TRAXINA's SparkPeople Blog TRAXINA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community The devil's in the discipline In the past, some people have said to me, "You're so disciplined!" <BR> I took this to mean, "You make time to run." I never really thought I was disciplined, per se, because I was only doing what I wanted to do. If that meant I ran at 5am or in the snow, then so be it. On the contrary, I remember my parents telling me as a child, "Sometimes in life, you have to do things you don't want to do." I thought, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Of course, I get their point now that I'm... Mon, 27 Jan 2014 17:40:32 EST Lemonade It has been a long time since I've blogged. <BR> I would love to say, "things are so different now!" or "so much has happened!" but that's not really the case. <BR> <BR> I've been trying different strategies with my eating, and really have been getting better about making good choices overall. Unfortunately, I seem to be much worse about "punishing" myself with intentionally poor decisions. This happens when I'm stressed or pushed waaayyy out of my comfort zone, and it's almost like, "I'm ... Thu, 9 Jan 2014 14:30:24 EST Bad news I finally went to the doctor about my leg. <BR> She said my exam was normal, what did I want her to do? <BR> I said, well, it hurts -- so obviously there's something wrong. What's wrong, and how do we heal it? <BR> She kept telling me she didn't know what was wrong, and I burst into tears in her office. <BR> <BR> Running is how I relieve stress, and I'm in a very stressful time right now. Yet she was telling me not only that I can't run, but that I can't bike, swim, hike, walk, or work out... Wed, 21 Aug 2013 06:20:46 EST Venting frustration I have had many things I wanted to write about, but I always forget them. <BR> <BR> First, I noticed my weight was way down in the past couple days. It's the three-week cycle (not sure how that works, since all cycles I know about are FOUR-week deals) where my weight drops low, then creeps up again. Anyway, I was able to wear a suit Monday that I haven't worn in a while. It was a little snug, but not enough to look bad. I was encouraged. <BR> <BR> But, as the cycle goes on, my weight is... Tue, 6 Aug 2013 21:19:07 EST No title I completely let that injury wreck me. <BR> <BR> I have been depressed and have been taking it out on my body. I need to treat it with more respect, even if it did betray me with this injury. I need to be able to adapt to things like this, and deal with disappointment. Even if I'm not able to run my 1/2 marathon in September, I can't let it ruin my life. <BR> <BR> While part of me really wants to crawl into a hole and not talk to or see anyone, I have to keep going. And I have to be tru... Wed, 31 Jul 2013 06:56:24 EST Bam! Injury! Doesn't it always happen when you're 4.5 miles from home? <BR> <BR> I have been trying to be really in tune with my body this summer, since I've been working out so much more. I knew an injury would derail me, physically AND emotionally. So why Why WHY did this happen? It's such a silly injury -- a strain of the soleus (sp?) muscle in my calf. It started bothering me about 4 miles out (on a 10-mile out-and-back) and I slowed down... but once it was tweaked, it was tweaked. I had to walk... Mon, 22 Jul 2013 19:39:44 EST "I'll get it together, I promise!" I love the GEICO commercial with the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I don't know if it's because I fly a lot, but it just cracks me up every time. <BR> (<BR>llsbury-doughboy-giggles-for-geico/) <BR> <BR> His last response to the TSA screener, though, has become my mantra: "I'll get it together, I promise!" It's cute when the Dough Boy says it. It's kind of pathetic when I have to keep saying it. <BR> <BR> I'm stuck in this circle again, with some slightly dif... Fri, 5 Jul 2013 12:13:35 EST So frustrated with the scale! Oh, I hate that beast! It's so unreliable I want to quit using it altogether, but it's really difficult for me to be objective about how I'm doing without some concrete, objective tool. <BR> <BR> I have been working out like a madwoman for a few weeks now. Not in an unhealthy way, but I've been making it a priority and not making excuses not to go. (It helps that I'm doing fun stuff, too.) I have been really cracking down on my eating, too. I still have slip-ups, but they don't seem to ... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 05:47:07 EST So many thoughts... little access to a computer. I can't type while I'm running or driving or even riding the bus! And then I forget what I was going to blog about. <BR> <BR> Confession: <BR> I had a bit of a binge last night. I came home after a somewhat unsatisfying night out (marginal performance at the theater, uninspiring company) and felt like I still wanted to do something else. I guess I was lonely. So I ate a bunch of cheese. And yogurt. And some dried fruit. Nothing really unhealthy, but... Sun, 23 Jun 2013 13:59:50 EST The spark isn't out, it just moved I have always really enjoyed coming to work. Even on days when I say, "I don't want to go to work!" I am secretly enjoying what I do. But lately I am just not feeling it. I don't know if there's too much going on, or if my focus has shifted... it's lost that "spark" that it used to have. <BR> <BR> Now, I'm all excited about my workouts each week. Today the best part of going to work was that I rode my bike there! Once I got to work, though, it was kind of a downer. <BR> <BR> Hopefully... Wed, 19 Jun 2013 09:23:06 EST Nice compliment! I met up with my marathon-training friends this morning for a run. I'm feeling like the shizzle right now because A) I ran 10 miles and have a good runner's high going on; and B) A friend asked if I had lost weight, because I looked "thinner in the face." <BR> <BR> I balked at her asking if I had lost weight -- I have been working out like a maniac (except last week when I was in airports all week) but not losing any pounds. It's kind of ticking me off and I get crabby when I talk about it... Sat, 15 Jun 2013 10:21:51 EST Random thoughts on the trail... Many times when I'm running alone, I don't listen to music. I just like the sounds of running, like my squeaky orthotic inserts, the wind in the grass/trees/etc., and my breathing. I also like to try to connect with other people on the trail, so I smile or wave or give the more manly head-nod. And I think I have mentioned before, I imagine what their stories are. I am halfway across the country from "home" -- regardless of whether you consider my actual address or my soul-home -- so it's ... Mon, 3 Jun 2013 21:25:21 EST It's going so SLOWLY It's true, I haven't totally gotten a handle on my eating. But I've been working out so well, and it just seems like the scale isn't budging. I sort of felt leaner, until I took some photos of myself, which looked exactly like the photos I took several months ago when I had my moment of "this must change!" So what gives? <BR> <BR> I want to look at the positives: I'm building babits of working out. My overall athleticism has increased. But I just feel like I'm not getting any closer t... Mon, 3 Jun 2013 06:04:55 EST Um, the biscotti owned me a little. Found a great new mountain bike trail today -- very well marked and planned out so the easy-intermediate-difficult loops are easy to distinguish (before you get on them). I had a great ride, even though I was pretty tired from SIX STRAIGHT DAYS of workouts. I'm really proud of my consistency there. <BR> <BR> But, even though I have burned a lot of calories these couple weeks, my eating is not really on par. I caved on a biscotti today. Not sure why they're still in the house, but they sh... Wed, 29 May 2013 20:01:58 EST The biscotti don't own me! I love to cook and bake. <BR> I made some biscotti this weekend, and brought most of them to my office today for a meeting. I tried some of them last night (quality control, of course!) and they are amazing. Obviously I'm quite pleased with myself when it comes to the product! <BR> <BR> I'm NOT pleased, though, with the fact that I ate several of them, nor with the fact that they seem to be calling to me from the conference room. "Hey there! I'm so delicious, coffee-flavored with macadam... Tue, 28 May 2013 13:33:22 EST Over the top! I was REALLY looking forward to some mountain biking today! I mean, it's a holiday -- no time constraints! The monkey wrench was some friends calling to say, "Hey, let's run a new trail this morning!" I agreed, with the understanding that it was a five-mile loop. I knew it would be tough, but I figured I could run 5 miles and be recovered enough by afternoon to hop on the bike. <BR> <BR> Except it was an EIGHT-mile loop!! Holy smokes. I am definitely not getting on the bike now, since ... Mon, 27 May 2013 13:31:40 EST Bike 2 Work follow up... Hm, so it really was 16 miles each way. And not only was it more uphill on the way home that I imagined, there was a ridiculous wind IN MY FACE. The temp had dropped into the 50s, and oh-by-the-way, my front tire was flat when I finished work! <BR> <BR> But you know what? The fact that I had no other way to get home was a pretty good motivator. I took my little "pump rocket" mini pump and *pshh*pshh*pshh*pshh* got a little arm workout filling up my tire. I wasn't too cold once on the b... Sat, 25 May 2013 09:53:17 EST Sometimes you win, sometimes not I rode my bike to work today. This is a huge victory because the last FOUR times I've planned to do it, it has been cold and snowed, rained, or my schedule has changed so I couldn't manage the time. It was raining this morning, but I still set off on my adventure. (Truth be told, I went 1/2 mile and turned around because it was raining so hard -- it sucked! But I went home and looked at the radar on the Weather Channel and waited it out. Much flexibility in my schedule today!) <BR> <BR>... Fri, 24 May 2013 10:14:17 EST The Gym Date There's a (kind of) new gal at work, and she has notice that I work out pretty consistently. She recently lost a lot of weight by working out a lot. At the time, she was away from her family and in kind of unique circumstances, but she really enjoyed the motivation and challenge of working out with people. <BR> <BR> A few weeks ago, she asked me if we could maybe work out together. <BR> <BR> I was hesitant at first, because my schedule is really erratic, and I usually don't know what my w... Wed, 22 May 2013 19:57:28 EST (over) analysis Today I ate emotionally. <BR> I ate breakfast, then was a little hungry when I got to the office a few hours later. Someone had brought Dunkin Donut holes. It was like running the gauntlet to get past them. I took one. Another. Another. Another. I am not even sure how many I had. <BR> <BR> I was upset by a work email I got last night. That might have been reason #1. <BR> I also identified during the day that I was feeling sad. I wasn't really sure why, so I decided to brainstorm. <B... Tue, 21 May 2013 16:21:21 EST That was.... well, insane. Stuck indoors again today, I figured I'd do a video. My husband has tricked me into doing Insanity a couple times with him, and left the videos here while he's gone (much to the dismay of his workout buddies, who wanted custody). Since I made cookies for him today (and thus ate some of the dough), I figured I would punish myself a little. <BR> <BR> It's strange, how I'm gasping for air and working at 94% of my heart rate and yelling, "Shaun T, I hate you!", and still kind of enjoying mysel... Sun, 19 May 2013 16:40:52 EST A great RAINY day??? I hate being rained on. Rain is good, it makes flowers and nourishes the earth and gives us a day off from outdoor activities. But when it rains, I stay indoors. Or under an umbrella, or wrapped in Gore-Tex. <BR> <BR> This morning I met a girlfriend at 6:30 to biek ride. We made it out before the rain really moved in, and it was such a great ride! It was such a great ride that I didn't melt when it started raining on us, and we persevered through the rain and back to the farmers market ... Sat, 18 May 2013 20:11:24 EST Dreaming of the weekend I know I had two days off this week (home sick), but I am still glad it's Friday. The two days off meant more work when I got back, and I'm heading into a huge, stressful, busy week that starts today (Friday)! Fortunately I have the weekend off. What in the world would I do without the weekend?? <BR> <BR> I wanted to hit the MTB trails after work today, but have to be there late and have a "Game Night" date with my college roommate's family. I always bake cookies for her kids when I come... Fri, 17 May 2013 05:08:26 EST Bored There's only one thing I like about being sick: Not going to work. <BR> Everything else stinks. <BR> <BR> I'm so tired, and my throat is scratchy, and when I cough it feels like an icepick in my lungs. And experience tells me, the cough will be the last thing to go. I'll be hacking on my runs and in Spinning class and during badminton for weeks to come. <BR> <BR> So I'm taking it easy today, trying to get better and keep the whole thing from getting worse. But it was a beautiful day outs... Wed, 15 May 2013 19:20:57 EST Typhoid Mary It really annoys me when people come to work, sick. Perhaps THEY don't care that they're sick... and perhaps they will just get over it... but what about the rest of us? I don't have a child in daycare or school. When Typhoid Mary (or Typhoid Mark, since it's a guy who always does this to me) brings those germs to work, I am highly susceptible. <BR> <BR> So, I've been slogging through my days since last Wednesday. I held it off for a while and got a couple good workouts in, but the sniff... Mon, 13 May 2013 10:04:45 EST Sniffles! No! Oh, I've been on such a workout roll. Now, the sniffles are making an appearance. <BR> <BR> I woke up this morning a little stuffy, and have been really dragging all day. I'm just so TIRED... it's just the feeling of a cold coming on, and I've been fighting it with Vitamin C. I had committed to working out with a buddy from the office, so I didn't go home early. Turns out, she thought we were meeting NEXT Wednesday. I'm on my own. <BR> <BR> I was craving something warm, so I went for a... Wed, 8 May 2013 15:23:32 EST More chafing - ugh! It would appear that I haven't done laundry in a while. Or maybe I have been working out a lot so all my workout clothes are dirty. (See story about red shorts yesterday.) Today I only had a nice skort to wear to badminton practice. All that lunging, and short trunks underneath... ow! I had to wonder afterward if the guys were cringing as I dug in for the low shots near the net. Ewww..... <BR> <BR> On the bright side, I attained some street cred tonight. One of the other players hit m... Tue, 7 May 2013 21:38:09 EST Wake-up call... kind of I was so proud of myself today. I left work on time, came home exhausted, and promised myself a 30-minute nap if I would get up and go for a short run before a meeting I had tonight. <BR> <BR> I did it! Three miles -- just "around the block," but it was enough to get my heart rate up and legs moving. Unfortunately, my legs were moving ... ahem ... against each other. Crazy chafing! And I thought, "How could you let yourself get like this, that the red shorts you stole from your husband ... Mon, 6 May 2013 21:33:12 EST This is hard. I thought it would be easier to take care of myself when I was home alone... but I am still struggling! Here it is, because it's kind of a big deal right now: my hubby is gone for the summer. (I try not to tell people, but none of you know where I live so you can't rob my house, I guess!) I can do my workouts and cook without having to factor in his schedule or tastes. In some ways, this has worked out really well. I have met up with friends for bike rides (road and off-road) both days t... Sun, 5 May 2013 18:31:25 EST Done with the break Ah, my parents were in town all weekend. And my in-laws. It was a fabulous time. We laughed, we drank, we hiked, we played cards... all in all, it was not a terribly unhealthy weekend. But, keeping up with four senior citizens on a hike isn't challenging like I'm used to. <BR> <BR> My time has been scarce, as I'm spending as much time as possible with my husband before he goes away for the summer on a work trip. I have been putting my energy into helping him pack, making his favorite th... Mon, 22 Apr 2013 07:36:01 EST The psychology of it all I have a friend who's a clinical psychologist. She spends her days counseling crazies in a women's prison, and can't help but analyze things happening, say, around the dinner table as well. The girl is hilarious. <BR> <BR> She has a daughter who's about 3 now, and I always found her parenting approach interesting. She was never a "goo-goo," baby talk kind of gal, She speaks to her daughter in a very straight and loving fashion. What strikes me, though, is when she turns around to me and... Fri, 12 Apr 2013 08:55:45 EST The Stomach Flu Oh, stomach flu... I hate you. <BR> This has to be a virus of some sort, because a single hot dog would not lay me up for four days. <BR> <BR> I am soooo hungry, but anything I eat (or drink) upsets my stomach. I checked online for what I should be eating, and the first two rules were: <BR> 1) No whole grains <BR> 2) No vegetables <BR> <BR> So, like what's left in my kitchen?? I guess that's a good sign that I normally eat pretty well, but still I'm left in a lurch when it comes to this s... Wed, 10 Apr 2013 18:33:07 EST Baseball and Hot Dogs I love baseball, And the only time that I think it's OK to eat a nasty hot dog is at a ball game, preferably when you get it from a roaming vendor and everyone in your row has to touch it to get it to you. I am normally very conscious of NOT eating things like I just described, but somehow at a baseball game, it's a fantastic idea. Maybe the beer kills all the germs, who knows. Anyway, this has been a tradition for me as long as I can remember. I have had hot dogs in more than half of th... Mon, 8 Apr 2013 15:32:09 EST Ashamed I am embarrassed to write this blog. <BR> <BR> Basically, I've sabotaged myself and negated most of my progress since the beginning of the year. My weight is creeping up, and I know what the problem is -- I just am not fixing it! I really, really need to focus on what I put in my mouth. I have success for a while, then an extra bit creeps in here, an extra morsel there... until I'm not paying attention any more and finally have a day like yesterday where I'm too ashamed to even do my food... Mon, 1 Apr 2013 09:53:37 EST Relief On one hand, I have been having soooo much fun the past few days. I love March Madness! College basketball makes me happy; every game counts and has potential to be a legend. Sometimes I find myself rooting for teams that aren't who I "picked" to win (in my bracket), just because I love it when teams play their best, come from behind, or prove the nay-sayers wrong. I also love it when little schools succeed, or when people I've known for a long time come out on top! The heartbreaking los... Sun, 24 Mar 2013 20:47:57 EST Whoa... that just happened I went totally off the rails last night! Munch munch munch munch... bad stuff, sugar, etc. I can't believe I don't have a fierce, week-long headache, since I have been doing all of my trigger activities. <BR> <BR> This is my blog to re-center... what am I thinking? I made some great progress, both in the results area AND in the inside-my-head area. But my hubby went on a business trip and I felt a little lonely and I think that was my problem. We didn't see our friends last weekend, my ... Tue, 19 Mar 2013 08:21:15 EST I'm so bad... ... at badminton! Really, I'm terrible. Every now and then I see some sliver of improvement, but overall, I will probably stay bad unless I commit to playing every day, which is difficult for several reasons, the two biggest being that 1) I don't have the time/partner/access to facility to do it every day, and 2) it would take away from time I use to do other athletic activities I love, like running and hiking and cycling. <BR> <BR> Oh well, I will be a recreational player, and maybe in a ... Sat, 16 Mar 2013 10:17:06 EST One day So, this month it was only one day. Only one day I was wanting to eat anything that wasn't tied down, only one day I was insane for a sugar fix, one day I was completely hormonal. I tried really hard to plan in advance, making sure I had "activities" planned to burn calories throughout the weekend. I ended up just walking on Sunday because I was so tired, it kept me going and distracted. <BR> <BR> I feel like this is an improvement! Not only did I escape the brunt of my hormonal bingeing... Tue, 12 Mar 2013 07:48:22 EST Foggy I feel really foggy today. I've been exercising pretty heavily the past 5 days, but I hate to break my momentum, especially when this is the week(end) that hormones trigger much more eating. Today I am sore and tired and truly rolled out of bed... but dragged myself to the park for a 4-mile walk. Thank goodness for the girlfriend who kept me accountable and made me meet her! The walk went by like a breeze -- albeit a panting breeze -- because of our chatting. <BR> <BR> I'm worried about ... Sun, 10 Mar 2013 13:55:03 EST A good lifestyle change I have been part of a club sport now for a few months, and it is the greatest thing that has happened to my fitness in a long time. I played badminton in high school (which was 20 years ago), and one day I saw a group of people playing at my gym. It took a while, but I finally asked them if I could play, too. I'm terrible, but it is so. much. fun. I am going twice a week when I'm in town. Tonight I felt like I did after practice in high school, completely exhausted from having school all... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 21:27:01 EST Can't wait Another day of skiing. My legs were soooo tired when I got to the mountain, it surprised me. So I took it easy for a while and was afraid I wasn't going to be able to do my favorite run, which is difficult and long. I was hungry very early in the day, so I just decided to have a ski lodge hamburger and fries. (And beer.) It was high in calories, but apparently that's what I needed. I bounced back after lunch and hit my favorite run right before I left.... and skiers, you know it never w... Sat, 2 Mar 2013 21:51:04 EST I love to ski! It was snowing like gangbusters today, and I skied in more than a foot of powder. It was sooooooo awesome! My Garmin watch said I burned over 1,300 calories -- it measures heart rate -- but I ballparked 1,000 for the fitness tracker, just in case. I inhaled a 6oz steak and veggies tonight in the hopes that the protein will keep me from being so sore tomorrow. My legs are smoked. <BR> <BR> I had a couple good wrecks, too. Nothing epic, since it's hard to fall in so much powder and not gi... Fri, 1 Mar 2013 22:41:42 EST The world tricked me! I have been craving something sweet for a few days, so I decided today I would buy a pack of M&M to eat at the conference I'm attending. I love how the shell dissolves, and there's milk chocolatey goodness inside... I could really look forward to it, and know that I had planned it into my day. <BR> <BR> I picked up a pack at the store, and tucked them in my backpack for safekeeping. I opened them before the speakers started, and was enjoying them thoroughly when I thought, this seems like ... Thu, 28 Feb 2013 19:00:53 EST Love beer I guess there are a couple advantages to drinking so rarely: first, good beer tastes REALLY good when you haven't had one for a while; and second, it only takes one to make you really happy. <BR> <BR> There are still drawbacks. Obviously, there are calories in beer, and they count. Beer also makes me kind of snacky, which can lead to extra calories that I don't even know I'm eating. Or, I know I'm eating them but know I'm only "hungry" because of the beer. <BR> <BR> I skied the past co... Tue, 26 Feb 2013 07:24:49 EST I made it... kind of No Twix! Good job, me. I didn't know we were having a going-away party for someone, so I couldn't psych myself up not to eat cake, but I stayed strong. A small bonk at night after three hours at Bingo night at the high school (fundraiser for the band) -- hubby wanted Chick-fil-A. I caved and had a grilled chicken. It wasn't the best choice (some Kashi oatmeal at home would have been best) but not catastrophic. I had room in my calories for the day.... <BR> <BR> Thanks to the fact that ... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 09:55:02 EST Desperate attempt! This is a desperate, fast blog from work... I am sitting next to the horrible bowl of mini Twix that the evil colleague keeps outside his office. I WILL NOT EAT THEM! Here's why: <BR> 1) I will feel terrible about it later. <BR> 2) If I eat one, I will eat ten. <BR> 3) It will sap my energy. So even if I'm going to work out later, there's a higher chance that I will bail on my workout. <BR> 4) Even if I work out later, those are calories that I could have been LOSING instead of gaining. <B... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 09:36:56 EST Rejuvenated! Somehow, I have come out of the dark tunnel known as That Time Of The Month, and feel great. I did a pretty difficult 4-hour hike on Monday, walked to a doctor's appointment yesterday, and have gym plans tonight. Next week, I get to ski! Finally! How I can swing from such frustration to such glee is really beyond the realm of logic. <BR> <BR> But, I just need to remember that 3/4 of my life is like this, and only 1/4 is the crazy person controlled by hormones. <BR> <em>41</em> Wed, 20 Feb 2013 11:20:29 EST I don't even like Ranch Bible reference -- In Romans, Paul says, "What I want to do, I do not do; what I do not want to do, I do." How is that so true, thousands of years later?? <BR> <BR> I don't like Ranch dressing. I haven't liked it for years... it is too many weird flavors and is like wax on my tongue because it's so fatty. (Kind of like mayonnaise -- I have disliked that for years, too.) So, why did I eat it on my salad yesterday? Why did I make a conscious decision to choose that instead of the Light Se... Sat, 16 Feb 2013 08:47:17 EST Being sloppy I'm being sloppy -- not just in logging my food (Tootsie Midgees AND single Swedish Fish still count), but in everything. My work is kind of sloppy this week, too. My little badminton club went really well, though -- I won a game, finally! -- so that was encouraging. <BR> <BR> PMS apparently wasn't just a three-day bender like I expected, but I finally feel back to normal, I think this month was particularly bad (I never get cramps, but did this month -- don't hate me) but at least now I ... Wed, 13 Feb 2013 07:14:09 EST Must recover I had a couple really bad days this week. I really think it had a lot to do with two contributing factors: 1) stress, and 2) hormones. I went over my calorie goal Wednesday and Thursday (although not over my calories burned for the day), but Friday was a hot mess. I came home from work and intended to run while the sun was still out; instead, I made myself a drink and vegged. I don't totally understand how my head seems to have two minds in it, telling it what to do -- but I guess it's th... Sat, 9 Feb 2013 08:37:24 EST