UWPALUM's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=UWPALUM UWPALUM's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Where does the time go? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6384129 I can honestly say that when I was my healthiest, I was also as mindful of every moment as I have ever been. I was living in the moment and taking advantage of the time around me. That is not so much true right now. Yesterday I had a complete meltdown. It was painful to experience but definitely necessary. <BR> <BR> For the past couple of months I have been trying to get back on track to kill some candida that has gotten back into my body and to eat the foods my body needs. Some days were go... Thu, 6 Jul 2017 16:02:05 EST Slow progress, but still moving forward http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6360270 Hi everyone! <BR> <BR> It has been almost a month since my last post. Does that sound like the start of a confession, cuz I'm not Catholic, but that does sound a little familiar from tv shows. I am making steady progress in my goals but not without some struggles. <BR> <BR> The good news is that I'm under 300 pounds, which has not happened in a couple years. As of this morning, I've lost 37 pounds. I'm working with a nutritionist. I have mixed feelings on that decision. She is trying to hel... Wed, 10 May 2017 17:25:03 EST It is all mental! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6349817 I am happy to report that I'm making some steps forward, not a ton, but some. I recognize that my thinking is totally off base sometimes, and last week when I was really struggling I started to text a good friend who kept me accountable over the weekend. Then I spent most of the weekend either in tears or wishing I wasn't feeling so depressed. Nothing I could really do about it, but I made it through the weekend. Then I get to work and my closest friend here, who knows nothing about being dep... Mon, 17 Apr 2017 16:58:22 EST Moving in the right direction I guess http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6346677 Hey everyone! This is not a big thing for anyone else I'm sure, but last week I did make some doctor appointments. Friday of last week I went and got allergy testing done. I want a pet. I need something else to take care of in my life because there are days when I just do not want to get out of bed or anything. I want to share my space with a furry animal...just saying. But of course the allergy results were not great. I'm crazy allergic to cats and dogs. I knew that and I have known for year... Mon, 10 Apr 2017 19:42:09 EST Another new month http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6343334 Happy Monday everyone. I started this blog over the weekend, but just could not make myself write out what I'm thinking. Why is it so much easier to believe what I say to myself than to say it out loud? I know what I am thinking is mean and unrealistic and I would never say these things to another human being, not even as a joke, but to myself, not only do I think it but I believe it. <BR> <BR> I have struggled with depression for more than a decade. Some days are better than others, althou... Mon, 3 Apr 2017 19:57:48 EST Spring break update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6332679 The last couple weeks have been so stressful. Between work projects and trouble with two staff members, who are both more than 20 years older than me, and being unhappy in my life I am exhausted. My parents are here for a long visit and I love them being around but it does trigger some anxiety. I stopped my regular walking because my schedule was not able to be so strict which I really need to stay on track. My food has not been bad and I am still losing weight, down about 25 pounds this year... Tue, 14 Mar 2017 01:23:09 EST Depression is the devil http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6328371 Where to start? The last week was really stressful, about 70 hours of work and stressful. I let my walking go and messed up with my food. The short story is that I started to do good about six or seven weeks ago. Pretty much gave up gluten and added sugar, very little dairy. I was walking about 45 minutes a day and feeling really good. I have lost almost 25 pounds, amazing what happens when I give up almost all processed foods. But then I let myself get overwhelmed at work and let into some e... Sun, 5 Mar 2017 20:23:20 EST Thursday of a tough week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6316924 Not a big surprise to anyone but Valentine's Day and I have always had a rocky relationship. Growing up I spent one of the holiday's in the hospital getting stitches after trying to cut off my finger at work and twice I spent the holiday at funerals. That did not start things off right. Then in college, I hurt my back over the holiday...herniated a disc that has haunted me with pain every day since. So overall, I do not enjoy the holiday. But that does not mean that I do not enjoy spreading t... Thu, 16 Feb 2017 09:49:22 EST ...and we begin again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6315579 First, if you are following my blog, a warning for you. I have always thought that I needed to blog a long thing if I was going to put anything down in writing. You know, be all thorough and deep, but that is really not what I need right now. Right now, I need a place to just share thoughts...the good, the bad, the sarcastic, the sad, whatever. Because I do not have someone to talk to about these things. So when I think about stuff, it stays in my head and I start to feel bad, and I do not wa... Mon, 13 Feb 2017 18:12:58 EST I cannot seem to do anything right... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6257064 I have been carrying around these thoughts for days and I need to get them out into the world so I can try to let them go. As a warning, these are not happy nice thoughts. <BR> <BR> I cannot seem to do anything right. I cannot nourish my body correctly. I cannot stay active or make exercise a priority. Some days I cannot even make myself get out of bed. I cannot control my anxiety. I cannot open up to people. I'm just feeling very defeated and overwhelmed, obviously. <BR> <BR> Where did th... Tue, 25 Oct 2016 18:04:20 EST What am I doing? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6243317 This is a long one. Or until I get tired of typing, whichever happens first. <BR> <BR> So, I started 2016 doing alright. Not great, but keeping things balanced. Then I started looking for a new job and things got a little crazy. But then things kind of crumbled around me. My job was cut at my last employer and I literally was told "today is your last day" and had to move out of my office that night. I lost it. It was so hard and even though I know I was not cut because of my job performance ... Wed, 28 Sep 2016 20:08:31 EST Where has January gone? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6079647 I have avoided writing a blog because I was sick of always writing how sad or depressed or overwhelmed I was feeling. That has not changed. I do appreciate everyone's advice about seeing a counselor, getting meds figured out, etc. The difficult part is that nothing about this is changing in a day. It is taking me more than two months to see the next doctor about meds and future treatments. That is really difficult to even write out in words. I am taking the meds I have been prescribed, and my... Tue, 26 Jan 2016 11:28:17 EST Day 27 Wednesday, Day 28 Losing Control http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6064166 Wednesday was a recovery day. I had blisters on my feet and was still exhausted from being so busy the day before. I was also starting to feel more of my symptoms, especially building up anger easily, which is not like me. Making it through work was tough, but I did it. Went home, made some dinner and went to bed. Nothing crazy but nothing bad either. <BR> <BR> Then came Thursday. Yesterday. Wow. When I fall off the edge, I really fall. I woke up to go to my early part time job and was just... Fri, 8 Jan 2016 14:39:57 EST Day 26 Tuesday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6062032 When I started blogging a couple weeks ago I would write something on my phone while getting ready to go to sleep. It worked really well, but now that I'm back to work and my time seems to slip away from me pretty quick, I definitely am not able to think and write immediately before bed. It just isn't going to happen. <BR> <BR> So let's review yesterday. I woke up super early, about 3am to get ready for my job at the Y. I need to be there about 4:30am to get everything up and running in orde... Wed, 6 Jan 2016 10:34:04 EST Day 25 (yesterday) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6060996 What a day! I got up early, went to the gym and that was where the problems started. The Y I workout at has cardio machines but it also has a track that you can walk on as well. I have only been doing treadmills right now because I have some serious back problems, but yesterday morning it was SO busy at the gym that the treadmills were all full. So I walked on the track. I have been regretting that decision for the past 24 hours. My back is not ready to handle that change. In case you haven't... Tue, 5 Jan 2016 10:47:57 EST Day 24 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6059367 Today was a good day. I have had enough bad ones recently that it was kind of a shock to sit down and realize it went alright. Spent the morning doing a grocery run and then spent time at the gym. My ymca has always opened at noon on Sundays except in the summer when we are closed on Sundays (I work at the welcome desk) and today was the first Sunday we opened at 9. There were a good number of people there, me included. Then came home and started getting stuff done around the apartment and... Sun, 3 Jan 2016 21:30:26 EST Day 23 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6058455 So proud of myself today because I did go to the gym first thing this morning. Walked through an entire episode of law and order. Not bad, right? I know once work starts again next week I might not always have the time to be at the gym for an hour so trying to take advantage now. The rest of the day wasn't so great. I did okay with food but spent most of the day sad and depressed so watching tv to try and stay out of my head. I am already starting to panic about work on Monday and that is tw... Sat, 2 Jan 2016 22:42:23 EST Day 22 a day of rest http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6057550 My counting of days for this blog is concerned with the number of days I am actively thinking about my health. Today is the first day of rest in an eight consecutive days of working out but I was still paying some attention to my food choices and I did not allow myself to be sad and depressed all day. I survived January 1st. I do not think there is anything more sad than waking up on the first day of the year with absolutely no one to wish you a happy new year. That is not to say that I do n... Fri, 1 Jan 2016 23:48:41 EST Day 21 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6056428 Worked at the y this morning and then stayed to work out. My former Trainer was so proud of me, but all I could think was how much I had let her down. That is how the thinking in my head works. How do I change that? I really struggled again today with my depression and took multiple naps. I am really just trying to take it one day at a time but I could seriously use a good day any time now. It feels like I will never feel normal again, whatever that means. I don't want to think the negative ... Thu, 31 Dec 2015 22:22:30 EST Day 20 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6055635 Admittedly I am very hard on myself. I do not consider today to have been a good day. I was really anxious, depressed and when I got the first chance to eat while by myself in my apartment, I completely overdid it. Not a real binge maybe but it still makes me feel terrible. Now let's focus on the positive. I went to the gym and walked for 45 minutes. That makes seven straight days of walking. I am proud of that! Tomorrow I have to work then stay and walk at the gym. More unpacking to do and... Wed, 30 Dec 2015 20:50:16 EST Day 19 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6055024 Got my lazy butt out of bed finally this morning, battling a lot of anxiety that appeared out of nowhere. Got to the gym and really pushed myself a little more than I have...45 minutes wqlking, pushing the speed, and about 12 minutes on the bike. Did feel good. Spent the afternoon getting a few errands done and then went to see star wars with the family. Packed up some stuff from Christmas and getting ready to head back to my place tomorrow. I am always pretty blue about the end of the holid... Tue, 29 Dec 2015 23:44:35 EST Day 18 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6054343 Winter finally showed up today in my part of the world, with a vengeance! I got to the gym just as the wind and snow were starting there, town over from my parents town. But when I was leaving awhile later, it was sleeping and slippery. Yuck. Took my time getting to my parents and the worst part were all the too nervous drivers. Do they know they make it more dangerous to be on the roads? Walked for 45 minutes at the gym. Pushed myself at 20 minute mile for longer than yesterday but not over... Mon, 28 Dec 2015 23:09:41 EST Day 17 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6053665 Good and bad, definition of my day. Walked this morning at the area ymca. Watched some tv and walked at an easy pace but then went longer. Felt pretty good. Then came home and ate my way through some anxiety and sadness. No idea where the feelings came from, but it was hard to stop eating. I tried to stick to proteins, but the truth is that nothing I ate was good after two hard boiled eggs after I got back from the gym. I am happy that I went to the gym...really had to talk myself into doing... Sun, 27 Dec 2015 22:17:51 EST Day 16 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6053105 I have worked out for three straight days! Today I woke up early and went to a ymca near my parents place. It is pretty new and not very busy today. I walked two miles in 50 minutes. Not too fast, maybe a little too long but I made it. Got hime, showered and went to breakfast with the family. We also went to see the final hunger games movie. I didn't do great with food but I did work out and I drank more than 100 ounces of water. Two goals met. Now I can hardly keep my eyes open so I am hea... Sat, 26 Dec 2015 21:49:12 EST Day 15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6052651 Merry Christmas everyone! Today was alright. Mom made me a separate breakfast without dairy and it was a great start to the day. Spent lots of time opening presents with family and also final got to see the third movie in the hunger games series. Finally. Spent about 30 minutes out walking too. Two days in a row working up a sweat. Now I am turning in to bed early so I can get up early and go to the gym, rebuild some good habits. There is a ymca about 10 minutes from me so I am going to tak... Fri, 25 Dec 2015 22:39:57 EST Day 14 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6052240 What a day. Up and down and up and down. Started by opening the y. I really love those regular super early mornings. Weird today that not everyone was there. Got done with work, finished packing and pretty much got on the road. Wasn't super happy and worried it might be a rough day. Finally finished shopping for my brother and got to my parents place. Relaxed a little and took a nap. I teared up a couple times just thinking about xmas memories. Back when I was happy it was the holiday. Befor... Thu, 24 Dec 2015 19:55:07 EST Day 13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6051744 It is Wednesday, but kind of feels like a Friday. I am so ready for my holiday break to start. To be sure, I have stuff to keep me busy during my break, but a break from the day to day, the same people, the same habits is very necessary. I have some work to get done, have to rewrite a course I teach every semester, and definitely need to work on my attitude. <BR> <BR> I usually really enjoy the holidays. I love xmas shopping and usually get so excited about seeing my family and watching them... Wed, 23 Dec 2015 16:33:51 EST Day 12 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6051331 It is Tuesday and I have been working for 13 hours. First at the YMCA, then my full time job. My back hurts and my emotions are a little all over the place, but better than yesterday. I've been stressing about xmas, and my parents have been super supportive about not pressuring me to go to some of the typical family functions. Too many people around is still a little overwhelming. <BR> <BR> I'm working on my focus during the day and it was pretty good today. I have always been mostly introve... Tue, 22 Dec 2015 17:48:09 EST Day 11 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6050825 Happy Monday Spark People! It is a very quiet day at my office today because most students think we are on break just like they are. However, we are still working. Thankfully I have some of the best colleagues in the world, or I would have gone home today. My depression/anxiety returned with a vengeance today. My colleagues covered, which allowed me to do work behind a closed door, meaning that I could cry and just be alone with my feelings and not be unprofessional. This whole process is rea... Mon, 21 Dec 2015 17:41:18 EST Day 10 (yesterday) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6050617 It is Sunday and it started out great. Was productive in the morning, got lots of tasks done, even made some food for the week. Then something happened. All of a sudden I was down again. My dad called about something and I was suddenly in tears and frustrated and just really unhappy. Not his fault, not my fault. I just suddenly felt like my emotions had fallen off a cliff. Then I finally get myself talked into leaving my apartment and all of my errands go terrible. I can't find what I'm looki... Mon, 21 Dec 2015 09:32:46 EST Day 9 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6049966 Today was a pretty good day. Feels weird to even say that outloud. I spent the day doing work around my apartment and it felt amazing to be productive again. Clearly the doctor is really helping! I haven't been productive and felt this much like myself in months. Makes me hopeful for tomorrow. A headache has set in tonight and it is pushing me to bed. Tomorrow is a new day. Sat, 19 Dec 2015 21:06:03 EST Day 8 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6049464 I am not expecting to blog every day, but it does feel good to get some thoughts out into the world. Today I am feeling better. Not great, not really myself yet, but better. I increased one medication, added a new one. Definitely are not solving all of my problems, but they are making my life seem a little more hopeful and possible. I seem to be putting out a lot of energy every day to seem "normal" at work and I'm exhausted by the end of the day. But that means I'm sleeping more, and I am de... Fri, 18 Dec 2015 17:22:02 EST Day 7 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6049024 This is a quick entry. I worked with my doctor to increase my medicine and for the first time in my life was diagnosed as having some significant anxiety. I definitely felt better today...cautiously optimistic. I started an anti anxiety medicine too. Just when I need it but having it available makes me feel better. After years of taking heavy pain meds I am always very aware of not abusing these meds and the truth is that when I have my life back under control better my goal will be to get of... Thu, 17 Dec 2015 20:02:32 EST Day 6 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6048461 It is Wednesday and this week is dragging on. I work at a community college, our final exams are done and now it's just very quiet around here. I have projects to do and work that needs to be finished up, but it is weird to not have students around. I did have a student stop by this morning and bring me homemade pumpkin bread with chocolate chips. Yummy. <BR> <BR> Yesterday was a rough day. I wasn't feeling great at all. My symptoms of depression were winning, my lack of patience and frustr... Wed, 16 Dec 2015 14:12:39 EST Day 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6047991 I am hopeful that in the future I will be able to write about positive things, but that day is not today. I just feel blah. I am hoping that it is just a side effect of some new medicine I am taking, but it needs to be fixed. I can't get excited about anything, no real joy. And it is starting to take a toll on me. Today I am quick to be frustrated, ready to speak my mind, which is not really all that rational. Someone at work made a comment to me, which was rude but still I should know better... Tue, 15 Dec 2015 16:53:33 EST Day 4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6047464 When it rains, it pours. So, I'm pretty much feeling at my lowest. I feel ugly, fat, not worth much and out of control in general. Then I hear from my work that our future is kind of unknown but if we all work together we can get through this budget crisis. Really? Of course my first instinct is to think my job is in jeopardy, which is of course, kind of stressful. But I'm in no shape to be job searching. I hardly could confidently go into an interview and sell myself. There is no way that is... Mon, 14 Dec 2015 16:02:43 EST Day 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6046534 So today I thought about food a lot. Good and bad. I could taste some foods I was craving. I thought I was doing all right but tonight I threw myself into a quart of custard from Culvers. How terrible? Now I feel shame and my stomach hurts. But after shedding a few tears, I am facing up to my decision. I am being honest about my choice and accept that tomorrow is a new day. That is a good next step, right? Gosh this is so difficult. My health issues impact my weight which also impacts my depr... Sat, 12 Dec 2015 19:33:40 EST Day 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6045931 This blog is for me. I spend all day with so many thoughts going through my head and no where to put them. Most of the thoughts are negative. I'm too fat, too stupid, too whatever. And I know those things are really true. But I'm unhappy and depressed and it is time to make a change. I have started to get some counseling, but that's not really helping. I still cry for no reason and have anxiety about being around people. It's weird. I don't want to be lonely or alone, but I also stress out ab... Fri, 11 Dec 2015 13:19:54 EST Day 1 - 9/15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5780877 Yesterday I started again. This is it. My brother is planning a wedding and right now my body issues would overshadow the event. I don't want that. So I started again. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I worked out for 40 minutes at the gym before work. I didn't push too hard, because I have a history of hurting myself and I have a weak/injured back. I can't afford to start again and then just have an injury. <BR> <BR> I also ate pretty good. A fruit smoothie in the morning (blueberries, orange juice, w... Tue, 16 Sep 2014 09:47:20 EST I just want to crawl under the covers and have a good cry! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5700990 And there's no good reason for it. I'm just lonely and disappointed in myself. <BR> <BR> So here's what has been going on for the past month...nothing but eating a lot of junk! I go to the store, I get chips and chocolate. Then that is my dinner. It's a comfortable habit that I got into years and years ago when my back pain was more intense. So when life got busy and I fell out of my new healthy habits, I went back to the old ones. And where has that gotten me? I've gained back more than 50 ... Thu, 22 May 2014 19:31:15 EST time to get honest with myself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5677897 Life has been tough recently and I don't think I've really let myself accept much of what is going on around me. First, I'm eating junk all the time. And I'm pretty numb when I'm doing it, so I know that I'm trying to feed my emotions instead of my body. Second, I'm back to terrible habits. I'm sleeping more, watching more tv and talking myself out of exercising. I saw a picture of myself from October and didn't even recognize myself. How did I look that healthy? Now I've gained back 55 pound... Tue, 22 Apr 2014 12:35:57 EST Finding myself again...finally. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5647607 I still have a long way to go, but I'm starting to feel like myself again. The sun is out more, the snow is starting to melt, I can almost feel myself being able to walk outside again. So great! <BR> <BR> Last night I worked up a great sweat at the gym with my trainer and today it feels good to be a little sore. I also wrote out my training plan to be ready to walk the half-marathon in June. And it feels really good because I'm way ahead of where I should be for the training, and I'll contin... Fri, 14 Mar 2014 09:52:36 EST Medical Updates and moving forward http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5638535 Happy Monday everyone! <BR> <BR> It has been a rough week for me, although in comparison to what my friends are going through, this isn't huge. I seem to be taking on the emotions of my friends going through surgery and the fact that they are fighting so hard. It feels overwhelming and I don't know how to get rid of this feeling of carrying the world on my shoulders. Feeling helpless in the face of medical emergencies is so rough. <BR> <BR> My friend who had the recent brain tumor diagnosis... Mon, 3 Mar 2014 12:06:16 EST Thanks for the support everyone! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5634419 Hi! <BR> <BR> Thank you so much to everyone who kept my friend in their thoughts/prayers yesterday. The surgery was successful, my friend was really enjoying her meds last night! She's feeling the surgery more today. They did not get the entire tumor, and her left side was affected by the surgery, but it shouldn't be permanent. The concern was that if they did go for the entire tumor, they would have permanently paralyzed her left side. The doctor seems optimistic, although the pathology tes... Wed, 26 Feb 2014 13:42:44 EST Prayers requested http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5633279 I know that not everyone considers prayers in the same way, some really believe in the power of prayer, some just send happy and healthy thoughts...all of that is appreciated today. <BR> <BR> I have a friend who is having brain surgery this morning, in about three hours. Saturday morning her boyfriend was woken up when she was having a seizure and she was rushed to the hospital. The CT scan found a mass in her brain and she was transferred to a larger hospital with a neurosurgery department.... Tue, 25 Feb 2014 09:43:58 EST Wheat Belly author and the Best Question Ever http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5621585 I'm so grumpy this winter. I can just tell that I'm depressed and desperate to be outside walking again. But I draw a limit to walking outside when there is a negative sign in front of the temperature. I'm a fan of four seasons and hate that I'm so grumpy this winter. I was actually looking forward to being outside more this winter, but not when there are warnings about frostbite. I'm not that crazy! <BR> <BR> This past weekend I went to a women's health expo in Madison, WI. Learned a lot, m... Tue, 11 Feb 2014 17:20:48 EST self-loathing continues...but I will turn this around http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5616835 Back in November, I hit a rough patch, and I have used that rough patch as an excuse for the past few months. I've gained back more than 25 pounds and I am miserable. <BR> <BR> I spend the entire day thinking about binging after work. I'm spending way too much money on junk food. When I go to the grocery store now, I worry about getting "caught" buying just straight junk food. I think about what I'll tell someone who asks about why I'm buying junk. I worry about my parents coming to visit an... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 11:19:49 EST No more celebrating for me... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5560607 I have thought about writing this blog every day for the past few weeks, even have it on my "to do" list. But when it comes down to it, I just haven't had the patience and courage to put into words how bad I've been feeling. <BR> <BR> For the past year, I have resisted temptations, gotten my depression under control and learned to listen to my body when it comes to food and exercise. But in the past two months, I have really been struggling. I have lost weight, even got out of the "obese" c... Mon, 9 Dec 2013 14:56:47 EST What a month! Time to celebrate! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5506847 I want to be someone who blogs every day, but most days I don't have the patience to put my thoughts and feelings together coherently for someone else to read. That's why this blog is almost a month later than the last one. <BR> <BR> But I am celebrating today. Here is what I'm celebrating: <BR> 1. I have been training successfully for my 10k <BR> 2. This weekend I cut 2 minutes off my 5k time (walking a totally flat route) <BR> 3. My goal was to lose 15 pounds before my birthday next week, ... Mon, 7 Oct 2013 10:24:18 EST When life gets hard, I eat. But I should exercise. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5482911 Life has been hard. I know it doesn't compare to the challenges that someone else may be facing, especially on this historic day, but for me, it's been hard. There has been less time to plan ahead for food, more travel for family events, increased pain in my back and more stress at work. <BR> <BR> For the past two days I have been binging on applesauce again. What I really want are peanut m&m's but I went for applesauce instead. Now, applesauce is allowed on my diet, but not in the portions ... Wed, 11 Sep 2013 16:39:28 EST