VALKYRIA-'s SparkPeople Blog VALKYRIA-'s Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community 2 weeks I'm starting to get the lay of the land at work, and I'm shadowing other developers on my team. I'm still in disbelief that I got this job (so grateful!). My car is great and I love it! I made a rule that I will not eat food in it and I've been doing well with that. That brings me to my final challenge: emotional eating. It's funny I didn't really pay attention to just how much I was eating til I put myself on a strict food budget and now I realize it was SO expensive to overeat so much. A... Sat, 19 Aug 2017 08:55:08 EST First few days ...have gone well! I did so much walking yesterday that I couldn't even go to the gym. I was quite tired, but now I'm situated in my new office and going through the onboarding process. I can't believe I got this job. I am incredibly grateful and lucky and proud of myself. Last night I went to Lane Bryant and got a small line of credit -- I had hardly any business casual in my wardrobe. Now I do! Tomorrow I'm picking up my new car :)... Is this the real life ?! Going to make my w... Tue, 8 Aug 2017 18:31:03 EST Graduated! Today I finished my boot camp and earned my certificate of software development :) Monday I begin my new job at Chase! For my next feat, I plan to lose 50 lb between now and 2018. I'll be posting a lot more often now, promise! Fri, 4 Aug 2017 21:43:19 EST Day 4 - have my starting weight! A few days ago my scale wouldn't even weigh me (it's only supposed to go to 400 lb, so I assumed I was 405-410). Welllllll, I had a few great days (went to the gym twice, eating has been in my calorie range), and today it deigned to give me a weight: 402.2! No idea how much I lost in these 4 days but I will just go ahead and use 402.2 as my starting weight :) Obviously, first goal is to be below 400. Well below. Forever. 👍🏻 Long term goal: below 360 by the end of the year. Thu, 27 Jul 2017 08:26:11 EST How things have changed! Sorry I've been gone so long! 1. Mental Health- the Lamictal has been wonderful for me. I feel so much better on it and will continue to take it. 2. The boot camp - is going really well. We are about to start week 11, and our graduation date is Aug 4. Right now we are working on final projects, so it's been a bit stressful (with some drama from certain teammates), but I'm confident we will pull through with a presentable final project that we can be proud of. 3. I got a job!!!!!!!!!!!! Th... Sun, 23 Jul 2017 14:46:46 EST Quick Update Boot camp starts Monday! <BR> <BR> I'm trying a new medicine, lamictal, for my bipolar. So far so good! <BR> <BR> Sorry I haven't been blogging much. I've been unpacking, and seeing a slew of doctors for various things. Getting ready for this computer programming boot camp that begins Monday and will hopefully end with me having a real job :) <BR> <BR> Weight has pretty much stayed the same since my last post, but I'm optimistic that it will be trending downward. <BR> <BR> I've been us... Fri, 12 May 2017 14:56:14 EST Whoa! I woke up today and I was back down to 391.4 :) OKAY, maybe it was just water weight. That means I only have 3 lbs to lose to be back to where I was in the beginning of April! I can do this! <BR> <BR> 12/01/16: 405 <BR> 01/06/17: 395 <BR> 03/22/17: 390.4 <BR> 03/29/17: 388.2 <BR> 04/25/17: 394.2 <BR> 04/26/17: 391.4 <BR> Wed, 26 Apr 2017 08:40:09 EST New starting weight 394.2 A gain of almost 6 lbs :/ all of the fast food and maybe the side effects of my medicine contributed to this gain. I think I need to just take this one pound at a time and try my best to swing it downward. I might not like the number I see, but ignoring it will only lead to more gains, so I will need to keep weighing in every week. Tue, 25 Apr 2017 08:06:31 EST I moved! The move is over! Now I'm unpacking everything. I have 3 weeks until the bootcamp starts, so I'm planning to focus on eating healthy, going to the gym, fewer fast food and more homemade meals. I love my new apartment! I feel like I have a fresh start. There's a ton more light in this place, and the noise level is much lower. I'll get my starting weight tomorrow and I'll go from there. I know I've gained over the past few weeks, I'm not sure how much. . . Optimistically hoping that I'm stil... Mon, 24 Apr 2017 18:33:18 EST Low Carb and updated Fast Food Plan I took a diabetes education class with my friend, Cat! The dietitian there recommended that I try to get 10 servings of 15g carb, or about 150g per day as part of my plan to lower my blood sugar. <BR> <BR> I can do this! I will do this! <BR> <BR> I've updated my list of fast food so that it's a bit lower carb. I'm printing this out and keeping it in my car for when I need a quick meal on the go, but I will also be cooking a lot more of my meals at home. <BR> <BR> My goal is to have about... Tue, 11 Apr 2017 20:18:45 EST Packing My brother is coming out to help me pack for the move this weekend! <BR> <BR> For the past 2 days, I've been eating breakfast and sticking to my eating goals. I do feel so much better when I spread the calories out through the day instead of eating 1-2 big meals... I know it's better for my blood sugar too. <BR> <BR> I'm anxious about the move. My mind keeps telling me I can't pack everything and I won't get it done. I keep telling my mind to give me a break and just take it day by day...... Fri, 7 Apr 2017 19:07:13 EST Weigh-in I gained 1.2 lb this week :( <BR> <BR> I know why. <BR> <BR> My cravings and portions have been out of control -- from pizza last Wednesday to fast food mega-meals, I haven't been pre-tracking and I have been eating pretty much whatever I wanted, including sugary lemonade and a soda. <BR> <BR> What the heck am I doing??? I told myself I was cutting refined sugar out of my diet for health reasons, but it was like I had the worst sugar cravings all week long. <BR> <BR> This week, I'm goi... Wed, 5 Apr 2017 12:16:52 EST :D Today I was feeling good so I went a little bit faster at the gym. I managed to beat my personal best on my mile of jogging intervals by more than 2 minutes :) I've been to the gym 5 times now in 2 weeks... Wed will be my 6th! Mon, 3 Apr 2017 12:18:09 EST Weekly weigh in I'm down 2.2 lb this week :D!!! <BR> <BR> I wasn't perfect (far from it), but I made a lot of good, small decisions. <BR> <BR> Hopefully this trend continues next week! <BR> <BR> Today I did my strength training at the gym, then bought some boxes; I'm working on packing... I have a feeling I'll be doing this for a long time! <BR> <BR> 12/01/16: 405 <BR> 01/06/17: 395 <BR> 03/22/17: 390.4 <BR> 03/29/17: 388.2 Wed, 29 Mar 2017 13:41:19 EST Gym day 2 and packing A good start to the week! I made it to the gym this morning despite not wanting to go (I guess that's why it helps to have a gym buddy, right? She helped motivate me!) Once I got there, I was fine. I did 6 jogging intervals on the treadmill with walking in between, and worked up quite a sweat, then I used the hydromassage bed. I am doing just enough (not too much) each time I visit the gym, so that it is enjoyable but still challenging, and I don't feel like I got hit by a train the next day.... Mon, 27 Mar 2017 13:39:33 EST Moving! I'm so happy!!!! I'm going to be moving from this apartment to another one with the same floor plan, in a different building. Why? Because this one is horrible and is really close to the highway, and no matter what I do, I cannot relax here! I didn't realize it until after I moved in, but the noise just keeps me on edge and feeling anxious all day. I use ear plugs to sleep every night. My cousin and his wife offered to help me move when they found out about my predicament! The new apartm... Sat, 25 Mar 2017 11:54:49 EST First day at new gym Went well!! <BR> <BR> I took the advice of other Sparkers and I didn't push myself too hard. I did a brief warm up on the elliptical (phew that thing is hard), and then I used 3 weight machines -- leg press, chest press, and lat pull down for two sets of 10-12... and then I did the treadmill with short jogging intervals mixed with walking for the rest of the workout. Best of all -- even though I wasn't a member yet, they let me use the hydromassage bed after my workout. It was AHHHMAZING an... Thu, 23 Mar 2017 08:52:22 EST Weekly Weigh-In Omgosh! I weighed in much lower than I thought I would and well below the threshold for my scale to measure me. <BR> <BR> 390.4 <BR> <BR> I was expecting 405 or higher :) So, I'm down about 6 lb from when I was in the hospital earlier this year, and down about 15 lb from my highest weight last year.I guess this goes to show I'm bad at estimating my weight and also that small choices really add up because I was doing almost no exercise and this was nearly all diet-related. <BR> <BR> Tonig... Wed, 22 Mar 2017 12:08:46 EST Feeling Better Thanks for the support on my last blog. It means a lot to me that so many wonderful Sparkfriends are supporting me. <BR> <BR> I had my appointment with the sleep doc today and it went well; I'm going to have a sleep study on Apr 1st. She said I should be taking the antipsychotic med Vaylar instead of my Risperdal, and she gave me a free sample, saying it had fewer side effects and that all of her patients loved it.... I was excited, so I called my psychiatrist to ask permission to try the f... Tue, 21 Mar 2017 17:59:10 EST First day back It feels really weird to be back in my apartment, but here I am! <BR> <BR> I have these memories of feeling bad in this apartment, so it's very strange to be feeling good in it right now, but I guess I will get used to it. I almost feel afraid that something bad is going to happen, but I know that's not logical. <BR> <BR> My friend invited me out to dinner to welcome me back. I'll see her tomorrow. <BR> <BR> I feel like a completely different person. I can't describe how weird I feel. It'... Mon, 20 Mar 2017 21:58:25 EST Back to Columbus Last night we saw Beauty and the Beast. It was good! I also managed to only have a handful of my brother's popcorn, and I had a very sensible portion for dinner and didn't binge or snack afterwards. <BR> <BR> This is my last day visiting my family. Tomorrow I'll be packing up my cats and heading back to my apartment in Columbus. I'm feeling a lot more stable than I was when I came here, and the medication seems to be working to help me feel better each day. <BR> <BR> This week I have two do... Sun, 19 Mar 2017 11:29:01 EST Fast Food Plan! Thanks to the helpful suggestions on my previous blog, I've decided not to demonize fast food, but to simply make a list of *allowed* meals that I can get from fast food places near me and not have it be a cheat meal. <BR> <BR> Now obviously most of these foods are not my *First Choice*, and they have a lot of sodium, but no diet is perfect, and having a plan in place makes me feel safe and like I can handle things a little bit easier, without feeling deprived. <BR> <BR> Wendy's <BR> -----... Fri, 17 Mar 2017 20:45:53 EST 2 Months OK, I found out I have a seat reserved in the boot camp that starts May 15th (if you'll remember from my previous blogs, I had to take a leave of absence from this boot camp because of my mental health, but they are letting me complete a later one and I will not lose the money I've already invested). <BR> <BR> This means I have 2 months... 2 months with no work or school. What will I do?! Obviously resting and recovering is going to happen.. but what else? <BR> <BR> I'm thinking about volu... Fri, 17 Mar 2017 12:05:58 EST I worked out today This might not seem like much of an achievement but for me, at this time in my life, it is. I went to the mall and walked for 30 minutes because it was too cold to walk outside. It feels really good. I took the time to do intentional exercise and to focus on my health, and I'm going to keep this pattern going. <BR> <BR> I've been in a dark place the last few months and I'm digging my way out of it slowly. One step at a time. <BR> <BR> I had lemon juice in my water at breakfast and it help... Thu, 16 Mar 2017 11:17:20 EST Joining a Gym with my friend! It's amazing to me that this has transpired the way it has... because just yesterday I was thinking about how much I missed my (expensive) old fitness center and I was considering trying to find a cheaper place to work out... well, today my friend Katie told me that she joined Planet Fitness and was looking for someone to go with. It's a very cheap membership, and I now have a workout buddy! Things fall into place at exactly the right time :) I'm so happy! and the social aspect is just what ... Wed, 15 Mar 2017 12:03:10 EST Cutting Refined Sugar The first thing I'm going to do to try to get my numbers down is cutting refined sugar from my diet. I don't drink soda, but I have been eating sugary breakfast cereals and I have been known to snack on sugar-laden granola bars and sometimes sugary coffee drinks from Starbucks or juices. <BR> <BR> I've decided to give myself a little bit of wiggle room (since I'm trying to take baby steps), so I'm going to try to keep it below 25g sugar per day, and on most days I want the sugar to come from... Mon, 13 Mar 2017 16:58:52 EST Blood sugar too high I am upset to see that my blood work came back and my blood sugar and HA1C are both way too high... in the diabetic range. <BR> <BR> I'll need to make an appointment with an endocrinologist to get onto some medication. <BR> <BR> I want to reverse this. I don't want my body to suffer and deteriorate. <BR> <BR> I need to make some changes.... Sun, 12 Mar 2017 13:16:02 EST Day 2 I cooked dinner for my family today (as well as I could in my mom's crowded kitchen)! I made lemon asparagus chicken with mushrooms... we had it with baked potatoes (I ate half of it and saved the other half for tomorrow). <BR> <BR> I started my entire dose of medication today, so hopefully it continues making me feel better as it seems to have been doing on the half dose. <BR> <BR> One. Day. At. A. Time. :) Sat, 11 Mar 2017 17:48:23 EST Day 1 - Measurement Time I'm trying hard not to be ashamed of these measurements, and I'm sure they will be decreasing soon :) This is just the way it is for me right now. I need to learn to accept and love myself at this size if I want to make a lasting change for the better. I will be remeasuring on the first of every month to see my progress. <BR> <BR> Neck: 18 <BR> Wrist: 7.25 <BR> Forearm: 14.25 <BR> Upper Arm: 22 <BR> Chest: 57 <BR> Under Bust: 50 <BR> Waist (biggest point): 58 <BR> Hips: 62 <BR> Thigh: 36 <BR... Fri, 10 Mar 2017 13:39:54 EST I need support and Sparkfriends - I'm recommitting to my health Hi guys <BR> <BR> I'm back here on Sparkpeople again after some crazy life circumstances and I feel like I am ready to commit to a healthier lifestyle and to create some good patterns in my life that will help me be and feel healthier. I'm afraid I'm over 400 lb again (not sure how much, because my scale doesn't go that high, but if I had to guess, I think I'm 405-410ish) and I don't want to be like this anymore. I can't afford to get any bigger -- I'm already at the top size in all of the d... Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:37:56 EST Down 5 Well I was sick yesterday but it helped push me down a few more lbs and now I am at 397.8! <BR> <BR> I WILL NEVER see 400+ on a scale EVER AGAIN. This is a promise I'm making to myself and a vow I intend to keep. <BR> <BR> Right now I'm attending training for my new job on site... this is the second week. It's going well... after next week, we will start working from home (YAY!) <BR> <BR> I REALLY need to clean up my apartment, and set up my work-from-home desk / computer setup, but I wil... Tue, 16 Aug 2016 17:17:39 EST I'm back I guess the new sparkpage just didn't suit me lol... I decided to come back to this one :) <BR> <BR> I got a new job working from home which is absolutely perfect for me because I suck so much at dealing with social anxiety~! <BR> <BR> I've been walking in the park and swimming at night at my apartment's gym, and trying to work on my healthy eating. It's been going well so far. <BR> <BR> Long story short, I am back up to 403 lb and I really really don't want to be here. I'm setting a mini... Fri, 29 Jul 2016 14:59:58 EST new Sparkname Hi guys!!! <BR> <BR> Please add me on my new Sparkpage .. JamieKFM. <BR> <BR> life has been crazy (and good), and it was just time to make a new Sparkpage. Looking forward to talking to you all~ <BR> <BR> Best wishes to all! <BR> Mon, 8 Feb 2016 15:58:36 EST today <img src=""> One day at a time. One choice at a time. Today I faced physical fatigue and mental ickiness and got my butt to the gym despite not feeling it -- and by the end of the workout I was most definitely feeling it. I had unlocked hidden reserves of energy which got me through work. I struggled a bit with breakfast, but had healthy lunch and dinner and stayed in my cal range for the day. I actually bought a salad and yogurt from m... Fri, 8 May 2015 13:35:06 EST Shame <img src=""> Just a quick blog for now. I have been meaning to catch up on here for a while but work work work and stuff. Honestly, I am still getting used to it, but it is going well. I have been hitting the gym although not as often as I'd like -- working on increasing the frequency. I think going in the morning instead of at night will help. I've got a ton of changes going on in my personal life and I am still looking to settle into a ... Fri, 8 May 2015 13:06:20 EST Blog Entry Title: <img src=""> <BR> "Tend to your vital heart, and all you worry about will be solved." <BR> by Rumi | Painting by Karol Bąk <BR> <BR> I've decided to make my weigh-in day tomorrow, Wednesday morning. Every week. Again, my goal is 1 lb each week... but if I exceed that goal, all the better ;) <BR> <BR> The past few days I've been doing well. Right now I'm just relaxing and cleaning up before doing my meditation. <BR> <BR> Someone ment... Tue, 21 Apr 2015 17:10:35 EST Schedulizing <img src=""> <BR> Hi Spark <em>26</em> <BR> <BR> I wanted to thank everyone who commented on my last blog :) gave me some good ideas for my cooking adventures. It's definitely not bad to be cooking for one.. I guess I'm just a little bit lonely, but I'm dealing with it, ya know! It's not like I don't have any friends I could invite to visit for dinner / fun...I do, and I should. <BR> <BR> I've decided I'm going to focus on my sle... Sun, 19 Apr 2015 23:59:52 EST Cooking for one Guys I'm doing really well!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> I went to the store and bought a bunch of healthy food, and got my kitchen all cleaned up, and am cooking :) I've resisted several not-so-good food choices over the past few days, and I've been drinking more water. <BR> <BR> My goal tonight is go be asleep by 11 pm.. I'm going to take melatonin and valerian root to make sure this is accomplished. Sleep is so, so important, and I need to make it my #1 priority right now. <BR> <BR> SO PROUD OF MY... Fri, 17 Apr 2015 18:01:57 EST Day 2 Day off! Today I am being proactive, but realistic. Lots of scattered thoughts and emotions, but I'm not letting them distract me from the task at hand: My apartment is a MESS that I have neglected for far too long... and I am going to focus on doing partial cleaning, not worrying about getting the whole thing done today. I'm just going through and tossing out trash, cleaning the kitchen and fridge, and doing my laundry... that will be enough to get some good energy flowing in here, and I ca... Tue, 14 Apr 2015 16:23:14 EST Evening #1 April 13 Admittedly, I can't count how many times I've, "started over," with numbering these blogs, but I'm never forgetting the past, it's just another new birth after a cycle of reinventing myself (it happens... phoenix spirit). Sometimes it's easier to just use numbers instead of coming up with a blog title, ok :P <BR> <BR> I went for a walk this evening instead of ordering food (I think this was a pretty amazing plan, tbh). I am feeling a lot of tension and emotional stuff right now, so I'm tryi... Tue, 14 Apr 2015 00:00:31 EST New Job New Plan New Life ;) <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Hello lovelies! <BR> <BR> I started working a few weeks ago at executive services at Safelite. I am the person who takes all of the escalated calls about warranty and legal. Hahaha. It sounds a lot worse than it is.... it basically consists of calming people down, fixing problems, and spending money on the company's behalf -- Things I am good at! It's an honest company, not looking to rip anyone off, so al... Mon, 13 Apr 2015 16:47:47 EST Rebirth of a Phoenix <img src=""> <BR> <BR> "It’s marvelous to grow bored of a pattern, because it means you’re ready to let go of an old scenario and envision something that’s more in alignment with who you are in present time. Likewise, when you’re feeling disappointed and let down by life – I believe what you’re really being given is an invitation to Create. <BR> <BR> A good friend once told me that we should never make decisions based on fear of the al... Thu, 19 Mar 2015 15:01:09 EST Hmm.. <img src=""> <BR> Thank you all for your support. <BR> Unfortunately, some people in my family are the least supportive and are actually pretty controlling and emotionally abusive if I let them be, so I have to find support outside of my family. I've been doing really well, seeing my therapist, finishing my degree, getting this job, just trying to be more autonomous and independent, having a lot of confidence in myself, so apparently that... Thu, 19 Mar 2015 13:22:29 EST The undead has come back to life! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Happy Drink-Alcohol-til-you-pass-out-Day. <BR> I didn't participate.. but my roommate did. He is so hungover he had to call off of work (yikes) and is now worried about the security of his job (double yikes). <BR> <BR> My interview is in less than 7 hours and I'm nervous!!! <BR> <BR> I did extremely well today -- First I took a 2 hour bath, complete with epsom salts, lavender oil, bubbles, and baking soda... did... Wed, 18 Mar 2015 03:01:11 EST Cross-Fit <img src=""> <BR> "When the tide goes out, you can see who has been swimming with no clothes on" <BR> <BR> Hello Sparkrfiends!!!! <BR> <BR> So everyone I know has been going through a rough time lately. I could go into my analyses, but this is not the place for it. It's okay. A little destruction is necessary for better ways of being to manifest themselves, right? <BR> <BR> I am definitely included in that list of people dealing wit... Mon, 16 Mar 2015 15:20:37 EST Binge Eating / Honesty <img src=""> <BR> artwork by Rose Bousamra <BR> <BR> "Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have." —Robert Holden <BR> <BR> "Other people are not medicine." —Amy Poehler <BR> <BR> <BR> Hi, I'm Jamie, and I have binge eating disorder. It's worse when I'm stressed out, when I'm not sleeping, when I'm depressed. I have a lot of guilt and shame around this condition, and I used to try to cover ... Sat, 28 Feb 2015 23:18:04 EST Day 59 <img src=""> <BR> "If we have awareness of something, we can change it. If we do not have awareness, then we cannot. Each time we come back to the here and now, we let go of our conditioning. A space for grace enters." <BR> <BR> I woke up at 8 am today :) It was sort of magic, because I went to bed rather late, but woke up still feeling refreshed and good. I made some low-sodium breakfast sausage (sparkrecipe!) and some eggs, buckwheat p... Sat, 28 Feb 2015 09:27:40 EST Crossfit <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I've decided to do crossfit :) I emailed my local gym (it just opened last year), and they said they'd love to have all 375 lb of me, and that as long as I am willing to commit they are willing to support and train me at whatever level I'm at physically. <BR> <BR> :) I'm excited! It's going to be a lot of work, but I am so very ready. I LOVE strength training, and HIIT, and running, and they are going to help me d... Fri, 27 Feb 2015 12:24:05 EST Day 57 - Hope <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I met with one of my professors today. I was completely overwhelmed by her graciousness and support. She has known that I've been struggling with mental health and dropping classes for years now... she knows about my experience last year and how much I've been struggling to glue the pieces back together since then. She has always been super duper supportive of me no matter how many times I mess up. <BR> <BR> Toda... Thu, 26 Feb 2015 18:02:43 EST Day 56 - The Garden <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Being outside and walking in the sunlight makes such a huge difference for mental health. Note to self: DO IT EVERY DAY :) <BR> <BR> Therapy went well. I'm eating well. I cleaned my apartment. I also sang today! <BR> <BR> All the good things. <BR> <BR> Now, I just need to repeat the good day again tomorrow. <BR> <BR> Baby steps :) <BR> <BR> Positive, self-esteem-building self-talk: I can do this. I am worth ... Wed, 25 Feb 2015 18:18:13 EST