XXBAYLEAFXX's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=XXBAYLEAFXX XXBAYLEAFXX's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Wondering What Is Next.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5530024 As the year draws to a close, I have found I have nothing at all to show for it. I am no closer to my goal weight, no more consistent with my eating and working out then I have been any year prior and thanks to my random weight gain a few months back I am actually probably 5 to 10 lbs heavier than I was for the 18 months prior to that gain. <BR> <BR> I have such high hopes and aspirations for myself and year 30 has been no different than the previous 15. I have done plenty this year to try ... Sat, 2 Nov 2013 11:59:00 EST My Emotional Week.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5441518 I am actually just going to post my two facebook status messages from this week in regard to what has been going on...in addition to other things that have been weighing on my mind this week. So if you are interested, read on. If not, I am okay with that too. =) <BR> <BR> POST 1: Tuesday <BR> <BR> Today is 1 of 2 really important 10 year anniversaries I am celebrating this year. I can truly say that I am blessed every day to be here. I still don't believe I have any business being here but ... Thu, 1 Aug 2013 21:02:48 EST The first 2 weeks.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5436569 It has been an interesting 2 weeks for me. We started the accountability group 2 weeks ago and during that time I have not only started figuring out a little more about my team mates but I have really begun to notice a lot about myself and where my troubles and challenges lie. While I am not exactly the most outgoing person, I am slowly finding ways to encourage the team that works within my comfort level. So far it has been a good learning experience. <BR> <BR> Today was my first "official"... Sun, 28 Jul 2013 19:47:07 EST It is time for a permanent change...IN EVERYTHING! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5410843 Life is a challenge. Let's face it, if it comes easy then it wasn't a challenge to begin with and won't give you the reward you are looking for. While I am not saying that there shouldn't be aspects of life that are easy, the vast majority of it won't and shouldn't be. <BR> <BR> In the past 2 months, things have completely been off book and not at all what I had planned for myself. Truthfully, that is how it always works. I plan out what I want to do and it absolutely never goes according t... Thu, 4 Jul 2013 17:59:10 EST "A moment of self-acceptance is a calming power that should be bottled http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5292873 The title of this blog says it all. That is my current Facebook status because that is exactly how I feel right now. I have done quite a bit of reflecting today and in the process made rather long journal entry to get it all out there. Journaling is exactly what I do when I want something important to be documented, even if it turns out not to be important later and I delete it - it was important at the time and I needed it off my chest. <BR> <BR> I decided to give the spark coaching progra... Tue, 19 Mar 2013 20:45:51 EST What have I learned from my "mistakes"? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5285628 Everyone goes through life with a series of choices. From simple to difficult, every situation is a series of choices all dependent on what we are seeking in return. <BR> <BR> While I have done some DUMB THINGS in my life, I regret NONE OF THEM. I know it sounds crazy and if you knew me 10 years ago you wouldn't believe a word of that. 10 years ago I was a troubled woman on a mission for the ultimate disaster. I woke up after one of the dumbest things I had ever done, looked at myself in th... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 18:40:13 EST Reasons for My Goals.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5263791 The true meaning behind why we are here is always tough to pin point. Sure there are the obvious "I want to look better, I'm sick of tight clothes, If I lost 10 pounds I would feel so much better, I hate what I see in the mirror...." statements that lead us to starting a diet/lifestyle change. But what truly causes us to take that step and make that "commitment" to ourselves? For the majority of us, it is a specific situation that causes us to vow to change this time. <BR> <BR> When I star... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 19:02:44 EST A Year of Random Thoughts... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5262306 As you can see, I am not real diligent about using my blog. In fact, I am not real diligent about a lot of the resources that are available to me here on Spark. One of the many things I am aiming to utilize this year.... <BR> <BR> Life is all about baby steps. It is a matter of never giving up, even when things seem hopeless you are still ultimately pushing toward your goal. If there is anything I learned in my 30 years, that right there is the description of my life. Call it being a stubbor... Sun, 24 Feb 2013 16:16:30 EST Little Black...swim suit http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4925631 So today I decided to buy a new swimming suit. I haven't bought a new suit in 10 years and I really have no intention of wearing it in public. <BR> <BR> I decided that it would be a motivational tool for me. <BR> <BR> I decided that I am going to take a picture of me in the suit. Each month, I am going to take a picture of me in that suit and document when I am finally happy enough that I would wear it in public. <BR> <BR> Truthfully, I am not sure what I am after but I just need to kee... Wed, 13 Jun 2012 23:52:03 EST What's New... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4848637 I haven't wrote since January so I figured I would say a little something. <BR> <BR> In late January we found out that they were going to place my grandfather in a nursing home rather than let him go back home after he had a fall. We were all okay with this, knowing it was bound to happen at some point. It just came a little sooner than we planned. 2 months of packing and moving later, we managed to get the house emptied and that chapter of life closed. We knew it wasn't going to be easy an... Mon, 23 Apr 2012 18:11:47 EST January 8th, 2012 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4666206 After I wrote my 1 year summary, I was hoping to start things off on a great foot and make a serious push into 2012. I made a goal for myself to lose 5 pounds in time for a concert I was going to, which was about 5 weeks out from when I wrote my summary. <BR> <BR> Instead, I really didn't put much effort into it. I would workout as planned, or at least get some type of workout in but I wasn't religious about tracking and ate whatever I felt like. By the time my concert came and went, my wei... Sun, 8 Jan 2012 13:15:43 EST My 1 year summary http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4666130 I wrote a 1 year summary back in November 2011, but never actually posted it here to the blog. I decided I should finally do that! <BR> <BR> <BR> So here I am, 1 year later and it has really been a task to write this 1 year summary. I really didn't have anything positive to write about, or at least I didn't think I did. I have been in a rut for months, the same old lose/gain the same 5 pounds thing again and it has really put a damper on the progress I have made because I have a tendancy to... Sun, 8 Jan 2012 12:40:55 EST Reboot...again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4538087 I decided when I started my new workout series that if I didn't see any decent progress during the 30 days that I would be restarting everything over again. I do this quite a bit actually. I generally go 3 months at the most before I get sick of the standstill, losing/gaining the same 5 pounds over and over and I just start over. <BR> <BR> The truth of the matter is, everytime I stop tracking I get into the standstill. I always say that if I keep seeing progress I won't track because I must... Sun, 16 Oct 2011 13:02:16 EST An awesome evening...and the close of 4 months of hell! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4501721 A few weeks ago I had written about not realizing what my size really was and having to return all the clothes I tried on for the concert I was going to. Perspective and reality are two completely different things I've learned! <BR> <BR> The day of my concert (August 30th) I had a "date" with my other half's best friend. I call him wifey because he may as well be married to my other half. This was our first "date" with just the two of us and I was not sure how the night would go because we a... Sat, 24 Sep 2011 14:04:30 EST Reality Check...in a good way! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4455273 I went shopping last week, in anticipation for a concert I wanted to go to (which is tomorrow). I went to a couple stores and bought a few new shirts and some intimate garments to go with them. I tried some things on in the store, while others I was sure were fine and didn't try them on until I got home in front of my own mirror. What I was sure was the right size, turned out to be wrong. I ended up returning or exchanging all the items I didn't try on. <BR> <BR> I am still in the mind fr... Mon, 29 Aug 2011 20:09:57 EST All an ILLUSION http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4389886 One step forward and 4 backward seems to be how I work. Everytime things are going well, instead of running with it I take about 4 steps backward and end up back where I started. I know that is how it works and that I just need to keep getting back on the horse but I would be lying if I said I wasn't tired of the horse. <BR> <BR> I wrote an blog a few weeks ago about finally hitting the 20 pound loss mark. I found out shortly after that it was just an illusion. I am not sure I ever actually... Wed, 27 Jul 2011 13:38:13 EST It's been a LONG 8 MONTHS! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4322527 I sit here today, honestly not feeling any different than I did 8 months ago. I absolutely should feel different because I have lost 20 pounds and am 3 pounds from my prebaby weight (FINALLY). <BR> <BR> It has been a long 8 months because I lost the majority of my 20 pounds in a 5 week period back in November - December. I was at a stalemate with myself and my journey up until about a month ago when I finally told myself to quit slacking off and get moving. There was even a point in there wh... Sat, 25 Jun 2011 20:03:25 EST The Master of my Own Destiny... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4257873 It is getting close to the year anniversary of my Grandma's death. This weekend is the annual trek to the cemeteries and I am not looking forward to it. My mom and I should be a real cheerful flock of people... <BR> <BR> I found out that she was sick when I was in San Diego for my friend's wedding last June. I was already not having a great trip. Aside from bridezilla and her family drama, the fact that someone I considered to be my best friend decided to be his usual 12 year old self made m... Thu, 26 May 2011 13:47:21 EST My first entry... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4207511 I have decided to take plunge and start using the blog. For someone who loves to write, you wouldn't have thought it would take so long for me to start using it. <BR> <BR> I joined sparkpeople in the beginning of 2010 because I was wanting to get serious about losing the baby weight from my 2nd child who was born in October. I had tried a bunch of different sites and none of them had everything I was looking for. Sparkpeople has most of what I liked about all the other sites I've used and ... Tue, 3 May 2011 13:48:07 EST