XANGELSTEARZX's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=XANGELSTEARZX XANGELSTEARZX's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ 32 Weeks and Counting... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5722993 Okay, so almost 32...going off the date the doctor originally gave me week 32 officially starts Monday. Anyhow...I'm still hanging in there! It's awesome. I'm proving that short, pudgy little fertility doctor I spent thousands of dollars on 2005 that told me I would NEVER have children wrong!!! I have total baby brain and it's all I think, talk, day dream...etc. about because I waited until 30 weeks to actually start buying things and trying to get stuff I need. <BR> <BR> The high risk... Sat, 21 Jun 2014 19:52:28 EST The suspense... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5653101 So, I'm really a giant ball of anxiety lately. I've been trying to busy myself and keep my mind occupied otherwise I'll fret myself senseless. <BR> <BR> I was weaned off progesterone at 16 weeks and I'm 18w3days today. The Dr. hasn't bothered to check my hormones, hasn't given me the results of my prenatal panel two weeks ago and he's treating everything like normal. I've got two weeks until I see him again and yesterday when I experienced my apparent first batch of round ligament pains... Fri, 21 Mar 2014 10:06:44 EST 3/3 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5638909 The weather took a turn back to winter so we're snowed in. Well, the snow isn't deep but it's 11 degrees with a 10 mph wind...that equals me being snowed in. <BR> <BR> I have been struggling lately to get in much movement let alone any cardio being so stuck in the house. I am doing great however on doing about 30 minutes of toning a night...squats, leg lifts, arms, and some prenatal yoga (mostly running thru a sun salutation a few times to relieve stiffness from being a lazy bum). <BR> ... Mon, 3 Mar 2014 19:46:31 EST Energy...I haz sum... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5634666 I'm glad to have it returning! While my progesterone still makes me feel tired it's been decreased from 400mg to 200mg and I seem to have past the "feel like complete poo" stage and progressed to "only feeling like poo once a week or so" stage. <BR> <BR> Got to say it's nice to be able to get up and move! I was getting stiff as a board being stuck in place. I've been walking 30 minutes a day (concentrating on the time walked more than mileage like I used too). I've also been going above ... Wed, 26 Feb 2014 19:45:26 EST Now leaving the first trimester! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5615852 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/7/l674851012.jpg"> <BR> <BR> A miracle! Nine years later, 3 "losses" (failed to grow past a yolk sac), 200 pounds down from my weight in 2005, lots of hard work, pain, emotions, and progress...here it is...leaving the first trimester with a very healthy, active baby that jumped like a jelly bean away from the ultrasound wand. <BR> <BR> I definitely have a major case of the pregnancy crazies. No sweeteners, no fast food, no "questionably" so... Wed, 5 Feb 2014 11:38:08 EST Still lurking... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5559767 It's been a busy last month. I got the insane idea to remodel my kitchen. Aside from the paint, paint brushes, and vinyl tiles we bought, all the wood was found for free and ta-da brand "new" kitchen for around $60. <BR> <BR> Today is supposed to be a day off but, I'll probably end up setting myself on a chore spree when I make lunch, and some homemade pasta. I already have ideas rattling around in my brain like...dishes, sweeping, need to use up the bananas. *Sigh* and I just want to r... Sun, 8 Dec 2013 12:56:19 EST 11/3/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5531166 I've come down with a serious case of the lazies. It's lasted 3 days now and coincided with a case of the moodies. But, we are still waiting for the results of the two week wait...'nuff said about that. <BR> <BR> Friday stressed me out and I was gone all day so zero exercise. Saturday...I gave in to my being wore out I woke up at 9 am and did nothing...as in barely even moved and played video games all day. While I enjoyed it because I haven't gotten to relax like that lately DH meant we... Sun, 3 Nov 2013 18:34:26 EST 10-30-13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5527774 Rain, rain and more rain! But, I did manage to get in about 25 minutes of walking during a brief sunny break in the rain. I didn't get to run like I wanted too but, hey, anything is better than nothing. <BR> <BR> We carved up the pumpkin tonight. I may have went a little over-board with it because it took me about around 2 hours but, it's by far my best work yet...no stencils...and...I used power tools! Rawr! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l1530079260.jpg">... Wed, 30 Oct 2013 21:21:25 EST Still around... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5519658 I have been missing from Spark. I have still been tracking food consistently but, avoiding the social aspects...that socialization is pretty darn important though. I am trying to get myself back into things and crawl out of my hermit hidey-hole...I enjoy reading blogs, making new Spark friends, and interacting with my Teams. <BR> <BR> Everything has been fairly good...for a while I was too active to have much time to spend online, a few days I only turned on the computer to sync the FitBit... Mon, 21 Oct 2013 18:57:33 EST 10-4 :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5504283 Today should be a fairly good day. I will hopefully get my blocked ear taken care of (it will be nice to hear again), I get to go food shopping, and we're getting a new kitten. <BR> <BR> I'm armed with my Price Match list, a healthier list of snack foods for hubby's late night binges and my coupons. We'll see what I can accomplish this month...I'm determined to be all "extreme couponer" some day and save so much money I can splurge on something for myself like more workout clothes/shoes/ge... Fri, 4 Oct 2013 10:28:16 EST Not all calories are equal... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5500218 Just because you have 300 spare calories and you can eat a piece of cake does not mean you should eat the cake. If I sub out a meal just so I can have a Biggie fry for lunch I am not doing my body any favors. I've been playing balance the bad food again lately. That's got to be what's wrong...it's not the number of calories in the food...it's what the food is made of. <BR> <BR> It was a BUSY and stressful last couple of weeks. We've spent lots of time on the go and there are not very man... Mon, 30 Sep 2013 11:07:10 EST The Penny Perplexion http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5495100 The weather today is fantastic! It's cloudy with a light breeze and it's about 68 degrees...perfect walking weather. So, I laced up my shoes and decided despite my already busy morning there is no reason I can't get my butt in gear and try to get in my 45 very active minutes on the FitBit. <BR> <BR> I walk on gravel roads that are pretty desolate. There are only about 5 houses in the 3 mile stretch I typically walk. I decided to walk today and not even try jogging/running intervals and j... Tue, 24 Sep 2013 16:57:10 EST Insight... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5491850 Okay, so my eating efforts have been pretty half hearted this week...I'm well aware of me slipping up in that department. But, I'm seeing the numbers of how slacking I am in the exercise area also. <BR> <BR> My Dad offered to buy me the FitBit Flex I have been day dreaming about since I first read about them before they were even released. Naturally, despite my weighing out better uses for $100...I caved in and said yes. I really, really wanted one. <BR> <BR> I set it all up, charged it ... Sat, 21 Sep 2013 10:50:59 EST 9/18/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5489483 My trip to the dentist today was actually enjoyable. Well, the dental work itself wasn't but, the dentist is so nice and polite. She stopped often to ask if I was okay or needed anything. She shared her story about her miscarriages and having no living children. She also managed to make me giggle and smile through most of the work. So despite the excessive amount of drilling and cavity fixing I needed she treated me great! She also understands that my insurance runs out soon and did as ... Wed, 18 Sep 2013 16:51:45 EST 9/17/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5488636 I shall call today second Monday. It was just a busy, busy day... <BR> <BR> I started my day off right by getting on my Gazelle with an hour long playlist and making it 30 minutes into it before getting a phone call that we were about to have guests. I've been a little off my usual routine with recent events and this house was so not fit for guests. So, that phone call spurred an emergency cleaning/stashing things in cupboards because it looks tidier hidden and vacuuming spree. I managed... Tue, 17 Sep 2013 20:20:16 EST 9/15/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5486139 Nothing horribly special going on today. It's cloudy and has a high chance of rain. I will be glad to see the rain. Hopefully we get enough rain to ease up the dust and I can go for a walk tomorrow after doctor okays me for exercise again. <BR> <BR> Today I am grateful for: <BR> <BR> Rain!!! Even if it's not much it beautiful and welcomed! <BR> <BR> Cutie (our smallest and youngest dog). I am feeling a little down today and she knows just how to cheer me up...DH left the a/c on last n... Sun, 15 Sep 2013 11:29:19 EST 9/14/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5485270 Okay, so still healing apparently. Mentally I am ready to get back to exercising but my body is still a little achy and disagrees. I was pretty active yesterday doing a lot of bending, cleaning, and moving light objects around outside after I got back from the store. I managed to make myself pretty sore. I did get a lot of laughs and get to soak up some sunlight though. <BR> <BR> DH made himself a little hitch to pull a wagon with his power chair so that he could help me with the yard wo... Sat, 14 Sep 2013 10:35:53 EST Recuperating... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5482646 That's the goal...I've been put on a do not lift, do not exercise, no strenuous activity order until I follow up with the doctor Monday so, the plan is to rest, relax, and let myself heal. <BR> <BR> I found a decent book to read, created a massive relaxing music playlist on youtube, and made myself a nice little nest on the bed. Rather than be anxious that I'd rather be up and moving I plan on giving myself some serious me time to just heal. <BR> <BR> Granted I do get up and move a little,... Wed, 11 Sep 2013 11:33:02 EST Monday... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5480399 It's finally here...for a change I have been waiting on Monday! Now, maybe we can get things with my health straightened out. I feel grateful and blessed to have had this opportunity even if it only lasted about 9 weeks. I have come to terms with the fact we are losing this pregnancy. <BR> <BR> Today I am grateful for: <BR> <BR> The support of my husband. This is not only hard on me but heartbreaking for him as well. I am glad that we can hold each other and that we feel like this is an... Mon, 9 Sep 2013 10:00:52 EST 9/8/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5479463 I am very grateful I woke up with the ability to breathe easier today. Some of the congestion eased up overnight. Also glad the explosive, icky sneezes are now at a minimum. <BR> <BR> I am however a little sad to report I am spotting again...so it looks like tomorrow I am probably facing surgery. But, this just gives us time to finish the house, me to make a few more changes that could positive to my hormones like staying completely vegetarian instead of bouncing back a fourth between a we... Sun, 8 Sep 2013 11:59:26 EST 9/7/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5478809 The stuffy nose I developed yesterday turned into watery eyes, a sore throat, and the killing of a Kleenex box mercilessly by my puffy snotty nose. I went to sleep thinking "must be allergies" and woke up positive I must have the plague. Anyhow, maybe that is the universe's way of telling me to stay in bed like the doctor stressed I need to because I was already getting anxious and making a mental list of easy things to do like dusting. While that's something I rarely enjoy doing it's easy... Sat, 7 Sep 2013 16:57:29 EST News... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5478093 Not particularly sure yet if it's good or bad news...it's more on the fence news. My HCG has dropped nearly 1000 points in two days. However, I am not in pain, or having any loss symptoms at the moment so Doctor wants to wait and I'll return Monday. <BR> <BR> Come Monday things will go one of two ways...my numbers have gone back up and then we will recheck the sonogram and go from that OR my numbers have gone down yet more and if I am still not having loss symptoms another D&C is order b... Fri, 6 Sep 2013 20:14:06 EST Day 9 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5476779 Today I am VERY grateful... <BR> <BR> After talking out all my worries and anxieties with my husband and doing some pouting/crying about my hormones and what steps I need to do to finally try to beat my PCOS I am so grateful to have his full support on me transitioning to a completely lacto-ovo-vegetarian diet. <BR> <BR> He has vowed to help me where he can and support me. In other words...put me in check the next time I want to eat my body weight in general tso's chicken and remind me I c... Thu, 5 Sep 2013 12:42:38 EST Day 8 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5475869 So, I haven't completely lose hope yet and I still intend to keep doing my 30 days of at minimum three things I'm grateful for. I did hit a rough couple of days and let them get the better of me. Today I'm getting myself back on track. <BR> <BR> Today I am grateful for: <BR> <BR> Price match...I saved around $23 dollars on groceries and I used the PM to get a lot of fresh things like avocados, grapes, canteloupe, and bananas. <BR> <BR> I am grateful for planning ahead. I set my menu a... Wed, 4 Sep 2013 15:21:06 EST Food Fail... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5474851 This is the first and worst slip up I've had in a while. I understand completely than I am/was and will pretty much always be an emotional eating food addict. But, I've learned to keep it under control pretty well. <BR> <BR> The doctor visit didn't go at all like I planned. I was all smiles and sunshine that everything HAS to be going okay this time. I've been keeping up my exersice and feeling great, and so far I'm to a T on symptoms right down to being gawd awfully sick the last two mo... Tue, 3 Sep 2013 17:07:09 EST 9/1/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5472482 Hello, September! Two more days until my doctors appointment. This time around we should be looking for a heart beat. I'm nervous but excited and ready for some more good news! I have my mind set that all I will hear is good news! <BR> <BR> Yesterday went pretty well. Our truck was acting up so my Dad offered to run us on our errands in his SUV. We saved gas money, he also offered to buy us lunch at Culver's, and we finally caught the neighbor at home and he only wanted $5 for a Gazell... Sun, 1 Sep 2013 11:00:03 EST Morning! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5471618 So my morning started with lots of loves. For some strange reason the dogs decided they needed to wake me up and slobber me half to death. It was strange but really sweet of them. <BR> <BR> I weighed myself this morning...either I'm retaining/puffy or my nutritionist would be happy but I weighed 180.2. I'm not unwilling to gain weight but it's like 6 1/2 weeks into being pregnant and the doctor said not to start thinking weight until after week 12. <BR> <BR> I guess today is going to be ... Sat, 31 Aug 2013 10:54:51 EST Day 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5471136 Despite the ridiculous heat today has been fantastic! DH decided to surprise me by suggesting we have breakfast at the little restaurant in town because I've been kinda blah lately on deciding what to eat in the mornings. Everything always seems to taste better when you didn't have to cook it so I really enjoyed. My favorite breakfast was on special so I got it $3.19...what a deal! Granted it's 2 eggs, 1/2 order hash browns, and wheat toast. But really who needs more at 7:30 in the morni... Fri, 30 Aug 2013 19:29:19 EST Day 4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5469687 So this morning I almost overslept but, the rooster alarm went off right under the bedroom window promptly at 5:30am and I can't hit the snooze button on him. I feel good this morning also but, I am moving much slower today. I had to start the day off with a call to tech support because our "new" internet is apparently also broken and the guy I got was super argumentative resulting in me having to hang up on him because I have been trying my hardest to stay calm, mellow and peaceful lately ... Thu, 29 Aug 2013 09:03:50 EST Day 3 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5468540 I am anxious today but, it's in a good way. I am counting down the minutes until my dentist appointment at 2 pm. Up far earlier than usual today but, this might just be my new wake up time. I've been going to sleep at 10 getting up at 7:30-9:30 and by the time I wake up I'm feeling very sick to my stomach and like I've slept too long. Today I got up at 4:15 and actually feel great. My stomach was growling when I woke up, I didn't feel groggy and I didn't have to consume my daily allowanc... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 06:33:29 EST Day Two http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5467760 I have a trip to WIC today. I have to admit I'm excited about it because they haven't seen me since 68 pounds ago. It's going to be a fairly busy day around the house for hubby though, today the internet is getting a new line installed because something is wrong with the old one it keeps losing signal so that means hubby gets to deal with the phone guy. Honestly, I'm glad he get's a turn because that's usually my job. Kind of nice to get a break from being the people person. Not that I m... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 10:41:50 EST Grateful Day 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5466716 Okay, so in attempts to change to a more positive attitude I'm going to do daily blogs focusing more on things I am grateful for than things I am currently being worried or anxious about. I'd much rather give "power" and focus to good things. <BR> <BR> I am grateful for a loving and understand husband. He held me last night until I fell asleep finally getting relief from a toothache. <BR> <BR> I am grateful for my furkids. They keep me active and all their personalities contribute to pro... Mon, 26 Aug 2013 11:19:45 EST 8/25/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5465846 I've been thinking a lot lately. Probably too much...and too much thinking can be a bad thing. Anyhow, I have come to the conclusion I really need to start being more positive. I'm such a glass half empty type of person and I don't really have a reason to be that way. Granted in my past I had plenty of reason to be that way but, not really anymore. Even with the bad/stressful things going on there is nothing life destroying or majorly bad that can happen so, why think up and create bad t... Sun, 25 Aug 2013 15:02:28 EST Intuition... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5465027 Apparently my spidey-senses and their impending doom feeling were correct. I was right a couple days ago that something was going to happen that I would not like. It's been set in action and we'll find out what the outcome is in about a month. <BR> <BR> We've had some looming crap going on in our lives left over from a very bad parting of ways with a friend that turned out to be the type of crazy that when made angry she set off on a plot to destroy our life and split up DH and I. Mind yo... Sat, 24 Aug 2013 16:30:21 EST Random stress... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5463449 Today has gone fairly well. Nothing major happened that required much worry or bother...yet, I just feel kinda stressed out and very anxious. There are things happening in the little bubble that is my world but, none of it happened today or impacted my almost completely tranquil day. So, how does one kick that eerie tinge of random stress? <BR> <BR> So far, I've tried chocolate, music, exersice, and talking with my hubby. I just have one of those weird feelings like something I don't n... Thu, 22 Aug 2013 21:02:19 EST Nervous... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5458848 I have my first doctors appointment on Tuesday. I'm nervous hoping that this time we finally here the words "viable" pregnancy. If it all looks good they'll start me on progesterone and from there we'll just have to have hope and faith. <BR> <BR> I've been busting my tail to be healthier and much more conscious of the choices I've made since last November. It meant a lot to me to prove the doctor wrong that I would always be heavy and that my PCOS would always be out of control. Here's h... Sun, 18 Aug 2013 12:16:15 EST Months of hardwork... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5454119 ...are finally paying off. All the measuring, calorie counting, tedious meal planning, sweating, working out and struggling through a 65 pounds weight loss...has lead to some happy results. Granted it's still early given my past complications and losses but, I am 5 weeks pregnant!!! <BR> <BR> I strongly believe that I wouldn't be given the opportunity to conceive unless at least once I can follow through with a healthy pregnancy. I do look back at what happened the times before and seen t... Tue, 13 Aug 2013 14:54:55 EST 7/24/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5432119 I'm getting complacent in my current routine so I guess it's time to make some changes. I tried out the new nutrition tracker setting and it's apparently not a good idea for me...I briefly saw 183 pounds and then pow right back to 185. So back to the regular setting that got me 60 pounds down. Just because I burn 600 calories on my cardio days apparently doesn't give me the allowance to eat 2000 because it went straight to my fat and stuck. <BR> <BR> I've upped my cardio to 1 hour every o... Wed, 24 Jul 2013 16:53:57 EST Still around/updates... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5424728 ...kinda in my own bubble lately but, I am still around. I'm happy to say I'm down to 185 now and wearing a size 12 (I even have a pair of 10s that fit! Got to love vanity sizing!). It's mind blowing to me. Just looking at my pants hanging up in the closet they look tiny...but, miraculously they fit! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/8/l983672886.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I've been wanting a new pair of running shoes so bad lately. I managed to score the best deal ever ... Wed, 17 Jul 2013 22:52:20 EST 6/25/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5401738 I was on a streak this month. Then, things got crazy stressful and I ran out of the suppliments I was self-medicating with. The last couple of days I have been ravenous out of control. I have been feeling very fatigued and I have been fairly stressed...aparently my brain thinks it's a good excuse to crave junk, sleep late, move like a slug and binge eat. <BR> <BR> Our truck has thrown it's timing chain so we're out around $350 for the repairs on it. We also found out our electrical needs... Tue, 25 Jun 2013 20:24:33 EST Mid month check in... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5391734 It's been a hectic month so far but, I'm glad to say that all is going okay. I've been so busy with the remodeling that some days I don't fit in a workout and food is just whatever I can grab and I've spent a lot of time in the truck scouring the earth for free supplies. But, some how I have still managed to lose 7 pounds so far this month! Which is more than I lost during the entire month of May. So, despite not meeting my standards for food and fitness...I'm progressing very well and I c... Mon, 17 Jun 2013 09:15:41 EST Working to better everything... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5374573 That's the goal this month...not just my weight, but my state of mind, my comfort level, and my home. The yard has had flowers planted and it starting to look beautiful and the garden is growing nicely so now it's time to turn more in-ward. <BR> <BR> I go through bouts of depression that seem to be brought on by the fact that some days I H-A-T-E my little home and due to the circumstances in my life I spend 85% of my time at home. I do not deal well with change so I'm extremely overwhelmed... Sat, 1 Jun 2013 12:17:11 EST Bad scale... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5370260 Yeah, because it's totally the scales fault... <BR> <BR> Anyhow, I've reviewed my reports and everything is fairly consistent intake and burn wise...for almost the entire month of May I have eaten around 1350 and burnt 300 a day and lost weight just fine...everything consistent except the fact that the scale has now gone upwards. It hasn't gone up a lot...but when you're on a streak of dropping pounds going back up 1 lb and a couple ounces is enough to make you want to throw the scale out t... Tue, 28 May 2013 10:47:58 EST Selective food guilt... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5367866 Best way to sum up what I apparently suffer from. I carefully count things like calories and carbs. I try to keep my fat down or make healthy fat choices (olive oil or coconut oil because vegetable oil is the devil). I often catch myself severely chastising myself if my meals/snacks aren't up to my new set standards. Like if I slip up once I'll instantly revert back to 350lb. While I know it won't...I still guilt myself for it and punish myself appropriately. Unhealthy probably...but, ... Sat, 25 May 2013 20:14:52 EST Enjoying the scenery...(pics) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5366123 Okay, so my run didn't go as planned. I warmed up...took off out the driveway and ouchies, knee is still tender and my ankle decided to feel like something was pulling. So, I walked. I went a longer route than usual and enjoyed the fact that everything is finally in bloom. <BR> <BR> I did get myself motivated to try and jog some but, by that time my nose was so stuffy I didn't accomplish much before panting, hacking and trying to breathe properly. I love the blooming honeysuckle and flow... Thu, 23 May 2013 21:56:01 EST 5/19/13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5361044 After what seems like forever I am closing in on 50 pounds lost. The scale is moving nicely for me the last few days. I am really enjoying getting to jog/run every other day and still garden, tend the animals, clean, dishes and accomplish all my daily chores. At my heaviest weight I was positive I had a botched metabolism and that I could never be "active" well, it was a lie because I am finding somedays I am so energetic my body says "No more" before my brain agrees. <BR> <BR> While I a... Sun, 19 May 2013 11:39:04 EST The invisible fat girl... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5357435 That's who I've been for so long now that I am still stuck in the frame of mind that people don't really notice me and that I can "hide" in plain sight. However, that is apparently changing. In a way I should be flattered but, my reaction was less than graceful or gracious.... <BR> <BR> When I stopped to put gas in the truck and went in to pay this guy waiting in line gave me a very blantant and pig-ish once over. He didn't bother to hide the fact he scanned me from head to toe and then j... Wed, 15 May 2013 12:40:30 EST I made it! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5356747 Finally after what seems like forever I have reached 199.4! I almost couldn't believe my eyes when I seen what the scale said. I've spent the last few weeks trying to get that last little bit of 200 to go away. <BR> <BR> I've moved my goals to something that feels more attainable...I am now aiming for 160 instead of 140 because 160 just sounds more fitting to the frame of my body. When I get there I will see it that is where I want to stay....because all except my still clinging spare tir... Tue, 14 May 2013 21:20:14 EST State of mind... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5349648 So, more people are taking notice to my weightloss. Which brings with it those questions of "How did you do it?" I start off by explaining about Spark, calorie counting, portion control, and consistent workouts. Somewhere in the conversation their eyes glaze over and they go very far away from the strange words I am saying. <BR> <BR> I feel like my progress has been fairly slow and at times my efforts are half hearted. But, I have it implanted into my brain that I want to be healthy and ... Wed, 8 May 2013 10:08:35 EST Monthly review... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5341809 I'm no longer consistent with my goal amount and pace but I still managed to lose 6.4 pounds this month. I wasn't sure it was going to happen. I hit a plateau, my eating turned to junk again, my energy level was bottomed and I found myself battling depression. Miraculously my weight is still going downward despite it all. <BR> <BR> Only 3.2 pounds away from 200 and I hope to make it there in one week. After that I will feel like I have accomplished the impossible because I honestly can't... Wed, 1 May 2013 10:07:23 EST