YOGAWITCH's SparkPeople Blog YOGAWITCH's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Day two Well I went to the gym. Walked 30 minutes. The most I have done since surgery. Swam a few minutes to relax and sat in the hot tub. Felt good. <BR> <BR> Day two on a clean diet. <BR> Lots of juice from the juicer, salad and soup. <BR> Today I am really hungry but I know my body is just rebelling. <BR> <BR> My juice today tastes less appealing than yesterday, more veges than fruit. Trying to tame down the sweet tooth. I want to go to yoga tonight but am afraid. I used to be an instructor... Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:25:00 EST Oct 20 2014 I can't believe I am still doing this. I am up and still doing this. Today is day two. Take three thousand. I am hungry but feel good being empty. Need to learn to love it. Mon, 20 Oct 2014 12:44:14 EST Back Here I am again trying it I go back to what worked before. I have gotten married and time is a little tighter but I do have a walking buddy, :) I had surgery nov 4 dr messed it up. Spent four months in bed, 5 surgeries total and countless a pain pills and procedures. I am so out of shape again. Gained back 30 pounds. I have to stop now before it's starting all over. Sun, 16 Mar 2014 10:48:28 EST Down down Thankfully the scale is moving down again and even though its only been a few pounds down I see a big difference. I guess I a getting little enough that 3 pounds is more noticeable than when I was over 200. For some reason that never occurred to me before. I was gifted some amazing designer jeans to wear and I have to admit when I have them on I look pretty hot. I have the opposite problem I used to have. Guys hit on me nonstop. Not a bad problem to have and very flattering, although still fe... Mon, 10 Dec 2012 11:21:57 EST Calm quiet crazy Embrace it. Can't get rid of it. Own it. Sat, 8 Dec 2012 21:10:41 EST Crazy Ya I'm crazy. Riding the roller coaster. Sick of it. At the bottom not the top. Rather be at the top. At least I have some enjoyment at the top. Rapid cycling sucks. Fri, 7 Dec 2012 09:40:34 EST Today's rambling What are stumbling blocks and defeat before you, can be stepping stones to victory if you remain determined. I read that this morning and thought it was a good way to look at things when you are struggling. The holidays are stumbling blocks for many. Myself included so I am going to make it through and make it a victory. Other thoughts on life: soon I will have an empty nest, a 3 bedroom 2 bath house all to myself. It will be weird. What will I do with all the space? If it was a time to sell ... Thu, 6 Dec 2012 09:26:00 EST Down Hurt my knee in hip hop class last night. Hope I can do spinning Thursday. Just taking it easy today. Scale went down again. I am weighing every day it helps keep me accountable. When I stop doing that I have bad days. Learned that about myself. My scale shows me water levels and such so it's not frustrating if the scale bounces up a little but my turtle moves down again yeah! I am reading a biography on a woman with bipolar disorder and it like reading my own life. Crazy. Sorry for the rando... Wed, 5 Dec 2012 09:47:23 EST Official Today is my official weigh day and I am down .8 pounds. It's moving down so I am happy. Shaking it up is working. I am mentally stable the last few days so am hopeful the episode has passed and he meds will keep me level. At least for awhile. A break from being crazy would be nice for awhile especially during the holiday season. Tue, 4 Dec 2012 09:40:49 EST Down Adding more cardio and switching up my food is helping. The scale finally went down .6 pounds after being stuck for a month. It's not much but ill take it. Down is down. I had a good weekend. I found a nice friend to hang out with. I kinda like him but he is younger than me and wants children so I think dating is out of the question but we click really well as friends at least. He stayed the night and we watched kids movies. Gotta love a guy who will do a Disney movie marathon with you, espec... Mon, 3 Dec 2012 09:42:52 EST Uncomfortable It's horrible when the person you felt the closest to for years you feel like strangers in the same room. I hate this. Sun, 2 Dec 2012 17:09:40 EST Discordias sweet madness Discordia whispers sweet madness in my ear. She convinces me it's really not fair to try and find mr forever. Not fair to him or to the people I tornado over looking for him. Maybe when you have hurricane Katrina sized episodes it is better to keep it to yourself and not hurt people. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong. <BR> Sat, 1 Dec 2012 13:45:18 EST Upping the game So it's occurred to me that doing what I am doing isnt going to get those last pounds off. I need to up my game, I did a spinning class. I think cardio is what I'm missing. And maybe some slacking in recording food. I can't drop below 1200 so I need to burn more. So now until the new year I challenge myself to get into the 140's that's 7 pounds. I that reasonable? I am going to add three days of cardio classes at the gym to the yoga I already do and go back to recording food. And just more m... Fri, 30 Nov 2012 09:38:57 EST Self image How can someone lose 85 pounds and drop 10 sizes and still look in the mirror most days and still see the same large person? I am maintaining but haven't lost in a month. I deserve it I am not eating right. Exercise is good but eating is not. Totally turned my alarm off and went back to bed, holy cow. I'm at work on time, cannot be late but I must look a wreck. I feel like life is so wonky lately. I want to figure out how to get this food stuff back under control. Thinking about a liquid fast... Thu, 29 Nov 2012 09:41:18 EST Mania the fun side Mania has its benefits. Sleep? Who needs it. Getting things done? Check. Having fun in the sack? Check. Bouncing off the walls burns calories. <BR> <BR> Mania has its has its bad side. <BR> Stupid voices leave me alone. Racing thoughts go away. Impulsive decision making please stop looking at weapons. Repetitive thoughts nock it off. Driving myself batty trying to keep up with myself sucks. <BR> <BR> Um guess there are more bad that good now that I look at the list. Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:12:29 EST Hello Today is my fathers birthday. We have a strained relationship but I am going to see him. He had a heart transplant 11 years ago. His life expectancy after the transplant has already passed. He's a fighter. He is the first person in the USA to have a L vad. It is a partial artificial heart. He at the time was also the longest survivor on one. I hope we have a good interaction Tue, 27 Nov 2012 09:43:59 EST Monday Today I am back at work. I gained .8 pounds over the week off and the thanksgiving dinner but trust me I deserve way more than that. I gotta jump on some cardio today. I am still a little manic trying to deal with my Brain being all over the place. I drive myself crazy. Ugh. Why can't I just get rid of bipolar disorder with a hammer to the head. Sounds reasonable to me. Mon, 26 Nov 2012 09:15:30 EST Today Today is for me . Yoga and my nails done. Then watch Netflix. There is a million things I should be doing but I'm not. Sun, 25 Nov 2012 14:10:18 EST Mania mania mania My old friend mania is back in town. Not a good thing. May need to get my limictal upped. Kinda on a run here this week. Sat, 24 Nov 2012 16:02:01 EST Friday 11/23 I am so glad thanksgiving is over. I didn't do too bad but it's usually the leftovers that kill me. I keep them because it helps my son out with his grocery bill and the other boys like picking at the food. I need to wrap caution tape around the fridge. Dinner itself sort of sucked My family was great. But my friend of over 20 years and her family came. They really have become like family even to my parents so are usually part of our holidays. She has changed so much recently. Married big mon... Fri, 23 Nov 2012 12:29:11 EST Thanksgiving. Just for today I choose to live with an attitude of gratitude. Happy thanksgiving all. Thu, 22 Nov 2012 13:22:21 EST Star date....just kidding So I blew off me jerk and found someone much nicer to hang out with. I love people who can have dorky conversations about nothing for hours lol. I am trying for moderation tomorrow. A reasonable meal. I know it's possible it's just my parents and on friend. My mom had bypass surgery a year ago so will have healthy options for us. I am grateful for my health improving with my weight loss. And grateful my mother will be around longer at a normal weight. And grateful I have a place to go for tha... Wed, 21 Nov 2012 13:42:27 EST Hohums You would think with week of I would be jumping up and down at stuff to do but I really haven't done a thing but to to the doctor to get my bipolar meds aka crazy pills adjusted because I am not as level as I know I can be. My cousin and I are having a contest. She is 9 years younger. Than me and hasn't lost 80 pounds like I have but we discovered we weight exactly to the pound the same weight and have exactly the same goal we are going to have a contest to get there first. Doll... Tue, 20 Nov 2012 10:50:05 EST Good enoug to be on the side but not to date So this guy I've been visiting with, and has slept over a few times, someone I have known for years.... Asked for advice on how to ask this girl out that he really likes and thinks she may be the one, ok. That's cool lets talk about it, we have nothing serious going on. Then he asks me to be his mistress on the side. Because he needs a woman Iike that when he's in a relationship to help him keep his head on straight. Hello, I am divorced because my husband had girls on the side. He knows that... Mon, 19 Nov 2012 11:47:51 EST Sunday edition Had a few friends come over and played cards, was kinda nice two took the dd service home the other one stayed *wink wink* having a lazy morning. Starting to get. Hungry though. Better to make eggs and toast soon. I am not going to yoga so that kinda sucks but I just need metal health days. Hope you all have a peaceful Sunday. Sun, 18 Nov 2012 13:49:28 EST 9 days off Some of the are furlough days which sorta sucks because of budget cuts in our district but at least they added them to thanksgiving week. Best benefit of working for a school....time off. Paid time off I might add, otherwise it pays for peanuts. I went out alone dancing again last night. More careful of my drink this time and warned the bouncers about last time so they could keep a better eye on me to point him out if he comes back. He didn't. I did dance with this guy that was a lot of fun b... Sat, 17 Nov 2012 12:16:22 EST Why oh why I had a good weight loss this last week then yesterday I was like whatever....ate a muffin and ding dongs at gas station with a full sugar rock star....and several small candy bars from the candy lady. I told myself sometimes you gotta just have a day to eat this crap and get it out of your system. This morning I am super starving as my body wants that sugar rush again today. I know better. Wtf. <BR> <BR> India Fri, 16 Nov 2012 08:25:20 EST Melt down Last night, I melted down for no reason. Completely bawling, which I can never do even if I want to. So I ended up drinking a bottle of vodka alone in my room. How depressing. I feel like crap this morning. Of course.... If you asked me what was wrong I have been stuffing my feeling so long I couldn't even tell you. I moved 2000 pounds of boxes and furniture into the garage all by myself. Just because I was so angry and upset I was like the hulk and it was more productive than punching walls.... Thu, 15 Nov 2012 09:09:12 EST Today Today my student is sick so I get to mentor another interpreter. I am the expert in our district and enjoy when I have the opportunity to help them improve their skills. It's a mixed blessing being an expert at something though. I like mentoring but I hate random questions and training teachers how to work with deaf children. Teachers usually have to see things fail several times before they believe me. So today I get a chill day. <BR> Wed, 14 Nov 2012 10:03:17 EST My new motto <img src=""> Tue, 13 Nov 2012 19:09:50 EST Tuesday I hate people who gossip. I just found out someone has been upset with me for five months over gossip and never said anything to me. All because of this cycle of my cousin making people hate me. I am so frustrated I am not going to family thanksgiving. I am eating alone. Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:26:24 EST Weekend Overall had a good weekend. Stayed on plan and the scale inched down. Have company both nights and it was good to have a snuggle buddy. Been awhile lol. I work this week then have a week off for thanksgiving break. Best part of working in a school. Going to try and fit more cardio into that week and not pig out on thanksgiving. That's my plan for the week. Bumping up the cardio has helped the scale budge. Have a great day all. <BR> <BR> India Mon, 12 Nov 2012 09:24:09 EST Veterans Day Veterans Day is a strange day for me. I come from a long line of military men, and was an army wife for 8 years. My ex husband joined the service so that I could be a stay at home mom and our son would be raised by us, not daycare. We were 18. Our first station was overseas in Germany. My husband was deployed to Bosnia during the conflict very few people even remember he was a 91-bravo....medic...ambulance driver on the front lines and the first battalion in and the last one out. There over a... Sun, 11 Nov 2012 12:23:51 EST Plateau I am on a plateau I deserve. I have lost less than a pound in three weeks, I deserve it. I am glad I am not up. But I'm not tracking, drinking some of my calories, missed a few yoga classes. Ugh come on I am 80 pounds down. Wake up girl. Get back on it. Tue, 6 Nov 2012 09:11:49 EST Monday Time change is messing me up. Its light outside. Weird. I know happens even year lol. I am kinda on autopilot. Feel like I'm disassociating from myself. Probably not a bad thing I have to make it through the work day. Mon, 5 Nov 2012 09:13:31 EST Bar alone Well I had my first bad experience at the bar alone. I'm not sure it is a good idea. I stuck to all my rules. I wish I could tell you all the details of what happened but all I remember is a guy who was very possessive of me. A guy I don't know.I decided I was going to ditch him and just go home but I had drank my two drinks so I had to wait at least a little bit before I could drive so I sat next to my friend a bouncer thinking he would watch out for Me.... He has before helped me with class... Sun, 4 Nov 2012 10:19:00 EST Dancing Boy its shocking how differently people treat me now that I have lost a lot of weight. A year ago I would go to a bar and no one would even make eye contact with me it was depressing. Now I dance with tons of guys and they compete to dance with me. How flattering. Of course they are all just trying to have sex but since I'm pretty firm on my policy there it ain't happening. However it has helped my self esteem a lot and given me confidence and hours of cardio every weekend. It sure beats sitt... Sat, 3 Nov 2012 13:52:27 EST Nov I can't believe it's November. I think I said that before but I still can't believe it. Tonight I am chaperoning a 11-12 year olds fall dance. My job? Make sure nobody is grinding, I remember when I was that age all the girls were to the left and the boys to the grinding at 11 years old is an issue, amazing, wish me luck tonight.....I am going to need it as I will be flooded in hormones. After the dance maybe I will go to a bar have a drink and do some grinding haha. <BR> Namaste... Fri, 2 Nov 2012 09:17:27 EST Halloween So I had a good visit with my cousin last night. He's clean 5 days and very involved in na. It was a little awkward because of our last visit when he had a seizure from an overdose. We watched funny tv. Did a ritual and magic to release our weaknesses. I will put the recipe for the peanut butter pumpkin soup later when I have it in front of me as I have had requests. It's my favorite thing in the world. <BR> <BR> Blessed be <BR> India Thu, 1 Nov 2012 09:07:26 EST Samhain I my favorite holiday, it's a day of new beginnings. Tonight my cousin is coming for dinner, peanut butter pumpkin soup. Last time I saw him wasn't good, hoping tonight we can create a new memory. A positive memory. I didn't buy much candy. And am not going to eat any, after passing out what I got I will do a ritual with my cousin to celebrate, I am praying for a positive experience. Our friendship needs it. Wed, 31 Oct 2012 11:15:47 EST Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday Well at least it isn't Monday any more. Tonight I have yoga and am shopping to make peanut butter pumpkin soup for Samhain. My cousin will come for dinner. Hopefully there will be no drama, Tue, 30 Oct 2012 09:09:12 EST Monday I had a very relaxing Sunday. Didn't really communicate with my cousin at all. I think he is embarrassed of the drug use in my house and avoiding me. It's not necessary we've been living. Together two years I have been down this road. Last I knew he was really pissy because he was caught and being kind of a jerk so maybe it's not a bad thing he didn't respond to me. My life is more peaceful in ways without him but my worrying about him doesn't seem to stop. Mon, 29 Oct 2012 09:19:26 EST Silent Monday It's quiet. Two of the boys stayed the weekend here as opposed to the normal routine of spending the weekend at my ex husbands house. They did the zombie thing with me. They are still sleeping. I slept better last night than I have in a month. I tiptoe out and made some coffee it was like the heart started beating in the kitchen as it brewed. The dog must have sensed I was out there. He un cuddled from his favorite sleeping buddy on the couch and asked to go out. When I let him out the chicke... Sun, 28 Oct 2012 11:49:42 EST Good day bad day Zombie pics posted tomorrow. On my moms camera and she's having computer issues. <BR> <BR> Bad day: on the way to my house my cousin procured drugs and took them. While getting zombied up had a seizure in the bathroom, third time this year, same drug, just as traumatic as the first time. He denied using. Called his mom, told her what I suspect he took, she verified it, came to my house and took it away from him with a you are not ruining Julie's day or mine, we will talk about it later and ... Sat, 27 Oct 2012 21:59:04 EST Zombie apocalypse Today is the day of the last run of your life, it is a 5k benefiting make a wish foundation. I am running as a participant. My boys are zombies, and oddly enough really have put thought into surviving the real z-day. Weirdos. they put flag football type things around our waist and if we lose them both to the zombies we did not survive the zombie apocalypse. There is real national guards manning safety zones and the race ends at a hospital where off duty staff are doing "decontamination" I a... Sat, 27 Oct 2012 11:33:46 EST Friday So I started reading codependent no mode. I see myself in the pages. But what do you do from there? Haven't gotten that far in the book I guess. I hate being alone. Raised in a big chaotic family, married into a large chaotic family and now I am sitting in the bathroom on the iPad running the heater because I see no sense in heating the house up for just myself. I hate sitting for days over the weekend without even using my voice. Even my dog is deaf so I can't talk to him lol. This is a thre... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 10:05:56 EST Thoughts racing My dad has bacterial pneumonia and something wrong with his blood they can't figure out. He looks better today so I am hopeful. He's cranky because they are keeping him several days. <BR> <BR> My cousin was released from the psych hospital and I had to take anxiety meds to get through my day. I know I don't have control of the outcome and all that but I still have to figure out how to deal with my codependency. I guess that's what it is. I have so many feelings to sort out I don't even know... Thu, 25 Oct 2012 19:16:23 EST Wednesday Well as my cousin is being released my father is being admitted to the hospital with heart trouble. He is 82. Scary. My mid life crisis is getting old. I feel like I have spent the last 3 years since the divorce just treading water with intermittent spurts of fun. But not much fun. I am sick of being the old cat lady at 38. I need to figure myself out and how to be happy. Having my cousin out scares me. Not just the decisions he makes but the time suck that he can become, I don't even notice ... Wed, 24 Oct 2012 15:16:18 EST Tues It looks like my cousin will be released before the end if the week. Gosh I wish they would keep him longer, tells me he's still moving in with his mother. I am glad but know that will not last very long. His pattern is to stableized and crashing within a few weeks lately so well see. Hopefully he won't kill himself. Every time we do this it gets worse so....I'm just trying to be his friend and uninvolve myself in everyday life. Still stresses me out thinking about him being discharged so qui... Tue, 23 Oct 2012 15:00:23 EST Monday Monday Monday Monday. Today is a long week for me. Not looking forward to its weight plateaued for a week need to shake something up. I hate the people I work with. So I am sitting alone eating lunch. Ho hum day. Just feels like Monday. Hope everyone else is having a more exciting day. Mon, 22 Oct 2012 13:18:48 EST