TREENERBEANER's SparkPeople Blog TREENERBEANER's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Struggling I really seem to be struggling. I feel like I have absolutely no time to plan or take care of me. I am always taking care of everyone else. Everyone else comes before me, except for 30-45min 5 days/week. That is when I am doing my exercise program.. <BR> <BR> I can not find time to plan or prep anything, so that I can be prepared and have healthy foods ready to go when I get home. <BR> <BR> So, last night was terrible... I didn't get home until late, then worked out *thought, I feel ok ye... Thu, 17 Sep 2015 21:00:38 EST Long Weekend This weekend is supposed to be full of fun, BBQs, family, friends... blah blah blah. Yea, I said it. I am a bah-hum-bug when it comes to big events. I don't like them, I don't need them, but needless to say I go to the to please the boyfriend. <BR> <BR> I have so many things I need to get done around the house, and I can not find the time to do it! I am now being moved to a full time schedule at work. I never expected to be full time and prefer not to be because I get overwhelmed. I don't h... Mon, 7 Sep 2015 21:49:35 EST So Frustrated I am having a really hard time this week. I can't seem to say no to anything and all I want to do is eat. Granted, I know what this is probably caused by but its becoming super frustrating! I want to lose weight, I want to be happy with myself, I want to have my true self confidence. I want what any normal person wants. I want to be happy with life. <BR> <BR> I am tired of being angry, and feeling like what I want or think does not matter. So, I have set up a doctors appointment to talk abou... Tue, 1 Sep 2015 22:19:02 EST The Weekend It's been a while since I have actually had a full weekend to do whatever I choose to do. I thought I was going to be so active... get my workouts in, go walking and biking. <BR> <BR> It's Sunday and I have gotten my workout in. That's it. We had talked about loading up the bikes and going biking somewhere, but every time we talk about doing something, it never happens. Especially if its something I want to do. <BR> <BR> Anyway, yesterday I worked out, napped, and ate and ate AND ate! I do... Sun, 30 Aug 2015 08:46:26 EST Cauliflower Pizza! I decided to try the Cauliflower Pizza Crust tonight. I wanted to try it for two reasons. 1- Pizza is a trigger food so if I can have a better alternative to all those calories I'm game! 2- Thinking I could freeze the cooked crust for quick lunches for my daughter. <BR> <BR> It was a lot of work, but it doesn't have to be. I do not have a food processor to get the cauliflower into small pieces, so I tried my magic bullet.. no go. Then I pulled out the blender *MORE POWER*... didn't work. I w... Wed, 26 Aug 2015 20:29:45 EST Need Motivation I am soooo lazy today! I can't find any energy. I just want to sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. <BR> <BR> Thankfully today was rest day from CLE. I thought about taking the dog for a walk.. but quickly decided against it because I couldn't find the motivation to do it, or the energy. What can I do to get some energy when I'm feeling so tired? I don't do pop but I do coffee... caffeine never entered my mind today. Kinda late for that now. Bummer. Ugh. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day and hopef... Tue, 25 Aug 2015 19:17:49 EST 3rd week I'm on my 3rd week of really doing this. Meaning, eating properly and working out. I have managed to keep a pretty good hold on my eating and portion control. <BR> <BR> I feel myself slipping... Just a little bit. I still have had no pop for almost a month. I am not turning back! No more pop.. ever! I don't need it. Although, I have been craving it like crazy lately. I am craving sugar like something terrible. I have allowed myself to have a rice krispie treat, and a no bake cookie. I keep... Mon, 24 Aug 2015 21:20:39 EST Still Going Strong! I have completed the 2nd week of my workout program. It's starting to get boring because each week repeats for an entire month. BUT, I am going to keep pushing and get through all 4 months, with each month changing. I am so determined right now, and I feel absolutely great about it! <BR> <BR> I still have not told very many people about my goals or what I am doing. I don't feel there is a benefit to it because I seem to do better if I just keep it to myself. It is my promise to myself. I wan... Sat, 22 Aug 2015 19:19:51 EST Dance Party! Today was supposed to be my rest day. Rest day from CLE (Chalean Extreme) anyway. I was feeling pretty drained when I got home because I had ate nothing but fruits and veggies until about 4pm. I DO NOT suggest doing that, and if you are going to do it, please eat more than 3 cups worth. <BR> <BR> Once I ate, I thought, I'm not doing a darn thing today, IT'S REST DAY! I have off work tomorrow and I can conquer the world then. <BR> <BR> Well..... I ended up playing Just Dance 3 on the Wii w... Tue, 18 Aug 2015 22:09:40 EST Goals and Rewards I seem to be in the right frame of mind still. I am not seeing a lot of weight loss at this point, but I am still feeling a lot better and am not giving up! I have big goals, and I have smaller goals in between. I have assigned rewards for each goal met. They go as so... <BR> <BR> Weight Loss Goals: <BR> 10lbs- Use my free pedicure <BR> 20lbs- Date night <BR> 30lbs- New Perfume <BR> 40lbs- New Scrubs for work <BR> 50lbs- Little Black Dress <BR> 55lbs- New Silky PJs <BR> Goal- Pictures *Eithe... Mon, 17 Aug 2015 20:20:54 EST Chalean Extreme day 5 Today, was absolute KILLER!!!! It was mostly cardio with some yoga afterwards. Oh my word... it was too much. Or I put too much into it, more than I was ready for? I nearly passed out. If it happens again I will go to the doc to make sure nothing more serious is happening. <BR> <BR> I could have been needing to eat, or stood up too fast too. I'm not sure. Either way, it was scary. However, it's not going to stop me! I'm going to keep pushing and make it through this and come out on the othe... Sat, 15 Aug 2015 15:03:18 EST Dessert! I have been having some trouble staying away from the sweets, which I'm positive will slow my progress. Not like any of us want that right? <BR> <BR> Today I did good! I chose not to have the cake that we served at lunch and instead had some apple slices with a little bit of fruit dip *Cream cheese, brown sugar and vanilla* which, yes is a sugary sweet but I'm pretty sure it was better than the cake. I feel like that was a win! I also have not had the munchies hit me yet tonight so hopefull... Thu, 13 Aug 2015 18:29:52 EST One step at a time! I am feeling pretty good about the progress I have made over the last couple of weeks. I had said I am going to try to make changes slowly so I can have lasting results. So far.. I have.... <BR> <BR> *Lost 4 pounds <BR> *Gave up drinking pop <BR> *Am getting 75oz of water in a day <BR> *Am making healthier food choices <BR> <BR> and Today, I started the Chalean Extreme program. I had started it previously but quit after the first 2 weeks. My goal is to finish it this time, to see what kind ... Tue, 11 Aug 2015 21:47:16 EST So many thoughts... I am constantly trying to improve who I am. I have come a long way in the past couple of years, however, the work is never done! I currently struggle with anxiety. I am still trying to master coping skills to reduce symptoms. It all takes cognitive work. A lot of it. <BR> <BR> I am always picking my own brain, no matter what I'm doing... dishes, cooking dinner, working or just relaxing. <BR> <BR> So, last night I had to go get some stuff out of my dad's house because he has another relative... Thu, 6 Aug 2015 21:34:56 EST Update~ Been a while It has been a very long time since I have last written. So, since that time, I have changed jobs yet again. I left a hectic, stressful bartending job for a better paced Kitchen Manager position at an assisted living home. I currently love my job, except dishes.. I HATE DISHES! <BR> <BR> I have moved in with my bf of nearly 3 years and have settled into my new routine. During the last year of changes though, my weight ballooned. My all time high since I had my daughter 8 years ago. I have pa... Wed, 5 Aug 2015 17:08:39 EST Trying to get control I am trying so hard to get it under control... by "it" I mean everything. My eating, my life, my exercise.. I have been working out and I feel myself getting stronger again considering I started over now that I hadn't worked out in 8 months. It's so frustrating to keep giving up on myself. <BR> <BR> I have been back at this for 3 or 4 weeks now. I don't really have a support system at home and have absolutely no one to be active with me and share in the activities that I do enjoy. <BR> <BR... Tue, 4 Feb 2014 21:31:43 EST Life is so hectic! In my last blog, I finally had gotten a job. Well, now I have 2. I work during the day at the first job.. most days of the week, usually 5 for sure. Then I work at the other job 2 nights a week. I like both of my jobs, but what I don't like is the one employer is always sending people home early. I am scheduled for an 8 hour shift and only get to work 4.5-5 hours usually. It's becoming hardly worth the drive, because it is such a small wage and you make hardly no tips at all. Most days you ge... Thu, 12 Sep 2013 17:43:23 EST So Excited!!!!!! Finally! I feel like my life is falling back into place. I have been so stressed out lately with having no job, quitting school for the most part and getting little to no child support. <BR> <BR> Buuuut, today... wait for it... I GOT A JOB!! Finally! After so many applications and many interviews I finally snagged a job! I feel like all of my stress has been lifted. Will I be rolling in the dough? No, but that's ok. I will be moving and making some income and that is what I need! Not only h... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 18:12:49 EST Back at it.. once again I am currently on day 2 of getting back on track. I did really good yesterday and am doing good so far today. <BR> I am debating if I should get back to working out or if I should wait a week or 2 to get back on track. Ugh, decisions.. decisions! <BR> <BR> It feels good to be getting back on track as it seems a lot of things in life are completely out of my control and I can't fix them even though I've tried. So, I can control this and I plan on doing so! Tue, 20 Aug 2013 14:30:05 EST I did it! I have been super stressed again! Not losing any weight, no measurements changing, and hanging at 4-5 pounds up from my lowest. I don't know what to do to make the weight start moving again so I can get to my goal. My fitness level is improving and it should be for all the time I have been spending at the gym! <BR> <BR> <BR> So today, I went to the gym and ran 4 miles straight through! Up until today I had only done 3.1miles and never went beyond that. I feel proud of myself! <BR> <BR> I... Sun, 5 May 2013 12:27:58 EST Grrrrr! I am so sick of the weather we have been having. Snow storm, after storm, after storm! By now we should be seeing green grass and 60-70 degree weather. Instead we get snow, no grass, and 30-40 degree weather. It's absolutely ridiculous and extremely depressing. <BR> <BR> Fishing opener is in about 2 weeks and the lakes are still completely frozen over. <BR> <BR> If only I had money and no school I would leave. Actually, I would have left here about a month ago. There seems to be no end in... Thu, 18 Apr 2013 18:10:42 EST Been a while!-Progress With Pics! Finally checking in after nearly a month! I have been sticking to my eating program pretty well and joined a gym about a week and a half ago. I have been working out pretty hard lately and according to SP burning probably too many calories. The problem with changing my workout goal every week is that what I have in there is my goal. Sometimes I don't make it and sometimes I far exceed it. I do not want to be eating too much and gain weight back. I have enough weight ups and downs already! <B... Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:38:23 EST Broke the plateau! So I was stuck at one weight for I don't even know how long. Too long is what it was. I even gained back a few pounds. Stress may have been the culprit.. or maybe it was just my body trying to adjust. I don't know, I can ask it all I want but It never answers back. <BR> <BR> I stepped on the scale today and I have got 3 pounds lighter than my previous lowest and I am officially at where I was nearly 3 summers ago!!!!!! Seeing this was quite a lot of excitement for so early in the morning! I... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 08:56:13 EST Giving up... I have fallen off the bandwagon. I was doing soo good until recently. Lately, I haven't been working out and I haven't been watching what I've been eating close enough. I haven't been tracking all of my foods. <BR> <BR> I had an amazing weekend last weekend and ate fairly healthy considering I wasn't at home, but made sure to pack lots of fruits and veggies and yogurt and made a mock chicken salad to have in a wrap for lunches. After eating out a couple of times, I can't seem to get back o... Tue, 19 Feb 2013 19:55:37 EST NSV!! Ok, So I have had some changes on the scale lately.. so that is a victory too! But, the best thing is I am soooo close to fitting into all of my summer clothes from 2 years ago! <BR> <em>67</em> <BR> <BR> I would like to be at my goal before summer, but if I take until the very last moment I guess that is ok too. I am only 3 pounds away from where I was 2 summers ago and this year I plan on going past that! <BR> <BR> Even with school, homework, stress and life in general. I am managin... Fri, 1 Feb 2013 16:20:57 EST Figured it out I keep trying to figure out with the help of my mom and friend, why I can't get the weight to budge! Well, I think we may have figured it out... STRESS! <BR> <BR> I didn't even realize I was so stressed until today. I blew up.. flipped my lid.. got down right furious. I am not normally a pissed off person, not unless I'm uber stressed and my anxiety is getting to me. <BR> <BR> I didn't recognize the anxiety to be super high like I normally do, and didn't realize I was so stressed out. Why?... Thu, 17 Jan 2013 18:15:04 EST Plateau? So, I was sick for 2 weeks. Didn't lose any weight but wasn't worried about it because I wasn't working out or doing anything but laying around. I also didn't gain, yay! <BR> <BR> Now I have been working out for 2 weeks or more, eating my daily intake, not always the same amount sometimes minimum sometimes maximum, and not a gosh darned pound has left me. Not sure if I've plateaued or what?!? <BR> <BR> I started back in school today, and probably won't get to work out as much as I had bee... Mon, 14 Jan 2013 18:42:16 EST Finally back at it! This week I have been working out again, and carefully tracking everything! I am feeling great about finally getting back to it, but would really like to start seeing some results again! I am determined! <BR> <BR> I have been trying to get back on my training schedule with my running but each time I tried I just wasn't where I had left off. I just kept pushing and trying. And... Today.... I FINALLY RAN my full run! I was so excited!!! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> I feel like I am regaining my... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 22:35:07 EST Frustrated I have to vent... <BR> <BR> I have now been sick for 2 weeks. I am so frustrated! I can't seem to get better. I fought one thing, now another. It's never ending. All my hopes of working out and doing so great on my break from school has been a flop. <BR> <BR> I feel like I am getting weaker and am going to have to start all over again with my running and everything else. That makes me more than frustrated, but nearly downright mad. <BR> <BR> I am still working out everyday.. but only walk... Wed, 2 Jan 2013 19:20:57 EST Finally! After what seams like 2 weeks of being sick *and maybe it was* I am finally feeling well enough to work out! I am starting the 28day boot camp challenge through spark and did day 2 today. I also tried to get back into my running but got side stitched 5 minutes in. Oh well, try again tomorrow! <BR> <BR> I survived the holidays without gaining weight. I'm not sure how I did it, but I am not going to argue! I definitely do not feel as fit as I did before I got ill, and feel plumper.. but appa... Sun, 30 Dec 2012 20:12:26 EST The best present ever!!! I am pretty sure I got the best present ever today. My Mom got me a Polar Heart Rate Monitor. I was soo excited to try it out. It keeps telling me to check the transmitter though :( and says I have a BPM of 00. Pretty sure I am not a Zombie, and that there is something wrong with the equipment! <BR> <BR> Despite having a sore throat and feeling plugged in the face, it is back on track tomorrow. No excuses. I have to get back to it or I will get really upset with myself and I will never rea... Tue, 25 Dec 2012 19:57:21 EST 1 Month Down! Today, I had a little bit of a rough day with myself. I didn't want to work out, I didn't want to clean the house, I didn't want to do anything! <BR> <BR> I'm sure this is because today was the first day that I am officially done with this term! So instead of behaving myself, I didn't track my calories for the most part and just ate whatever while still being conscious of what I was eating. <BR> <BR> Scale went down today, I didn't really get excited about it. I thought to myself, ya supe... Thu, 20 Dec 2012 21:46:52 EST Getting Stronger! I am still working on my goal of running a 5K. I am about 3 weeks away according to my training program. In 1 week I will be doing 10minute runs, and in 2 weeks I will be doing 20minute runs. If I think about it, I get nervous. I have no reason to be nervous though! I ran 15minutes straight the other day because I wanted to, and felt it was harder to walk and then start running again. I know I'm capable of doing it, so why is it intimidating? <BR> <BR> I can't wait for the weather to warm u... Mon, 17 Dec 2012 20:01:35 EST Overwhelming sadness I think most of us know what happened today. The tragedy of someone going into the small school of K-4th graders in CT and opening fire. 18 children gone, 8 adults. <BR> <BR> The lump in my throat grew, and I thought I was going to get physically ill. <BR> I do not live in CT and do not know any of these families. It hits a little too close to home either way. I am the mother of a kindergartener who was at school at the same time that this happened. It could have been her school, just as i... Fri, 14 Dec 2012 15:40:19 EST A case of the Mondays Today is Monday, and it let its self be known. Everything I touched or even looked at today, fell down. *too bad it didn't turn to gold!* <BR> <BR> I nearly got taken out by another driver twice in 10 miles of driving. <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> I couldn't get the medications for my family due to insurance issues and a few other issues. <BR> <BR> Finally, I thought it would be a good idea to finally get out my stability ball that I haven't used for a couple years due to a missing plug. W... Mon, 10 Dec 2012 20:44:32 EST Quiet Sunday It is a winter wonderland! <BR> <BR> Most people around here would really enjoy this 7+ inches of snow but, I do not. <em>425</em> <BR> <BR> I have yet to find an activity that I truly enjoy in the snow, that doesn't cost a ton of money to either buy the equipment or doesn't involve driving forever to rent equipment and use the facility. <BR> <BR> I can not for the life of me find my cross country skis, and no one knows why we would have ever gotten rid of them. It's not like they ar... Sun, 9 Dec 2012 23:19:13 EST Mid Week 2.. or 3... ? Short Entry Today! <BR> I can't even remember what week I'm on! Ha, I think week 3. It doesn't really matter though as I'm trying to make this a lifestyle change not just a lose the weight and go back to my old ways kinda thing. <BR> <BR> I got in 40min cardio kickboxing today! It made me sweat and was harder than the 30min walk/run intervals I have been doing. Guess I need to do it more often! Burns major calories too! <BR> <BR> So my reward today for working out everyday except like 1 a... Wed, 5 Dec 2012 21:47:46 EST What to do.. What to do.. Today I had my daughter go to the doctor because in nearly 6 years this is the first time she has ever said her throat hurts. I looked in there and low and behold.. white spots! I thought for sure this was strep, as I was plagued with strep until I had my tonsils removed in May. <BR> <BR> Results from the doc.. No strep! Great, right? Next thing I'm told.. her tonsils should probably be removed because they are soooo large. My stomach dropped. <BR> <BR> I know they say it is best to have i... Mon, 3 Dec 2012 22:57:49 EST Nearing the end of week 2 This week has proven to be a tough one. <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> I have had headaches nearly every day of the week, sleeping 12 hours at a time just trying to get rid of it. I managed to get in my workouts this week, and will get another one in tomorrow still. <BR> <BR> I have been really out of sorts today, almost like disoriented. I think I have been not eating as much as my body wants, so I will start taking in more calories. I think I am having some hypoglycemic symptoms. I am not di... Fri, 30 Nov 2012 22:33:22 EST Hit the ground running! After 2 days of a serious headache, I decided today I was gonna get back on track with my goal of running a 5K! <BR> <BR> I picked up where I had left off in the program that I am using because I was able to run a 1/2mi straight through on Monday. So.. I plan on sticking with it this time and getting to do my 5K this summer. <BR> <BR> I am having quite a bit of trouble getting in my daily calories this entire week. Maybe I will try adding in some grains and what-nots. I'm not a big pasta pe... Wed, 28 Nov 2012 19:51:43 EST The dreaded week 2 Day 2 of Week 2 and I am still going strong, with the exception of a headache that just will not leave today. Grrr. I didn't work out really today, just did a few short sparkvideos online, and called it good considering how I feel today. <BR> <BR> I am having trouble eating all of my calories today too, still have almost 200 to get to the minimum to eat daily. My water intake has been ok today though, I plan on getting in 2 more cups to get my daily 8! <BR> <BR> Been super tired too, howe... Mon, 26 Nov 2012 19:58:36 EST The beginning I wanted to make this video so I could look back later on, closer to my goal and see where I started at. Sun, 25 Nov 2012 16:20:21 EST End of Week 1 Its now the end of the first week. I had a really good week, and that motivates me to keep going! <BR> <BR> Some of the things I have noticed in the first week: <BR> - more energy <BR> - less symptoms of illness <BR> - less bloating <BR> - more self confidence <BR> - less cravings *of sweets in particular* <BR> - weight loss <BR> <BR> I have a positive mindset, which I think is helping a whole lot. Sulking and feeling bad about myself because of my weight and not liking how I looked most c... Sat, 24 Nov 2012 20:23:42 EST First Day! Today, I did 40 minutes of exercise. I am trying out the Firm Wave program that I have had for some time now. I really feel like I am at my rock bottom and don't have a choice but to do this for me, no matter what. I ate well today, drank my water, and feel good! I have spent a whole lot of my day on exploring the website and finding all of the great resources! Tomorrow it is back to cleaning for the holiday and getting my homework done, as well as a workout and tracking ever... Tue, 20 Nov 2012 23:34:16 EST