TRAVELNISTA's SparkPeople Blog TRAVELNISTA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Joke of the Day How to cook a turkey: <BR> <BR> <BR> Step 1: Go buy a turkey <BR> <BR> Turkey Dinner Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD <BR> <BR> Step 3: Put turkey in the oven <BR> <BR> Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey <BR> <BR> Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens <BR> <BR> Cup of Beer Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink <BR> <BR> Step 7: Turn oven the on <BR> <BR> Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky <BR> <BR> Step 9: Turk the bastey <BR> <BR> Alcoholic Beverage Step 10: W... Wed, 26 Nov 2014 07:00:33 EST Joke of the Day Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to get his wife's test results. The lab technician says to him, "I'm very sorry, sir, but we've had a bit of a problem. At the same time we sent your wife's samples to the lab, the lab also received samples from another Mrs. Smith, and now we're not sure which results are your wife's. <BR> But, frankly, it's either bad news or terrible news!" "What do you mean?" said Mr. Smith. <BR> "Well, one Mrs. Smith tested positive for Alzheimer's, and the other Mrs.... Sun, 23 Nov 2014 17:26:50 EST Joke of the Day HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL <BR> <BR> 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth; pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. <BR> <BR> 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm <BR> and repeat process. <BR> <BR> 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and thro... Sun, 16 Nov 2014 08:46:40 EST Joke of the Day Men Are Just Happier People -- <BR> <BR> What do you expect from such simple creatures? <BR> <BR> Your last name stays put. <BR> <BR> The garage is all yours. <BR> <BR> Wedding plans take care of themselves. <BR> <BR> Chocolate is just another snack... <BR> <BR> You can never be pregnant. <BR> <BR> You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. <BR> <BR> You can wear NO shirt to a water park. <BR> <BR> Car mechanics tell you the truth. <BR> <BR> The world is your urinal. <BR> <BR> Y... Thu, 13 Nov 2014 07:25:40 EST Joke of the Day 40 years of marriage ... <BR> <BR> <BR> A married <BR> couple in their early 60's were celebrating their <BR> 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic <BR> little restaurant. <BR> Suddenly, a tiny yet <BR> beautiful fairy appeared on their table. <BR> <BR> She <BR> said, 'For being such an exemplary married <BR> couple and for being loving to each other for <BR> all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' <BR> <BR> The wife <BR> answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around <B... Tue, 11 Nov 2014 07:50:11 EST Joke of the Day Great Italian Sex <BR> The Jewish man said, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!” <BR> The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for 10 minutes!” <BR> The Italian man said, “Well, last week my wife and I also had sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive... Mon, 10 Nov 2014 06:49:40 EST Joke of the Day Six retired Italian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Guido loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. <BR> <BR> Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up. <BR> <BR> At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?" <BR> <BR> They cut the cards. Pasquale picks the low card and has to carry the news, <BR> Giovanni told him he must be discreet. <B... Sun, 9 Nov 2014 13:56:10 EST New Scam, beware Not sure if the email is legit, but thought I'd share it anyway just in case.... <BR> <BR> CHECK IT OUT: From a friend: (It originated in Florida) <BR> Just when you thought you'd heard it all. This scam is actually very <BR> clever. Be very careful out there! <BR> This one could easily slip by most anyone - beware of people bearing <BR> gifts. The following is a recounting of the incident from the victim: <BR> Wednesday a week ago, I had a phone call from someone saying that he <BR> was ... Sun, 2 Nov 2014 11:29:13 EST Joke of the Day A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. <BR> <BR> Aft... Sat, 1 Nov 2014 07:25:55 EST What's for dinner tonight Portobello Pesto Burger <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Looking forward to the carrot fennel slaw also, sounds different. <BR> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>lo-pesto-burgers-recipe </link> Fri, 31 Oct 2014 07:05:58 EST Remember the Shoe Bomber? Remember the guy who got on a plane with a bomb built into his shoe and tried to light it? <BR> Did you know his trial is over? Did you know he was sentenced? (January 31, 2003) <BR> Did you see/hear any of the judge's comments on TV or Radio? <BR> I didn't think so.!!! <BR> Everyone should hear what the judge had to say. <BR> Ruling by Judge William Young, US District Court: <BR> “Prior to sentencing, the Judge asked the defendant if he had anything to say His response: After admitting his ... Wed, 29 Oct 2014 06:44:59 EST Joke of the Day Directions to Heaven... <BR> <BR> A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?" <BR> <BR> The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple blocks and turn to your right." <BR> <BR> The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday...I'll show you how to get to Heaven." <BR> ... Mon, 27 Oct 2014 20:11:03 EST Joke of the Day Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. <BR> <BR> One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. <BR> <BR> The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. <BR> <BR> After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little ... Sun, 26 Oct 2014 15:18:22 EST What's for dinner tonight Having company for dinner tonight and this is perfect for a brisk Fall night. Adding a big salad, nice bottle of wine equals a perfect dinner. <BR> <BR> <BR> Lasagna with Pumpkin and Sage Infused Béchamel <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>n-and-sage-infused-bechamel/ </link> Sat, 25 Oct 2014 10:41:02 EST Joke of the Day A man walks into a bar obviously stone drunk, and asks for a drink. Sorry the bartender but you obviously already had a little to much to drink. Fuming mad the drunk walks out the front door and walks into the side door. “Can I have a drink please.” “Sorry” the bartender says “but you can’t have a drink here.” The drink walks out and goes in through the back door. “Can I please have a drink.” “Enough!” The bartender screamed “I told You No Drinks!” The Drunk looks at the bartender closely and... Fri, 24 Oct 2014 20:57:55 EST Joke of the Day <img src=""> Thu, 23 Oct 2014 06:46:19 EST What's for dinner tonight Pumpkin Chowder <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>mpkin-chowder/ </link> Wed, 22 Oct 2014 05:47:40 EST Joke of the Day...Geezer-ism I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, <BR> I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore. <BR> ... A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat. <BR> ... A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 1-2 years, while <BR> ... A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. <BR> And they tell me to exercise? I don't think so. Just grant me the senility to <BR> forget the people I never liked, the good fortune... Mon, 20 Oct 2014 06:25:27 EST Scientists Say Smelling Farts Prevents Cancer I guess you can find the silver lining in just about anything. But my question is why did they even think to research this? Aren't their bettter ways to use their minds? <BR> <BR> <link><BR>ntists-Say-Smelling-Farts-Prevents-Cancer </link> <BR> <BR> Sun, 19 Oct 2014 12:45:49 EST I love these...LEXOPHILE....wish I could think these up LEXOPHILE.... <BR> "Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, <BR> such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a <BR> broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the <BR> best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's <BR> winning submission is posted at the very end. <BR> .. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. <BR> .. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve mo... Sat, 18 Oct 2014 08:13:17 EST The Chauffeur....(had to share this one) <BR> After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb. <BR> 'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?' <BR> 'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.' <BR> 'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! Wha... Thu, 16 Oct 2014 19:49:37 EST Update OK I am not going to ask for a kick in the pants because I know you will give it to me. <BR> <BR> Not really in a good place mentally. However I finally returned to the work force on September 15th. <em>321</em> <em>215</em> <em>321</em> I had been laid off since April 3, 2013, 5 months after I lost my house to "Sandy". I am a mortgage processor and with "Sandy" the real estate market in NJ was decimated. They were laying people off left and right. The real estate market only j... Sun, 5 Oct 2014 17:16:48 EST Update on the rebuilding of my house... According to World News Tonight on ABC Stress is contagious to the people around you. Well I am wound tighter than a drum so everyone around me must be stressed to the max! I know my Mother is and has been since Sandy destroyed my home. <BR> <BR> It was either Monday or Tuesday before Easter and I was in such a good mood because I had a meeting with the Contractor and builder assigned to me for the RREM Grant which is being funded through the FHA to rebuild my house. That changed real soo... Mon, 28 Apr 2014 21:24:40 EST Happy Easter! Christ is risen! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Last night I went to the Vigil mass It was the first time I have been to the Vigil Mass and I will do it again because it was so beautiful. There was the Ceremony of Light. The entire Church was dark. The Paschal candle is blessed and then lit. Once the candle has been lit there follows the ancient and dramatic rite where the candle is carried by a deacon through the nave of the church, in complete darkness, s... Sun, 20 Apr 2014 09:07:17 EST Did you get your Freekeh on? Dr. Oz had a segment on Freekeh today. What is Freekeh? <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> "Freekeh (sometimes spelled frikeh) or farik (Arabic: &#1601;&#1585;&#1610;&#1603;&#1577;&#8206; / ALA-LC: far&#299;kah) is a cereal food made from green wheat that goes through a roasting process in its production. It is an ancient Middle Eastern dish [1] that is especially popular in Levantine, Arabian Peninsula, Palestinian and Egyptian cuisin... Fri, 11 Apr 2014 18:06:02 EST Just for laughs ( I need it today) Mexican Maid <BR> <BR> <BR> The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. <BR> The wife was very upset about this, and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" <BR> Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze." <BR> "The first is that I iron better than you." <BR> Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" <BR> Maria: "Jor huzban he say so." <BR> <BR> Wife: "Oh yeah?" <BR> Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you." <BR> Wife: "Nonsense, ... Tue, 1 Apr 2014 17:05:06 EST Why do we Spark? S = Successfully changing lives for the better <BR> <BR> P = Phenomenal Motivation <BR> <BR> A = Accountability <BR> <BR> R = Reaches Millions of people on a daily basis <BR> <BR> K = Keeps us update on current health issues. <BR> <BR> <BR> P = Personalized Diet Plans <BR> <BR> E = Exercise Tracker <BR> <BR> O = Outstanding support system <BR> <BR> P = Pounds lost in the Millions <BR> <BR> L = Lots of info available, over 100,000+ articles, recipes, etc. <BR> <BR... Mon, 31 Mar 2014 20:47:05 EST Who says you can’t have dessert for breakfast and be healthy? I am always tweaking recipes. I used to make a Raw Muesli for breakfast by soaking steel cuts over night in a container filled with a blended banana with a half cup of water. I wanted to make it Raw so I didn’t use milk or yogurt thus the blended banana as the liquid. Then the next morning I would add various chopped up fruit. It was too many steps and took too much time. There had to be a better way so I thought why not blend it? I guess I got my inspiration from Carla Hall on The Chew. ... Sat, 22 Mar 2014 19:29:16 EST Remember your Mom told you not to play with food, she was wrong! The most important thing I have learned on Spark People is one does not go on a diet to lose weight. You have to make a lifestyle change you can live with every day for the rest of your life. If you can't stick with something you will never be successful. <BR> <BR> That means you must play with your food. You have to come up with new recipes to support your new way of eating. It is fun playing in the kitchen with food creating new concoctions. <BR> <BR> My cousin came over today and inv... Sun, 16 Mar 2014 18:01:37 EST Christian Humor Little John the Baptist <BR> <BR> Matt..18:4-5 <BR> "Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. <BR> And who ever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. " <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat. <BR> <BR> He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went... Thu, 13 Mar 2014 18:00:45 EST How did they do this? LOL I told my girlfriend I was in a bad mood and didn't feel like talking because I knew I would be cranky on the phone. So she sent me this: <BR> <BR> <link><BR>feature=player_embedded </link> Tue, 11 Mar 2014 16:17:12 EST Globesity: Fat's New Frontier Very eye-opening documentary. It takes just under 1 hour to watch. You actually need to watch it and not just listen to it in the background. The photos are a must see and quite shocking to me as I thought the US had the highest numbers of the obesity epidemic. There are also some subtitles when the people interviewed are speaking there own language and need to understand what they are saying and how they got this way. One company, correct that 2, Nestle and Cococola are actually brainwa... Thu, 6 Mar 2014 17:40:57 EST Preparing in advance for the huge storm on its way... After working out today I went to my favorite produce store to make sure I had enough fresh produce because we are expecting yet another snowstorm today through tomorrow. We are supposed to get slammed as I love in South Jersey. . <BR> <BR> Well did I ever score! Beautiful plum tomatoes for 69 cents a pound, gorgeous red peppers for $1.29 a pound, and huge heads of romaine for 99 cents a head. Needless to say I stocked up. The best prize of the day was cauliflower 99 cents a head. I see... Sun, 2 Mar 2014 14:47:58 EST Holy Humor A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" <BR> His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means? <BR> The son replied, "I do know!" <BR> "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" <BR> "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth..' <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brot... Sat, 1 Mar 2014 14:12:49 EST OMG this is hysterical!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you read my blogs you know I love to cook. When this video popped up I had to watch. <BR> <BR> One of the newer additions on SP is " To Get Motivated on DailySpark" within your Daily SparkPoint Challenges. Well the one I chose today is hysterical. This one I will be bookmarking to go back to on a day I am down or depressed. This video can't help but change your mood. <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Wed, 26 Feb 2014 17:13:59 EST Just for fun! Here's another trick of Doctor Dementia to test your skills.... <BR> <BR> I've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD, you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer's is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you. <BR> <BR> <BR> 7H15 M3554G3 <BR> 53RV35 7O PR0V3 <BR> H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N <BR> D0 4M4Z... Tue, 25 Feb 2014 18:38:58 EST Religious Insight-Kids say the darnedest things LOT 'S WIFE <BR> <BR> The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and <BR> turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, <BR> 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced <BR> triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!' <BR> <BR> <BR> GOOD SAMARITAN <BR> <BR> A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the <BR> Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on <BR> the roadside, all... Mon, 24 Feb 2014 14:52:57 EST Tweaked Apple Pie Smoothie - even better! Ok so I played around with the recipe. Originally I used 24 oz. water now I use 12 oz. and it makes it thicker and more of a liquid apple pie sensation. I prefer it without the ice cubes as well. So play around to get the consistency you like, more or less water or ice cubes. <BR> <BR> Do not use less than 1/3 cup dry old fashioned outs because this is what is giving it the thickness and pie like taste. I have made this for breakfast for the past 3 days. Love it! Next I am trying blue... Sun, 23 Feb 2014 12:59:31 EST Yeah I finally closed on the Grant to rebuild my house! It has been 16 months since Sandy and most of us in NJ are still not back in our houses. After 3 attempts to close for this Grant I finally signed the papers. It has been very stressful because they keep changing the terms. First I was allowed to use my own contractor and now I am being kind of held hostage to use their chosen contractor. <BR> <BR> If I use my own contractor who I have known and trusted for well over 10 years I am not eligible to have an extra $15,000 available to me for ... Sat, 22 Feb 2014 07:49:17 EST My delicious Apple Pie Smoothie. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yup it tastes just like apple pie only this one is healthy for you. Have it as a Green Smoothie or not, thus the picture both ways. I made mine Green by using 2 cups of chopped kale. <BR> <BR> 3-5 ice cubes <BR> 1 large apple quartered <BR> 2 small bananas <BR> 1/3 cup Old Fashioned Oats (Raw do not cook) <BR> 1 tsp. cinnamon <BR> dash of nutmeg <BR> splash of vanilla <BR> 12 oz. water <BR> <BR> ***Optional: Y... Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:38:17 EST Participation in your teams and challenges help you. Ok it is that time of year, no not praying for Spring (but I am because I am so sick of all this snow) but time to revisit your New Year's goals or resolutions. Have most of them fallen by the wayside? Do you need a little more 'umph' in your journey to a new YOU? <BR> <BR> Well, are you doing anything to help yourself to turn it around? Are you participating in your teams? Are you participating in your teams challenges? I am going to go out on a limb here and say that is a big NO! W... Wed, 19 Feb 2014 18:29:03 EST 13 Ways To Make Collard Greens Totally Delicious Saw this surfing the internet and I had to share. <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> The Couve a Mineira: Brazilian-Style Collard Greens looks really good. I am trying to get back to 100% Raw and I don't want to mess up my progress. This one I will try at another time but it sure sounds <em>4</em> <BR> <BR> Lots of different collard greens recipes. You don't need to cook them with ham hocks. Check them out. <BR> <BR> <link>ww... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 13:34:12 EST You have got to be kidding! As I opened up my laptop today this popped up as a lead news article. Lead news, Really!!!!!!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>om-kissing-practice-pillows-518124163 </link> Sat, 15 Feb 2014 11:25:53 EST Maxine's Valentine Sing-along <em>246</em> This is Maxine's take on Valentine's Day! You gotta just love Maxine! Scary thing is that I have a friend that thinks like Maxine on most subjects. <BR> <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Fri, 14 Feb 2014 20:48:25 EST "My Way" like you have never heard before. This beautiful. I never would have imagined a violin playing this song. Just amazingly beautiful! <BR> <BR> <link><BR>l=0 </link> Thu, 6 Feb 2014 16:57:26 EST This picture says it all! <img src=""> Mon, 3 Feb 2014 14:16:17 EST Time to get back to PTSD counseling... Ok so yesterday was a really baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddddd day! Part of the reason is because I have not attended a counseling session in over a month and a half. Why? Well I was in Virginia with my Mom and stayed almost a month as I have no job. I could just as easily apply for jobs online there opposed to being here. I came home mid January for an interview which was a phone interview to be followed by a live interview the following week. Didn't get to the live interview as the... Thu, 30 Jan 2014 19:50:16 EST Today was just one of those days... <img src=""> Wed, 29 Jan 2014 22:41:52 EST MIDDLE EAST MEMORIAL WALL I received this in an email today. I’d never heard of this. Now I have & now you have (if you didn’t already know)The Middle East Memorial Wall. This is incredible! The heart of the American people represented by a cellular company. God Bless America! We can do things like this without the Government getting involved. Please send this on to all your friends especially Veterans. <BR> <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> Now this is something we shou... Mon, 27 Jan 2014 19:53:17 EST Don't compare, do your best... <img src=""> Sun, 26 Jan 2014 14:24:53 EST