WELDEDLIFE's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=WELDEDLIFE WELDEDLIFE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Positivity for 10-23-12 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5109718 Realizing I don't have to obsess over the shoulds. I don't have to sit there thinking I have to do a 30 minute cardio routine, eat salad every meal, etc. No, instead I have my two 30 day challenges. One is to do more yoga and the other is to plan my meals for work. After that, I can up the ante and SLOWLY build healthy habits. Whoop! Whoop! Tue, 23 Oct 2012 10:19:09 EST Positive #1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5099187 Hello Sunday, <BR> <BR> I have really been studying in a consistent way I never have before. In regards to my health, I got good numbers for my blood pressure and for my blood sugar and I kept some weight off. Been climbing stairs despite the cold and found a plan to tackle the after work munchies: eat healthier versions of my favorite comfort foods. <BR> <BR> That last bit was very important. I tried so hard for perfection, that when I fell off the wagon, I fell much harder than if I ha... Sun, 14 Oct 2012 22:14:08 EST The positive http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5090675 I have really fallen in love with listing the positive when it comes to a to do list. Someone suggested it and it really energizes me. I don't really plan too much but I end up pushing myself without even knowing it. I look forward to being able to say, I did A, B and C. at the end of the day. <BR> <BR> Well Sunday, <BR> <BR> I went swimming, washed my swimsuit, shopped for healthy meals for the week. <BR> <BR> Saturday, I cleaned the kitchen, put brake fluid in my car and cleaned the... Sun, 7 Oct 2012 23:57:02 EST Shoring up the weak spots. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5087321 Okay, I am going slow. For a week or so, I have just been doing a little at a time and focusing on the positive things I do day to day and not on the should do. The things I should do to lose weight like daily running, daily salads. There is a lot I don't do but I am taking a suggestion from one of you to just list the great things I HAVE done. <BR> <BR> In terms of eatings, I plan and make available good snakc options. For exercise, I am taking the stairs and cleaning. Just moving. ... Fri, 5 Oct 2012 00:54:27 EST When I am awake http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5083760 I am not sure if it is because I am bright eyed or bushy tailed at 11 am or if it is an actual epiphany. I just feel like I am high in the sky and have a good lay of the land in terms of my mental health status. My mom called and we cleared some things up in terms of my trying to distance myself and why. She understood, agreed and admitted I was a burden. That's what I heard. I was the actual person who said I was an emotional burden but did she have to agree so heartily!?! It hurt but b... Tue, 2 Oct 2012 12:15:30 EST When I get tired http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5079091 At night I have been feeling anxiety and a little panicky. The article I saw on the site front page came just in time. It talked about comfort exercises which are a new concept for me. At night, I really have to either move or sleep or both. <BR> <BR> These past few weeks I have just been feeling like there is so much wrong with me and I don't know what my fall back position is supposed to be. Fall back position. For me, I think that means what to do when I am thinking, I am not study... Sat, 29 Sep 2012 00:53:05 EST My perfect cave http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5074705 When I was a little girl I began building my perfect house. It was made of books and fantasies. That foundation hid the shotgun house that was paper thin and let in the mosquitoes as if we lived outside. I actually don't remember this. These are my mother's memories. I see it as if I remember but I don't. She told me how we slept in front of the fan and she still had to wave the mosquitoes off of me. I remember staying up to watch Friday night videos on our grainy non-cable television... Tue, 25 Sep 2012 16:57:10 EST Not trusting yourself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5073911 Someone gave me a good comment that verified something I felt and said and I felt good about it. But it hit me that I don't trust myself and my perceptions. Not really. There is a hesitation there. When I make steps towards asserting myself just in my thoughts and saying, I am going to ignore that person I am just not sure sometimes if that is the right thing to do. <BR> <BR> Why, because I have spent too much time frozen not making a move in fear that I am doing something wrong or sayin... Tue, 25 Sep 2012 04:12:15 EST New lesson http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5072127 There have been two or three times where I have totally had no bingeing symptoms of wanting to escape from reality into food. I actually haven't had too many instances of really trying extreme dieting. But sometimes after I have had an epiphany, I feel no urge to overeat and I exercise without effort for weeks at a time. <BR> <BR> So I have relapsed and learned the lesson. It hurt to say that. It hurt to chalk up another failure. The lack of symptoms are a symptom for me. Now I have to ... Sun, 23 Sep 2012 22:19:53 EST How do we live in the moment of our greatest failures? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5069875 A lot has gone on this week and after Monday I will begin blogging again. But right now, I am sick after I betrayed a trust. I did it unthinkingly. I didn't say anything bad about this person, I just repeated something they told me in confidence in an annoyed tone of voice and they may have heard me on Thursday. They didn't tell me anything secretive but it was understood that I was not to repeat it. <BR> <BR> I really wish I had never remembered this and I am so ashamed. But let's face... Sat, 22 Sep 2012 01:17:11 EST Scaredy Cat http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5045532 I am really scared of dating. I want to do it but I really don't want to do it here. Since I am in grad school I moved to a small town I hate because it was affordable. I have another two to three years here but I don't want to date anyone here. It is just too small and everyone gets in your business. And God forbid I fall for someone who lives here when I am trying to get the heck out of dodge. So I am scared and I want to get it out of my way but not here. <BR> <BR> I guess I worry ... Wed, 5 Sep 2012 12:29:20 EST The week from hell !! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5037061 This is the most absolutist worst week ! <BR> Let's do the countdown shall we? <BR> <BR> -My car conked out and I won't be able to take it in for a week. <BR> -I will therefore not be able to go anywhere for labor day weekend and will have to get a cab to get groceries. <BR> -I work as a GA and when I had something to do for my teacher, I used her office and then stayed to do work for the other teacher on the computer. ( I know, you would have to be there) But I... Thu, 30 Aug 2012 08:18:29 EST Problem solving http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5034469 So I ran today. It was my second run. It went much better after doing kettle bells the day before. I just felt like my body was more stable and I wasn't wobbling everywhere. So strength is a requirement. <BR> <BR> Here is the funny thing. I avoid counting calories. I just try to eat good stuff and eat until I am not hungry anymore. Since I have so much weight to lose, any decrease in food intake means I will lose weight. As an emotional eater, counting calories can trigger my anxie... Tue, 28 Aug 2012 10:34:53 EST DOWN 5 Lbs !! BUT......... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5030289 Whoohoo! I lost five more pounds this week. We should really call that the busy 5 pounds. This was the first week of school and I was a little frazzled trying to make sure all my ducks were in a row. I exercised yesterday and did some pool aerobics this morning and then going to the library to study this morning. <BR> <BR> This morning I got up with a chant that has been there for a while. I have been very motivated to move and eat well. I am seeing results and I do feel better and ligh... Sat, 25 Aug 2012 09:31:21 EST Trusting instincts or trust in people? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5028792 Okay, I am someone who has had little personal interaction because that is the choice I made. I basically withdrew because of the occasional bad personal experiences. I couldn't take any kind of rejection. But now I am attempting to rectify that by reaching out and connecting. For now, I try to meet people one on one once a week. How is this related to food? When you are alone, you put all your emotional needs in food and this is actually part of my food plan. Mental health is an exce... Fri, 24 Aug 2012 04:15:50 EST Soothing Anxiety http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5027389 My mind was running a million different places and I could not relax or sleep or stay asleep. My solution was to make lists and/or schedules. I am now going to print out my default schedule and my weekly schedule that I can refer to daily. A lot of my anxiety is around food. Especially when I am broke. I am panicky about what I have to eat and when will I get it. Yes, this is related to growing up in poverty. So I made my menu for the week and I saw I had plenty of food available to me... Thu, 23 Aug 2012 07:22:03 EST Money and Boredom and Food http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5024316 Here is something I don't hear a lot about. I grew up poor and from 8 to 14 we were on this monthly cycle of get money, splurge for a week and then spend the rest of the month on beans and rice. (I am only now recovering from my hatred of beans and my mother still despises them. So it was a week of indulgence and three or four weeks of extreme restriction. Thus began my habit linking of happiness and food and money. <BR> <BR> Well, I am a graduate assistant and through various misstep... Tue, 21 Aug 2012 01:15:41 EST First day of school nerves http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5022412 I am beginning school tomorrow and I am nervous. I started my graduate assistantship Friday and made a massive mistake. I used four times the amount of paper I should have on a copying error. I learned two lessons, read my email closely before starting my day and listen more. I know it was just first day jitters but the two teachers I work for quickly closeted themselves in a closed door meeting right before I left. My anxiety made up a whole story that they were already trying to get ri... Sun, 19 Aug 2012 21:43:13 EST Reaching out is not my strong point http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5015014 I am sitting at my job about to have a going away party. I and another employee are going to other jobs and they always have potlucks. I hate potlucks because they always involve socializing and small talk. Those are two things that cause me a little anxiety. <BR> <BR> The first reason is that I can be introverted. The other is my emotional eating. There are certain foods that make me want to crawl into a cave and hoard food. Basically, that is anything with bread and sugar. This is... Tue, 14 Aug 2012 11:37:31 EST Beginning again before I even know it. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5012823 I am afraid to jinx myself by saying this. In the past, discussing success in my weight loss journey seemed to lead to my next binge. Why? I think I was afraid of what came next. After the weight was off, meant dates, and attention and socializing. Things I have denied wanting to do. But regardless of wanting, I need those things. I need that connection. <BR> <BR> But I am going to talk about my success now. Because I have never had as much support and resources as I have had now. I ... Sun, 12 Aug 2012 23:31:17 EST Argghhh!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4310967 I absolutely hate the town I live in. I don't like the people, the pace or anything about this place. I don't want to be here. But school and finances will keep me here for a while. Two years at least. This means joining a church or making friends are a trial. I tried just hanging with people for a while but it always seems to end because I am a wierdo or my disdain for this place comes thru. So I have no support or friends of any kind here and whenever I get to the point of making sig... Mon, 20 Jun 2011 15:03:09 EST