VANHALENFAN's SparkPeople Blog VANHALENFAN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I can't believe where I am now! It's such a shame. I am so detrimental to my own success. I am gaining back all of the weight again...All of my hard work is being wasted. <BR> <BR> I will never, ever give up though. With each time I fall, I learn. I get back up. So here I am. I am back, standing tall and ready. <BR> <BR> I have no other "methods", no crazy plan-of-attack that will "surely get me going this time"...Just healthy eating, balanced diet, and exercise. I am keeping it simple. When I make things complicated an... Wed, 19 Jun 2013 13:13:11 EST So it seems... Yes, yes, it's due time for me to own up to my stupidity. The blog entry I've been avoiding for some time now. The time has come to write it because there is no more time to waste and twiddle my thumbs. This Summer has been a HUGE disaster when it comes to my weight loss and healthy life journey. Not what I expected. I gorged and gorged some more on vacations, at fairs, carnivals, boardwalks and beaches alike. I was unstoppable! It was disgusting and quite pathetic and I am so unbelievably as... Thu, 16 Aug 2012 13:29:51 EST Hello World! Big changes are abound :) So, what have I been up to? Well, for the first half of the week - not much. Nothing good, anyway. The mid-week and finally, the end of the week, I was going through a transformation of some sort. Let me back track to....oh, 11 years ago. I was a vegetarian. Yep. I was a vegetarian for 8 long years, up until 3 years ago, that is. Why did I give up meat in the first place? Well, it wasn't for health reasons. I was 16 years old, and rebellious and concerned for animal rights. That is what start... Sun, 10 Jun 2012 19:05:31 EST It's been a tough week, but I'm always in for the long haul! I know I usually write my weekly entry on Sunday or Monday, but I just didn't have the "oomph" in me then to do so. Once I got my sails straightened, I am doing much better. I went through a wicked rough patch last week and it took me a few days to come back into it 100%. I believe I am okay now though! I've found my Spark again. It was buried under all of the food wrapper garbage next to my bed...(ha) <BR> <BR> I never understand why I derail myself. Binging is NEVER satisfying anymore. In ... Wed, 23 May 2012 20:45:20 EST When it rains, it pours :( I am such a mess this week. Everything is falling apart. I've been eating too much, not working out - and it's not just that, EVERYTHING seems to be falling apart. Everything is upsetting me and I am living in this haze. There is so much negativity going on now and I can't keep it together. Evan's school situation is always weighing heavily on my mind (and it has gotten A LOT worse this week). I can't help but feel angry at him because I feel like he has control over what he is doing, but at ... Tue, 15 May 2012 13:39:34 EST Feeling a little low... This past week wasn't the greatest, I have to admit. Not so much on the eating front, but motivation is lacking. I am going through a few emotional difficulties - which always stomps on my motivation and general mood. I always tell myself that exercise and movement will HELP, but when I get like this, I retreat and just want to lie around and watch time melt away around me. Blah. I hate it! I am going to pop in the SparkPeople (workout) DVD this afternoon when both of the kids are in school a... Mon, 7 May 2012 11:28:25 EST Finally, I can see it! I had a great loss this week (3 pounds), despite the Sunday and Tuesday "overages" that occurred. I am so amazed at how quickly my body just wants this excess fat GONE. Everything is falling into place beautifully. I am feeding my body right, treating my body right and respecting it - and it is repaying me tenfold. Thank you for the cooperation, self <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> I honestly never knew it could be so easy. I struggled in the past. Not to say I don't have my occasional struggle now... Sun, 29 Apr 2012 00:49:13 EST I am in a positive mood! This weekend was all about "family". I decided to just hang out with the kids on Saturday and have no friends along for the ride. We went to Family Swim at the pool, went on a picnic, and just hung out. On Sunday, the kids got to meet their uncle and aunt from Turkey for the first time since they were infants! We all had a great time <em>41</em> They spoiled them to got awesome new toys from Toys R Us, took them out to lunch and ice cream, and then went to the mall to sho... Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:05:13 EST Stress... The weather is just beautiful! I should have gone out to exercise today, but I haven't. I am getting over a cold and have wicked allergies that are just draining any and all energy from me. <BR> <BR> I'm not going to lie when I say the past week was STRESSFUL. I held up good eating habits through it all until the weekend hit. I know I wasn't going to discuss life outside of my weight loss/fitness, but it definitely intermingles. It's unavoidable. I've been having trouble dealing with the str... Sun, 15 Apr 2012 16:47:42 EST All is fine! Oh my, I realize I haven't written a blog entry in a long time! No worries, everything is rolling along smoothly. Remember the binge I had 2 weeks ago? The 4 day-long-one? Well, coming out of it (actually, after a week coming out of it) I somehow dropped 10.5 pounds. I weighed myself after those 4 days, and I shot up from 215 to 221 lbs. A week later, I am 210.8 lbs. I am guessing most of the binge weight gain was water. I was also starting my period when I weighed in at 221 too. I was just e... Mon, 9 Apr 2012 23:10:07 EST It's on! I wrote the following on the Panic Board 2 days ago: <BR> <BR> "I've been going at this for 3 months and have lost 40 pounds. You would think that, by now, handling cravings would be much easier; even automatic. Not for me! For the Month of March, I've had 4 "binge days" (2 of them have been today and yesterday). I am so utterly disgusted with myself right now. I am in gastrointestinal distress and I am reeking of guilt <em>234</em> It is pathetic! <BR> <BR> I've had such great success, ... Thu, 29 Mar 2012 11:11:57 EST Back At the Gym So I finally got back to the gym after a week hiatus because of the kiddos sicknesses. I DID NOT rock it like I wanted to! I had a hard time. My stomach is still sore and crampy from Sunday's eats (but there is a possibility it was indeed the stomach virus after all.) On the treadmill, I started getting serious abdominal cramping and pain after about 1.5 miles. I slowed it down a bit, but by the time I hit 2 miles, I just couldn't do anymore. I moved to the recumbent bike so I could sit down ... Tue, 20 Mar 2012 23:34:59 EST Wow, NEVER going to do that again! It's amazing how my body got so used to good nutrition. It's been so good to me these past few months. I abused it on Sunday. I ate TERRIBLY. HORRIBLY. Practically binged. And did I pay for it today. I was in so much pain all day that I could not eat until 5pm. And all I ate was 6 servings of fruit and 2 servings (6 oz.) of plain, lightly grilled chicken (all about 500 calories). My digestive system is still screaming at me and punishing me for Sunday. I estimated that I ate about 2,800 calor... Mon, 19 Mar 2012 22:46:06 EST The Party The St. Patrick's Day class party, as far as eating went, was great! I did NOT indulge in the cupcakes or the cookies. I did eat 2 rolo's and one mini Reeses. Those 3 tiny little bite sized pieces equaled 130 calories, though. Ouch! They were good though and I thoroughly enjoyed them for what it was worth. I am very happy I was able to abstain with little to no cravings. The cupcakes were mildly pushed on me, but I refused. <BR> <BR> This week was poor on the exercise front, though. I was u... Fri, 16 Mar 2012 23:45:47 EST Thin Mints I hate Girl Scout Cookie Season. But you know, what's even more strange is I normally don't even particularly care for Girl Scout Cookies. However, I am finding it difficult to stay away from Thin Mints. I never liked Thin Mints, but it seems as though I crave them everyday. My mom always keeps them in the house during this time of year. I do not binge on them - I eat an actual serving. I still hate to waste calories on them and to feed my body junk food. Usually I wait until after dinner to ... Thu, 15 Mar 2012 12:12:29 EST Feeling GREAT! Things have been going wonderfully. This past week, new goals were formed and conquered. One of the most important goals I set was to stop picking at my kids' snacks and dinners as I prepared them. This was a HUGE problem for me. I had to put an end to it because it 1. happened way too often that I was budgeting 200-300 calories a day in "picking", 2. caused me to run the risk for binging, and 3. IT IS JUST A TERRIBLE HABIT to have. Just like that, it stopped. Now, instead of always coming in... Sun, 11 Mar 2012 23:28:14 EST TIRED! Last night was a horrible night as far as sleep went! I must have clocked in about 2 hours. Surprisingly, I am not too tired today. It will hit me later. I may just take a nap for an hour or so when the kids are in school. When I pick them up, we'll head to the gym. The kids love the playroom in the gym! I only take them 1-2 times a week (I usually go to the gym at night after they are in bed.) They enjoy it so much, so why not? It is good to get my workout done a little earlier. Sometimes wh... Tue, 6 Mar 2012 10:12:05 EST Totally Bombed Out Tonight :( I HATE the day before (and the day) I get my period! I always overeat! When will I ever gain control over these 2 days out of the month? I told myself since it's been so long, I will *just* allow myself to eat a little bit of a cheese calzone. I should have seen the signs. I was bargaining with myself all day, so wrecked over this temptation. That's my one and only warning to back away immediately because I am at risk of a full-out binge fest. I bought one anyway, damn it. And I felt SO sick ... Fri, 2 Mar 2012 23:16:01 EST Nighttime Eating I have trouble with what I call "after-dinner-eating". Nighttime eating. What have you. I don't go over my calorie range, but I tend to hoard calories for the end of the day because I know I will eat a lot. I still have 100 calories left in my range tonight, but I feel like I grossly overate tonight! I will not be using those calories. I need to find a way to just feel satisfied after dinner (and one small snack) later in the evening. I go to bed at 1am so I feel like I can't go the entire fi... Tue, 28 Feb 2012 22:49:06 EST 30 pounds down! Since January 2nd, I have officially lost 30 pounds <em>244</em> I can tell you I honestly don't FEEL like I have. Visually, I can see it in my hips/butt (less "puffy"), but overall I still feel like a big blimp!! I know I still have got a long way to go. I am proud of myself though! <BR> <BR> My allergies are coming on strong today, and as a result, I had to take my medication. It put a big crutch in my energy level and I never made it to the gym tonight like I planned. After I put the ki... Sat, 25 Feb 2012 23:01:45 EST How it all began... Let me first start off my saying I've been on SP since early 2008 with many ups and downs. Well, mostly "ups"! Though I write this entry on 2/20/2012, I've had much success this time around (beginning from 1/2/2012). This time feels different and I am truly ready for this. Even these 7 weeks have been a wild ride for me! <BR> <BR> Quick background (I will not dwell too much on this, let's just get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we?): I've always been overweight for as long as I can remembe... Mon, 20 Feb 2012 23:02:48 EST