WINGSOFCHANGE's SparkPeople Blog WINGSOFCHANGE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Words to live by! My hubby found the following text on Facebook and copied it for me. I LOVE it and felt the need to share it with all of my fellow Sparkers! I think that they are words to live by. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Wed, 26 Sep 2012 16:57:42 EST Fear, the great motivator? You know that old saying, 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink'? Well, I'm that horse. More like the horse's hind end! I've been working on my motivation and being active again on Spark, but I haven't given it my all. When I commit to something, I usually jump in with both feet and give it 100%, but I haven't done that. I used to bike up to 70 miles a week, weight train 3 times a week, and track my water and EVERY morsel of food that passed my lips. Nope, haven't... Thu, 20 Sep 2012 12:51:12 EST Does this happen to you? I certainly don't need reminders that I'm overweight, but I get them all of the time. Sometimes I feel as if I have this big target on my back, just asking to be kicked. Well, on Saturday night I got kicked again when we met two other couples for dinner. The six of us sat at a booth, and despite the fact that I DID FIT, one of the men asked ONLY me if I would like to move to a table! I stared at him at first, then in my most matter of fact voice asked "no, why would I want to move"? He d... Mon, 17 Sep 2012 14:39:46 EST Where oh where did my motivation go? Motivation is a funny thing. When you feel as if you've 'got it', you're rolling along and your journey can seem fairly smooth. But when you've lost it, you can feel stuck, frozen in place, unable to move forward. Not only did I fall off of the wagon, but it's rolled over me, and I've been stuck for awhile now. Falling off of the wagon is something that I thought would never, and I mean NEVER happen again. Boy, was I wrong! <BR> <BR> I thought that I finally 'got it' about making myself... Thu, 30 Aug 2012 12:48:19 EST What's it going to take? The second part of that question should be - to stop making the same mistake and putting myself LAST? I'm borrowing the title of a song from a certain ding-bat pop star, but it's how I feel - Oops, I did it again! The past year since I've been here on Spark I've learned a great deal about myself. Some good and some frustrating. I keep asking myself WHY I keep making the same mistakes and putting myself last. It's been a habit since I was a teenager, but one that I really want to brake. <... Thu, 7 Oct 2010 14:26:45 EST You never know what's next! Life has a way of throwing us curve balls and catching us totally off guard. I haven't been on here once in the last 13 days and just wanted to post an update. As many of my friends know, my MIL has been fighting cancer and went into total remission recently. Her behavior however was pushing my husband and myself to our limits. We both were having stress related health issues during the last four months. <BR> <BR> What happened on August 8th blind-sided us. We got a phone call just afte... Fri, 20 Aug 2010 14:34:57 EST The toxic vampire strikes again! To say that I'm mad would be an under-statement - I'm so angry, I could spit fire! The last two days have seemed like a bad dream. For those of you that haven't read my previous blogs, I'll give you the condensed version. My MIL was diagnosed with aggressive stage 4 lymphoma, with a gloomy prognosis. She appointed me both her general and medical power of attorney, probably because my husband doesn't have the time and his sister lives in California. Since she knows that I've handled the ... Fri, 6 Aug 2010 14:32:52 EST Farewell to my inner doormat! Do I have WELCOME stamped on my forehead? That's one of the questions I've been asking myself recently. I may not have been here on Spark that much lately, but I am still working on myself. I feel as if I've been peeling back the layers of an onion and discovering new things about myself. I have also been trying to get into my head and find some answers to my WHY questions. Such as WHY do I repeat certain behaviors and WHY do I feel like a doormat? And the biggest one of them all - WHY... Wed, 28 Jul 2010 13:17:33 EST Fake it till you make it! I never really understood that notion - until now. Sometimes things happen in life that throw us off course. The most important thing is to deal with what's going on in your life, stop floundering, and get on with it. That's where I'm at right now - between the stop floundering and getting on with it part. When life threw me off course and I found myself detoured down a road I did NOT want to be on, I found myself wondering how the heck I got there. I was adrift and lost, looking for my ... Thu, 15 Jul 2010 12:46:16 EST I want MY life back and I'm kicking stress to the curb! Losing control of your life doesn't happen all at once, but slowly - over time. It's a process that happens bit by bit, until suddenly you look at your life and wonder what happened. This is where I am NOW! I'm not happy with the detour my life has recently taken and I want my life back! It's no secret that I've been struggling the last 2-3 months. My feelings of happiness and feeling good about myself have felt like a distant memory. To put it simply - I've been STUCK! <BR> <BR> This ... Wed, 14 Jul 2010 15:09:40 EST What do you 'owe' a parent? I've been thinking of that question a great deal recently and yesterday I asked my SIL what her answer would be. What happens when your aging parent is facing the end? I was faced with that question when I was 18 years old and my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. Over a seven month period of time, I watched her handle her declining health with dignity and grace...right up to her last day. She never complained, even once, and thanked everyone for every act of compassion. I couldn't do e... Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:59:56 EST Enough is enough! Ah, clarity! Lessons some times come when you least expect. The past 4 weeks have been stressful and draining, as I've tried to handle my MIL's medical needs. To say that the woman is THE most ungrateful person I've EVER encountered - would be an under-statement. Nothing, and I do mean nothing is EVER enough! Not only doesn't she show a shred of appreciation, but she's getting nastier by the day and raising her voice and yelling. Instead of being appreciative to her family and friends f... Wed, 23 Jun 2010 14:27:09 EST Just when I think I'm out... I keep thinking of that line in the movie 'The Godfather' - 'just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in'. As my spark friends know, and others that have read some of my previous blogs, my MIL is toxic to say the least! She has taken emotional abuse to a whole new level, and finds pleasure in doing so. Over a month ago I decided that enough was enough and limited my contact with her, out of self preservation. It was going well until a few weeks back. <BR> <BR> She called to tell me t... Wed, 9 Jun 2010 11:13:14 EST Thoughts of diving headfirst into a vat of chocolate! This is the first I've been on Spark in about 2 weeks and thoughts of diving into a vat of chocolate are swimming through my head! I AM only kidding - kind of. The last two weeks have been pretty terrible and I will write a more detailed blog in a day or so and really explain everything, but for now here is the condensed version. As my friends know, my MIL has been a thorn in my side for almost 27 years and I recently limited my contact with her out of self preservation. However something... Thu, 3 Jun 2010 22:44:38 EST I just got the drive-by bitch-slap! I'm sitting here feeling hurt, stung, and ticked off! I will NEVER understand how someone can hurt another person on purpose! Writing this blog is my way of blowing off steam and getting this out of my head... or at least trying to. My SIL just called me and gave me what can only be described as a drive-by bitch-slap! She is just like my toxic MIL, only a younger version. Her manner of attack is to catch me off guard by having a normal conversation for a few minutes, and when my guard is... Wed, 5 May 2010 14:28:31 EST Determination or sheer stupidity? First off let me say that I was one of those people that viewed exercise as a necessary evil. I've walked, biked, jumped around to exercise videos, and spent countless hours in the gym, not really loving any of it. And as for running - ONLY if someone was chasing me with a gun! But that was then, and this is now. I decided last year to do exercise that I actually enjoyed and not something that I saw as torture and would dread. I REALLY love riding my bike and enjoying all of the sights a... Fri, 30 Apr 2010 12:29:15 EST Bye bye boobies, bye bye! I knew that it would happen sooner or later, and I was prepared for it. As I lost weight, I expected 'the girls' to get smaller as the rest of my body was shrinking. I knew that my back got smaller, as the band size on my bra was too big because when I raised my arms, the bra slid up, as well as the cups being a bit too big. So off to the department store I go to get a smaller bra. After being told by the sales clerk that my favorite bra was discontinued in larger cup sizes, I had to star... Wed, 28 Apr 2010 12:41:08 EST WooHoo, the pain in my @ss is gone! No, I'm NOT talking about my MIL! Last week the scale finally moved and I was SO excited about hitting the approaching 50 lb mark, which is one lb away, that I went a bit overboard with my exercise. I usually bike at about 11-12 MPH with 2 minute bursts of 17 MPH. However the other day I tried to maintain 17.5 MPH for longer than usual - a lot longer. Combine that with being a little too enthusiastic with my weight training - and I wound up with a pulled muscle in my left butt cheek! <B... Wed, 21 Apr 2010 12:16:41 EST Stress and weight loss REALLY don't mix! After losing a whopping 3 lbs in the last 11 weeks, I've come to the conclusion that stress and weight loss really don't mix! I feel like a car that's stalled in the middle of the road, and despite my trying to push it - it won't budge!! It really dawned on me today as I flipped back through my calendar, where I keep track of my weight and exercise, as well as the usual stuff. It has been 11 weeks since my MIL's paid companion passed away, and my stress went through the roof - NOT a coinci... Thu, 15 Apr 2010 16:53:02 EST Fear is a strong motivator for change! Recently I put my needs on the back burner, yet again! I was cocky and thought that I learned that lesson, but it's been apparent to me that I haven't. This is an old pattern of mine, that when I'm dealing with a lot of stress, that I put everything else before my needs. The source of my stress has been 'The Raptors', AKA my toxic MIL and visiting SIL. Even though I've tried to keep myself at arms length and out of their constant drama, it's felt like a struggle and has left me feeling dr... Tue, 13 Apr 2010 12:16:46 EST Yes, I guess I have grown 'a set'! The title of today's blog is courtesy of one of my best friends. She lives in Portland and when we spoke this morning she started choking on her cup of tea in response to something I said. She said that she was proud of me, and that I've changed. Her next comment was "not only have you grown 'a set', but I think that they're clinkers"! We both laughed. She also told me that I sound great and that I seem different. So thanks Lora, this title is for you! <BR> <BR> Every morning I read fr... Fri, 12 Mar 2010 13:06:20 EST Karma and my new 'I'm DONE taking crap attitude' I'm a firm believer in KARMA!!! I don't think that you can go through this life hurting others, and not have it come back to bite you in the keister at some point. The last two days I've thought about this. So for those of you that know of my toxic MIL, you may be surprised, and even call me a sap. In the past when I limited my contact with her I was always pulled back in because of some emergency or illness, and that's what happened this week. <BR> <BR> She said that she found a lump ... Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:12:25 EST Thanks Dr. Phil, you pompous @ss - for helping me! Despite the fact that I think Dr. Phil is a pompous @ss, two of his life strategies are stuck in my head! They are: <BR> <BR> "You can't change what you don't acknowledge" <BR> "You teach people how to treat you" <BR> <BR> I guess you can tell by my name - WINGSOFCHANGE, that change is important to me, so I've decided to take stock and acknowledge a few things. This blog started out as many of mine have, as an entry in my journal. I wrote this days ago, but hesitated in posting it becaus... Wed, 3 Mar 2010 14:15:57 EST Oh happy day, I did it! After a few weeks of scale-frustration, I was ready! I put thoughts of beating the scale with a hammer out of my mind, and instead focused on reaching one of my mini goals. Weeks ago I set a couple of mini goals for myself with a time-line - February 27th, my birthday. Both goals seemed easy at the time, but I didn't plan on the blasted scale sticking for weeks at the same number. However I was determined to reach one goal - losing 2 lbs, and breaking a number that I haven't seen in close... Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:49:46 EST Frustration leads to thoughts of total scale destruction! This morning started out as every Friday since August - with me looking forward to stepping on the scale! After looking down, and stepping on and off of the blasted thing 3 times, I started to fantasize. No, it didn't involve some hot stud-muffin, like Mario Lopez! As I stood there filled with frustration, I could visualize myself doing something that I've never done before, but REALLY wanted to on many occasions, but didn't have the nerve to do. I could SEE myself doing it, and working u... Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:37:33 EST Is the word 'SELFISH' a dirty word? I wonder how many of us were taught that being 'selfish' was bad? I certainly was! My mother drilled it into my head, along with - tell the truth, be a lady, be nice, treat your elders with respect and NEVER talk back, and ALWAYS be polite! Unfortunately my mom didn't live long enough to teach me what the exceptions to some of the 'rules' were, and how to stand up for myself. So I was the 'good girl', that morphed into a 'polite doormat'! <BR> <BR> I never put my needs first, to me tha... Tue, 9 Feb 2010 15:31:26 EST Blogging's given me a "NEW ATTITUDE"! Before this week, I didn't REALLY understand the value of blogging. Sure, it's a way to get our thoughts and feelings out, and maybe share something with someone else, but it's more than that. That realization really hit home today for me. Anyone that's read my previous two blogs knows that it's been a difficult week, and that I felt like I was going to explode. Writing about my feelings and posting my blogs helped me feel better. Like I finally could take a breath and let go. <BR> <B... Sun, 7 Feb 2010 14:29:17 EST The lessons of life and loss! The past 6 days have been challenging, to say the least. I think that people show their 'true colors' when life throws you a curve ball. I see it as character. This is really a follow-up to my last blog. The other day I felt so much stress, that I thought that I would explode! I was going to write in my journal and try to let it go, but instead I wrote my blog. I hesitated in posting it because I was venting SO many feelings, and I felt very exposed, but I posted it anyway. The strange... Thu, 4 Feb 2010 16:16:14 EST I feel like I'm suffocating from the toxic vampire! The last few days have been very sad and extremely stressful. Friday, late in the afternoon while I was starting dinner, I got a phone call that caught me off guard. My MIL's companion of 9.5 years was being rushed to the hospital without a pulse or a heartbeat. I shut the stove off, changed my clothes, and rushed out of the door. By the time I got to the hospital, he had passed away. His name was Bob and he was a part of our extended family. His son moved down here from Ohio a few mon... Tue, 2 Feb 2010 19:45:26 EST All of the little things add up! This morning before I went out for my bike ride, I took a container of cooked, steel cut oats out of the fridge, to have for breakfast when I came home. I warmed it up, added a banana and some almond milk, and was good to go. This made me think about all of the little things that I do, that make this journey easier. My DH teases me about being a 'list maker', but it's a habit I got into years ago to help keep myself organized. It's one of my quirks, but it works for me! I never leave the... Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:48:19 EST The calorie-killer meatballs! One of my DH's favorite meals is spaghetti with meatballs, and since we haven't had that for dinner in months, I decided to make it for him last weekend as a treat. To be honest, I've been getting into a bit of a chicken and fish rut. My old meatball recipe was full of parmesan cheese, caramelized Vidalia onions, and sundried tomatoes. Well, surprise - surprise! Those little suckers were calorie-killers! I could forgo the whole digestive process, and just slap them on my @ss - because th... Wed, 20 Jan 2010 12:21:03 EST I'm FEELIN' it - almost normal!! I heard two little words this morning that made my day. ALMOST NORMAL! Last week I went to the lab for the blood-sucking witch, disguised as a lab tech, to draw my blood for more thyroid tests. I've had to have lab work done, followed by an office visit with my Endocrinologist, every 8 weeks for months now - only to be told that I'm NOT in a normal range yet. So this morning I went back to the doctor to get the results, prepared for his usual response. What I heard instead was 'almost no... Tue, 19 Jan 2010 14:15:38 EST How do you see yourself? There's a thought that's been STUCK in my head, and I can't shake it loose! But, It's a GOOD thought. I stopped by my friend, KIRSTEN's page today to say hello, when I noticed that she posted a new picture. I went to check it out, and I loved it. REALLY loved it!!!! Thanks Kirsten! It was of a kitten looking in a mirror, and seeing his reflection back - as a lion. It was the cutest thing! The caption was; WHAT MATTERS MOST IS HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF. <BR> <BR> The meaning stuck with... Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:36:02 EST A trip down memory lane and learning from the past! I think that until I learned from some lessons in my life, I had to repeat them over and over again. I've decided to smarten up, grow 'a set' (or blow the dust off of the ones I USED to have), let go of my need to be POLITE, and speak my mind! This is something that I decided to work on this year. And just in time, because the SPAWN (AKA my SIL) is coming for a visit in 11 weeks. My initial feeling was DREAD when I heard of her visit, because of all the 'joyful' (yes, sarcasm) past trip... Thu, 14 Jan 2010 13:39:50 EST BLOATED?? I feel like a water balloon! I should have known better! I made chicken chili on Saturday, and chicken soup on Sunday, and after eating this stuff for the last few days - I feel miserable. I didn't have low sodium broth or canned tomatoes, so I used the regular ones - BAD idea! I did rinse the canned beans, but after the sodium content of the broth and tomatoes, it didn't make much of a difference. And since this week is "that time" of the month - DOUBLE whammy! When I got up this morning my face was puffy and I f... Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:53:58 EST Judgemental friends that are former-chunkers! Maybe I'm too sensitive, but what is it with friends that were once chunkers, but are now thin and judgemental? I've seen this over and over again, and quite frankly - I just don't get it! My mother used to say "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". I had that drilled into my head since I was a little girl, but apparently some women never heard that saying before! I'm NOT talking about ALL women, just the ones that are judgemental, and since losing weight, feel that... Tue, 12 Jan 2010 14:16:24 EST Butch up and just DO IT! (w/pics) The weather here in Florida has been unusually COLD! I watched the news the other night and I could hardly believe my ears. They said that the temperature could get into the 20's this past weekend, and get this - a chance of snow! <BR> <BR> I usually ride my bike early in the morning, but since it was rather chilly, I waited ALL day for it to warm up a bit - but it never happened! By around 5 o'clock, I had enough, as I gave myself a kick in the butt. I thought to myself, butch up and ... Mon, 11 Jan 2010 12:55:45 EST I'm freezing my cajungas off! I was on the phone with my friend this morning, who happens to live nearby, when she said that she saw snow flurries. As we were talking, the AC/heating compressor on the outside of the house started making clanking sounds. Oh no, that CAN'T be good! As I walked over to the window to see what the heck was going on, the noise got louder. My friend could actually hear the noise over the phone. As I looked outside I could see that the unit was covered with ICE! I got off of the phone, shut... Sat, 9 Jan 2010 15:49:18 EST The POWER of Spark! Back in August when I joined, I had NO idea just how important Spark would become to me, and the difference it would make in my life. When I came here my motivation and self esteem were at an all time low, yet I still had some hope - because I joined. I recently looked at old pictures from Christmas a few years ago, and I hardly recognized myself. Yes, I saw an overweight woman, but what really struck me was my face. Even if I was smiling in the photos, it wasn't real. I saw a sad and li... Thu, 7 Jan 2010 13:41:36 EST Seduction - the lure of the lying poundcake! Last night as I walked through the kitchen I heard an old familiar 'friend' calling my name softly. It said 'come on, just a bite, I promise that I won't make your @ss fat'. LIAR! It was the leftover rum pecan poundcake! However, I let it lure me, as I broke off a piece and popped it into my mouth - YUM. I then realized that this rum-soaked, butter laden, delicious concoction was trying to seduce me! An occasional treat is fine, but having this 'temptation' still hanging around is N... Tue, 5 Jan 2010 13:07:48 EST A New Year - a new me! Last night while I was listening to the sounds of my hubby snoring, I had so many thoughts going through my head, that I actually thought of getting up and writing them down. I didn't, but first thing this morning over my cup of coffee, I started to journal. I kept thinking of what a difference this past year has made in my life, and how great I feel. <BR> <BR> This is the first time in years that I did NOT face New Year's Day with a resolution to do something about my weight, because I al... Sun, 3 Jan 2010 14:07:29 EST Enjoying the Holidays, and--wow--losing weight! The last couple of weeks have been hectic, and I haven't been on Spark that much. I was determined, however, to NOT dive headfirst into the calorie-infused goodies of the season. <BR> <BR> Christmas Eve dinner is always at our house, and everyone had a good time. Even my MIL was on good behavior (for her). My friend Helen commented in front of my MIL on how much weight I've lost, and in true fashion, my MIL said... NOTHING. She called the next day, and the first thing out of her mouth was, ... Sat, 2 Jan 2010 16:25:07 EST Ho - Ho - Freakin' Ho! We just spent the last 2 days up to our necks in Christmas decorations. UGH!!! Oh, the joy of the season! With the holidays quickly approaching, we knew that we had a dreaded weekend of lights, trees, balls, and other patience-testing Christmas chores! As my DH loads up the yard buggy with lights, extension cords, timers, and what not, I carry the big-@ss ladder out back. When I question him on his good mood with all of this work before us, he seems almost giddy as I look at him with su... Tue, 8 Dec 2009 17:27:02 EST WooHoo, I'm 1/4 of the way there! This morning when I stepped on the scale and saw that another 3 pounds bit the dust, I was thrilled. But something else happened, I reached the 1/4 of the way to goal mark. WooHoo!! And yes, I certainly did the happy dance. Heck, I may be dancing all day long, after all I can count it as cardio! <BR> <BR> When I joined Spark in August, my motivation was at an all time low and I felt a bit hopeless. But I couldn't accept the fact that I was trapped in an overweight body, so I still had a... Fri, 4 Dec 2009 12:26:50 EST Preparing for Ho Ho Ho! This isn't going to be about weight loss, but about what I'm feeling thankful for today, which is sharing the holidays with my husband. As I'm sitting outside having my breakfast, I'm gearing up for a day of unpacking Christmas stuff (UGH!) and getting into the holiday spirit! Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the holiday season - but it's WORK! Since we live in Florida, and don't have a basement, everything is up in the attic. This is a two person job, so I need my DH for this one. I ... Thu, 3 Dec 2009 14:46:09 EST Goodbye holiday weight gain and regret!! This is the first time in years that I'm not dreading the holidays and the food-fest that accompanies them, followed by the holiday weight gain! In the past, the holiday season was a reprieve from 'dieting'. How many of us thought that we would start again after New Years Day? Then after stepping on the scale on January 2nd, I would regret every Christmas cookie, glass of eggnog, and calorie infused 'goodie' that I consumed over the holidays! That was then and this is now. I decided that... Wed, 2 Dec 2009 11:07:23 EST I survived Thanksgiving! I actually feel proud of myself for how I handled the temptation of the calorie-killer meal, know as Thanksgiving! In the past, a holiday would have been an excuse for falling off of the wagon for the day. Heck, I wouldn't have just fallen off, the wagon would have run me over a few times! But that was then, and this is now! In the battle of me vs. Thanksgiving, I WON! I told my DH that I would allow myself a SMALL piece of dessert, ONLY if I exercised first, so we went for a nice bike ... Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:15:08 EST Feeling thankful! Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, it's only natural that I would be feeling thankful for all of the blessings in my life. We spend every Thanksgiving with our best friends, which are our make-shift family. We'll go to their house tomorrow, and every Christmas Eve they come to our home to celebrate the holiday. We started a tradition years ago at the dinner table, before we eat. We take turns going around the table saying what we are all thankful for. After dinner we always watch a Christ... Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:17:37 EST Grateful for the lessons! Every morning I read from a book of daily meditations, and then go for my bike ride. I like to use that quiet time to think about what I read. Today's topic was the power of gratitude. My first thoughts were of how grateful I felt to be sharing my life with my husband. I'm also grateful for the good health that he and I have, as well as the health and happiness of our friends and extended family. I feel grateful EVERY day for my life. But during today's bike ride, I focused on how grate... Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:55:39 EST I'm WORTH the effort! Recently I've let life side-track my efforts. By doing that I've skipped breakfast on some mornings, and haven't consumed enough calories. As a result of that, the scale didn't budge, and I feel tired again. It started to dawn on me when I noticed that I take better care of our cats than I do of myself sometimes. I never miss feeding them! Also every day I make sure that my DH takes his vitamins and takes a large bottle of water with him to work, along with a healthy lunch. However ... Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:31:26 EST