TRUECOLORS's SparkPeople Blog TRUECOLORS's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community December 9, 2015 Hello everyone! I haven't been around for sometime because I have been busy with Thyroid cancer. I had a total thyroidectomy on 9/17/15 and then Radiation Iodine Treatment in November. I am finally on some thyroid replacement medication and have some healing to do. <BR> Best News EVER-the scans show no sign of cancer and my doctors have no reason to believe it will reappear. I am so thankful to God for bringing me through this time. I still have a long ways to go as I gained a lot of weight ... Wed, 9 Dec 2015 11:54:00 EST 2/18/14: Met My Goals So far. So good. For the first time in a looooong time I Met My Goals! :-) I CAN do this! I WILL do this! <BR> Was feeling beautiful because it was a beautiful day but my mood took a turn for the worse due to some female issues I have. :-( <BR> But I am still sticking to it. Tue, 18 Feb 2014 19:52:07 EST 2/18/14: At it AGAIN! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> WoW! Back at it again. Not sure why I keep giving up. I need to find the answer (s). I don't know where to look and when I look inside I get lost. <BR> <BR> Instead of asking why maybe I need to just accept and do better. Be the change I want to be. <BR> ? <BR> I don't know. Some people say you need to know why before you can change. <BR> <BR> All I know is I have one foot in the grave keeping on the way I cu... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 12:25:10 EST 5/28/13 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> If only I could believe and trust. How do you love yourself? Truly love yourself? I have said and written worse things about myself than I could ever even think about saying to or about another human being. Why is this? Tue, 28 May 2013 23:01:43 EST 3/6/13 <img src=""> Wed, 6 Mar 2013 18:46:24 EST March 2013 <img src=""> Tue, 5 Mar 2013 19:23:01 EST 1/10/13 Right back on Track I am proud of myself today. Just enough because I am right back on the right food track today. Met my goal and I am not overdoing it. Regardless of yet another stressful day. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I believe in myself. I know that I can do this! I am not afraid. I am not alone. I love myself enough to be tough and hang in there. I deserve to be happy and I deserve to stop tormenting my body, mind, and soul. <BR> <BR> Be str... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 21:01:15 EST 1-9-13 Can't stop Eating <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I find myself tonight emotionally eating for the first time in one week. I am acting as though I have not seen food for days. When in reality I had been meeting my daily goals as far as my food intake goes. <BR> I was sad, disappointed, hurt, angry, frustrated and tired. I couldn't stop myself before the damage had been done. About 344 calories over my goal and I have not exercised. <BR> I am not giving up or giv... Wed, 9 Jan 2013 20:41:16 EST 1/9/13 <img src=""> Wed, 9 Jan 2013 06:23:02 EST 1/7/13 <img src=""> Mon, 7 Jan 2013 12:03:16 EST 12.23.12 <img src=""> Sun, 23 Dec 2012 11:16:08 EST 12/21/12 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:55:50 EST 20 December 2012 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 22:00:26 EST 12/19/12 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Wed, 19 Dec 2012 18:38:12 EST 18th December 2012 <img src=""> Tue, 18 Dec 2012 19:16:22 EST 16 December 2012 <img src=""> Sun, 16 Dec 2012 19:51:57 EST 12/12/12 <img src=""> Wed, 12 Dec 2012 20:29:14 EST 12.10.12 <img src=""> Mon, 10 Dec 2012 20:30:00 EST 12/9/12 <img src=""> Sun, 9 Dec 2012 12:25:09 EST December 8, 2012 <img src=""> Sat, 8 Dec 2012 07:42:46 EST 12/7/12 <img src=""> Fri, 7 Dec 2012 18:48:17 EST 12/6/12 <img src=""> Fri, 7 Dec 2012 07:58:04 EST 5th of December 2012 <img src=""> Wed, 5 Dec 2012 18:54:43 EST December 4, 2012 <img src=""> Tue, 4 Dec 2012 19:54:03 EST 3 December 2012 <img src=""> Mon, 3 Dec 2012 20:42:31 EST 2 December 2012 <img src=""> <BR> I love this time of year! Sun, 2 Dec 2012 10:12:15 EST November 2012 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> My new motto. I need to stop living in the past and move forward. I believe I am pretty much there but I need reminders sometimes. <BR> <BR> I believe in myself and know that I can do this. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I will accept no excuses and will remain on the right path for me. Sun, 11 Nov 2012 10:58:24 EST 10/23/12 Sometimes it is the smallest things that me me happy. Why can't I remember that when it is really important? <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 24 Oct 2012 19:46:51 EST Monday October 22nd <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Disappointed that my accupuncture appointment had to be rescheduled but happily going to the gmy instead. <em>41</em> <BR> <BR> I am making myself a movtivational board with motivational quotes. <BR> And so today, life is good. Mon, 22 Oct 2012 19:31:32 EST October 21, 2012 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Sun, 21 Oct 2012 11:24:04 EST I don't even know what day it is. Yikes! Long trip to North Carolina with Justin for his grandfather's funeral. It was draining, physically and emotionally; however it was lovely to see where he comes from and to meet his NC family. <BR> There were many, "Can I get an Amen?" and several "Bless your heart". There was sweet tea, the best biscuits I have ever had in my life as well as chicken pastry, Carolina BBQ, and most importantly, the NC hospitality that makes you want to sit down on the porch and stay. Everyone was so plea... Sun, 30 Sep 2012 15:17:09 EST 9/24 Sunday <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Sun, 23 Sep 2012 11:31:19 EST Sunday <img src=""> Sun, 16 Sep 2012 15:08:23 EST Yes, I am still on the right path! 9/14/12 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have not been able to spend a whole lot of time on SP b/c of other stuff & things going on but I feel like I am still on the right path. <BR> I am feeling better about myself, my life, the choices I make in my life and I feel like I am MORE ME now than I have been for sometime. <BR> I am not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow but TODAY and I am loving it! <BR> <BR> <BR> Sat, 15 Sep 2012 00:18:11 EST 8/31/12: Friday-Enough Said <img src=""> <BR> I have been able to to stop being afraid. I was sucked in to someone else's fears and insecurties and found myself in a downward spiral. I am cut free and will not go back. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Forward and positive thinking about your dreams and goals are better than wishes. Unles... Fri, 31 Aug 2012 07:30:02 EST 8/19/12 Sunday <img src=""> <BR> Sun, 19 Aug 2012 10:40:22 EST 8/18/12: Could it really be??? <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I hate to say this. Just in case it ain't so. I think I am actually ...HAPPY! <BR> <BR> This may sound strange, but I honestly do not remember the last time I really felt HAPPY! And not just HAPPY, but content, and at peace. <BR> I finally have embraced the joy and love that I know that I have in my life. Joy and love from me to myself and from my family. I do not believe it is just a trick that I've played on m... Sat, 18 Aug 2012 12:54:33 EST 8/9/12: I mean to say, Here I am! I am my own worst enemy. I will put berate myself quicker than anyone I know. I have to believe it when I say that it is ok not to be perfect. I am always so willing to let everyone else know that this is true, but when it comes to myself; I cannot seem to accept this. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This week I have learned that I am strong. That I know what I need to do and that I can do it. <BR> I may hit some roadblocks along the ... Thu, 9 Aug 2012 22:46:15 EST 8/5/12: It's Only me. I cannot say for sure where I have been. I lost myself. I was so consumed with self-hate and everything that includes: doubt, anger, worry, depression, anxiety, guilt, shame; to name a few monsters. I am not sure how I got there but I have a good idea, and I know that I am on the right path again. I am working on loving myself and being the person that I know I am and do love. <BR> Please help me and say a prayer for me. And I kindly thank you in advance, SP, for always being there for me ev... Sun, 5 Aug 2012 11:50:50 EST Caustic 8.20.11 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I've recently been called caustic and I took a step back from my life and realized that, yes, I am. I am beaten down. I have not had a stable foundation for so long that I don't even know what that means anymore and I am at a breaking point. I literally gave up. Now, this is not my whole life and thank goodness. Just a certain part of my life that I cannot change just yet. I feel stuck. I hate feeling stuck. I'm so... Sat, 20 Aug 2011 11:41:55 EST Slow goes it. Good day to all! I have not been around as much as I like to be; however school takes priority and my current class is kicking my *ss. I have been trying instead of doing lately and I need to get back to doing. My portion control has been actually really well, but I have not been eating the right kind of stuff. We went out a couple of times as well and I did make pretty good decisions about what I ordered instead of going all out like I normally would have. So, the good news is that I am maki... Mon, 21 Feb 2011 15:51:38 EST A Long Week: 1/29/11 Well, January has always been a notoriously long month for me and this year it ends leaving this trend intact. This week was horribly long for some reason and I could not get enough sleep no matter how hard I tried. The good news is that I am still here. I am still committed and utilizing SP! I have not been perfect (LOL..there that is again) but I am still here. I have made some good choices I am proud of this week and I have been not so smart on a few other choices. I have been on the right... Sat, 29 Jan 2011 09:27:37 EST 1/20/11: Just a book review This cannot turn into a daily blogging event for me; however I find myself with a little bit of time on my hands and thought I would write about the current book that I am reading: Saving CeeCee Honeycutt by Beth Hoffman: It is about a young girl who grew up taking care of her crazy mother until she was 12 years old. Her mother died and she is sent to live with her great aunt in Savannah Georgia, Tootie Caldwell. That is about where I am at and I can hardly put this book down. This books make... Thu, 20 Jan 2011 10:01:44 EST Another Day Done: 1/19/11 I love full moon nights! I just wish it wasn't a school night. I am reading a really good book I am having trouble staying away from but I am about to do my walking for the day. I am DVR'ng AI. I hope it is good this year. I am very pleased with myself. Another day of meeting all my food diary goals. I just love feeling like this. Like I have done something I am actually proud of. I wonder why this feeling alone is not strong enough for me to ALWAYS make the right decision when it comes to f... Wed, 19 Jan 2011 20:37:24 EST That's Perfect! 1/18/11: Not doing as well as I would like; HOWEVER I say that about everything that I do because I am a perfectionist, which, by the way, is not a good thing to be. A perfectionist can be defined as a person who demands perfection in his or her self. What the dictionary does not tell you is that if you are a perfectionist and you cannot achieve perfectness you oftentimes just give up. Some times I cannot even start a project because I know it cannot be perfect. And what would the point of th... Tue, 18 Jan 2011 14:21:29 EST I did it! OMG! Last night I walked a mile. I have not exercised for reals for I do not know how long. It was a very slow and very painful mile and I almost stopped on more than one occassion; however I did not stop and I did it. I don't ever want to do it again but I do. I will. Tomorrow. I'm really proud of myself and am looking forward to getting better, getting stronger and living better. <BR> Thank you for all the support SP! I really need it! <img src=" Wed, 12 Jan 2011 09:35:53 EST Friday 1/7/11 Sometimes it is hard to believe. Sometimes I think about my life and find it hard to believe. Hard to believe that I am so old and that I have waisted so much of my life struggling to find myself and make myself happy. And then I realize that I need to just let it be. I am who I am and that is ok. All I can do is continue to try to be a good person and continue to try to make good choices for myself, and my loved ones. I keep living in the past and the future instead of living for today. I refuse to let another day pass me b... Fri, 7 Jan 2011 15:56:58 EST So...Here I am Again! And that is okay. I am happy to be back. I have been a member since 2007 and was very successful and then a lot of good and bad things happened. I am so looking forward to having the support I need that I know I get here on SP! I know that if I put my mind to it; I will be able to do it. I am so close to finishing my Bachelor's Degree-only 27 more credits to go and I need to be ready to start my new life. I need to start my life today. I need to live instead of thinking about living. Wish me ... Thu, 6 Jan 2011 20:24:51 EST 24 April 2010 OMG!!!! I have some sort of allergic reaction that is driving me crazy! I went to the doctor and got a shot that was supposed to have helped but that was 2 days ago and I still itch like CRAZY! And that pisses me off b/c that could mean another trip to the doctors which I really cannot afford. WTF!!! I take Benadryl but all that does is make me sleep which is not a terrible thing but I can't sleep the rest of the week (month) (year) LOL! Anybody have any ideas? the cortisone cream did not wor... Sat, 24 Apr 2010 10:23:51 EST My life depends on this. So. I am pretty happy with myself and frustrated at the same time. I am feeling pretty good and since I began again I have been daily tracking my food intake which still suffers on the weekends, but I am being much healthier. My activity level has not yet improved but I am working on it. It feels like every time I get my momentum going I find an excuse to stop and this time I am going to beat that excuse to death and keep my goal and know that it is my future. It is my life that depends on ... Tue, 6 Apr 2010 19:59:12 EST