USMAWIFE's SparkPeople Blog USMAWIFE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Nurse Promises Not To Laugh At This Man's Problem. She Failed. This Is Hilarious. <BR> The Nurse asked a patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown to be checked by the doctor. <BR> <BR> <BR> "In front of you?" He asks, shy. <BR> <BR> The Nurse says: "Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before." <BR> <BR> The Patient said, "Not one like mine. You'd die laughing at my naked body." <BR> <BR> "Of course I won't laugh," said the Nurse to the patient. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." <BR> <BR> "Okay then," said the... Fri, 24 Feb 2017 19:15:28 EST need a laugh Thursday After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect h... Thu, 23 Feb 2017 16:42:08 EST hum my pcp got in touch with me and told me that as bad as things could be, my labs looked better than in previous months and they were going to keep an active watch on me. <BR> <BR> God bless him.. he and I have been through a lot and I know he always has my back Thu, 23 Feb 2017 03:51:48 EST tuesday it was just one of those days with a lot of unscheduled activity Wed, 22 Feb 2017 05:04:10 EST Sunday this weekend i have been feeling so out of it thanks to a new medication i am on. was on it at a half dose of 5 pills once a week but it did not help so the doctor upped it to 10 one day once a week for 5 weeks. even the pharmacist is not sure why such a high dose but i am going to have to have to have faith that all these horrible issues are temporary at least until i take the next dose Sun, 19 Feb 2017 21:28:26 EST saturday frustrating day with a real estate agent and their booking agent. tired of these 10 minutes i want to show your house, except this one got the wrong information from the booking people and showed up at our your even putting the key in and opening the door and the appointment was declined by me. just lucky i was home or my dog would have been gone and my husband who was upstairs asleep would have been startled. <BR> <BR> this is not my agents fault but their central booking service. seco... Sat, 18 Feb 2017 22:33:01 EST the weekend <em>243</em> Fri, 17 Feb 2017 21:02:23 EST WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IF YOU COULDN'T FAIL I will post my answer when I get back from 2 appointments Thu, 16 Feb 2017 11:23:00 EST hump day we finally got the dog back upstairs. my husband carried him up and it was a good thing. we had thunderstorms during the night and if the dog had stayed downstairs, his panic attack would have been worse <BR> <BR> finished the shawl for the friend in 24 hours, and now starting on two more since i only have the first clues for each <BR> <BR> Wed, 15 Feb 2017 20:39:39 EST valentine's day 2017 today went as figured.. I had picked up cards and two shirts for my husband for valentine's day and when I gave it to him, he was like.. what is this for. I said valentine's day.. It is ok. I expected it.. so not disappointed at all <BR> <BR> this evening I got to message with a knitting bud I have known on line for years now. she has stage one breast cancer and had the lump removed last week and starts raditation next week. she asked if I could help her find a pattern for a simple sha... Tue, 14 Feb 2017 22:44:32 EST Monday <em>46</em> Mon, 13 Feb 2017 21:09:33 EST Sunday the doggie slept downstairs again and it was just one of those nights <BR> I had to stay up and watch Saturday Night live. I love seeing melissa McCartney do her skit on the press secretary. <BR> <BR> when i got up for good i was dragging and just could not get into doing anything. ran to the grocery store and pharmacy and then came in to just do what I can do <BR> <BR> Sun, 12 Feb 2017 21:44:44 EST saturday long weekend .. really tired as the dog has changed his sleeping habits and now will not climb the stairs to our bedroom. he is not physically hurt but the other day as he was coming down the steps he missed the last two and we think it damaged him psychologily if that is possible. so with him downstairs after all these years being upstairs it is very difficult for me to sleep especially when we get up between 3 and 330 am <BR> <BR> Sat, 11 Feb 2017 20:59:25 EST friday its the weekend Fri, 10 Feb 2017 21:23:37 EST thursday after a long night with strong rain, no lightening or thunder, the dog finally stopped shaking after an hour and we were finally able to do back to sleep around 1 am. then the clock when off at 3 15 am and the day started <BR> <BR> i did try going back to sleep after 7 am but it was not a great deep one .. just gave me a headache <BR> <BR> got to the allergist and the shot helped me a lot and then did a few errands before coming home and finally getting something to eat <BR> <BR> Fri, 10 Feb 2017 04:07:20 EST part 2 of the knitting lesson after last night i thought.. only the heavens know how the afghan is going to turn out <BR> <BR> today she sent me a picture. instead of using the pattern as written she did the entire row of ribbing, telling me that was how my directions said. i told her she needs to double check what I wrote. <BR> <BR> response. oh... <BR> <BR> so to fix this, i told her to leave the inch she had worked and start the pattern as i wrote it on the next row. she said she was still confused at what ... Wed, 8 Feb 2017 20:56:35 EST My knitters in training Yesterday I spent most of my afternoon and evening helping the lady in Canada with her knitting online. <BR> <BR> she finally received the needles I sent her two weeks ago but now was not going to make the blanket as her daughter told her the grandson had more than enough. I found her a spider man sweater which she liked and went over the pattern with her step by step and she was all ready to cast on. then she came back from her break and said she wants to make the blanket. I stepped a... Tue, 7 Feb 2017 19:31:27 EST monday this morning I wanted to have a frappachino and drove to starbucks to find the city had turned off their water and the only drinks were coffee or tea. So had a coffee and then back home to help the lady in Canada with her knitting <BR> <BR> that was a very unpleasant experience as she has changed her mind so many times my head is still spinning <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Mon, 6 Feb 2017 19:59:28 EST this week I am happy that others see the news like I do .. if and when something turns out to be good or bad I will find out about it in time. Sun, 5 Feb 2017 21:07:45 EST saturday I have learned to stay away from television news as much as possible as everytime i hear something that makes me so ill <BR> <BR> i have actually blocked friends on facebook and put others in a different group so I do not see the news <BR> <BR> never in my young life has anything affected me so much Sat, 4 Feb 2017 21:48:04 EST the weekend <em>595</em> Fri, 3 Feb 2017 20:36:14 EST my january knitting projects still have to add my advent scarf and another shawl <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> This is a test knit for the designer <link><BR>en-snake-cowl </link> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> knit a long <link><BR>ariri-shawl </link> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sp... Thu, 2 Feb 2017 17:36:38 EST hump day closer to the weekend Thu, 2 Feb 2017 04:14:00 EST tuesday life goes on Wed, 1 Feb 2017 03:56:54 EST enough already today has been a very long day <BR> <BR> went to bed close to 11 pm last night, tossed and turned for a while and then it was 325 am and i have been up since then <BR> <BR> at that hour of the morning it is mostly re runs and news.. i did a bunch of each, tried to sleep for a bit but could not <BR> <BR> listened to the morning national news and it was amazing. in 1 hour and 45 minutes of actual programming the new potus was involved in every clip except one. not sure how he got put in... Mon, 30 Jan 2017 22:15:03 EST a new week a new journey Sun, 29 Jan 2017 20:49:55 EST ahhhhh there were moments today I wanted so badly to laugh really hard but i kept my composure <BR> <BR> the lady i am helping with her knitting, she found a pattern for a shawl she wanted to make but she did not have enough yarn. so she found another. she sends me a picture of it and then asks i love the shawl but truly hate the color yarn the designer knit it in. do i have to knit it that color or can i choose my own <BR> <BR> later in the evening, i was asked how many times does one knit i... Sat, 28 Jan 2017 23:00:11 EST friday its the weekend.. enjoy Fri, 27 Jan 2017 22:41:07 EST thursday had some repeats of wednesday but at least i did not drive as far. <BR> <BR> up early and back to sleep for a bit . then came a phone call from a company called first data. i had a feeling i knew what this was about. the check that was stolen from me and used at walmart. my bank reversed the charge and now walmart wanted its money back so they called to collect. explained about the check being stolen and used. i told them i had a police report and i had to fax it to clear my name. <B... Fri, 27 Jan 2017 04:22:40 EST hump day it was a very long day <BR> <BR> bed at 11 up at 330 <BR> <BR> finished a few things online and took a nap around 630 waking up several times before pushing myself out of bed <BR> <BR> dressed, walked dog, took meds and left the house at 950 am <BR> <BR> first stop, pcp to get a lab slip for thryoid panel, make my husband a lab appt and then do my first official weigh in from Dec 12th bp 114./80 weight down 11 1/2 lbs from that day. still trying to loose what i gained due to meds added... Thu, 26 Jan 2017 05:26:22 EST tuesday went to the endro with hubby today for his bi monthly diabetic checkup. love the staff here and had to give the nurse a joke which I found on his discharge papers from December <BR> <BR> smoking status patient stopped smoking in 1992 after smoking for 40 years. this is funny because my husband was born in 1954 and they had him smoking before he was even born <BR> <BR> Tue, 24 Jan 2017 22:33:26 EST it's been a knitting theme day but not for me today has been long. I have only managed to knit 4 rows of my scarf today.. not because I was not feeling like knitting but because I was helping others with theirs online <BR> <BR> had one lady who wanted to make a spiderman afghan which is knit in the round. problem is she has never knit in the round, does not know how to join the two ends to make a circle, does not know how to increase and decrease. what was worse for those who knit , she was trying to do this initial part with 14 st... Mon, 23 Jan 2017 19:44:28 EST sunday a new week begins Sun, 22 Jan 2017 22:49:44 EST saturday just feel off today but have to much to do so i can not crawl up and stay in bed <BR> Sat, 21 Jan 2017 20:17:50 EST friday this is just one of those days where no news came on. watched a lot of mindless tv and tried to knit but ended up sending most of the time going through ravelry looking for patterns Fri, 20 Jan 2017 21:40:38 EST long week this week seems endless to me. <BR> <BR> Thu, 19 Jan 2017 19:32:53 EST hump day it is over.. thank goodness Thu, 19 Jan 2017 04:45:17 EST tuesday had to see my dermatologist for a follow up and surprised him with a new scarf and hat. years ago I knit a set for him and each time I saw him, he tells me how much he wears them. figured it was now time for a new set. he was like a kid let loose in a candy shop. made me feel good Wed, 18 Jan 2017 03:47:28 EST Organizing...It's a BIG deal! sharing this article <BR> <BR> <BR> When I ask folks at my organizing seminars, 'What is organizing?,' I get similar responses... <BR> <BR> * Prioritizing my schedule <BR> * Emptying out my closet <BR> * Being able to find my keys <BR> <BR> And yes. Those are all parts of getting organized. <BR> <BR> But organizing is so much bigger. It actually applies to nearly every aspect of your life ranging from the possessions in your home, to the email in your inbox, to the paper in your fi... Mon, 16 Jan 2017 09:22:31 EST a new week this week <em>303</em> Sun, 15 Jan 2017 22:11:11 EST how to know if he loves you How to Know if He Loves You <BR> <BR> <BR> A man who truly loves you is transparent about it… there’ll be no wondering if he does or he doesn’t… If a man loves you, one way or another he will let you know it… if not with his words then in his actions. He won’t argue with you about your trivial complaints… he’ll spare time for you no matter how busy he is… he will like your jealous possessiveness and find it cute… he’ll remember important dates like anniversaries and birthdays… he will alwa... Sat, 14 Jan 2017 20:43:59 EST friday it was just one of those days that no matter what i did just felt like i accomplished nothing <BR> <BR> Fri, 13 Jan 2017 22:15:32 EST an open letter to ones 18yo self victoria beckham posted an open letter to her 18 yo self. what would you write and tell your 18 yo self <BR> <BR> <link><BR>-pens-an-open-letter-to-her-18-year-ol<BR>d-self/ </link> Thu, 12 Jan 2017 16:21:30 EST hump day sometimes you say I have heard it all and then nights like tonight I just shake my head <BR> <BR> Wed, 11 Jan 2017 21:48:30 EST tuesday got to stay home today which was nice <BR> <BR> worked on a new scarf and hat for my dermatologist. I made one set for him a few years ago and he still tells me how much he wears them every time it is cold outside <BR> <BR> the hat is done, a bit over 4 feet of the scarf is done <BR> <BR> found something out last night which shocked me especially in the way it was handled but I am going to think about the problem more before asking anyone for advice. Tue, 10 Jan 2017 22:48:48 EST I need to be Edward Scissorhands my list of things I want to do is huge and I wish i had extra hands to accomplish them all <BR> <BR> Mon, 9 Jan 2017 20:47:22 EST when a woman opens her heart to love When A Woman Opens Her Heart To Love <BR> <BR> <BR> When a woman loves a man she cares for him, pampers him, gives him her attention and does every thing to make him happy. But when she feels her man also cares for her and loves her immensely and unconditionally then all her love , care, affection and pampering just kind of multiplies and is intensified to almost another level where she becomes completely devoted to the man in her life. A woman will never give up on a man if her love is re... Sun, 8 Jan 2017 21:51:00 EST when a woman opens her heart to love When A Woman Opens Her Heart To Love <BR> <BR> <BR> When a woman loves a man she cares for him, pampers him, gives him her attention and does every thing to make him happy. But when she feels her man also cares for her and loves her immensely and unconditionally then all her love , care, affection and pampering just kind of multiplies and is intensified to almost another level where she becomes completely devoted to the man in her life. A woman will never give up on a man if her love is re... Sun, 8 Jan 2017 21:50:59 EST do you wake up every night at time same time? this is what it means Do You Wake Up Every Night At The Same Time? This Is What It Means. <BR> <BR> <BR> There are internal systems and clocks built in the body, helping us control our bodily functions. Also, it is worth mentioning that the physical and spiritual health shouldn’t be viewed separately, as they are closely related. <BR> <BR> The patterns of energy placements to different areas of the body at different times hold special place in traditional Chinese medicine, which suggests that the body dedicate... Sat, 7 Jan 2017 18:19:01 EST you gotta own it You Gotta Own It! <BR> <BR> Do you ever wonder why some people are so successful at achieving their goals, while many of us seem to struggle with the same issues over and over? What is it, we wonder, that sets the goal achievers apart? The answer is that successful people own their goals. <BR> <BR> What does it mean to own a goal? The first, and most important, step is to make sure that your goal represents something that is truly important to you and not simply something that your paren... Fri, 6 Jan 2017 22:32:10 EST