TXCRICKETT's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=TXCRICKETT TXCRICKETT's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Making It Through the Holidays - Time to Out of the Box http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5562116 The holidays are so difficult with family dysfunctions at their highest level with unresolved history, lack of reconciliations and insistence by members to maintain the Drama triangle of Perpetrator, Victim and Rescuer where all are competing for the role of victim. The last thing I want to do is maintain connection with my body and my feelings. <BR> <BR> Having stopped tracking my food 2 weeks ago I am now coming back to full circle and really noticing how I avoid connecting with my body ... Wed, 11 Dec 2013 12:13:09 EST Starting Anew http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5443208 I am in a really good place. I feel like I am on track with all the past work I have done and with CR in completing my personal and spiritual inventory. I am really getting the benefit of the clearing phase of all the past events in my life and how many times I have believed things that weren't true and allowed that to color my life and interactions with others. <BR> <BR> I am so greatful for my Celebrate Recovery group it is so nice to have a support group in which we are all working on si... Sat, 3 Aug 2013 11:54:50 EST Combating a Spirit of Rejection http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5387060 Down 5 lbs and doing well tracking food, keeping calories around 1500 and watching carbs. I am feeling more confident about not eating over my emotions. Had a good success this week, pausing and feeling what was up versus attacking the fridge which is what I wanted to do. <BR> <BR> Car would not start as I was trying to go to water aerobics after being away for several months. I got furious, standing there all dressed in my swimsuit with no way to get there. I felt like God was thumping his... Wed, 12 Jun 2013 14:34:44 EST Building support network that works http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5380355 Started going to Christian Celebrate Recovery group at a church near my home. Promises to prove to be very interesting and powerful at getting to the deeper reasons behind eating. Being that group dynamics are tough for me this is definitely an area of growth for me. I like the spiritual focus of the group and seeking answers of a higher nature, especially as it helps to reprogram my negative thinking and take it to higher ground. <BR> <BR> Each week we have to answer lots of questions abou... Thu, 6 Jun 2013 12:54:04 EST Setting Myself Free http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5360983 I am feeling empowered in that my husband and I have eaten out several times and I am continuing to see movement on the scale and a steady loss. Making better choices all around, no matter where I go to eat and speaking up when it is time to choose where we are going to insure that I can have something worthy of choosing at that restaurant. <BR> <BR> The other day when I entered into the start page what I weigh and what I want to weigh and it said it would take me 3 years to get there losing... Sun, 19 May 2013 10:48:32 EST Taking me back. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5357293 I think the number one thing that I am good at is starting over. Consistency in moving forward seems to be have been an impossibiity for me. When I try to think back as to why have I fallen off doing this or that, food plan, execise, etc. I can't think of anything that stands out as a significant reason. Hurts, pains, tiredness, family drama etc. All it amounts too is starting over with more weight to let go of. Putting care of my body, my self has not been at the top of the list and if I pu... Wed, 15 May 2013 10:37:03 EST ReCommitting each day to me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5233048 Started water aerobics and boy was I sore yesterday. I think that is a sad note how out of condition I am that such a simple program can make me take note of every joint and muscle. <BR> <BR> I am recommitting to tracking and cooking. Today is a new day. After having a sleep study this week and finding out that i have moderate sleep apnea it puts a new spin on the importance and immediacy of handling this weight. I just have to go slow and listen to my body, and treat it gently. <BR> <B... Fri, 1 Feb 2013 10:46:02 EST Back to Doc http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5219126 Went to doc and got another cortisone injection this time for my twisted ankle. I feel much encouraged he feels we can handle this and get me back in water aerobics. I needed some good news was starting to get discouraged and lose my momentum. Plus when I am in pain I just want to eat. Not a good combo for me: pain and food. <BR> Tue, 22 Jan 2013 19:57:47 EST A New Day to Start Over http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5208431 I am good for about a week and then I go to Bible Study and its pot luck on Thurs. and I get totally off track, Then the weekend comes and the eating out with my husband and I am once again having to begin again having regained all I had lost. It makes me want to scream. <BR> <BR> I had to go get a cortisone shot in my foot for an inflamed nerve, so it is out of wack for a day or two. I have all kinds of new goals: writting down my meal plans for dinner for the week. Exercising daily, water ... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 13:22:35 EST Every Day Is a Start Over http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5208417 I am very frustrated. I do well for a week and then go to bible studies pot luck and get totally off t Tue, 15 Jan 2013 13:15:04 EST Finished of first week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5200442 Well with all the swelling going up and down I am at 343.6. So I have lost 5 lbs this week not 7. But that is still 5 lbs gone. I also have figured out that after paying close attention that 1650 calories is what it takes for me to be comfortable with the amount of food that I am eating. I am not going to freak though if I have a day that is in the 1900's as long as I am below 2000. I feel that at my current weight 1650 is going to help me reduce. If not, I will reevaluate. This weeks go is a... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 12:03:50 EST Too much Sodium http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5198886 I continually am amazed at the total amount of sodium that foods have in them. I made a homemade soup but tracked with a premade version and it gave me a total of 8,000 for the day. That is in no way right because I made the soup homemade with no salt added veggies and canned tomatoes. The beef boullion was low sodium but still drove the Na up. I don't cook with salt and am very careful. But if I dare o use pre-packaged foods, I am blown away by the Na content and so are my poor ankles. I f... Wed, 9 Jan 2013 13:54:24 EST 7 lbs down -Welcoming My Body Back http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5191658 I am so excited. I have been really watching my food and not eating between meals. I eat when I am hungry and it is working. I am not emotionally eating. I feel like I have turned a corner in this fight. Now it is all about the commitment to the long haul. Its not getting overwhelmed when I see the total amount of weight I have to lose, but being grateful that I have survived until now. However many doses of DingDogs, Reeses or Cheetos it took, to cope in the past, whatever it took to make ... Sat, 5 Jan 2013 13:41:17 EST It All Finally Makes Sense - Understanding Hyporesponsiveness http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5189767 This is a book review of "Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy by Pat Ogden , and even though I have not finished reading it, it is totally changing my understanding of my coping mechanisms I have developed over the years especially as to my relationship with food. Most of us realize that we eat for comfort, but have you ever considered that your obesity could be related to "early attachment issues" and the development of a neuro response to not getting those attachm... Fri, 4 Jan 2013 10:03:38 EST Ready to Respond to a Life That is Calling My Name http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5188737 Irregardless of the food plan chosen by me, it has always been about the emotional factors behind the eating. What was driving me. What was the underlying and most often unconscious motivation for eating or overeating.... What I was seeking to get from the food that had nothing to do with healthy nutrition was what it was really about. <BR> <BR> I have made some tremendous discoveries this year that I feel, are going to enable me to step more fully into actively participating in my life. Be... Thu, 3 Jan 2013 18:58:01 EST Back to Starting Line http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4889004 Gained back what I had lost and a little more. Now at heaviest I have ever been. Recommitting to self, and to writing my food down and making the best food choices I can. Have made wonderful strides with therapy and I know that is really going to help. Looked into TOPS the other day and the meeting was horrendous. Love the contests, but this particular group was very unhealthy. I will continue to look for another one that is not so tension filled between its members. I have been in some wond... Sat, 19 May 2012 20:58:30 EST Awaiting Fantasy Weight Loss Fairy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4718651 It seems that I have a real belief in a fantasy Weight Loss Fairy who is supposed to arrive during the night and magnify my efforts so that the 150 lbs that I need to lose just magically falls off when I am sleeping and Tah Dah! I step out of the bed into a new me that is skinny and physically healthy and fit. <BR> <BR> Then the reality hits as I throw my 328 lb fanny out of the bed and run to the bathroom to realize that the Magical Weight Loss Fairy in fact did not come and I am stuck once... Thu, 2 Feb 2012 13:16:23 EST Off to a Good Start http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4714769 I can't believe its been about 2 years since I logged in. What a lot of changes. My weight got up to 349 at Christmas. But seriously started a food plan that I designed with all my considerations and I have lost 20 lbs. as of this morning and I am already feeling quite a difference in my ability to just move around and especially in my walking. <BR> <BR> I have been doing IFS therapy which is Internal Family Systems Therapy and it is definitely about healing from the inside out. And best of... Tue, 31 Jan 2012 17:03:35 EST Heck of a week and one Awesome meal http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3714114 My Dad has been in the hospital since last Tuesday and just got out today. It has been very very stressful. I live on the other side of the world from where the hospital was located and had to travel across Houston back and forth most every day. My Dad is aphasiac because his speech was damaged because of really bad stroke many years ago, so it is imperative that someone intercede for him and get the info from the Drs. He has been hospitalized so many times during my life that I have totally ... Wed, 13 Oct 2010 23:47:01 EST 1800 Calories http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3531945 That is what the MD and nutritionist are saying that I need to eat and I am having a really tough time trying to eat that much food. I feel like I am having a carb fest. I haven't eaten this many calories intentionally since I don't know when. I made it to 1550 yesterday. Less than that today. Did get ther carbs closer to 120 though. Tricky....tricky.. Kinda of wierd being told to eat!. They asure me that I will continue to lose weight at 1800 calories, but it is necessary for the diabetes no... Fri, 13 Aug 2010 00:14:10 EST Having trouble eating enough calories http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3519785 I am having trouble eating enough calories and keeping the fat and carbs within range. Can't believe my calories were so low today and yesterday. I may have to eat more carbs. I am going to have to talk to this doctor of mine and figure out exactly what my ranges are supposed to be for carbs and food. There is no way I am eating 1800 calories a day. That is just nuts to me. I am not hungry with what I am eating. I eat and I am satisfied, why push more calories if I don't want them and my sug... Mon, 9 Aug 2010 21:12:41 EST The scale is moving! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3515102 I am so excited. I feel good. I am eating well. I am awake and paying attention. The scales are moving finally. I think I have dropped about 13 lbs since starting the medicine. I feel like I am losing in my core area of my body. I know people look at us big girls and, say, "who could tell." BUT I CAN. I feel like I am in this mystical zone everyone has talked about for years. And I am planning on staying there as long as I can. After reading all the Geneen Roth books I feel I have truly gotte... Sun, 8 Aug 2010 12:48:13 EST Wow What A Difference http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3510878 I have been on Metformin for a couple of weeks and I feel like I have gotten my brain back and my muscles actually feel like moving again. My hope is back for a future. I have felt like I have been waiting to die and my brain was in a total fog. It is so nice to have awakened. Fri, 6 Aug 2010 21:05:50 EST Diabetic Medication started http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3442092 Yesterday I started Meformin to help with the insulin resistance. I am hoping it will help my metabolism and energy levels so that I can't lose some weight. I found out from the doctor that the PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is a direct partner with diabeties and that most often people with a dx of PCOS are put on meformin to help their metabolism. I read today that you are 5X's more likely to become diabetic with PCOS than if you don't have it. It is not my fault, the doctor tod me this ... Sat, 17 Jul 2010 19:53:30 EST Texas Blue Bonnet Trail http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3118667 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/5/l859138683.jpg"> Had a wonderful day driving the central Texas Bahai Bluebonnet Trail and stopped at the park and museum for Washington on the Brazos. It was pretty cool. Seeing all the frontier stuff they had. My relatives were some of the first Texacans so I thought it was really interesting. Food in a car traveling all day is a challenge. Did subway and stopped and bought apples, and mini carrots at the grocery store and a bag of mini pret... Wed, 14 Apr 2010 12:30:14 EST Looks like a Platypus, Walks like a Platypus http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3111023 I am getting to where I don't even want to go out to eat. But it is a very bad habit, and it is so easy to just go. Look Mom, no dishes! Call me lazy. But then I pay because I have no control over the content, nor preparation. Especially at the Cattle Trough Buffet's that my man likes to go to. Does me in every time. <BR> <BR> It has been a good week for calorie counts. First week and all. Sodium took my weight loss and blew my feet up. And now wearing my new extra comfy Crocs, I have to lo... Mon, 12 Apr 2010 16:28:03 EST Had a great day! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3107368 Today I went back to a church that I went to before I moved, and I felt so at home. I have decided to drive every Sunday the 45 min to get there because I get so much from the people there. It felt like coming home. Then my husband and I went and I got a pair of Crocs for my heel pain is my undoing. While I was gone to church he worked in the backyard and made it sparkle! I think he actually enjoyed himself. Because when we got back he planted my rosebush for me, mulched 3 rose bushes and th... Sun, 11 Apr 2010 20:59:40 EST Slippery Slope http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3101305 Today I spent mostly on the computer on Spark which was good, trying to get the feel and understanding of how things work. Husband went out tonight with the guys from work which he rarely does and I am feeling really abandoned. This is even after he called from the pool hall and asked me if I wanted to come up. Which I felt uncomfortable in doing since it was only supposed to be the boys. I have found I have had to struggle not to go mindlessly eat over this feeling of uncomfortableness and a... Fri, 9 Apr 2010 22:34:07 EST Encouraging Myself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3097996 Today I realized that I gave myself a Way to Go., and that I absolutely don't remember ever doing that before. It felt really good, and very unusual. My inner critic is alive and well on most days, sneaky too. I think I will do more of that. Hey you did good, you ate 3 PLANNED meals today, and stayed on purpose. Getting into the habit of nourishing me, and taking care of me, is very different too. So used to trying to get my needs met through people that just plain weren't available, and h... Fri, 9 Apr 2010 00:27:39 EST First 5 lbs lost http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3094848 I had to look, because I felt different. Weighed in this am. Showed 320. That is down 5.4 lbs. Yippee! It is amazing what a little food plan can do for you. My cold has gotten stirred back up from the front that came in last night andthat is not fun. Time to go fix some breakfast. David helped me and taught me how to load pictures I take to SparkPeople. I am so thrilled now I can do before and after pictures of me and my garden. Both a work in progress. But I am so encouraged by a little move... Thu, 8 Apr 2010 09:53:34 EST Blood Disorder Team http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3092355 I am so excited to see this team. I have felt so terribly alone in this struggle to maintain INR's, eat appropriately, and not stay totally pissed about having to try to diet while limiting all the gree things that are the primary basis of all weight loss programs. UNFAIR! seems to have been my swan song for the last 2 years and I am tired of playing that record. So here we are. I am commiting myself to using this site to the best of my ability! I ate a really good breakfast following my pro... Wed, 7 Apr 2010 17:15:01 EST Grocery Shopping http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3088337 Made it to the store today and bought for my food plan for the week. Now to follow it wiithout changing it constantly would be a good thing. I like being able to choose from a list but It would be helpful if you could delete the fixed items from the Spark generated plan. It gets confusing. I eat a lot of special foods, almond milk, no fat this, no fat that. And I can no way see me eating 2000 calories and losing weight... I do think I have not been eating enough. I have fallen into a very ba... Tue, 6 Apr 2010 19:14:54 EST Temptation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3086425 Bless the man that I love, who in his goodness brings home a turkey and a box of cookies. It is very difficult when my spouse faces the same food demons as myself and too often succumbs to the song of the sweettooth fairy. Which aides in the demise of good intentions and food plans that always start tomorrow. Tue, 6 Apr 2010 10:49:09 EST