YESCURLYCAN's SparkPeople Blog YESCURLYCAN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Confession: 7 The work will begin. <BR> I have been slackin' <BR> way too busy snackin' <BR> with a little bit of nappin'. <BR> Time to start over and lose <BR> the seven. So I can be back <BR> in weight loss heaven. <BR> <BR> <BR> I have gained seven pounds, so it is time to get back in line. There wasn't a wagon I fell off of, I just got distracted and lost my place in line. To be honest I was feeling really good but then just started feeling kind of funky. I thought my vacation weight would of been... Fri, 11 May 2012 13:50:44 EST One key to success and a possible shopping trip? I am a solitary kind of girl; introverted on a whim, private on most days and introspective everyday. When I started Sparkpeople I saw it as a place for me to log calories and collect points. I had no interest on blogging, commenting, joining teams or becoming part of the spark community; that was a key to failure. Immersion in the Spark community is a key to success. If I had any advice to offer new sparkers, it would be to get involved in Spark. Join teams, read blogs, write blogs, add frie... Wed, 9 May 2012 03:55:08 EST Breakfast meet with surprised friend(s) I love breakfast and usually I make it at home but I had a breakfast meet up with a friend I haven’t seen in about 4 months or so. As we were eating my friend told me that even though she talks to me and knows what I am doing, it was very different seeing me in the flesh because the proof was in the pudding. She was shocked at how different I look from a few months back. She actually made fun of my work uniform because it looked baggy lol. She asked if people had noticed at work, and I said n... Wed, 9 May 2012 03:25:22 EST A pocketful of randoms #1: I watched this documentary called Fat head today and I found it to be interesting; a little corny though but not bad. It was the opposite of Supersize me in the way that this man showed that you can lose weight by eating fast food. The movie had some very interesting points but I believe that in life balance is key; not too many carbs, or fats but a little of everything. It does though make me want to take a closer look at insulin and its effect on our weight. <BR> <BR> #2: So apparently... Wed, 9 May 2012 02:54:15 EST Where did the time go? a short Seriously, where? Didn't I just start my mini vacay? Ugh. Anyway, I enjoyed my time relaxing but it really flew by. Okay you guys, I ate so much food lol, but I do not have a care to spare! That's right, I don't care. I enjoyed every bit of my vacation. With all the food I ate, and seriously it was a ridiculous amount of food, I came back weighing 3 pounds more :) I am not upset though. I know that I will work it off but the truth of the matter is that this was not an active vacation where I... Mon, 7 May 2012 05:00:54 EST Getting it there and moving forward So I had a short stay in sabotage city and on the last leg of my stay I had a huge breakfast; HUGE folks, HUGE! As I sit here typing this I can tell you that I am still paying for it. I feel bloated, and had indigestion for the first hour I was home. I did a lot of writing, thinking, praying and googling. Along with the book I am reading (shades of hope) I came across several articles about self sabotage and they served to remind me that while the road will be long, there is an end. <BR> <BR... Mon, 30 Apr 2012 20:59:14 EST Face Palm-a short Ugh! I know I am getting better at this, trust me I can tell but sabotage came rearing its ugly head and I did nothing to thwart it. Didn't I just finish telling you all about my great loss and all the good that came with that? What did I decide to do? Eat like I just found out I was going to be a contestant on Survivor. *face palm* The book I am reading (Shades of Hope) is helping a lot but dang it I cannot figure out why I (we) do this. I do really well with my weight loss goals, succeeding... Mon, 30 Apr 2012 02:48:20 EST April's ending and looking ahead April was very good to me, or should I say I was very good to April? I usually weigh in now on Fridays but since the end of the month was approaching, I decided to extend my weigh in to today. I weighed in today at 315 officially hitting my 50lbs lost mark. I was too thrilled because I kept wondering if I would be able to do it by the end of the month. I will be turning 32 in a few days and I always make a yearly promise to lose weight by my birthday but always fall short; not this year. I di... Sun, 29 Apr 2012 12:01:57 EST Booyaka Boom! That is probably what you heard in the wee hours of the morning, because I probably yelled it <em>334</em> . I reached my goal for April with a little more than a week to spare! I officially stand in at 318.2 (oooh so close to 317 darn it lol) <BR> <BR> Why am I floating on air? I have been in the same range (moving all around with in that range)330-320 since Christmas. I am so happy to be out from that range and I really hope never to see those set of numbers again. I gotta tell you there... Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:49:47 EST Dragons, thigh claps, winning and the happenings. I have been at battle for the past 4 days but winning. It is very different this month. Usually around this time of the month I would be back up to about 330lbs or like in March 335lbs and struggling (i.e. busting my booty) to get back down to a beginning weight. I am winning because I am 2lbs away from my April start weight and that is a big deal. This would be the first month, since the beginning of this year that I can say that. So I have till my birthday day to make it "do what it do baby... Thu, 12 Apr 2012 22:22:05 EST Conversation with myself: Part 2 Intro: I knew this would be coming up; I have been anxiously waiting for it. Since the beginning of the year, I have been struggling with food choices for the first two weeks of etch month. Now that April is here and PMS has been ignited; I am struggling. PMS may be the match that starts the fire, but it is not what keeps it going; I keep it going. We are at day 5 of the month and that is 5 days I have been eating an extraordinary amount of calories. <BR> <BR> Feeling frustrated because I f... Thu, 5 Apr 2012 23:41:32 EST On to the next one and March's status I am finally off that rollercoaster that can only be called March. I began at the beginning of the month weighing 324, and the struggles weighed me down with water and bad decisions sky rocketing me to 335 around mid month. After that freak out, it the dose of reality I needed and I got my butt back in gear. The weight came back down after getting back on track with eating and I am leaving this month at 322 pounds. So March has brought me a two pound loss and no inches lost. Those are the pr... Sun, 1 Apr 2012 18:28:37 EST Dinner last night and first battle won! I did it! Ladies and Germs I finally succeeded in eating at a restaurant I love and not killing myself...with food that is. I went to Hillstone's and had a delicious prime rib with spaghetti squash. First, can I just say I am in LOVE with spaghetti squash. Oh my goodness it was so good and so simple. I was totally thinking of one of my friendly sparkers when I was eating it lol but I digress. If you guys love pasta, please try this 40 calorie per cup version; you will thank me. So I know you ... Sat, 31 Mar 2012 09:33:28 EST I hope I don't rupture my groove thang... Because I am shaking it! These are a few songs that I love to get me going :) <BR> <BR> Mary J Blige: Just fine (The lyrics are motiovational I tell you!) <BR> <BR><BR>Ls&feature=BFa&list=PLAFFD8038306C18A1<BR>&lf=BFp <BR> <BR> other songs that have made me dance without notice... <BR> <BR> -Moves like jagger-Maroon 5 <BR> -Ladies First-Queen Latifah <BR> -All for you-Janet Jackson Fri, 30 Mar 2012 15:07:03 EST Marching out of March and preparing for April I am marching with strong steps. I can honestly say the March was the worst month for me as far as struggles go but I am a believer that sometimes things have to get very bad before they get better. March was as bad as things have been. I have come away with some lessons learning and I will applying them to the month of April. The biggest challenge in April for me will be in the first two weeks. The first two weeks of the prior months are usually full of bingeing, gloom and no motivation. I w... Thu, 29 Mar 2012 03:37:08 EST Food is the key…for me. I was reading a spark article yesterday that questioned if 30 minutes of exercise a day was truly enough, and the article said you should really be aiming for 50 minutes a day. It got me thinking that while that may be true for some people, it isn't true for me. My friend happens to be one of those people though. She wasn’t losing weight the way she had been hoping, despite staying within her point range. She added more exercise and voila; she began seeing great results. I myself had already ... Thu, 29 Mar 2012 03:28:04 EST How many of us have them? Friends. There are so many factors that accompany weight loss, that many of us don’t consider how our friends will handle it. We assume that our friends want the best for us and will be happy at our continuing success but sometimes that isn’t the case. I remember being in the tenth grade and was told by a “friend” not to lose anymore weight. When I asked her why, she replied that she didn’t want me to be prettier than her. While that friend was bold and outright mean, other friends are not. Some will ... Tue, 27 Mar 2012 06:24:46 EST One part Random, 3 cups of realizations and a pint of “get it”. Here we are once again finishing up another month, with a week to go. Realization #1 hit me about two p.m. yesterday. Sometimes I treat weight loss like school projects. I am a procrastinator, through and through. When I was in school a year ago, I saw that certain High school habits never left me; one of those was the procrastination bug. I would put off a project until the last minute, hustle and then turn it in. I studied (for most subjects) the same way: cram session the night before and ... Mon, 26 Mar 2012 07:15:04 EST A semi Quickie: Graveyard Rant and my can't live withouts I enjoy the graveyard shift for many reasons, but when it comes to calorie counting; it isn't always my friend. I have my schedule down pat and it works for me, but it took me awhile and much tweaking to get here. I work from 10:30pm-7am, five days a week, so I count my calories from the minute I get up, until the minute I go to bed. The tricky part is when I have to go back to work that first night back. See the previous night I have been sleeping at night (and yes I am one of those people ... Sat, 24 Mar 2012 18:13:39 EST A long way from yesterday I was thinking about my activity feed and reading the comments left by fellow sparkers. I typed that water couldn't do anything for me except point me to some Koolaid. Then I noticed one of my favorite fellow sparkers wrote on her feed that she used to look at her plate and think "is this all?" and now she is satisfied. <BR> <BR> I realized that each of us have come such a long way from yesterday. I can tell you that I never, hear what I am saying here; never drank plain water. I couldn't s... Mon, 19 Mar 2012 11:46:50 EST A quickie: Breaking up is hard to do Looking back can help you see what is ahead sometimes. I decided that I want to be done with the 30's; I am through. I would like to be in the next ten bracket, but I know that is quite a feat for me. When I was going through my past journal entries I noticed a pattern; apparently I like hanging around in these 10lb brackets a lot. I was struggling in the (3)60's, the 50's, and 40's and surprise surprise here I am in the 30's with the same effect. I lose those same 8 pounds, always getting cl... Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:07:06 EST Reminders for all I think there are things that work for some people that don’t work for others, but I believe we all can agree that there are a few things that can work for everyone. I wanted to list these for myself, new Sparkies and old Sparkies who are struggling or who have forgotten. <BR> <BR> 1. You cannot out exercise a bad diet. <BR> <BR> 2. Sudden weight gain? It is water weight. Unless you ate thousands and thousands of calories the day before, that number looking at you is not a real gain. Don’t... Mon, 19 Mar 2012 05:45:35 EST Detours, corned beef and renewals Today was the L.A. Marathon and due to that I had to take a little walking detour because of street closures. I haven't walked anything close to a mile in about 4 months. Walking tends to hurt my feet so it isn't an exercise I participate in on a regular basis. I found out this morning I would have to walk a mile (up two different hills mind you) to get to my bus stop. I had a talk with my feet and we were on our way. I timed myself and was pleasantly surprised to learn it took me 23 minutes ... Sun, 18 Mar 2012 20:26:26 EST A pep letter Dear Curly, <BR> <BR> I know you have been feeling pretty down, but I am going to need you to listen carefully to what I am going to say to you. Your weight loss and gain is all your own. You cannot compare your loss to anyone else’s. You never know what it takes for that person to get their success. They may not have emotional eating issues; you do. They may not have PMS binges and Monday, Tuesday, Saturday binges; you do. They may have a more detailed eating plan and so many other things. ... Wed, 14 Mar 2012 07:10:17 EST Everything but the kitchen sink-Randoms Random# 1- Sneezes stink. I walked (unknowingly) into a sneeze tonight and it stunk. Funny, because how I can always tell by the smell that it was a sneeze. Yuck! <BR> <BR> Random #2: (a long one) The amount of calories that certain activities burn just doesn’t make sense to me. Okay so last night at work, I decided that I would exercise to prompt me to getting back into the swing of things. I thought what better way than taking my first step, so off to the stairs I went. So up and down 6 s... Wed, 14 Mar 2012 06:53:25 EST War what is it good for? Absolutely everything! Today I was speaking to a very supportive friend about why this my weight loss endeavors feel like war and during the course of my conversation some thing else occurred to me. I realized that if this is war, then my days are battles. I may win some, and I may lose some but in the end this war is mine to win. No one started this for me, and no one will end it for me; I have that control. Yes there will be days when I feel like it is out of my hands, that it can’t be won. The fight will have le... Tue, 13 Mar 2012 03:07:09 EST You say journey but I say WAR! - A short I have never liked the phrase weight loss journey, though I use it often. I have often thought of other euphuisms I could use: voyage, expedition or passage? No, they don’t really fit. See when I think of journey I picture something fun, entertaining and maybe even exciting. Granted, there are parts of weight loss that are very exciting (fitting into old clothes, doing exercises you could never do before and of course the compliments) but we know that there is a lot of blood sweat and tears i... Sun, 11 Mar 2012 07:23:35 EST The struggles, the same old song & the light at the end of the tunnel. Since the beginning of the year I have been struggling. I have been trying to re-learn how to Spark, without really thinking that I had to. The new year began and instead of it being a contiutation of the success I had last year, it feels like I am starting all over again from scratch. I have done some looking back and I see that my struggle is in the first two weeks of each month. It is the same old song. I end the month around 324, and the new month begins and sure enough I am back up to 33... Sat, 10 Mar 2012 19:11:10 EST Excuse me ma'am, you dropped some Randoms. My mind is all over the place tonight, primarily because I am tired. So I decided to put some of these thoughts down. <BR> <BR> Random#1: I work the graveyard shift, so I exercise here in the office (thank goodness I am alone lol) to stay awake. My knee was bothering me a couple of weeks ago and while I was taking it easy, I started doing punches while standing in place. All I do is just stand and jab, alternating back and forth. So tonight I did the same thing while sitting down at my desk... Thu, 8 Mar 2012 05:00:53 EST The dying fat girl, and waiting for my brain to catch up I can always tell when I read something that speaks to me on an other level. It triggers lightbulb moments and verbal exclaimations of "Yes!", "exactly" or "that's right!". That is how I felt when I read Adventureseekers blog "Mourning the loss of food." <BR> <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=4769171 </link> <BR> (a must read) <BR> The irony is that before I read that I had been thinking the very thoughts that she spoke of in the blog. I thought it... Wed, 7 Mar 2012 22:24:54 EST Old becomes new I was going through some old journals of mine and found an old workout schedule I used to follow in my highschool years. After some adjustments (I am so not that size 16 girl from high school) I now have a solid strength training schedule. For March I will attempt to do this 3 times a week. I say attempt because I have a hard time convincing my brain to wake up earlier than it already does and especially for exercise. <BR> <BR> So this morning I completed my routine and I am feeling pretty ... Fri, 2 Mar 2012 13:19:58 EST I'm coming for you March, a question and plans There are two things that I would like to happen in March... <BR> <BR> #1: I would like to be under 320 and <BR> #2: I would like to lose more inches. <BR> <BR> In March I need to up my strength training game because I don't do nearly enough of it. I am a pretty musclar girl underneath all of my extra weight, and I guess there is a part of me that remembered how easily I put muscles on. No this isn't a girl thing, where I am scared of looking at a weight and becoming like the Hulk; I'm jus... Thu, 1 Mar 2012 11:31:55 EST February, I can't say I am sad to see you go Can you technically have the winter blues if you live in a sunny place? I am so glad that February is behind me. January was awful and I thought that February would be better, and while it was in some ways , it wasn't in many others. The first two and a half weeks were a hot mess. I was eating terribly, not really counting, and I was still exercising until my knee started acting up. I eased up on the exercise, and that helped. I was retaining a lot of water at one point in the month (thank yo... Thu, 1 Mar 2012 11:04:01 EST A quickie: Whoa I couldn't tell you how long ago let alone the exact date, but at one point I couldn't do one sit up; not 20 or 30 just 1! I remember being on the floor of my living room thinking "sit ups are good, I should do some" and attempting to try and failing miserably. The farthest I got was into a crunch style sit up. After that I never tried again, because crunches do the trick anyway, so why try right? Today, I was on the floor thinking I would try again, and I did it! Ten sit ups total. This was ... Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:16:36 EST A look inside: A conversation with myself and two light bulb moments The first light bulb moment occurred a week ago. I was thinking (as usual) why I binged after a positive weigh in. I do this far too often and really started asking myself some hard questions. I dug and dug but discovered nothing helpful, so I let it go. Later that night I had a light bulb moment. Lately things in my life have felt not in my control, and I realized that the one thing I can control is: Food. I can have it whenever and there are no restrictions. Of course I was immediately hit ... Thu, 16 Feb 2012 09:01:39 EST February shakiness and sucking it up While this week is not over it surely is not shaping up well. I was off an extra day of work and that threw my schedule completely off. Being a night shift worker is fine but it does have its pitfalls when it comes to counting calories. My schedule works pretty well but Saturday night is my first night back, but I was off this Saturday. So that meant I was up off and on on Saturday, eating sporadically (I sleep Friday nights). This means that today is my first night back but once again, since... Sun, 5 Feb 2012 15:25:00 EST February’s Theme: Be Conscious I really don’t have a plan per say but I thought I would like to try and be conscious of my choices, my movements, and my journey as a whole. Sometimes I am just going through the motions, not being conscious. This even carries over to my eating which turns mindless at times. <BR> <BR> So tonight I saw a chocolate pudding brownie that my job is known to make, and it had my name written all over it. Mind you I had already calorically planned half a snickers bar for the day, yet here I was re... Thu, 2 Feb 2012 03:33:31 EST January Results: See what had happened was... I acted like I didn't have a goal, or a healthy lifestyle to lead. This month was interesting to say the least and frankly I couldn't be happier to see February. It took me two weeks to get out of Funksville. I couldn't find my mojo, didn't know where I left it. I didn't want to do anything Spark related but managed to exercise. Unfortunately I was reminded (once again) that you cannot out exercise a bad diet. I am thankful that I did manage to stick with the exercise because I always feel li... Wed, 1 Feb 2012 12:15:04 EST We interrupt this broadcast: Trigger Foods Here a trigger, there a trigger, everywhere a trigger. If you are a person who has food addiction issues, you are probably very familiar with the phrase Trigger Foods. I have learned that I have an addictive relationship with food and that when it comes to TF, I can’t just eat one. If I am not prepared and armed with non trigger options, I will fall prey to a TF every time. There are some days that I am sort of prepared but will encounter a trigger food and will eat it anyway, just because I ... Wed, 18 Jan 2012 05:29:03 EST 2 weeks and now what? I like making my months count. Squeezing the very best out of them, doing what I realistically can. Let’s just said I have pretty much blew away 17 days this month by being in a rut funk, trying to get out and failing only to get up and try again. I am still holding on 330 and my pants feel better but I haven’t measured yet. Now that I have my bearings, I looked up at the calendar and saw that I have two weeks left counting today. I made the mistakes, and acknowledge them. The rut funk got m... Wed, 18 Jan 2012 04:29:27 EST The hurdle and a funk-a semi-short I am in a funk. A kind of don't want to count a calorie, or exercise funk. A no pep talk is going to bring you out of it funk. Funk are like waves, and this is one I have to ride out. None of this is to say that I am not counting calories or that I am not exercising, it's just I'm funky about it, half-hearted if you will. <BR> <BR> The hurdle is funks best friend because while I am trying to ride out the funk, here comes hurdle that I have to climb. I am just trying to find my pace and the n... Mon, 9 Jan 2012 03:06:09 EST A poem that changed my life In my last blog I was thinking about how I tend to repeat and relearn the same lessons over and over again. This got me to thinking about the poem that changed my life. Short history: I was given a copy of this poem as a part of my Psych 101 class about 13 yrs ago. I read it and it was like WHOA! I found it so applicable. I immediately talked to my teacher after class and she was so pleased that I enjoyed it and asked me why did it affect me so much. I told her "Because I never thought about ... Wed, 4 Jan 2012 05:01:34 EST Oh crud! What did I really expect? Am I not the one always reminding myself that I can’t out bike a bad diet? I have had no desire to get on the scale but I decided to early today when I woke up, and was met with 333. That is 8 pounds up from the last number I saw. I know there are a lot of factors involved in this and this pretty much cements that I would be a horrible contestant on the biggest loser and get sent home the first week but the fact is that I have been having a hard time hitting my New Y... Wed, 4 Jan 2012 04:49:32 EST The woods: A short I will never be out of them. No recovering alcoholic will be OK in a bar, and no drug user will ever be comfortable hanging in a group of users. I will never be out of the woods. I will and have gotten better at navigating through them, I may toe the edge closest to the exit but I will never be out of the woods. I will always struggle and I test myself with food "just to see". No more. I will walk through these woods, learning where the pitfalls lie, where the hidden dangers are and will carr... Sun, 1 Jan 2012 08:14:28 EST My correlation: Money and Food I like being an analytical person. Digging and searching and putting things together, sure it’s nothing as cool as Archeology but I like it. I realized something that helped me on my journey early on. It was one of those light bulb moments when you have exhausted thinking about why you do something and then bam, light bulb moment. I realized that there is a parallel regarding food and money; I treat them the same. Follow me. I couldn’t hold on to money even it was covered in glue. The minute ... Sun, 1 Jan 2012 08:06:12 EST Inches not pounds...this time. There is something about seeing the numbers on the scale go down that is so much better than feeling the inches lost in what you wear…sometimes. I think pounds mean more in the beginning; or rather it is your sole focus. Society defines everything by weight; even your doctor will shake his head at the number on the chart. Never does your doctor say, “Ms. X, your body fat percentage is looking lower this month, good job.” In 2011 I just focused (a little too much) on those numbers going down. ... Sun, 1 Jan 2012 07:41:16 EST Mini goaling week 4 I am a chicken, that's right. I am scared of the scale. I reached my goal weight early and started getting greedy thinking "let's see if I could lose more" before Friday. Through out the week I have been thinking that I should stop while I am ahead because I know I would feel horrible to weigh in and see that my weight has went up, not down, especially being that I had reached my goal weight. It took everything I had not to weigh in because let's just face it, I am always tempted; I didn't do... Sat, 31 Dec 2011 14:19:51 EST A lesson in bingeing and change. I binged and oh what a binge. Mac and cheese, brisket, hot links, cornbread, chicken wings, sweet drinks and dessert, oh my! I shudder to think about the calories I inhaled this morning and afternoon. Was it because I have this insane need to challenge my recent success with a binge, just to see if I can lose what I may have gained? Was it some other strange deep psychological reason that I am not aware of? I have no clue and guess what? I am not worried about it. At this point in the battle ... Wed, 28 Dec 2011 07:10:28 EST Mini goals and why you should be goaling. Don’t you like mini things? I do. <BR> Mini dogs? Yes. <BR> Mini donuts? You betcha! <BR> <BR> Why not mini goals? I think there are a lot of us recently, who have lost that fire, or feel defeated, especially in lieu of the holiday but I want to tell you that all is not lost. There is nothing like a mini goal to re-start the engine. Some mini goals I had in mind: <BR> <BR> 1.Exercise at every opportunity: Standing there in the kitchen waiting for water to boil for dinner, do some squats. P... Mon, 26 Dec 2011 05:14:03 EST 6 days and no waiting and lots of inspiration. Anyone still mini goaling? I hope so because you there are still 6 days left to make the best of what you can out of your mini goal. Not mini goaling? No worries, I have something even better to tell you…you ready? Start now. <BR> <BR> If you have fallen off the wagon, been unmotivated, felt defeated its ok. No I swear, its really alright. If you have over indulged, missed your workouts, or are eating as you are reading this; it’s STILL ok. Why not start right now? Who says you have to wait... Mon, 26 Dec 2011 04:59:26 EST