and it feels like a positive one. So while I will not weigh myself tomorrow morning - I promised myself I would only weigh myself once a week to avoid scale obsession - I did my monthly measurements this morning. Here are my results: <BR> <BR> Waist: 1/2" this month, 10.5" total <BR> Hips: 2" this month, 9" total <BR> Thigh: 1" this month, 7" total <BR> Arm: 1/2" this month, 2" total <BR> <BR> I can really feel it in my hips now. My waist always whittles d... Tue, 2 Jul 2013 13:53:16 EST I might be better with pictures. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5405328 Yesterday I realized that I was looking forward to going to our local pool today. <BR> <BR> I haven't looked forward to that in almost two years... because of the bathing suit factor. I was a competitive swimmer for 18 years; bathing suits were never an issue. As I grew older (and wider) it's become a self-conscious overload to the point that I dreaded the great bathing suit. Once I was out it wasn't a big deal, but the act of removing my cover-up, exposing what I wasn't even sure was (or... Sat, 29 Jun 2013 09:40:10 EST Positive Blog #2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5404829 ... Can you believe it? <BR> <BR> I must admit that taking teaching daily out of the equation has substantially lowered my day-to-day stress levels. I still have to get up before the sun for work and handle children at work, but its toll on my brain is substantially less, which brings me to my positive blog. <BR> <BR> Last summer I didn't feel the same way about my summer job. I hated it. I wanted to quit. I complained a lot. I was always tired, behind schedule, and exhausted. It sucke... Fri, 28 Jun 2013 17:50:52 EST Summer Day 1 NSV http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5403742 It's my first day of summer vacation. <BR> <BR> I started with an early alarm clock for my summer job. Oh the life of a teacher. Really, though, it's been a nice, accomplished day that has me thinking a lot about - well - a lot. <BR> <BR> My summer job is coaching, which went really well this morning. The kids were enthusiastic, well behaved, and more importantly committed to the workout all practice long. I also had another ST pays off moment. I felt so empowered. <BR> <BR> So I move... Thu, 27 Jun 2013 16:20:20 EST Deep Breaths http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5402733 Today was the last day of school. <BR> <BR> It's not as exciting when you're a teacher, but it's still pretty great. Given my more recent emotional state, I feel like today was a good day all around and worth a recap since I've been so whiny here on SP. <BR> <BR> 1.) It was my weigh day, which was steady - I didn't gain or lose. I wholly expected it having lost 7 lbs in the past two weeks, so it's nice to know I'm still doing things well. Then I put on a two years old pair of jeans (si... Wed, 26 Jun 2013 18:14:59 EST My Sundown http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5401364 I've been super down lately; some of that has to with the time of the month and some of it is how aware I am of my emotional eating habits. It's taken 6 months of weight loss for me to realize how much I was using food for emotion - positive or negative - and it's wearing a bit on me. <BR> <BR> I'm interrupting myself here to clarify where this train of thought originates from. My mom is going through several "rough patches". She went from losing her job of 35 years to losing her house to... Tue, 25 Jun 2013 12:43:28 EST Old Dog, New Tricks (I hope) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5396425 I should preface this with the fact that I scrolled through my blogs to see when the last time was I wrote one of "these" - it was the end of May so hopefully I'm not being removed as a SP friend for transparency and over sharing. <BR> <BR> THE mood. It's back. <BR> <BR> So here we go - write myself out of it. <BR> <BR> It's final exam time, which is simultaneously awesome (end of the year) and atrocious (English teacher power grading). Some people get really sentimental and nostalgic, bu... Thu, 20 Jun 2013 14:41:30 EST Be S.M.A.R.T. (thanks BLC) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5383236 My blog-vents have been overwhelmingly negative lately. So with Sunday morning acoustic music playing I'm making the conscious effort to put myself in a more positive - or at least productive - head space. <BR> <BR> I'd been looking forward to BLC for a while now because I need to change up my routines, approaches, etc... to continue this journey of health and happiness. The goals and rewards alongside my page are a result of those throughout the first few months. As I learned and develop... Sun, 9 Jun 2013 10:03:15 EST The No Self-Esteem-High Confidence Paradigm http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5381798 I lack self-worth in almost every sense of the word. In addition to my self-love deficiency, I've developed a quiet social anxiety, which I ranted on a few months prior. It's a combination of things - blurry vision, shortness of breath, the inability to concentrate, etc... It's easier when I'm with people I know/love or am not the first person to do, well, anything. My mom says it's crappy self-confidence and my husband just holds my hand. It turns out I'm also extremely good at hiding it... Fri, 7 Jun 2013 19:32:27 EST BLC 22: The 12 Week Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5377748 Part of the pre-challenge for Biggest Loser on SP is to establish our goals and means to achieving them, which is an awesome way to start. The thing is, I never really reflect to the future, so here it goes. <BR> <BR> This challenge comes at a great time - school is ending and my goal date is nearing at the end of August, which is coincidentally the conclusion of this BLC round. So the weight goal is obvious: <BR> <BR> GOAL #1: Meet my initial goal weight of 150 lbs. I intend to get the... Tue, 4 Jun 2013 09:52:56 EST The 5 Month Review http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5375736 Today marks a full five months of SP involvement - and I must say it has treated me well. Well, I'm treating me well. In five months, here are my grand totals: <BR> <BR> Total Weight Loss: 53 lbs. <BR> Waist Inches Lost: 10 <BR> Hip Inches Lost: 7 <BR> Thigh Inches Lost: 6 <BR> Arm Inches Lost: 1.5 <BR> <BR> I'm especially stoked about the thigh loss because I didn't realize I lost a full 6 inches around each thigh, which means technically there is a foot less of me around the middle. Th... Sun, 2 Jun 2013 15:58:51 EST The Rut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5373546 There's a Pete Yorn song that starts with the line "every now and then I get like this." Since high school, when I first heard the song, it has resonated with me on so many levels and through so many different experiences in my life. Often times without any one particular reason or catastrophic event. I just "get like this" - a rut, an apathetic rut. I lose interest in a handful of things and just sort of function on autopilot. In high school that was easy because I followed such a strict... Fri, 31 May 2013 10:49:43 EST Grrr... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5370799 It's selfish, but I had a delightful five day weekend. My school district had snow days left over and we were released for extra days to compensate for not using them. I relaxed, spent time with the hubby, kayaked, saw family, etc... I did everything but school work, which will bite me come tomorrow, but honestly this far into the school year I don't even know if I'll really feel the "bite". <BR> <BR> So here I am, on weigh-in eve as well as back to the daily grind and I am reminded of how... Tue, 28 May 2013 20:41:33 EST