WINDSONG26's SparkPeople Blog WINDSONG26's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community 11/27/2014 Joke of the Day A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted, behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his drive... Thu, 27 Nov 2014 10:31:56 EST 10/19/14 Joke of the Day - Especially for Parents An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. <BR> <BR> The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him t... Sun, 19 Oct 2014 11:49:48 EST 8/20/14 Finally Have Some Good News to Share Alright, I'm just gonna cut to the chase and share my good news. I got a phone call yesterday from the HR manager lady that I interviewed with last week at the company my husband works for. She had already recommended me for hire but it was up in the air if I was actually going to get it because of that black mark on my record for getting arrested and all that crap. Well, she called and my check came back good enough to be hired. All that's left is my drug test to come back clean, but since I... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:29:45 EST 8/4/14 Update It's been a while again. Not much has gone on except for my doctor diagnosed me with plantar fasciitis about 2 weeks ago. Been having a lot of pains in my feet for about 2-2 1/2 months now. I kept blowing it off because sometimes the body just hurts for a bit and then goes away for no real reason. At least my body does. But, this didn't. Kept getting worse and worse and worse. I finally had had enough and made an appointment. Went in, and yeah, wasn't nothing. <BR> <BR> So she told me to no... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 21:32:28 EST 8/2/14 Joke of the Day An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to. <BR> <BR> She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. <BR> <BR> The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." <BR> <BR> A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." Sat, 2 Aug 2014 09:55:07 EST 8/1/14 Joke of the Day A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a ‘funeral director.’ After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker w... Fri, 1 Aug 2014 09:47:29 EST 7/16/14 Extremely Funny and Relevant Picture <img src=""> Wed, 16 Jul 2014 09:52:04 EST 7/6/14 Update It's been quite a while since I've done a more personal blog. Just don't have much time anymore to do much of anything. Oh well. It happens. <BR> <BR> Well, on the work front which I have complained about the most, nothing has changed. I am still busting my butt with both jobs. I am actually very seriously considering just opening up my own business and saying to hell with you all. If you won't appreciate me and my hard work the way I deserve, I'll appreciate myself. So, we'll see what happe... Sun, 6 Jul 2014 15:12:29 EST 6/14/14 Joke of the Day A young man bought an expensive piece of jewelry as a present for his girlfriend. “Don’t you want her name engraved on it?” asked the clerk. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the realistic, steadfastly replied, “No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again.” <BR> Sat, 14 Jun 2014 11:24:28 EST 6/2/14 Joke of the Day Two bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood." <BR> <BR> The other bat is amazed and says, "Well, it’s a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die." "Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it." <BR> <BR> So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth. <BR> <BR> "You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood... Mon, 2 Jun 2014 09:44:10 EST 5/28/14 Joke of the Day The boss was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door. After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his. “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!” <BR> Wed, 28 May 2014 09:43:09 EST 5/27/14 Joke of the Day HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES . . . <BR> <BR> 1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room. <BR> <BR> 2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. <BR> <BR> 3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. <BR> <BR> 4. Then analyze the situation: <BR> <BR> a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department. <BR> <BR> b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing. <BR> <BR> c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineer... Tue, 27 May 2014 09:45:12 EST 5/20/14 Joke of the Day Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? <BR> <BR> Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook. Tue, 20 May 2014 09:45:58 EST 5/19/14 Joke of the Day Fun Things To Do In An Elevator: <BR> <BR> 1. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" <BR> <BR> 2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" <BR> <BR> 3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. <BR> <BR> 4. Sell Girl Scout cookies. <BR> <BR> 5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. <BR> <BR> 6. Greet everyone ge... Mon, 19 May 2014 09:46:28 EST 5/18/14 Joke of the Day You Don't Need to Be a Weatherman... <BR> <BR> It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang. <BR> <BR> The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down. <BR> <BR> His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" <BR> <BR> The husband replies, I don’t know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear. Sun, 18 May 2014 11:33:28 EST 5/14/14 An Update Well, I was in a very dark place when I wrote my last blog. I'm still not out of the woods, but I do feel a little bit better. I guess just letting go and letting myself cry like a lunatic helped. I think I cried for about 6 hours altogether over the span of two days. Doesn't sound like a lot when I list it out like that, but for me, that's a ton of tears. I despise crying. They make me feel terrible and I don't ever feel like it solves anything. Which, it doesn't, but it provides a re... Wed, 14 May 2014 19:22:25 EST 5/12/14 Not for the Guys Okay. I guess I'm going to have to get a little TMI on you guys, but I seriously just do not know what to do anymore. I am absolutely miserable and I don't know how to make it better or exactly why this keeps happening. <BR> <BR> Okay, so since I have PCOS and endometriosis, I have an extremely irregular cycle and every cycle that I do manage to have is beyond miserable. And the longer that I go in between cycles, the more miserable I get in general. Some of that makes sense. Since it's been... Mon, 12 May 2014 12:40:14 EST 5/11/14 Pictures of Buddy Well, as promised, I finally got around to finding a few minutes between juggling two jobs and being a wife and trying to take good care of myself to try to relax and try to exercise daily, even if it is only ten minutes, to post some pictures of Buddy. There's one or two that are older that my MIL took of him not long after she rescued him. I am not posting the two that she took the day after she saved his life because he looks so terrible and so sad and that's just not who he is anymore. ... Sun, 11 May 2014 19:35:43 EST 5/10/14 Funny Video Don't worry. You don't need sound to enjoy this video. It's just entirely way too funny. I had to watch it twice, I was laughing so hard. Enjoy! <BR> <BR> <link><BR>d-and-creates-home-video-theyll-never-<BR>forget/?utm_content=img-group&utm_sour<BR>ce=FB_ILoveMyDog&utm_medium=link&utm_c<BR>ampaign=SledHijack_5-10-14 </link> Sat, 10 May 2014 09:48:19 EST 5/8/14 Joke of the Day Boss: You should have been here at 9.30 a.m. <BR> <BR> Employee: Why what happened? Thu, 8 May 2014 09:49:47 EST 5/6/14 Joke of the Day A fifth grader class was on an educational trip. As they rode along in the school bus, the teacher noticed that one boy was lying facedown in the aisle of the bus with his hands over his eyes. “Why are you lying in the aisle like that.” <BR> <BR> “Well,” said the boy, “if you don’t see anything, you don’t have to write anything.” Tue, 6 May 2014 09:45:23 EST 5/3/14 Joke of the Day A nursery school driver was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. <BR> <BR> ‘They use him to keep crowds back,’ said Tommy. <BR> <BR> ‘No,’ said Billy, ‘he’s just for good luck.’ <BR> <BR> Peter brought the argument to a close. ‘They use the dogs, he said firmly, to find the fire hydrants….' Sat, 3 May 2014 10:55:28 EST 5/1/14 Well, my husband and I adopted a dog. I still deeply miss my Missy girl, but she's not coming back unfortunately. His name is Buddy and the poor guy has had a really tough life. He's only about 4 years old and he spent the first two of them locked in a basement and the other two chained to a tree outside with no food and barely any water. The only time they'd water the poor guy is when the cops were called. He was pretty much skin and bones when my MIL rescued him from her terrible neigh... Thu, 1 May 2014 09:27:59 EST 4/28/14 - Major Rant Okay, I'm really sorry, but I need to rant. I have got to get some things off my chest. <BR> <BR> Okay, I know that everyone knows by now that I absolutely despise my job and quite frankly, I'd rather have a million tarantulas crawl all over me even though I'm a severe arachnophobic than continue to work there. I have been diagnosed with a chronic headache problem because I am constantly accosted with tension headaches and migraines, and sometimes I even get both kinds at the same time, be... Mon, 28 Apr 2014 12:32:44 EST 4/25/14 Laugh A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says "Okay, okay. I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks "What movie did you watch?" Son says "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says "Okay, okay. We were watching porn." Dad says "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn wa... Fri, 25 Apr 2014 09:45:19 EST 4/23/14 Chuckle One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." <BR> <BR> The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" <BR> <BR> The little girl replied, "My homework." Wed, 23 Apr 2014 09:48:12 EST 4/22/14 Chuckle Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll? <BR> <BR> A: No one knows, it's never been done. <BR> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 09:47:47 EST 4/17/14 Laugh A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. <BR> <BR> She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" <BR> <BR> Her grandso... Thu, 17 Apr 2014 09:48:51 EST 4/16/14 Chuckle Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe? <BR> <BR> Joe: I won it in a race. <BR> <BR> Bill: How many people participated in it? <BR> <BR> Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!! Wed, 16 Apr 2014 09:50:35 EST 4/15/14 It's been quite a while since I've blogged and updated my friends on what's going on, I know. There just hasn't been a whole lot to update until the last few days and I've been kind of busy. So, where to start? <BR> <BR> I guess I'll start with the obvious, weight loss. I haven't lost a thing. But I am working on it. I haven't done much the last few days because of some things I will get into later, but last week I did get in two really good workouts plus I walked after work 5 times. D... Tue, 15 Apr 2014 13:26:27 EST 3/31/14 Chuckle An Accident Report <BR> <BR> I am writing in response to your request for “additional information.” In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put “poor planning” as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the following detail will be sufficient. <BR> <BR> I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot antenna tower. When I completed my work, I discover... Mon, 31 Mar 2014 20:04:05 EST 3/29/14 Chuckle A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain. <BR> <BR> Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little cur... Sat, 29 Mar 2014 09:45:48 EST 3/20/14 Chuckle A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. <BR> <BR> "Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back." <BR> <BR> "You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got." ... Thu, 20 Mar 2014 09:37:02 EST 3/18/14 Some Thoughts... Well, I've been rather stuck in my thoughts this afternoon. Not completely sure why I've been so introspective. I guess I'll just start at the beginning of today. <BR> <BR> I got a phone call this morning from the dentist's office. They had two openings tomorrow for me to get my wisdom tooth pulled instead of having to wait until April 2. Needless to say I grabbed one of them because even though the antibiotics and that special mouth rinse stuff they prescribed me last week have helped... Tue, 18 Mar 2014 20:05:56 EST 2/26/14 Chuckle A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter. <BR> <BR> She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It's so beautiful. <BR> <BR> Did I really make it to heaven?" <BR> <BR> To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter." The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied.... Wed, 26 Feb 2014 09:46:14 EST 2/23/14 Well, nothing really to report this week. I've been out sick with a really bad sinus infection that made it so that I couldn't breathe at all through my nose and then it started irritating the crap out of my throat and lungs with the darn postnasal drip thing. I'm finally on the mending side now and I am hoping to be back at it tomorrow. But yeah, I missed every single day but Friday from work last week. Which sucks because that just ate up absolutely all of my vacation time for the year.... Sun, 23 Feb 2014 11:55:33 EST 2/9/14 And here we are again. Another week gone. It's just crazy. Anyways, not too much to report. It's been a hectic week. The weather has been crazy with all the cold and snow. It's just weird to me. I don't think I've ever seen it be -25 degrees with a -40 degree windchill. And it was that way for about 2 or 3 days. It's crazy. Thankfully my heater has held up through it all and this thing that we plug in to keep the pipes from freezing has been working absolutely wonderfully. I haven'... Sun, 9 Feb 2014 11:57:53 EST 2/2/14 And yet another week has flown on by. Not to mention a month. I can't believe it's February already... Anyways, this week was a crash and burn week on the exercise front. But I am happy to report that I did have a three day streak going of staying in my calorie ranges and not eating any junk food. That's definitely good. Very proud of that one. Granted, it helped immensely that we were completely and totally broke, but oh well. And I had a maintenance on the scale this week. Not as g... Sun, 2 Feb 2014 11:52:29 EST 1/27/14 Had a Minor Accident Well, I officially feel about an inch tall. And I really officially hate the ice. Was driving in to the parking lot to pick my husband up from work and there was someone in the drive getting ready to leave and was sitting in the middle of the drive. Well, I misjudged the room because of the snow and how dark it is and didn't realize it until it was too late. So, I tried to pull up onto the curb and round my way around the person, but the bloody tire slipped off the curb because of the ice and... Tue, 28 Jan 2014 09:05:05 EST 1/26/14 Another week has gone by already. Seriously, where in the world is the time going to? It's crazy how fast it all keeps going. Well, this week has been a bit better. It was so nice to have a four day weekend away from work to get other things done that I haven't been able to get done and just relax. I did manage to get in two workouts this last week. Not the absolute best, but definitely better than none. I wasn't the absolute best that I could be on my nutritional intake, but it was FA... Sun, 26 Jan 2014 11:57:40 EST 1/20/14 Doctor Visit Well, I am now finally back home from going to the doctor. I love that she sat there with me for about 20-30 minutes while we worked up a plan that we can both be happy with and that she understands I'm not made of money. <BR> <BR> So, I guess first thing's first. I printed out the headache log that I've been keeping since November and she read it. Two and a half pages. Man. That's not good. So anyway, she read it and was glad that I had already been keeping a log because it made the d... Mon, 20 Jan 2014 15:40:40 EST 1/20/14 Chuckle A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard. <BR> <BR> The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit. <BR> <BR> T... Mon, 20 Jan 2014 09:57:23 EST 1/19/14 Well, this week has been a crash and burn week for me. I didn't exercise once, I didn't stay in my calorie range once, nor did I do my energy healing exercises. So, yeah. It's been pretty bad. I really don't have any excuses, either. Just laziness and depression and stupidity. But it is a new week, a new day, and it's a fresh start. So it's time to try again. And I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning to renew my Metformin prescription and hopefully get more muscle relaxers ... Sun, 19 Jan 2014 12:13:22 EST 1/12/14 Well, I did do a lot better this week than I have. No where near where I should or want to be, but it's improvement. I did manage to get in a couple of workout this last week. I'm most certainly feeling them today. Really sore. My nutritional intake improved quite a bit. At least for most of the week. Since my husband and I went out of town to finally get my name changed on my social security crap, (might I mention I don't think it's right that I should have to wait two hours at a crow... Sun, 12 Jan 2014 12:35:43 EST 1/5/14 I guess I'll keep this one short. There's really not much to update on. I was forced to end the year on a miserable note and I have not really recovered well at all. Which at this point, is understandable. She hasn't even been gone a week yet and everything is still really raw and painful. I've been answering that pain in very bad ways. I've been abusing fast food really bad again, and I went on to abuse Tylenol PMs and allergy pills to knock myself out because the only time the pain st... Sun, 5 Jan 2014 12:13:44 EST 12/31/13 Well, we took Missy to the vet this morning for her appointment. I had gotten a loan from my boss because I just knew in my soul what was going to happen. We told them that she hasn't really improved and could barely keep her food down. Plus she lost another 3 pounds from her last time on the scale. So the vet agreed with my diagnosis that it was time to say goodbye. We did the deed. I stayed with her every step of the way just like she always stayed with me when I needed her. I was su... Tue, 31 Dec 2013 12:39:20 EST 12/29/13 Well, I honestly don't know what to say anymore. I am trying to deal with my stress better. I managed to get in a couple of workouts last week. Didn't do more due to sore muscles and me not wanting to overdo it and end up with an injury already. I'm going to keep trying that, just build a little bit at a time. And I know that it's going to help out a lot with the stress levels. Which are, of course, through the roof and on out into interstellar space. I'm trying so hard to hold it toge... Sun, 29 Dec 2013 12:13:18 EST 12/23/13 Some News (Christmas Miracle, Perhaps?) Okay. Some news. My husband spoke with the vet today. Her blood work is in. The good news is that none of her organs are failing. The bad news is that she definitely does have Lymphoma and it's a matter of time, unfortunately. So he gave us a third option since we can't afford the chemo. We can give her Cortisol or Cortisin (something like that...) that won't extend what's left of her life, but will make her more comfortable and help her eat again. So, we sat down with Missy and told ... Mon, 23 Dec 2013 21:02:48 EST 12/20/13 Complete Devastation I took Missy, my dog, to the vet today. We can all thank my Christmas bonus for being able to afford that. So I get her in. And, as was unfortunately expected, it's not good. He's pretty sure she has Lymphoma. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's cancer. All of her lymph nodes are huge. Especially this one in neck/throat area. I honestly can't believe I never felt it before. It's a hand full. Literally. So he took some blood work to get some definitive answers and he took a ches... Fri, 20 Dec 2013 20:13:02 EST 12/15/13 Well, it's most certainly been another week. Not my best yet again, but not the worst either. At least in some parts. I stayed in my nutrition ranges two or three times this week. Better than my usual zero. And I didn't get up to exercise in the morning. Between dealing with very severe depression this last week and having had 3 migraines this week out of I think was 5 headaches total, I just haven't done it. I just want to stay in bed and not wake up. That's just how I feel. And I h... Sun, 15 Dec 2013 11:26:27 EST