THE_BUNNYO's SparkPeople Blog THE_BUNNYO's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community A new year... a new bunny So this last year has been a real challenge... <BR> I was exercising and doing well - then I got "fumed" at work and ended up with a major lung reaction - and a major setback... and a major depression... which meant major binging... and gaining back ALL my weight PLUS more... <BR> <BR> I did continue with some counselling - and dealt with some issues - it won't be an overnight fix... but I am getting there... <BR> <BR> So my plan - take it one day at a time... hubby lost his job so couns... Wed, 4 Jan 2012 01:05:17 EST Long overdue update Life is still a series of steps forwards and steps backwards... as long as when is all and said and done as long as the forward outweigh the back then it is a journey forward... <BR> <BR> Some of the steps are painful - dealing with deep buried hurts... hurts that need to be healed... <BR> <BR> I am working on making sure there are more positives than negatives... <BR> <BR> I had (another) intense counseling session today and while it was and still is hard to deal with - there are things... Sat, 26 Feb 2011 21:14:52 EST Another layer ... Today was another good counselling session... I am finally getting to understand myself better... learning how to identify emotions... learning how to talk to the dungeon monster... actually... it like the beast from beauty and the beast... misunderstood... actually kind but protective... it has been protecting my inner being for a LONG time... since I was an infant... <BR> I am making progress and for that I am grateful... I am learning to see my strengths - I am learning new skills... a ne... Sat, 8 Jan 2011 19:28:41 EST There is only today... That's all anyone can do - is to take it one day at a time.. it doesn't matter what yesterday successes or failures were... it doesn't matter what was eaten yesterday... <BR> It doesn't matter what tomorrow MIGHT hold - there is no guarantee of tomorrow... there is only today... <BR> <BR> So for today I will do the best I can with what I have... I will try to make the best choices for food... I will try to make time for me to exercise as that is what I need to do to be healthy... I will tr... Tue, 4 Jan 2011 23:54:51 EST Up and Down... but not stopped I have been going to counselling almost weekly and it has been rough but it will be good in the end... <BR> <BR> I am learning to not be so hard on myself... that it isn't a do or die situation... at least not in the smaller stuff... <BR> <BR> I have been battling with emotional upheaval as a result of the counselling... and knowing that is IS worth it... <BR> <BR> Today and yesterday I gave into binge eating to help cope with the pain... but I am not shying away from the pain either...... Thu, 30 Dec 2010 02:31:58 EST Stronghold So I had my session today with my counselor and it went really well... my last session left me dealing with really strong emotions and sensations - not comfortable ones either... it was like my dungeon was surrounded by a moat filled with molten lava... and if anything started to disturb the dungeon monster (DM) it would start to bubble up and feel like it would consume me... <BR> <BR> My counselor and I talked about how I had a hard time with personal acknowledgement - celebrating my succe... Fri, 17 Dec 2010 00:31:08 EST Exercise - day 3 I am 3 for 3 this week with exercising... and I am very hoppy to report that it is going REALLY well... I haven't been overly sore... and MOST important - I am still able to breathe the next day!!! Even back in early July if I exercised more than 10 minutes my lungs would become inflammed and I would have REAL problems with breathing.... <BR> <BR> I have 2 appointments tomorrow... one is a meeting between my technologist's association and the other is an earlier meeting with my counselor... ... Thu, 16 Dec 2010 01:33:30 EST Exercise - day 1 So - I FINALLY got my gym setup going... after a month of trying to get it working... <BR> <BR> The plan was to come home and grab my gear and head to the gym... instead I binged on Christmas cookies on the way home - and fell asleep but later made the choice to go to the gym... <BR> <BR> They have most everything you could want to work out - lots of cardio machines from elliptical to rowing and treadmills... <BR> <BR> Free weights - lots of machines... cable machines... balls, mats, ro... Tue, 14 Dec 2010 01:37:53 EST Little Hops... A journey is said to begin with the first step - or in my case - the first hop... I will admit - there are times I really don't want to hop and other days it is easier... today's reading was about beating ourselves up... beating up myself is my dungeon monster's favorite activity... <BR> <BR> Slowly - one small hop at a time I AM making progress... learning where I trip myself up - learning to make changes... <BR> <BR> I have had TWO Christmas dinners out this week... I ate one while stil... Sat, 11 Dec 2010 21:39:25 EST Learning to enjoy success Now for some that might sound strange... but for me - learning to enjoy my success is something that is really hard... <BR> <BR> I partly comes from my childhood successes being a reflection of my brother ("you only got that grade because...) or learning to not except praise... <BR> <BR> I have been through many challenges in my life... even without reflecting on my childhood... <BR> <BR> My father was in a horrible accident when I was only 21 and while he lived - we switched roles... ... Fri, 3 Dec 2010 03:15:44 EST Stupid Roots!! So - here I am hopping quite happily down my bunny trail - thinking I am doing SOO well - when WHAM!! I hit the ground - face first... get back up - attempt to start hopping again and SLAM!! Back down on the ground again only WAY off the path!! <BR> <BR> I needed to evaluate what was happening... I had tripped up over roots sticking up on my path... roots that have been working their way underground FOREVER! Roots planted since my childhood - even infant days... <BR> <BR> What caused them ... Wed, 1 Dec 2010 14:50:34 EST Hubby is starting to believe I think that hubby is starting to believe I can get to my goal weight... this week he moved my mini into the garage - he tried to start it but couldn't get it going... so Friday my boys came over and pushed it into the garage!! My ultimate reward is getting my Mr. Bean style mini back on the road... we have a handshake on it - and he is NOT one to go back on his word!! So hopefully come summer I might be driving it again!! :) Sun, 28 Nov 2010 17:41:24 EST 35 and I'm alive! So - I made it past 35 lbs lost - okay - only by .1 - but I am past it!! <BR> <BR> I saw my dietitian today and made a few adjustments which I started with today... seems I had a bit too much protein and not enough grains... also a few of my portions were a bit big in the protein... a serving of meat is now only 2.5 oz - not the 4 oz I had thought it was... I was also only have 2 grains instead of 6 -7... we set my goal at 5-6 instead... <BR> <BR> So my newest challenge now is - oatmeal fo... Sat, 27 Nov 2010 23:45:35 EST Sleepless in Canada So - yesterday I had a good - but intense - counselling session... it stirred up stuff that has been buried for a long time... almost a lifetime... it came with INTENSE emotions - and I don't do emotions... I do binges instead... and man did the binge monster come out... I had Ryvetta with PB and honey (thin covering) some carob chips and a microwave 100 cal popcorn bag - with margarine and sour cream & onion flavouring... <BR> The good news is - I felt ill - my body is getting more attuned ... Wed, 24 Nov 2010 15:38:35 EST Reward - for me?!?!? Can you believe it is a problem?!?!? During this weeks counselling session I was challenged to come up with rewards for myself... something for me... <BR> <BR> wow - for me?!?!? many treats in the past would have been food oriented... we don't have a lot of money so I am stuck with what to do... <BR> <BR> I am suppose to come up with something just for me... and it is hard... it is supposed to be something to mark a mile stone... <BR> <BR> Something just for me... <BR> <BR> Part of my blocks have been that I don't feel I... Sat, 20 Nov 2010 21:43:19 EST Life is hopping by in the fast lane.... Yup - life has been busy... between work, school and board work you would think i was down more than I am... I have been struggling - but I haven't given up... I have continued with my counselling and that has been helping me change some thought patterns I have had basically forever... hopefully I am past this last roadblock, which I seem good at constructing... and can continue to move in the right direction... <BR> <BR> My lungs are better than they were a year ago - not quite as good as ... Sat, 6 Nov 2010 02:13:01 EST hop hop hop stumble.... pity party... hop hop That is what the last couple of weeks was like..... A big stumble then wallowing... Bu now trying to hop again.... <BR> Yesterday was my first day back on the path.... Today is going well... But I feel lousy... It has also coincided with the first rainy day in a LONG while.... Which could be tied to my mystery lung condition. <BR> <BR> The good news was I dropped 1.5 lbs.... Right now I can barely wait for the workday to be over so I can go home and crash.... At least it looks like I wil... Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:12:29 EST Doing okay... It has been a week since my last blog... most of the time I have eaten okay... but not perfect... yesterday was an oops and a planned "bad" meal... Saturday was good... Sunday - not so much... <BR> <BR> I have made the decision to NOT track my calories... I was doing better when I wasn't calorie focused but instead focused on what I was eating and quantities... for me - I think this is better.... <BR> <BR> I am doing okay as far as stress-eating - or not... passed a test today... needed t... Thu, 19 Aug 2010 20:35:24 EST I truly am a bunny!! I have been hopping on and off the spark bandwagon... sheesh already!! <BR> <BR> I need to change from talking the talk - to walking the walk... so today - trying to get back to not having issues with stress and temptation like I had about 2 months ago... I wasn't tempted to stop and buy binge food... stress didn't bother me as much... <BR> <BR> I am wondering if I am over thinking situations... I need to stop and smell the roses and keep hopping down the healthy trail... Thu, 12 Aug 2010 22:03:18 EST R-E-S-P-E-C-T Respect.... Something we all want and enjoy.... Also often it goes hand in hand with approval.... It doesn't matter how old you are.... We still always want out parents approval... their blessing... Acknowledgment... <BR> When you are married you desire it from your spouse.... Unconditional love... That I am sooooo blessed to have.... A spouse who loved me as I am... <BR> At work you except to be treated with respect.... <BR> For me.... I grew up in the shadow of an intellectual genius... M... Tue, 10 Aug 2010 12:38:44 EST A better binge?!?!? A victory in someways? So... end of the week was still really stressful... and I did better at dealing with the stress - but not perfect... <BR> <BR> I had SOOOOO wanted to stop on the way home and buy a bag of cookies and down it with milk... instead I didn't... so that was HUGE!!! It took a LOT of EFT and positive talking.... and a friend who also helped me not to... <BR> <BR> Saturday was somewhat binge free... stuck to trail mix and carob chocolate... fruit... <BR> <BR> Sunday was not as good... found DH's... Tue, 10 Aug 2010 00:03:11 EST Some people just don't get it... So - we had our meeting... it was explained that it is a HUMAN RIGHT to ask for accommodation... any reference to anything this else is discrimination... that part of the meeting went well.... <BR> <BR> Then we had an "after" meeting meeting... and 2x inappropriate comments were made... I am going to demand that it be dealt with... scary thing is - this person could likely end up being my supervisor someday... Thu, 5 Aug 2010 21:08:44 EST Stress I have to be a bit vague here... don't want anything coming back to bite me at work... but today was really stressful... and tomorrow will be as well... due to my medical condition I have been granted a permanent lighter load at work - an accommodation - which is a HUMAN RIGHT!! <BR> But some at work feel I am getting special treatment... including those directly above me in the hierarchy... <BR> I had at least one co-worker continually running to the bosses and complaining every time they ... Wed, 4 Aug 2010 23:11:22 EST A Better Day.... Today was a better day - more normal... well - my new normal... the weekend was more like my "old" normal... binging - out of control... although the emotions are new, but maybe not new... but more like finally being recognized for what they really are... old habits built from earlier events in my life... events that are finally surfacing... taking off the bandages can be a painful event - but it is the only way to get at the festering wound underneath and they need to be dealt with... Tue, 3 Aug 2010 23:48:05 EST Some steps seem so hard to take... So - it would appear that EE has been winning all the battles this weekend... not sure why - I am guessing that it has to do with "the meeting" this week... the "you are permanently granted accommodation" meeting... August 4th... I think I have gained about 5 lbs this weekend... <BR> <BR> Maybe tomorrow will be a better day... more structure... at least until tomorrow night... <BR> <BR> I need to take my own advice... just get back on track... <BR> <BR> Why is it that some steps are hard... Tue, 3 Aug 2010 00:38:31 EST The good and the bad... For 19 months I have been dealing with poor health... mostly my breathing... I have been dealing with it - and also with added stress at work... it took a LONG time for some of my co-workers to realize I had a right to work - with accommodations... a few resented having to "carry" part of my load... I felt HORRIBLE having to ask... but I need to work... I am not sick enough to be off work on LTD - or sick enough to stay home... I can do MOST of my job... just not carry the pager... at least n... Thu, 29 Jul 2010 00:54:24 EST Ugh to anymore pizza So - dinner plans didn't work out as expected... we went with plan B - pizza... now I feel sick... which is good and bad... good in that I won't order it again - bad in that I feel lousy... <BR> <BR> I did eat a good breakfast and lunch - nice and healthy... <BR> <BR> and I did avoid an EE - I really felt like having a chocolate bar to add to the 80/20 pizza... I even took some money along on my walk... but I didn't stop... I walked on past - I completed my 30 minutes of walking... <BR> ... Tue, 27 Jul 2010 00:44:55 EST End of a good day!! The day started great - down 2 lbs from yesterday... <BR> Then had a nice healthy breakfast - Special K, 1% milk and a banana... <BR> I next tackled my closet - I have 3 BIG bags of clothes that are too big (and a few I don't plan to wear anymore)... <BR> In that bag is a pair of Black jeans that I had as my first "skinny" jeans... they are TOO big now to wear!! So anyone need a nice pair of black jeans?!?!? <BR> <BR> Next - I packed my some library books in my bag to return, packed some ... Sun, 25 Jul 2010 00:45:10 EST Past 25 - all the way to 26.3!! Am I still dreaming?!?!? So - after yesterday's allowed treat - and one EE mistake... I was hoping to just stay at my last weight... although kinda hoping that seeing as I had a big BM (let's face it - you don't you usually don't lose)... I might be down a little bit... <BR> <BR> To my BIG surprise - I was down TWO whole lbs!!! WAHOO!!! DOING A HOPPY DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> So officially I have lost 26.3 lbs!!! And plan to keep going .... next goal.... hopping past 250!! Sat, 24 Jul 2010 12:26:29 EST I officially SPARK now (a professional observation) I saw my family doctor tonight... he noticed a difference - said I had a spark (his choice of word) that he hadn't seen in a long time... he was very pleased with my change in breathing... told me to keep walking - suggested 45 min and 3.5 km - then add on 5 min &/or .5 km each week - but to also do what I can tolerate... I will see him in 2 weeks for a follow up... <BR> <BR> So - with that I was trying to figure out my walk for the night... then I got in touch with my friend... guess who h... Sat, 24 Jul 2010 02:01:12 EST How precious things become when you lose them... Being able to walk - and I mean walk - this week has been such a gift... literally... for years walking was taken for granted... yes - walking will help me lose weight - but maybe tomorrow... <BR> <BR> Then 18 months ago - that gift was taken away... when I was in TO in June we walked to a few restaurants... and I lagged behind - set my own pace... if I didn't I would have ended up in ER instead of the restaurant!! <BR> <BR> Now I can walk again!! I don't end up in ER!! Literally - I coul... Fri, 23 Jul 2010 01:00:06 EST 25... almost there!! I can't believe I am SOOO close to 25 lbs lost... yes- I have several more sets of 25 to go... but getting this first one will be a milestone! <BR> <BR> I am at 23.7... 1.3 lbs to go... hoping to get there soon - maybe by the weekend??? <BR> <BR> Well - time to go and keep working towards that - time to take doggie for a walk!!! <BR> <BR> <em>338</em> <em>311</em> Wed, 21 Jul 2010 21:48:00 EST 3 Months.... April 21st I stepped on the scale.... and recorded my weight... it wasn't my highest but it was up there... <BR> <BR> Today I am 21.3 lbs lighter... I was up .9 lbs after our BBQ yesterday... and then I was really tired so I went to bed... didn't blog or do much on the SP pages... <BR> <BR> I saw my counselor today... we are continuing to work on why I am an EE as well as coping skills for those days I would KILL for chocolate.... <BR> <BR> So overall a good day :) <BR> <BR> A good da... Tue, 20 Jul 2010 21:14:56 EST A great weekend!!! It was a great weekend... I had good eats all weekend... no binging... <BR> <BR> I met a SP friend and we had a great visit... set up a buddy system... <BR> <BR> And I did nice long walks - thus far without any major breathing problems.... I am very optimistic - albeit cautious - that maybe the worst is behind me... <BR> <BR> So overall - a good weekend!!! Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:06:44 EST I broke through 260!! Yesterday I broke 20 lbs lost - today I was hoping I would lose a bit more weight.... but I was hoppy I was down another 0.9 lbs :) <BR> <BR> Someone also brought in cookies to work.... they looked good.... they smelled good... and other's enjoyed them... not me!! <BR> <BR> I was saving my "calories" for dinner out - but they dinner out was cancelled... but not upset I missed out... <BR> <BR> So a good day - and now aiming towards 250 :) <BR> <BR> I have a goal for breaking 200... (pro... Fri, 16 Jul 2010 23:22:24 EST A week of 20's My son turns 20 tomorrow (my youngest) the day after I finally broke 20 lbs down... so a week of 20's... <BR> <BR> editing to add in another 20: <BR> just did a 20.5 minute walk... my first in a LONG time... last time I ended up (eventually) in ER after pushing a few days later... <BR> <BR> but I don't plan a week of 30's... :) Thu, 15 Jul 2010 20:36:15 EST Huffy Puffy day So... while I am a bit frustrated with feeling like crap after trying my walking at 2x10 minutes a day... no walking this morning... didn't feel well until this afternoon... I did a 10 minute walk tonight but I am back to feeling crappy again... <BR> <BR> one of my co-workers is convinced that my lung condition is simply being out of shape - lose weight and walk my way back to health... <BR> <BR> if it was only that easy... she can't understand that when I exercise, when I exert myself I ... Wed, 14 Jul 2010 22:46:36 EST 2x10 day 1 So I decided yesterday that I would: <BR> 1. get up early and have a walk before work (done!) <BR> 2. do 2nd evening walk (done)... <BR> <BR> today total: 10 + 20... <BR> <BR> my lungs feel a bit tight, but not too bad - sleep should hopefully settle it back down... <BR> <BR> this is a trial - see if I can handle 2x10 for a week... if so - look to add 5 minutes at lunch and then go to 3x 10 in a couple of weeks... <BR> <BR> my lungs are messed up with - well only God knows... I have t... Tue, 13 Jul 2010 00:05:16 EST End of the weekend... In someways week days are better - more routine - keep busier - keep out of the fridge all day... <BR> <BR> the weekend was good - I had a couple of mini-healthy binges - fruit only... so not too bad overall... and I lost weight!! <BR> <BR> plus made my goal of fitting my skinnier shorts... how good is that?!?!? <BR> <BR> if I lose .1 lbs I will have lost 20 lbs!! So sure hoping that is tomorrow!!! <BR> <em>192</em> Sun, 11 Jul 2010 22:41:44 EST Skinny Shorts fit!!! Okay - they fit so that I can do them up - but still a bit snug to wear for the day - but I can do them up!!! :) <BR> <BR> So as part of my BLC challenge I am going to do the measurements... and track them in my other goals... I am also .1 of a lb short of 20 lbs lost... so hopefully tomorrow I will be doing the bunny hop over that!!! :) <BR> <em>224</em> Sun, 11 Jul 2010 15:42:21 EST Meeting done... So it turns out that my dietitian does know about addiction.... she just felt that I had misjudged her and took some exception to the letter - but overall we are okay about it... <BR> <BR> she gave me some good feedback on my diet - some things to look at tweaking... <BR> <BR> she also gave me a few coping strategies for battling EE... and I will continue to work with my counselor was well to learn to control that reason's why I do have my EE monster... <BR> <BR> Today I was .4 of a lb ... Sat, 10 Jul 2010 21:33:55 EST 10 rounds with EE I have been battling the EE monster... last night and tonight... all over the same thing... unintentionally hurting someone... and I will see them in person tomorrow... my dietitian - she took exception to what I said... said I don't know her... she felt insulted... <BR> <BR> I guess it is a good thing that she is connected to my counselor (who is on holidays)... so in time it will all work out... but it is still a bunch of battles tonight... <BR> <BR> but for now I am winning!!!!! Fri, 9 Jul 2010 22:20:48 EST Like a lead balloon.... So... my analogy went over like a lead balloon with my dietitian... she ended up being offended... she totally missed the point... and she ended up being hurt... <BR> <BR> Hurting people is one thing I so try to avoid... and when I do... it can tailspin me down... so after feeling so good about my choices today and this week... I now find that I am sinking into a low... and of course... out comes my addiction monster with it... <BR> <BR> so far I am not giving in... but man is it tempting... Thu, 8 Jul 2010 23:03:45 EST A challenge dealt with!! Another weight loss today... 1.1 lb... so almost back to my lowest before my last binge... hopefully be there soon =) <BR> <BR> Today was a possible challenge which I surpassed!! I forgot my lunch at home... so that meant I HAD to buy lunch... we have a full grill at work... lots of junk food - typical of most hospitals right?? I started looking at salads... but many had cheese plus who knows what else in there... then I remembered - you can get salad with garlic bread over where the pizza ... Thu, 8 Jul 2010 21:50:38 EST Addiction to Food - my explanation... I was asked by my dietitian how often I think of food... she is youthful and a newlywed... so after doing some thinking on the subject I came up with the following... and I decided to be brave and add it to my blog... <BR> <BR> My reply: <BR> You asked how often I thought about food... if I am really pre-occupied, not too often... sometimes I can forget to eat which can be dangerous as I am not a diabetic who is overly symptomatic with lows... I have hit less than 1.0 before I have noticed... Thu, 8 Jul 2010 02:20:31 EST Another day... another few onces... again :) So down another .7 of a lb... another day of avoiding the junk food at work... so far a good day of eating... planning on dinner soon... and maybe a piece of fruit for a night snack... Wed, 7 Jul 2010 19:46:42 EST Another day... another few onces... Well - starting to work off my hissy fit weight from this weekend... still have more to lose - but at least I am not gaining!!! <BR> <BR> I managed to avoid eating any of the mini-chocolate bars that a co-worker brought in... and I have managed to stay on track all day :) Tue, 6 Jul 2010 22:23:17 EST Back on the bandwagon The title says it all... a good day of eating... back to my normal schedule of work, sleep and healthy eating... hopefully tomorrow I am on my way back down on the scale... and hopefully my hopping off won't count too long against me... <BR> <BR> Hubby even offered me some "jube-jube's" which I passed on :) I am planning some fruit for my evening snack... Mon, 5 Jul 2010 22:34:51 EST Out of the frying pain - into the fire... out of the fire back on the wagon.... So... yesterday was going SOOOO well.... until after dinner... then like the food addict that I am - I blew it.... then this morning for some reason the scale said I was 3 lbs up... SHEESH! There is NO way I ate 3 lbs of extra calories... so I got ticked off - and then ate bad all day... <BR> <BR> but tomorrow is a new day right?!? so back on the good eating wagon tomorrow it will bed... today is nearly done... so I am going to do my best and get back on track... Mon, 5 Jul 2010 01:02:32 EST A day of rest.... I find today I have nervous energy today... I am finished my studies until the fall term... so now that I have no more studies I find that I am a bit lost as to what to do... my biggest frustration is that I can't simply go and take a long walk, or jog, or bike or anything else.... I have a lung condition that hasn't been diagnosed yet... I can't walk for more than about 10 minutes or so... <BR> <BR> but to end on a positive note - I am losing weight - regardless of not being able to exerci... Sat, 3 Jul 2010 16:45:18 EST