(over) analysis

Tue, 21 May 2013 16:21:21 EST

Today I ate emotionally.
I ate breakfast, then was a little hungry when I got to the office a few hours later. Someone had brought Dunkin Donut holes. It was like running the gauntlet to get past them. I took one. Another. Another. Another. I am not even sure how many I had.

I was upset by a work email I got last night. That might have been reason #1.
I also identified during the day that I was feeling sad. I wasn't really sure why, so I decided to brainstorm.

That was.... well, insane.

Sun, 19 May 2013 16:40:52 EST

Stuck indoors again today, I figured I'd do a video. My husband has tricked me into doing Insanity a couple times with him, and left the videos here while he's gone (much to the dismay of his workout buddies, who wanted custody). Since I made cookies for him today (and thus ate some of the dough), I figured I would punish myself a little.

It's strange, how I'm gasping for air and working at 94% of my heart rate and yelling, "Shaun T, I hate you!", and still kind of enjoying mysel...

A great RAINY day???

Sat, 18 May 2013 20:11:24 EST

I hate being rained on. Rain is good, it makes flowers and nourishes the earth and gives us a day off from outdoor activities. But when it rains, I stay indoors. Or under an umbrella, or wrapped in Gore-Tex.

This morning I met a girlfriend at 6:30 to biek ride. We made it out before the rain really moved in, and it was such a great ride! It was such a great ride that I didn't melt when it started raining on us, and we persevered through the rain and back to the farmers market ...

Dreaming of the weekend

Fri, 17 May 2013 05:08:26 EST

I know I had two days off this week (home sick), but I am still glad it's Friday. The two days off meant more work when I got back, and I'm heading into a huge, stressful, busy week that starts today (Friday)! Fortunately I have the weekend off. What in the world would I do without the weekend??

I wanted to hit the MTB trails after work today, but have to be there late and have a "Game Night" date with my college roommate's family. I always bake cookies for her kids when I come...

Bored

Wed, 15 May 2013 19:20:57 EST

There's only one thing I like about being sick: Not going to work.
Everything else stinks.

I'm so tired, and my throat is scratchy, and when I cough it feels like an icepick in my lungs. And experience tells me, the cough will be the last thing to go. I'll be hacking on my runs and in Spinning class and during badminton for weeks to come.

So I'm taking it easy today, trying to get better and keep the whole thing from getting worse. But it was a beautiful day outs...

Typhoid Mary

Mon, 13 May 2013 10:04:45 EST

It really annoys me when people come to work, sick. Perhaps THEY don't care that they're sick... and perhaps they will just get over it... but what about the rest of us? I don't have a child in daycare or school. When Typhoid Mary (or Typhoid Mark, since it's a guy who always does this to me) brings those germs to work, I am highly susceptible.

So, I've been slogging through my days since last Wednesday. I held it off for a while and got a couple good workouts in, but the sniff...

Sniffles! No!

Wed, 8 May 2013 15:23:32 EST

Oh, I've been on such a workout roll. Now, the sniffles are making an appearance.

I woke up this morning a little stuffy, and have been really dragging all day. I'm just so TIRED... it's just the feeling of a cold coming on, and I've been fighting it with Vitamin C. I had committed to working out with a buddy from the office, so I didn't go home early. Turns out, she thought we were meeting NEXT Wednesday. I'm on my own.

I was craving something warm, so I went for a...

More chafing - ugh!

Tue, 7 May 2013 21:38:09 EST

It would appear that I haven't done laundry in a while. Or maybe I have been working out a lot so all my workout clothes are dirty. (See story about red shorts yesterday.) Today I only had a nice skort to wear to badminton practice. All that lunging, and short trunks underneath... ow! I had to wonder afterward if the guys were cringing as I dug in for the low shots near the net. Ewww.....

On the bright side, I attained some street cred tonight. One of the other players hit m...

Wake-up call... kind of

Mon, 6 May 2013 21:33:12 EST

I was so proud of myself today. I left work on time, came home exhausted, and promised myself a 30-minute nap if I would get up and go for a short run before a meeting I had tonight.

I did it! Three miles -- just "around the block," but it was enough to get my heart rate up and legs moving. Unfortunately, my legs were moving ... ahem ... against each other. Crazy chafing! And I thought, "How could you let yourself get like this, that the red shorts you stole from your husband ...

This is hard.

Sun, 5 May 2013 18:31:25 EST

I thought it would be easier to take care of myself when I was home alone... but I am still struggling! Here it is, because it's kind of a big deal right now: my hubby is gone for the summer. (I try not to tell people, but none of you know where I live so you can't rob my house, I guess!) I can do my workouts and cook without having to factor in his schedule or tastes. In some ways, this has worked out really well. I have met up with friends for bike rides (road and off-road) both days t...

Done with the break

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 07:36:01 EST

Ah, my parents were in town all weekend. And my in-laws. It was a fabulous time. We laughed, we drank, we hiked, we played cards... all in all, it was not a terribly unhealthy weekend. But, keeping up with four senior citizens on a hike isn't challenging like I'm used to.

My time has been scarce, as I'm spending as much time as possible with my husband before he goes away for the summer on a work trip. I have been putting my energy into helping him pack, making his favorite th...

The psychology of it all

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 08:55:45 EST

I have a friend who's a clinical psychologist. She spends her days counseling crazies in a women's prison, and can't help but analyze things happening, say, around the dinner table as well. The girl is hilarious.

She has a daughter who's about 3 now, and I always found her parenting approach interesting. She was never a "goo-goo," baby talk kind of gal, She speaks to her daughter in a very straight and loving fashion. What strikes me, though, is when she turns around to me and...

The Stomach Flu

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 18:33:07 EST

Oh, stomach flu... I hate you.
This has to be a virus of some sort, because a single hot dog would not lay me up for four days.

I am soooo hungry, but anything I eat (or drink) upsets my stomach. I checked online for what I should be eating, and the first two rules were:
1) No whole grains
2) No vegetables

So, like what's left in my kitchen?? I guess that's a good sign that I normally eat pretty well, but still I'm left in a lurch when it comes to this s...

Baseball and Hot Dogs

Mon, 8 Apr 2013 15:32:09 EST

I love baseball, And the only time that I think it's OK to eat a nasty hot dog is at a ball game, preferably when you get it from a roaming vendor and everyone in your row has to touch it to get it to you. I am normally very conscious of NOT eating things like I just described, but somehow at a baseball game, it's a fantastic idea. Maybe the beer kills all the germs, who knows. Anyway, this has been a tradition for me as long as I can remember. I have had hot dogs in more than half of th...

Ashamed

Mon, 1 Apr 2013 09:53:37 EST

I am embarrassed to write this blog.

Basically, I've sabotaged myself and negated most of my progress since the beginning of the year. My weight is creeping up, and I know what the problem is -- I just am not fixing it! I really, really need to focus on what I put in my mouth. I have success for a while, then an extra bit creeps in here, an extra morsel there... until I'm not paying attention any more and finally have a day like yesterday where I'm too ashamed to even do my food...

Relief

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 20:47:57 EST

On one hand, I have been having soooo much fun the past few days. I love March Madness! College basketball makes me happy; every game counts and has potential to be a legend. Sometimes I find myself rooting for teams that aren't who I "picked" to win (in my bracket), just because I love it when teams play their best, come from behind, or prove the nay-sayers wrong. I also love it when little schools succeed, or when people I've known for a long time come out on top! The heartbreaking los...

Whoa... that just happened

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 08:21:15 EST

I went totally off the rails last night! Munch munch munch munch... bad stuff, sugar, etc. I can't believe I don't have a fierce, week-long headache, since I have been doing all of my trigger activities.

This is my blog to re-center... what am I thinking? I made some great progress, both in the results area AND in the inside-my-head area. But my hubby went on a business trip and I felt a little lonely and I think that was my problem. We didn't see our friends last weekend, my ...

I'm so bad...

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 10:17:06 EST

... at badminton! Really, I'm terrible. Every now and then I see some sliver of improvement, but overall, I will probably stay bad unless I commit to playing every day, which is difficult for several reasons, the two biggest being that 1) I don't have the time/partner/access to facility to do it every day, and 2) it would take away from time I use to do other athletic activities I love, like running and hiking and cycling.

Oh well, I will be a recreational player, and maybe in a ...

One day

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 07:48:22 EST

So, this month it was only one day. Only one day I was wanting to eat anything that wasn't tied down, only one day I was insane for a sugar fix, one day I was completely hormonal. I tried really hard to plan in advance, making sure I had "activities" planned to burn calories throughout the weekend. I ended up just walking on Sunday because I was so tired, it kept me going and distracted.

I feel like this is an improvement! Not only did I escape the brunt of my hormonal bingeing...

Foggy

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 13:55:03 EST

I feel really foggy today. I've been exercising pretty heavily the past 5 days, but I hate to break my momentum, especially when this is the week(end) that hormones trigger much more eating. Today I am sore and tired and truly rolled out of bed... but dragged myself to the park for a 4-mile walk. Thank goodness for the girlfriend who kept me accountable and made me meet her! The walk went by like a breeze -- albeit a panting breeze -- because of our chatting.

I'm worried about ...

A good lifestyle change

Thu, 7 Mar 2013 21:27:01 EST

I have been part of a club sport now for a few months, and it is the greatest thing that has happened to my fitness in a long time. I played badminton in high school (which was 20 years ago), and one day I saw a group of people playing at my gym. It took a while, but I finally asked them if I could play, too. I'm terrible, but it is so. much. fun. I am going twice a week when I'm in town. Tonight I felt like I did after practice in high school, completely exhausted from having school all...

Can't wait

Sat, 2 Mar 2013 21:51:04 EST

Another day of skiing. My legs were soooo tired when I got to the mountain, it surprised me. So I took it easy for a while and was afraid I wasn't going to be able to do my favorite run, which is difficult and long. I was hungry very early in the day, so I just decided to have a ski lodge hamburger and fries. (And beer.) It was high in calories, but apparently that's what I needed. I bounced back after lunch and hit my favorite run right before I left.... and skiers, you know it never w...

I love to ski!

Fri, 1 Mar 2013 22:41:42 EST

It was snowing like gangbusters today, and I skied in more than a foot of powder. It was sooooooo awesome! My Garmin watch said I burned over 1,300 calories -- it measures heart rate -- but I ballparked 1,000 for the fitness tracker, just in case. I inhaled a 6oz steak and veggies tonight in the hopes that the protein will keep me from being so sore tomorrow. My legs are smoked.

I had a couple good wrecks, too. Nothing epic, since it's hard to fall in so much powder and not gi...

The world tricked me!

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 19:00:53 EST

I have been craving something sweet for a few days, so I decided today I would buy a pack of M&M to eat at the conference I'm attending. I love how the shell dissolves, and there's milk chocolatey goodness inside... I could really look forward to it, and know that I had planned it into my day.

I picked up a pack at the store, and tucked them in my backpack for safekeeping. I opened them before the speakers started, and was enjoying them thoroughly when I thought, this seems like ...

Love beer

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 07:24:49 EST

I guess there are a couple advantages to drinking so rarely: first, good beer tastes REALLY good when you haven't had one for a while; and second, it only takes one to make you really happy.

There are still drawbacks. Obviously, there are calories in beer, and they count. Beer also makes me kind of snacky, which can lead to extra calories that I don't even know I'm eating. Or, I know I'm eating them but know I'm only "hungry" because of the beer.

I skied the past co...

I made it... kind of

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 09:55:02 EST

No Twix! Good job, me. I didn't know we were having a going-away party for someone, so I couldn't psych myself up not to eat cake, but I stayed strong. A small bonk at night after three hours at Bingo night at the high school (fundraiser for the band) -- hubby wanted Chick-fil-A. I caved and had a grilled chicken. It wasn't the best choice (some Kashi oatmeal at home would have been best) but not catastrophic. I had room in my calories for the day....

Thanks to the fact that ...

Desperate attempt!

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 09:36:56 EST

This is a desperate, fast blog from work... I am sitting next to the horrible bowl of mini Twix that the evil colleague keeps outside his office. I WILL NOT EAT THEM! Here's why:
1) I will feel terrible about it later.
2) If I eat one, I will eat ten.
3) It will sap my energy. So even if I'm going to work out later, there's a higher chance that I will bail on my workout.
4) Even if I work out later, those are calories that I could have been LOSING instead of gaining.

Rejuvenated!

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 11:20:29 EST

Somehow, I have come out of the dark tunnel known as That Time Of The Month, and feel great. I did a pretty difficult 4-hour hike on Monday, walked to a doctor's appointment yesterday, and have gym plans tonight. Next week, I get to ski! Finally! How I can swing from such frustration to such glee is really beyond the realm of logic.

But, I just need to remember that 3/4 of my life is like this, and only 1/4 is the crazy person controlled by hormones.
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I don't even like Ranch

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 08:47:17 EST

Bible reference -- In Romans, Paul says, "What I want to do, I do not do; what I do not want to do, I do." How is that so true, thousands of years later??

I don't like Ranch dressing. I haven't liked it for years... it is too many weird flavors and is like wax on my tongue because it's so fatty. (Kind of like mayonnaise -- I have disliked that for years, too.) So, why did I eat it on my salad yesterday? Why did I make a conscious decision to choose that instead of the Light Se...

Being sloppy

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 07:14:09 EST

I'm being sloppy -- not just in logging my food (Tootsie Midgees AND single Swedish Fish still count), but in everything. My work is kind of sloppy this week, too. My little badminton club went really well, though -- I won a game, finally! -- so that was encouraging.

PMS apparently wasn't just a three-day bender like I expected, but I finally feel back to normal, I think this month was particularly bad (I never get cramps, but did this month -- don't hate me) but at least now I ...

Must recover

Sat, 9 Feb 2013 08:37:24 EST

I had a couple really bad days this week. I really think it had a lot to do with two contributing factors: 1) stress, and 2) hormones. I went over my calorie goal Wednesday and Thursday (although not over my calories burned for the day), but Friday was a hot mess. I came home from work and intended to run while the sun was still out; instead, I made myself a drink and vegged. I don't totally understand how my head seems to have two minds in it, telling it what to do -- but I guess it's th...

Not normal

Wed, 6 Feb 2013 23:42:26 EST

I don't know if this is a good thing or not.
I've been concentrating on my health/eating/fitness quite a bit lately. I have been trying to take my focus off my work, and divert it back to me. I think this is healthy -- I am really feeling some good things in my bod. But I wonder...

This whole thing is not normal for me. It's not normal for me to be unmotivated at work (I'm not organizing my thoughts -- probably because I'm not thinking about work outside the office). Also...

It's that time

Tue, 5 Feb 2013 14:51:34 EST

Of course I knew it was coming, but I thought I was a different person by now and I wouldn't be affected!

I have been doing sooooo well for about three weeks. I even made it through the playoffs and Superbowl parties with smart food choices. But the best-laid plans cannot survive That Time Of The Month. I hate to even admit that it has such an effect on me... but it does.

I'm sitting here at work, and have been thinking about eating all day. I had to go to the snack ...

Yummy.

Sat, 2 Feb 2013 19:41:33 EST

The hubby "invited" me to do an Insanity workout with him today. It was hard. I was so tired afterward, I took two naps this afternoon!

It was so nice to be home from traveling. I went to the grocery store, picked up what I needed for meals this week, and made an excellent beef stir-fry for dinner. I also made a rice pudding that I've been dreaming about for a couple weeks! And together, in moderation, they were within my calories for today. I cannot tell you how good they bo...

Airport misery!

Fri, 1 Feb 2013 20:09:17 EST

Again. a well-planned day. Until my flight was delayed a couple hours, and now I'm stuck in the airport, bored and surrounded by food. I did pick up a Quiznos salad to tide me over (110 cals without dressing!) since now I'll get home after midnight. I hate staying up and getting hungry again, hours after dinner is over!

But, I stayed on track and (cheers for me) walked laps around the terminal for 45 minutes. I would do more, but I don't want to get sweaty in my travelling clot...

Bonk! and Recover

Fri, 1 Feb 2013 00:38:04 EST

Ohhhhh, my favorite restaurant. I had it well planned, I would have a cocktail and half my steak and mashed potatoes (save the rest for tomorrow lunch!), the veggies and salad with dressing on the side.

Forgot to ask for dressing on the side. It was a little overwhelming -- I guess I'm really used to just a little bit on each bite.

The waiter came out with our food and said, "The chef must like you! There's no way that's a 10-ounce steak!" He was right. It was huge!...

My mouth is hungry

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 21:05:07 EST

Wow, did I inhale my dinner tonight. I was so hungry, not just in my tummy but in my mouth as well. I just want to EAT tonight. Fortunately I'm too tired to go get anything, and I have nothing in the hotel except what I need for lunch tomorrow.

At the gym tonight I got a little dizzy on the elliptical, so headed to the weight room. I still felt dizzy but at least there was a mirror so I could tell if the blood drained out of my face -- a clear indicator that I should sit down. ...

Ready to go!

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 20:07:49 EST

I flew into town today, and am setting myself up for success. I met some old friends for lunch, but I was late... so rather than delay our "catching up," I just sat with them while they ate, and got a little something afterward. They didn't seem to mind, and we were chatting anyway!

Then I went to the grocery store for my week's food. (At the deli: "Three slices of cheddar, please.") I have apples and sandwiches for each day and a plan for each night. Later this week I will me...

Now, now -- do it right

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 20:26:57 EST

I have found myself eating single carmels over the last three days. Just one. Or two. But I'm not logging them on my food like I should. This is my confession that I'm doing it -- and I will stop. I have to re-focus so I don't become a lazy tracker, then eat something I CAN'T track (too much, too exotic, to many) and give up on the whole thing. I have been doing well. I can do this!

Nine days

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 07:46:13 EST

I have actually been successfully tracking my calories (and making it within my limit) for NINE DAYS! This is a major milestone for me. I haven't been able to do this in I-don't-know-how-long.

I'm heading on a business trip next week and have high hopes for my success there (I usually do pretty well when I'm in the mountains). I can't believe it! The LBs are not falling off just yet, but especially since I've been too sick to really work out hard, I'm not sweating it. (Ha, no ...

Mmmmm.... broccoli

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 21:11:35 EST

I had a late meeting tonight, so ate dinner before I left. By the time I got home, I was HUNGRY!! However, I didn't have any room for snacks. I have been searching for a filling snack that doesn't have a lot of calories, and of course is tasty. And I've found it! Frozen broccoli! Lots of fiber, yummy with just a little seasoning, and won't break the calorie bank. I'm sold. I will make sure to have frozen green stuff on hand to cure the hunger pangs.

Hold on

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 19:30:29 EST

I really, really want to munch tonight. I have been sick all day -- cough and fatigue -- and just feel crummy. This is my declaration that I will not munch... but I think I'm going to go to bed. I wish I could have worked out today, but my better half is all about hard-core workouts, and not taking it easy when you're sick, so I bailed on him entirely.

Zzzzzzzz

Twice

Sun, 20 Jan 2013 22:38:31 EST

Two days in a row, I have come within my goal calorie range. I went to a football party tonight and managed to eat only reasonable things: venison chili (I had to try it), a few Fritos with it, and a piece of chicken with salsa during the second game. Just enough to not be hungry, although I was hungry when I got home and had an apple.

I have to be better at this. But look -- I blogged THREE TIMES in a row! Maybe I should have titled this, "Three."
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Small Victory

Sun, 20 Jan 2013 08:02:31 EST

Yesterday I had a long discussion with my hubby about how difficult it is for me (and I think women in general compared to men) to eat ONLY as many calories as I need to each day. I'm still not sure he gets it, but he sure does try to help. Good on him.

A small victory for yesterday: I had to make cookies for a friend who had a hip replacement. I did not eat any of the dough. Also, we made candy sushi for a football party today, and I ate three Nerds that fell off the stuff... ...

Speechless

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 12:20:30 EST

What have I done?
I guess this is what I deserve. I can blame it on surgery, on travel, on the wind that made this a terribly unflattering photo... but the reality is that I have not been paying attention to what I eat. I have been eating too much. And now I look like this.

My darling husband deserves better.
I deserve better!
Perhaps I just had to get to this place before it was serious enough fo...

Time feels good

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 23:46:58 EST

I'm traveling for work again. Often it's difficult, because I'm eating out. (Same story you've heard before.) This time has been pretty good -- I surprised myself with good choices. And, I did my monster athletic challenge here. There's a mountain trail that's REALLY HARD, and I try to do it every time I'm in town. I had to skip when my arm was in a sling, and two years ago I sprained my ankle on the way down. It's a beast, and over the last two years I have been regularly taking the "...

And remember this, too!

Wed, 12 Sep 2012 12:32:32 EST

I meant to blog about this immediately, but I have been really overwhelmed by everything lately. Seems like I have no control over my time/schedule/life, but how is that even possible? I think it's more that I have been overextending myself in long-term ways. Anyway, that's just my explanation of why I haven't blogged in a while!

My in-laws came to visit a couple weeks ago. (Actually, it was only a week and a half, but it seems like ages.) My MIL always brings food. Tons of f...

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