XANGELSTEARZX's SparkPeople Blog

5/19/13

Sun, 19 May 2013 11:39:04 EST

After what seems like forever I am closing in on 50 pounds lost. The scale is moving nicely for me the last few days. I am really enjoying getting to jog/run every other day and still garden, tend the animals, clean, dishes and accomplish all my daily chores. At my heaviest weight I was positive I had a botched metabolism and that I could never be "active" well, it was a lie because I am finding somedays I am so energetic my body says "No more" before my brain agrees.

While I a...

The invisible fat girl...

Wed, 15 May 2013 12:40:30 EST

That's who I've been for so long now that I am still stuck in the frame of mind that people don't really notice me and that I can "hide" in plain sight. However, that is apparently changing. In a way I should be flattered but, my reaction was less than graceful or gracious....

When I stopped to put gas in the truck and went in to pay this guy waiting in line gave me a very blantant and pig-ish once over. He didn't bother to hide the fact he scanned me from head to toe and then j...

I made it!

Tue, 14 May 2013 21:20:14 EST

Finally after what seems like forever I have reached 199.4! I almost couldn't believe my eyes when I seen what the scale said. I've spent the last few weeks trying to get that last little bit of 200 to go away.

I've moved my goals to something that feels more attainable...I am now aiming for 160 instead of 140 because 160 just sounds more fitting to the frame of my body. When I get there I will see it that is where I want to stay....because all except my still clinging spare tir...

State of mind...

Wed, 8 May 2013 10:08:35 EST

So, more people are taking notice to my weightloss. Which brings with it those questions of "How did you do it?" I start off by explaining about Spark, calorie counting, portion control, and consistent workouts. Somewhere in the conversation their eyes glaze over and they go very far away from the strange words I am saying.

I feel like my progress has been fairly slow and at times my efforts are half hearted. But, I have it implanted into my brain that I want to be healthy and ...

Monthly review...

Wed, 1 May 2013 10:07:23 EST

I'm no longer consistent with my goal amount and pace but I still managed to lose 6.4 pounds this month. I wasn't sure it was going to happen. I hit a plateau, my eating turned to junk again, my energy level was bottomed and I found myself battling depression. Miraculously my weight is still going downward despite it all.

Only 3.2 pounds away from 200 and I hope to make it there in one week. After that I will feel like I have accomplished the impossible because I honestly can't...

The weekend...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 13:03:58 EST

Sadly around here the weekend means basically the same thing as every other day. So nothing special there.

Breakfast this morning turned out awesome. I was bold and experimented. I made a recipe for cauliflower breadsticks minus the cheese it called for and topped it with peppered gravy. I was pretty skeptical but it was great. and super low-cal and managed to curb the hankering I've had for a while for some good ol' B&Gs.

I got in a intense workout on one of the...

4/26/13

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 10:34:53 EST

The last couple of days have been crazy, hectic and stressful. But, I actually think I needed it. It's been a break from the normal and pretty nice actually. We spent the better part of the day on the go riding around with a friend and meeting tons of people.

I managed to drink a few beers, turn down grilled fatty food, and avoid the sweet tea and other yummies I was offered and come in smack in mid calorie range. But I did fit in an awesome salad. I even got in some fitness...

You used to be much more...muchier."

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 12:43:58 EST

You've lost your muchness." Best lines ever and they come from the Mad Hatter. But, they are seriously true.

I think I went so obsessive since November about my weight loss and healthy eating while I used that to help me deal with everything that happened...but, here I am a few months later completely burnt out.

While I'm still managing to hover on the higher side of my calorie range I'm back to eating junk and sugar. I've gone through this before...just because I can...

200 or bust...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 11:03:01 EST

That's my goal for the coming week(s). While the scale is still slowly creeping down it's not the rate I want and my overall fitness has taken a nose dive lately. While I am being more active I am not getting in any actual cardio. My energy levels are bottomed out and I'm craving junk like crazy. I did get in 30 minutes on the bike this morning but I was far from my usual 19mphs and held at a whopping 13.

I'm still managing to stay mostly in range but, I've had a few days of be...

40 down (with pic)!

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 11:03:02 EST

Finally! I reached 40 pounds lost since I started Spark! I couldn't be happier to see that scale hit this mark. The next big hurdle is to cross into Onerland and it's only 5 pounds away. But, this last few pounds really fought me going off.

I see a pretty obvious difference but, the left is me now at 205 pounds and those are a size Large (no X!) running shorts I found for $2.59 and the right was taken on D...

4/11/13

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 11:26:38 EST

It's been a busy month so far. While I haven't gotten in a ton of "designated" exercise I've done a ton of exercise. I skipped the tiller for the garden this year and spent several hours over three days using a hoe and garden weasel to get my rows ready for planting this year. That was some serious workout right there my abs, hips, pretty much everything was sore for a couple days following.

We've done a lot of work on the storage shed we hauled in last week. Adding some shelvi...

Monthly Review...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 11:25:36 EST

I had a pretty rough month this month. For almost two weeks I skipped out on strength training because my back was having problems...I kept having a popping sensation when I would do certain moves. Then I slipped into a bit of emotional funk which led into a bit of undereating but only eating seriously crappy foods like Slimfast bars, pie, brownies, milk and cookies. Anyhow...that said I'm at a loss of 4.4 pounds for this month. It's not the 7-8 pound a month streak I've been on but, I'm ...

3-28-13

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 09:08:49 EST

When I went to the store yesterday I seen a guy I went to high school with. I didn't even remember his name and we were never really friends but, he was in the line next to me and just kept staring at me with an almost confused look on his face. I said "Hi" and gave a cheesy quick wave and went back to putting my stuff on the belt and then he blurts out "I almost didn't recognize you, you're a lot skinnier now." Bonus points to you man but, I've got a lot left to go, I am 100 pounds less t...

Link

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 22:37:52 EST

I read a awesome post today and I wanted to share the link...

The way I've felt lately this just hit the spot!

http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public
_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5298830

Weight loss and self esteem...

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 22:27:27 EST

I am now the "skinniest" I have been since middle school. I know I'm only down about 36 pounds since I started Spark but I'm down from 350+ lbs (I won't say how much total) since I started trying at the end of 2010. I've been so big for so long it has effected me in more ways than I realize. I've taken a lot of abuse from people, lots of negativity, and I never really developed any sense of self-esteem because I hated me more than anyone else.

What could I possibly not like abou...

3/17/13

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 17:56:57 EST

zZz... I stayed up late last night (or early this morning depending how you look at it) playing an online game with my online "friends" and today I have seriously dragged butt all day. Cereal, slimfast bar, a gallon bottle of water with a splash of Mio, and no desire to move my rear end from the comfort of my cozy chair.

I finally got myself up and some what motivated. If you count doing a no-no where I occasionally clung to the stationary bike handle bars arguing with myself to...

Bloggie...

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 14:40:55 EST

Yes, that is totally a word...but only because I said so. Anyhow, I've been "bloggie" (it's cuter with an ie than a y) lately because I've been writing daily for a while. Why? I'm not seeking attention, I'm not trying to bore people with the lame daily events of a housewife....but, it just keeps me sane. Could I set my blog to private? Always, but, why should I? I'm not shy and if someone wanders across it they help to hold me accountable for my actions by reminding me what I'm doing he...

Jog...

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 17:13:31 EST

Okay, so I started off pretty good. Our area is pretty hilly and all gravel/mud. I took a picture of the last hill (see below). I swear it seemed like it was sooooo incredibly long but, it doesn't even look like much of an incline on my pic.

After that it was quick shower, a trip to the store and pharmacy (oh how I dread the pharmacy), and then back home. Grabbed a sandwich for lunch and set to work...

Fourth times the charm?

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 14:16:04 EST

At least that's what I'm hoping. Though I'm not completely distraught because the longer it takes TTC the more time I have to lose weight. I'm looking at it in a more positive way than I used to because I now have 1 more month and if I follow the way I've been going hopefully that's 6 to 8 more pounds I can lose. I used to flip out and think "It didn't happen this month, it's never going to happen."

I am however not the least bit positive about taking Clomid again. The doctor s...

Busy day, good finds...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 17:07:13 EST

Today ended up being an early trip to the store. We usually go in the afternoon so, it threw my routine off and I have yet to workout. But, I did find some things to try and scored some decent deals. I found pointed tip plums from Chile...omg they are a-w-e-s-o-m-e! I also found a bag of Kamut flour that was on sale. While, it's not a gluten-free flour it is super high in protein and lately I need a big boost in that area. I also found a huge bag of Kashi cereal on sale (I know, I know ...

Can I have my hour back?

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 15:04:19 EST

I thought I "overslept" because apparently both hubby and myself set the clocks ahead last night....that ended up being two hours ahead. It's so grey and murky today you can't tell what time it is anyhow. So I jumped up and rushed around in circles to dress myself, feed animals, and start making breakfast. Nothing goes right when I try to hurry too much. I burnt DH's sausages, I over spiced the eggs, and the microwave decided to catch on fire (not flaming but there was stinky melted wire ...

3/8/13

Fri, 8 Mar 2013 16:17:10 EST

I really wasn't feeling it this morning to do my workout. My blood sugar was doing loop de loops but, my husband said "try walking and see if you'll feel better." With the support and encouragement and a willingness to feel less like crap I grabbed the ever wonderful backup workout Leslie Sansone's 3 mile walk. I wobbled along the first 15 minutes or so but after the first mile I was getting into it and getting a lot more lively. By 30 minutes in I was jogging along. That came to abrupt e...

Spare Tire....

Thu, 7 Mar 2013 15:42:32 EST

You have plagued me as long as I can remember. You cause all my clothes to fit wrong. You weigh me down and cause back pain. You curse me with PCOS and pre-diabetes. I've lost inches above you. I've lost inches below you. You have been saggy. You have been firmer but, you are ever faithful and you hold fast to me with your muffin-top-ness. Oh, spare tire how miserable you make me.

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Warning: The following is a TMI body rant. Please read at your own risk. ...

Calories...

Tue, 5 Mar 2013 21:02:53 EST

So I've adjusted a few things lately. I'm thinking 45 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of strength 6 days a week has been a little too aggressive for my calorie range. Since I stepped it up I've stopped seeing the scale go down. My eating has not changed, I haven't made any poor choices other than a spicy McChicken yesterday but, at least I remembered to order sans mayo.

So, new month things....

I started the Spring Into Shape Bootcamp, I'm accepting the fact that I n...

Epic...

Sat, 2 Mar 2013 16:12:12 EST

...that's what I'm calling my marathon snow shoveling session. Luckily, the neighbor driving by with a snow plow on his truck felt sorry for the fat lady out shoveling all by her lonesome and he offered to blade the rest. Naturally, not until I'd been outside nearly an hour and a half, I looked a fright and wore myself almost completely out. But, I'm grateful because...we're not snowed in!!!

But, whil...

2/28/13

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:15:34 EST

I was pretty glad with this month when I looked back over the details of it. I managed to lose 7.6 pounds. I increased my workout time, and my strength training. I also went down to 1,200 calories and I'm managing to stay in range quite nicely.

They finally plowed the road this morning! Mom came over and we went and wandered aimlessly around the dollar store and grocery store in town. It wasn't that entertaining but, it was just nice to get out of my house. Well, I needed som...

Snow day...

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 16:49:23 EST

The snow we have this go around is sticky heavy stuff. I woke up this morning to something tapping on the bedroom window...come to find out it's the lower branches of the tree behind the house. It has so much snow on it the lowest limbs have leaned over setting on our trailer. My mom woke up to one of their trees leaned over so far it was touching the roof of her car. So, all that said there is not much use for me to venture out in this stuff because it's wet and sticky and that's not muc...

2/24/13

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 16:52:30 EST

I finally managed to get in a solid 30 minutes on the bike today without having to take breaks for a coughing fit. Maybe the gunk I've been fighting is starting to go away. Finished up the 28-Day Bootcamp today and I can tell a big difference in my muscles now versus when I started. The first week I didn't really finish the Day 7 video, I just attempted and winged half the moves until my abs hurt and I wimped out. Today I got the moves done just fine.

I finally ventured out in ...

Even number...

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 14:16:06 EST

Today I weighed myself and the scale was unusually kind. It said 216.0 so, that would bring my loss since November to an even 30 pounds. Holy crap, I lost the equivalent of a beagle!

Now, more than ever I need to keep myself motivated. I've felt like I've been slacking the last day or two because I've been feverish and pretty achy but, some how I've managed to keep making progress even if it's slow almost pathetic progress. I got in a 30 minute bike program and came up with an ...

2-20-13

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 17:25:27 EST

Nothing very spectacular about today. I apparently needed sleep because I went into hibernation and over slept almost 2 hours this morning. I cleaned the house, got in 30 minutes on the bike and two spark videos (Bootcamp Day: 3 and the 10 minute Pilates thighs). It's been a slow day as I slept in so much I'm tired.

I had a quesadilla for breakfast loaded with spices, salad for lunch, some dark chocolate after my workout (really nutritious body fuel there) and dinner will be Chi...

Fury...

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 17:08:36 EST

I'm trying hard to battle the angry feeling that's plaguing me. I'm having one of those everything annoys me days. I blame the rage...the "Clomid Rage". I, of course, have the blinding headache it gives me and that I think is the anger maker. I'm already sensitive to noise on normal days but, today I think I could hear a push pin drop and I'd cringe.

Today is supposed to be my "rest" day when I take a break from my typical 30+ minutes of cardio and I do no toning workout. I st...

Too much day...

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 19:11:00 EST

I have celebrated with muchness and I am ready to call it quits today even though it's barely 6 pm. I got in a good jog this morning, this afternoon a 1/2 mile leisurely stroll with Mom, and after dinner 10 minutes on the bike, the seated upper body workout and the bootcamp video for today (my abs hate me now and so does my back I feel something pop when I do crunch type moves, scary)...so workout wise it was a great day. But, food wise I over did it big time. I had Cajun chicken alfredo, ...

The less I want to workout out...

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 12:16:05 EST

the harder I try to push myself. On days I feel the least motivated I push myself twice as hard. I might start out miserable but, the pay off is well worth it.

I honestly didn't feel like moving from my comfy recliner and fuzzy blanket this morning but after a few hours of internal battle I got off my rear and out of the pjs. I scrolled aimlessly through the YouTube selections of Low-Impact Cardio and selected the laziest looking thing I could find. After about 6 minutes of tak...

Being bold...

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:49:24 EST

Yesterday was awesome!!! I wasn't feeling much holiday spirit after taking care of some less than fun business in the A.M but, hubby managed to pull through and really make it a day to remember. We celebrated my birthday and Valentine's all in one day.

We renewed our vows at a free event at Unity Temple on the Plaza. They handed out gift bags, took pictures, and it was actually beyond awesome. This is something we had talked about doing in the future because we've had such a ro...

Gumbo...

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 18:27:48 EST

That sums up the day pretty well...a little bit of everything that went well together and it's what's for dinner. Doctor appointment was amusing. They got a new system now and they are using a laptop instead of carrying around paper files. Doctor "sent" e-scripts for all the medications to the pharmacy after about 30 minutes of fumbling and fighting with the program. We got to the pharmacy expecting them to be ready only to find out our local pharmacy doesn't participate in the e-script p...

2/11/13

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 00:08:07 EST

Nothing significant about today really. I went over range calorie and carb wise way over. I swear it's those crackers, they are evil...they are just soooo addictive. Curse you Ritz.

We went to Kansas City today. It ended up being a quicker trip than expected so I got to avoid any away from home food choices. The worst damage I did was add cherry syrup to my Diet Dr. Pepper (I know...so hypocritical) but, if QuikTrip would carry diet cherry syrup on the fountain I wouldn't ha...

Oh, motivation...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 14:18:53 EST

...where did you go? I have little to no motivation to do anything today. I grabbed cereal for breakfast because I was too zombie-fied to make anything decent. I felt so sleepy I didn't even feel like brewing up some coffee. Managed to get in a full 30 minute program pushing myself to hold it at 12 mph on the bike but, felt like I could fall off and fall back asleep. Changed the sheets, cleaned the rabbit cage, vacuumed, washed the dishes, made sandwiches for lunch. All this while yaw...

Reward...

Fri, 8 Feb 2013 20:12:28 EST

Since I reached one of my mini-goals I thought I deserved a treat. I got an awesome deep burgundy hair dye so that I could finally patch up my botched dip dye attempt. I'm loving the outcome. I'll try to get pics tomorrow.

Eating was chaotic today. I didn't have a menu plan already made up like I have had lately. I stayed in calorie range but, probably made poor choices. Today was carb heavy, high fat, and low protein. Guess an off day every now and then never hurts.
<...

Progress, Projects, Procrastination...

Thu, 7 Feb 2013 17:51:19 EST

I'd honestly prefer the latter. Progress: I'm down a bra size, I needed a new size because the band was too long around my slightly more narrow self. I hit 25 pounds lost and topped it with 1 more. Only 20 pounds away from 200! I am slowly gaining more energy and stamina I went 45 minutes on the bike this morning, ran loads of errands and I've got 20 minutes of toning to do tonight. I don't feel dead tired...yet.

Projects: It's getting about that time to start making the pre...

Hmmm, today...

Mon, 4 Feb 2013 17:44:00 EST

...it's up to debate on how it's going to turn out. I'll point out the good points first. I had leftover chicken breast for breakfast and that was just too yummy. I went shopping with DH, didn't want to strangle him halfway thru the store and got some very healthy foods. I got a new vacuum. I got new measuring cups. Got to see my Mom today. Got to briefly talk to a dearly missed friend. Had quality conversation and time with DH. I felt like today was actually productive for a change...

Image...

Sat, 2 Feb 2013 12:35:03 EST

I probably sound like a broken record to everyone but, I really can't get over the fact that when I look in the mirror I see all these body parts I've never had before. Like the outline of my ribs, I haven't seen them since childhood. The fact I have cheek bones or, my butt, I haven't had one for a long time just flabby thighs extending upward to my back with a crack in em. I've spent since ohhh, about middle school living my life as a shapeless blob (I'm in a size 15/16 which is where I w...

Skinny pants...

Fri, 1 Feb 2013 17:29:22 EST

...or at least a size smaller than normal. I've been stuck in size for a while. Before Christmas I got into a size 17 nicely but, they hugged my inner thigh fat in a less than flattering way. Today I tried on a pair of 15/16's in hopes that they fit. And they did!

I've been making sure to get in at least 10 minutes of toning everyday and some days just winging it with the moves I know and doing my own full body thing (about 20 - 30 minutes worth). I"m starting to notice I'm lo...

The plague...

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 12:01:55 EST

...I haz it, or so it feels like. Sinus funk, cold chills, and a general sloth type feeling. I managed to get in 30 minutes of cardio and do my Bootcamp video but, it was promptly followed by a nap. I wouldn't have managed the cardio but Leslie Sansone's Walk at Home videos are a life saver for a lazy day.

I'm managing fluids okay but, I haven't had much interest in solid food. I might have to whip ...

My scale MUST be broken...

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 10:37:31 EST

According to my scale I'm down to 223 from 227.6 only 5 days ago. During those days I had one day wayyyy over range, two days under range, and ate completely vegetarian for two days mid range. I skipped a few workouts opting for calling my yard work good enough and really didn't put much effort into this week. So, all that being said...that's it, that scale must be busted. Or my giving detox a try really busted through the plateau I've been on (even if I did sneak in crackers on day one b...

Back on Track...

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 20:18:26 EST

It's about time really. Got the eating reigned back in and my two day detox was amazing. Worked out 30 minutes solid today without wimping out and accomplished some outdoor stuff. Most importantly established a new level of communication and understanding on the home front that makes me feel more fulfilled as an individual.

After what seemed like a long spiral into chaos and misery I'm glad to be on the uphill slope. Lots of good things have taken place of the past few days. ...

Re-blog...

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 14:14:16 EST

I was going to rewrite my earlier blog...with a few parts of it and then write out how the day was getting turned around. But, just as I started smiling and thinking of what I could write it all started over again. One sentence was enough to set it all in motion back to derailment.

All I can come back to is this... I'm started to feel a lot of feelings that make me no longer want to be where I am, that I've had enough of the people around me and it's comes with the deep painfu...

Hmmm...

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 10:21:17 EST

Today's one of those days I have so much to do and not a clue where to start. I just cooked breakfast, got in a quick 15 minute workout, and now I'm trying to plan where to and what first and I already feel tired just thinking about it.

Tasks: Haul water, go pick up a grocery box, clean up the fence line, feed and water animals and thaw and rinse out a frozen drainage line from the dog pen. Oh, and fit in there make lunch, check in on my man, and then make dinner...and then wash...

Soundtrack...

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 11:23:57 EST

"...I'm not ashamed...To be the person that I am today..." -Staind

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEmk5EEaU_s

I'm finding music I identify with like a personal soundtrack. Trying really had not to let the winter blues win. I am not really sure what the heck is wrong with me lately. The more I try to like my life the less I seem to like it. Now that everyone is well rested the between persons tension level is non-existent. Communication is sort of improv...

Next times the charm...

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 23:32:11 EST

Or at least I'm hoping it will be. Today was a series of good and happy events...or at least everything went well that didn't involve food.

Hubby's ventilator was delivered this afternoon and he is all hooked up and snoozing away SAFELY! I couldn't be happier about that. The last night he laid down to sleep was Christmas Eve and it was a close call at losing him so, he's been upright in a recliner at all times for all this time. It's actually pretty reasonable he's been a compl...

Grain on the brain

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 16:50:25 EST

Pasta, bread, granola bar, cereal...anything! It's only been two days since I cleaned out the cabinets and downsized the available amount of gluten and products made with refined white flour that had found their way into our house. I've at strictly veggie, meat and fruit the last two days but all I can think about is anything and everything gluten.

I've met my newly adjusted carb level for both days supplementing the carb balance with things like pinto beans at the bottom of this...