TWEETYKC00's SparkPeople Blog TWEETYKC00's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Hump Day Happy Teacher: "Willie, can you define ignorance?" <BR> <BR> <BR> Willie: "That's when you don't know something and somebody finds out." Wed, 27 May 2015 05:28:05 EST Tuesday's Tickle While ice-skating, my friend had a nasty fall, sliding face-downward 20-feet across the ice. The rink doctor examined him and decided there was nothing he could do for him or the large bruise on his forehead. "Would you like some ice for that?" he offered <BR> <BR> Tue, 26 May 2015 06:29:50 EST Monday's Thought "If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships - the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace." <BR> <BR> <BR> Franklin D Roosevelt Mon, 25 May 2015 07:44:20 EST Sunday's Thought "Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly." <BR> <BR> <BR> John F. Kennedy Sun, 24 May 2015 15:10:39 EST Saturday Going early as I will be going to my dads house until tomorrow night. Won't be able to do any sparking while I'm gone. I'll miss my stuff, but I'll have some good time with dad. Sat, 23 May 2015 07:03:53 EST Friday's Funny There are two reasons people don't mind their own business. One is that they haven't any mind, and the other is they haven't any business. Fri, 22 May 2015 06:16:15 EST Thursday's Thought "The one who takes things too seriously all day long has no joy in his life. The one who wastes the day in seeking amusement cannot maintain a position of fortune," <BR> <BR> <BR> Ptah-hotep Thu, 21 May 2015 05:58:25 EST Hump Day Happy Which roof covers the most noisy tenant? <BR> <BR> <BR> The roof of the mouth Wed, 20 May 2015 06:17:01 EST Tuesday's Thought "Business is about profit, yes, and it is about more than profit. At its best, it is about expanding the possibilities of humanity." <BR> <BR> <BR> Jon Miller Tue, 19 May 2015 06:22:48 EST Monday's Silly A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. <BR> The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?" <BR> <BR> Mon, 18 May 2015 07:10:35 EST Sunday's Thought "The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt in the heart." <BR> <BR> <BR> Helen Keller Sun, 17 May 2015 09:34:29 EST Saturday's Silly "His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons." <BR> <BR> <BR> Robin Williams Sat, 16 May 2015 09:54:06 EST Friday's Funny "You know you're old if your walker has an airbag." <BR> <BR> <BR> Phyllis Diller Fri, 15 May 2015 06:29:08 EST Thursday's Thought "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." <BR> <BR> <BR> Winston Churchill Thu, 14 May 2015 06:10:21 EST Hump Day Happy "I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure." <BR> <BR> <BR> Mae West <BR> Wed, 13 May 2015 06:41:21 EST Tuesday's Thought "I go out to the kitchen to feed the dog, but that's about as much cooking as I do." <BR> <BR> <BR> Betty White Tue, 12 May 2015 06:20:00 EST Monday's Silly Three blondes die and go to St. Peter. He says, "I have one question, and if you get it right, I will let you into Heaven." <BR> <BR> He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" <BR> <BR> She answers, "That's the time of the year when our whole family gets together and we eat turkey." <BR> <BR> St. Peter says to the next blonde, "What is Easter?" <BR> <BR> She answers, "That's the time of year when the fat jolly guy comes down the chimney and our family gets together to open presents." <B... Mon, 11 May 2015 06:32:25 EST Sunday's Thought "I know how to do anything—I’m a mom." <BR> <BR> <BR> Roseanne Barr Sun, 10 May 2015 09:55:46 EST Saturday's Silly In the frozen foods department of Wal-Mart last Saturday morning, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, 'You know, Harry, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again.' Sat, 9 May 2015 09:31:14 EST Friday's Funny Proverbs - According to 6 year olds <BR> <BR> <BR> No news is............................impossible. <BR> Love all, trust....................... me. <BR> An idle mind is........................the best way to relax. <BR> Strike while the.......................bug is close. <BR> Better late than.......................pregnant. <BR> A penny saved is...................... not much. <BR> Don't change horses....................until they stop running. <BR> A miss is as good as a ................... Fri, 8 May 2015 07:43:01 EST Thursday's Thought "You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants." <BR> <BR> <BR> Stephen King Thu, 7 May 2015 06:22:08 EST Hump Day Happy One day, a blonde was watching the news and the news anchor said that a serial killer was on the loose. So, she rushed into her kitchen, grabbed all her cereal and brought it down to the basement and said "Don't worry, no one can kill you down here!" <BR> <BR> Wed, 6 May 2015 06:38:05 EST Hump Day Happy One day, a blonde was watching the news and the news anchor said that a serial killer was on the loose. So, she rushed into her kitchen, grabbed all her cereal and brought it down to the basement and said "Don't worry, no one can kill you down here!" <BR> <BR> Wed, 6 May 2015 06:38:04 EST Tuesday's Thought "I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear." <BR> <BR> <BR> Rosa Parks Tue, 5 May 2015 06:18:52 EST Monday's Silly When you start to look like the picture on your passport, you know it's time for the vacation! Mon, 4 May 2015 06:01:48 EST Sunday's Thought "Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment, full effort is full victory." <BR> <BR> <BR> Mahatma Gandhi Sun, 3 May 2015 10:15:16 EST Quick Note Just got some bad news, one of my friends who was a fellow sparker just called to tell me her father died this morning. He had been in the hospital after a fall and just couldn't heal right. I'll be praying for her and the family. Hugs everyone. Sat, 2 May 2015 14:45:50 EST Saturday's Silly Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!! Sat, 2 May 2015 08:27:05 EST Friday's Funny What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a saint? <BR> <BR> <BR> An animal that has a pocketful of miracles Fri, 1 May 2015 06:09:52 EST Thursday's Thought "It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable." <BR> <BR> <BR> Moliere Thu, 30 Apr 2015 05:58:57 EST Hump Day Happy Why did the computer think it might need glasses? <BR> <BR> <BR> It wanted to improve its websight Wed, 29 Apr 2015 05:58:43 EST Tuesdays Tickle Charge Card Company: A place that gives everyone else all the credit for its success. Tue, 28 Apr 2015 06:29:47 EST Monday's Silly The New Zookeeper <BR> <BR> <BR> Peter starts his new job at the London Zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, Peter beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased; he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything. <BR> <BR> Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house, Peter is attacked by the chim... Mon, 27 Apr 2015 06:23:37 EST Sunday's Thought "Until a man duplicates a blade of grass, Nature can laugh at his so-called scientific knowledge. Remedies from chemicals will never stand in favorable comparison with the products of Nature, the living cell of a plant, the final result of the rays of the sun, the mother of all life." <BR> <BR> <BR> Thomas Edison Sun, 26 Apr 2015 09:39:45 EST Saturday's Silly Life is full of surprises, just say never and see what happens! Sat, 25 Apr 2015 06:20:09 EST Friday's Funny Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The m... Fri, 24 Apr 2015 06:36:16 EST Thursday's Thought "Where there is no vision, there is no hope." <BR> <BR> <BR> George Washington Carver <BR> Thu, 23 Apr 2015 06:36:51 EST Hump Day Happy Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? <BR> <BR> <BR> Because she wanted sweet dreams! <BR> <BR> Wed, 22 Apr 2015 05:51:51 EST Tuesday's Thought "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." <BR> <BR> <BR> Philip Steinmetz Tue, 21 Apr 2015 05:47:46 EST Monday's Silly An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. <BR> <BR> She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" <BR> <BR> The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. <BR> <BR> The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and ... Mon, 20 Apr 2015 05:28:09 EST Sunday's Thought "Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." <BR> <BR> <BR> Abraham Lincoln <BR> Sun, 19 Apr 2015 09:47:12 EST Saturday's Silly What's it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? <BR> <BR> Data transfer. Sat, 18 Apr 2015 14:00:18 EST Friday's Funny Where does a computer mouse live? <BR> <BR> <BR> In a mouse pad of course Fri, 17 Apr 2015 06:23:33 EST Thursday's Thought "The wise man does not lay up treasure. The more he gives the more he has." <BR> <BR> <BR> Chinese proverb Thu, 16 Apr 2015 06:01:07 EST Hump Day Happy You know your children have started growing up when they stop asking where they came from and start refusing to tell you where they have been all the time. Wed, 15 Apr 2015 06:30:52 EST Tuesday's Thought "The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for." <BR> <BR> <BR> Allen K. Chalmers Tue, 14 Apr 2015 05:57:43 EST Monday's Silly What do you get when you cross a hospital and a skunk? <BR> <BR> <BR> A medical scenter! Mon, 13 Apr 2015 06:22:46 EST Sunday's Thought "It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out - it's the grain of sand in your shoe." <BR> <BR> <BR> Robert Service Sun, 12 Apr 2015 08:21:37 EST Saturday's Silly Psychiatrist: A person who encourages you to speak freely and then charges you an arm and a leg for listening. Sat, 11 Apr 2015 13:32:51 EST Friday's Funny A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right breast is hanging out." As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out. When he gets face to face with her he says, <BR> "Ma'am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, <BR> <BR> "Why, officer?" <BR> <BR> "Well, your breast is hanging out." <BR> <BR> She looks... Fri, 10 Apr 2015 06:08:36 EST