THENEWAMBER's SparkPeople Blog THENEWAMBER's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community The Numbers Don't Matter For years, I've battled with my weight, and with the motivation to try to get it off. As each new year begins, I am gung ho about exercising, about getting fit, and about being a better me. And for awhile, I keep it up. I diligently recorded what I ate and how I exercised. This time, I was convinced, would be the time that would stick. And after a few weeks, maybe a month, of seeing no change in my weight, I would get discouraged. Or I would get busy and put off the work out today... on... Mon, 5 Aug 2013 22:25:32 EST Finding the Groove and Keeping It Going As you may have noticed, I'd fallen away from updating for awhile. I seem to go in these cycles. For awhile, I was updating my blog, Sanity's Overrated, every day. I was just on top of it all. I even had daily challenges that I was giving myself and it kept me motivated. But it meant that I wasn't updating here as often. I was keeping on top of things, though, and that was what was important. <BR> <BR> Then I fell away from everything for about two weeks. It started when I found out t... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 18:48:28 EST Butt Kicking Cleaning I wanted to write a whole lot about today, but frankly, I'm tired. But I'm tired for a good reason. I spent 5 1/2 hours cleaning my bedroom. I did the deep cleaning that it needed, changed the bedding, threw away a bunch of things I didn't want or need any more, gave away things that were still in good condition, and drank a lot of water. I'm achy, but I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. Yes, this might not be traditional "exercise", but it involved a lot of lifting, bending, ... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 22:08:05 EST Today has been a day! And a productive one at that. <BR> <BR> I spent the morning and early afternoon taking care of online things. I finished my daily challenge for today, then did some blog updating, updating some things on SparkPeople and some Facebook things that I wanted to get done. It took longer than I'd expected, but I was able to check off a lot of things from my soft schedule for today. If I'd quit there, I'd have felt pretty good, even without exercise. <BR> <BR> But I didn't quite there. Nope. ... Fri, 11 Jan 2013 18:30:16 EST Where did this motivation come from? It's interesting how different my mind has gotten over the last year or so. For the longest time, I found it easier to procrastinate than to do the things that I know needed to be done. Instead of focusing on the cleaning, I would whittle away my time on the computer, or by reading a book, or by watching TV. The next thing I knew, it would be time for Teddy to come home from school and I had lost all of my productive time to wasted opportunity. Exercising wasn't happening for the same rea... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 13:47:01 EST New Year, New Me Yep, it's been over a year since I last updated. I haven't been keeping up with Sparkpeople for awhile, though I have been finding my way toward a healthier me. I'm under 240 pounds, having lost over 30 from my heaviest. I'd gotten stalled recently with my goals because of a badly sprained ankle, but as it's healing, I'm headed right back to feeling better on about me. <BR> <BR> So, what's happened over the last year? Well, there have been a few crises that have changed the way I've look... Wed, 9 Jan 2013 16:34:47 EST Wagon, here I am again My willpower has been nil for the last several months. I've had great intentions - while the weather's nice, I'm going to walk. I'm only going to buy healthy things to eat. I'm going to keep on top of cleaning once it's done the first time. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. And they all fall by the wayside. <BR> <BR> Well, I'm still working on turning myself around again. Over the last two weeks, I've made huge strides in housecleaning. Marathon sessions of clean, clean, clean. I've st... Sat, 3 Dec 2011 18:43:02 EST Plans, and how they break Two months ago, I said I was coming back. And I haven't been back since. I'm not sure if I really have an excuse. It's just been one of those summers. But I'm hoping that this will be an honest to goodness change. <BR> <BR> Things are starting to even out here a bit. Teddy started kindergarten, so he's there five days a week. Peter's in PDO on Wednesdays and Fridays. It seems a bit easier to handle one child rather than two. And I'm getting back into the mental mindset of needing to ... Sun, 21 Aug 2011 11:40:36 EST The important thing is getting back up I've fallen off the wagon, hard. I've gained back weight that I was hoping was gone forever. Not exercising, driving through fast-food, snacking rather than eating... I've done it all over the last month and a half. And I'm paying for it. <BR> <BR> It's been a bad couple of months. I was at my Dad's until June 6th. The kids started summer PDO on June 8th. My Dad ended up back in the hospital on June 13th and was there until June 17th. I had a family birthday party at my Dad's on June 1... Tue, 28 Jun 2011 13:43:09 EST Waiting for the Lemonade Things here haven't been ideal. Not by a long shot. And I'm just waiting for some of the other ingredients to come down the pike so I can turn these lemons into lemonade. <BR> <BR> I've had to move into my dad's house for a couple of weeks. He was released from the hospital on Thursday. He'd had major back surgery on 4/25 and was supposed to be in the hospital/rehab for a minimum of a month. Instead, they said he was ready to go home after 17 days. He had been doing pretty good in the ... Sun, 15 May 2011 23:45:27 EST Change in Mindset, Time for a Reset As I've posted earlier, April has been a SUCKY month. Illnesses, things going wrong, life beating me down... I'm tired of it. So, I'm trying to go into May with a positive outlook and a new plan for things. It helps that it's a beautiful day here in Nashville and the sun always helps make things a bit better. <BR> <BR> I'm a firm believer that you're more likely to do something if you have it written down than if you just have it in the back of your mind. I've gone on hiatus on my blog, ... Fri, 29 Apr 2011 11:44:45 EST Things are... things First, thank you EVERYONE who stopped by and offered support. I know I haven't gotten in to say so, but I really do appreciate it. <BR> <BR> I haven't been eating well lately. I haven't been exercising. I haven't been taking care of myself the way that I know I should. It's depression combined with stress combined with frustration. Because really, nothing has slowed down since my last update. In fact, it's gotten busier. <BR> <BR> We're still up in the air with the whole cancer thing.... Wed, 27 Apr 2011 14:42:18 EST Just a Quick Update of Bad News, Then Sleep It's been a bad week. A really, really, REALLY bad week. And I'm in desperate need of support. We found out yesterday that my husband has/had colon cancer. They removed a polyp that turned out to be cancerous. Today, he was bleeding again (2nd time since the surgery almost 2 weeks ago) and they went back in. They're concerned. They've kept him in the hospital and there's talk of an arteriogram and possibly surgery. There is a possibility of another tumor. We don't know at the moment.... Thu, 21 Apr 2011 01:34:12 EST From bad to good Yesterday was a horrid, horrid, HORRID day. It started when I found the brand new camera in the bottom of the washing machine (AFTER I'd run it, of course) and went downhill from there. The kids were on their worst behavior, I found out that 0one of three things that are NOT covered on the protection plan of my camera is submersion under water and when I tried to exercise, my streaming through Netflix did a major stutter stop. By 4:00, I wanted to go to bed and pretend none of the day at h... Fri, 8 Apr 2011 16:05:36 EST I have a blog entry that I want to write, but... ... it's late and I need sleep. I did just finish up posting about the same thing over on my blog, but because there are a lot of links in it, I don't want to just copy and paste it over. So I hope you can all forgive me this once for linking to the blog post I wrote on my off-site blog. I talked about my day in general, but there are several things I'd love to hear from my SP friends regarding (most notably my steps for today and the state of my weight). <BR> <BR> If you are interested i... Wed, 6 Apr 2011 23:56:35 EST No workout for me today. :( I woke up early this morning, so I decided that I would use the extra time for one of my workout videos - something to get my heart pumping before my day got started. I was also hoping it would fix a problem I'd woken up with - pain in my left hip and my lower back. I thought, "Hey, stretching it out is just the medicine it needs." <BR> <BR> In this instance, I was wrong. I started on my pilates video. Standing and breathing, no problem. Lunges were INCREDIBLY painful. I mean, this was... Wed, 6 Apr 2011 08:06:05 EST Noticing a shift in attitude As I was walking today, my shins were hurting. Not my thighs or my calves, but my shins. This was my third day straight of walking and I'd planned for another mile today. They kept screaming at me that I needed to turn around and go back to the car. This wasn't going to work. Too much pain, I'd be crippled for the rest of the day. I needed to not make this walk. <BR> <BR> And I'll admit, I was tempted. Incredibly tempted. But then I had a little talk with myself. <BR> <BR> Me: You k... Sun, 3 Apr 2011 16:15:06 EST Why I Like Walking Alone Don't get me wrong. I really do enjoy walking with a friend. They help motivate me, give me someone to talk to and the time can go by quite a bit more quickly. But I find that I really enjoy walking alone for as well. <BR> <BR> * My energy level changes on a day to day basis and, invariably, whatever my energy level is, my partner's is the opposite. Sometimes it's not so bad when they have a higher level than I do - it makes me want to push myself more. But sometimes I really CAN'T kee... Sun, 3 Apr 2011 12:39:20 EST Figuring It Out As I Go Along, or Why Walking with my Kids Doesn't Always Work Yesterday, I met several members of SparkNashville for the inaugural Walk 100 Miles with the Mayor walk. We were walking around Bicentennial Mall. The route is 1.5 miles and we were to do two laps of it at whatever pace we wanted to set. The important thing was getting moving. <BR> <BR> Teddy instantly became friends with Camille (Oilpainter here on SP) and, when the walk started, they were in the lead. Ok, it was more that Teddy took off and Camille decided to keep up with him. I was w... Sun, 3 Apr 2011 09:39:28 EST Good work yesterday, better work today I'd planned to have yesterday be a fairly low-key day. It was supposed to rain and the boys had PDO. I had a lot of online things that I needed to take care of, so I figured that I'd end up having a sedentary morning, but be productive. Boy was I wrong, and I was incredibly glad for it! <BR> <BR> While I was dropping my kids off, I ran into my friend Becca. We often get together while our kids are in PDO, sometimes planned, sometimes not. We hadn't had anything planned but decided to ge... Sat, 2 Apr 2011 09:27:03 EST I've been a bad, bad girl I fell off the diet and exercise wagon. It was easier to stop at McDonald's with the kids than make something at home. It was cheaper to order a McDouble than a grilled McChicken. It was too rainy to go outside and walk. And too cluttered to exercise inside. Excuses, excuses, excuses. <BR> <BR> Well, a new month is coming up with a new chance to get back on track. It helps that I'm not as stressed as I had been. I'd gotten far behind in a lot of things - swaps, book reviews, blog entr... Tue, 29 Mar 2011 14:41:06 EST Doing the Butt Kicking Thing Today Today, the motivation hit me. My apartment was, as per usual, a disaster. My friend, Becca, was coming over to watch the boys for me while I went to my therapy appointment. And although she's seen my house in the shape it was in... and sometimes worse... I was embarrassed by the thought of it. I played some Civ IV for a little while when I first got up, but the need to get the mess cleaned up was nagging too hard at me. At 8:30, I got off the computer, grabbed a garbage bag and started c... Thu, 10 Mar 2011 21:11:31 EST Once again, back in the saddle The last several weeks have been insane. Between Teddy's birthday weekend and an unexpected trip to Philly/NJ for a funeral, I have barely had a chance to breath let alone get anything done. While there is still a lot of chaos around me, I'm trying to feel revitalized enough to get everything done. I'm still trying to come up with a plan of attack... I have some ideas, but I really need to sit down and write them out. I need to come up with something to keep everything in as well. I'm ge... Tue, 8 Mar 2011 11:33:56 EST Not a bad day, generally It's been a day baked in frustration thanks to my 5 year old, but over all, I'm actually pleased with today. I picked up a few new books at the library (which I probably SHOULDN'T have done since I'm in the middle of about 4 right now, but they were graphic novels and therefore quick reads). I was going to go shopping for cheap things at Deals while Rich was tutoring, but Teddy's temper tantrum cancelled that plan. I tried to take the boys to the park, but it was too windy and started to r... Sat, 19 Feb 2011 23:22:20 EST Grrrr, or Pedometer Problems I love my pedometer. I really do. It meshes with the DS program that I have so it downloads and keeps track of my steps automatically. It's become a comforting weight on my hip, almost like back in the days when I wore a pager regularly. Half the time I don't even notice that it's there because it's become so familiar. It's treated me well in the week that I've used it. <BR> <BR> Until today, that is. And I don't know if I should blame the pedometer or my pants. Twice today, while ben... Fri, 18 Feb 2011 23:29:25 EST Low energy doesn't mean failure Today has been a low energy day. I know part of it is because the day is incredibly overcast and kind of depressing. Some of it is because I haven't been sleeping well - 5 hours the night before last and 4 last night. I just haven't mentally been able to get myself doing the things that I know I need to today. So I decided that a low energy day isn't a bad thing. <BR> <BR> First, I've been making sure to make healthier choices with my meals. Breakfast was whole grain Cheerios, half a ban... Thu, 17 Feb 2011 18:54:17 EST Attitude Adjustment It seems as though my attitude adjustment is continuing to have a hold of me. And it makes me feel great! I've done a lot of positive things in the last 18 hours. <BR> <BR> First, I want to get the negatives out of the way, because I need to acknowledge them so I can work toward changing them. <BR> <BR> The negatives are: <BR> I only got 5 hours of sleep last night. Not sure why, but I couldn't sleep. <BR> Skipped breakfast. <BR> <BR> But as I said, there are a lot of positive things. ... Wed, 16 Feb 2011 12:44:43 EST Just because I haven't been around doesn't mean I'm not trying The computer situation has been (partly) solved. We've got a new Dell desktop on order and we bought a Toshiba Netbook. I've gotta admit, I really am loving this Netbook. So portable! The only problem is the keys being smaller than I'm used to, so for a touch typist such as myself, I sometimes come up with a whole line of gobbledygook. But I'm getting used to it. <BR> <BR> The past couple of weeks have been pretty up and down. I've been fighting a bit more depression than I'd like, but... Tue, 15 Feb 2011 08:52:41 EST Don't worry too much if you don't see me around I'm still trying to keep up the exercise and keep down the calories. But I'm having the worst computer problems at the moment that are sending me in a tailspin. I now have the second computer in my home that is refusing the acknowledge that there's a power cord plugged in to it. It's already refusing to acknowledge that there's a battery there. So I'm down by two computers (and the latest one had a bunch of my swapping stuff and a ton of pictures, so I'm hoping to find a way to get back i... Fri, 28 Jan 2011 23:55:59 EST What Do You Write When You Don't Know What to Write? I've got a million and three thoughts running through my brain right now. Thoughts about how proud I am of myself today, exercising even though what I really wanted to do was lay down and take a nap with the boys. Thoughts about how much harder dancing was than I expected it to be (and how much of a sweat I worked up with it). Thoughts of needing to change my diet more and needing to get more healthy things in the house. Thoughts of the new medication I'm going to be on and what kind of c... Wed, 26 Jan 2011 21:21:01 EST I Can Do This After my post about excuses yesterday, I decided that I don't want to make excuses any more. And it was time for me to jump back into the things that I need to do. <BR> <BR> The boys told me yesterday that they wanted to workout with me. I found a pilates video with three different levels (Pick Your Level: Weight Loss Pilates with Ellen Barrett, for those curious) and decided to start there. Working out with the boys... not such a good plan. Teddy kept bumping into me and Pete thought th... Tue, 25 Jan 2011 20:18:05 EST Excuses Today is another day. It is the start of another week. And that means that every wobble that has made me stumble is in the past. I can still change myself going forward. <BR> <BR> Nice words, huh? And while I believe them, I sometimes think I use them as an excuse. "Oops. I screwed up today. Well, tomorrow is another day and I can make it right then/restart then/do better then." But I have more days where I say "Tomorrow I'll do better" than "Today I did great." And I'm great at mak... Mon, 24 Jan 2011 10:32:15 EST The Ugly, The Bad and the Good Since I prefer to get the bad stuff out of the way first, I'll start with the ugly. Today, the ugly is the pulled muscle I have in my right leg. I don't know how I did it, but last night when I got up to go to bed, I couldn't put any weight on it. Rich had to help me upstairs. I didn't think much of it, thinking I just needed to lay down for a bit and it would get better. Until around 3am when I got up to go to the bathroom and almost fell trying to walk to the bathroom. I had to wake R... Thu, 20 Jan 2011 13:22:03 EST Other bits of productive My house is disaster. I'm not the neatest person in the best of times, but with the lethargy and depression, it has gotten worse than usual. Of course, it feeds on itself because the depression makes it harder for me to find a place to start, which makes things worse, etc,g th. But with the motivation of walking this morning, I decided I needed to hack out a bit of the non-computer To Dos from my To Do List (seen here on my blog: <link><BR>1/to-do-tues... Wed, 19 Jan 2011 13:12:52 EST I did it I'm shaking like a leaf, but I did it. I called to make my appointment for a therapist. <BR> <BR> A bit of background, beyond what I blogged the other day. One day last month, I finally got the nerve to call one of the local therapists that are supposed to be covered by my insurance. They shuttled me around a bit, then set an intake appointment in the downtown office. I went to the appointment and talked to the woman there. She said she would try to get me set up at the office 2 minutes... Wed, 19 Jan 2011 13:06:04 EST A Start I've had a small start with getting myself back on track today. The biggest help was my friend, Becca. When we dropped our kids off at PDO this morning, she reminded me that we were going to go walk today. Since it's 38 degrees and sleeting/flurrying, we went to the local almost abandoned mall and walked around it once. 1 circuit, upstairs and down, is a mile and we walked it in 20 minutes. So I got a good amount of exercise in. <BR> <BR> When I got home, I brought in the Christmas mat,... Wed, 19 Jan 2011 11:39:28 EST Trying to Figure Out How to Get Back on Track January hasn't been the big change that I was hoping for. The workouts that I've been planning on doing, the healthy eating, the cleaning and organizing... none of it. Some of it is depression, which is a constant that I've been dealing with. I know that I need to call and make an appointment with a therapist, but I've got major phone-phobia and making the call has been literally impossible for me to do. Some of it is general lethargy. I've been dealing with a horrid chest cold that is s... Tue, 18 Jan 2011 20:07:27 EST I'm a Daddy's Girl, and for that I am grateful One of the biggest problems I have to deal with on a daily basis is depression. There are days when I don't care if my kids destroy my apartment, or if I eat anything all day. All I can do is be useless - either lying in bed with the covers over my head or sitting on the computer, futzing away on Facebook games (instead of doing some of the actual Swap-Bot work that I want and need to do). I look around and see a house that needs to be cleaned and, when it hasn't been touched at the end of... Sat, 8 Jan 2011 01:31:46 EST Yesterday was the fail, but today has been the win Yesterday was Rich's first day back to work after Christmas Vacation. (His office was unofficially closed for the week between Christmas and New Years and they were closed Monday for New Years.) The boys were used to him being home with Daddy so dealing with just Mommy again was unacceptable. I had to go to Wal-Mart to get Teddy's glasses adjusted and do some shopping, and from the moment we got there, they were trouble. Teddy demanded and hit, tried to stand in front of the cart so I cou... Wed, 5 Jan 2011 13:27:33 EST Not as good as yesterday, but not bad My food choices weren't terrible today, but they could have been better. I had Cheerios with 1% milk and a banana for breakfast. And, while I eschewed dessert when we went out for lunch, I did have a cheeseburger and fries. Dinner was baked chicken with mashed potatoes and corn. I should have had something better for lunch, but nothing really looked good. Ah well. <BR> <BR> I got my exercise in last night when the boys went to bed. I'm expecting it to be the same tonight. I had planned o... Mon, 3 Jan 2011 21:13:07 EST Time to Jump Back on the Wagon I've let the last couple months slide when I know I shouldn't have. It's so easy with the holidays to make excuses. But I can't do that any longer. I managed to lose some weight over the holidays but, to be honest, I've been afraid to face the scale since then. Too much chocolate around and too little exercise. <BR> <BR> I joined the 28 day Challenge and I'm hoping that will help me kick start getting back into being healthy. I have weight loss as goals for two different things that I'm... Sun, 2 Jan 2011 10:32:42 EST Monday's New Start I'm back on my anti-depressants, which is making it easier for me to take care of things this weekend and today. Saturday started out slow - lots of computer time, eating in front of the TV, nothing too good - but afterward, we got ready to run our errands. We had a stop at the library, a trip to the library book sale, Big Lots, recycling then lunch. When we got home, the boys napped and I was lazy - more computer time. But in the evening, Rich and I put together our dining room table. <B... Mon, 11 Oct 2010 11:08:42 EST Yeah, it hasn't been one of my better weeks I've been horrid about keeping up with exercise and SP. I've been eating fairly well, but I know that eating well isn't the only way to lose weight. I'm hoping to get back on track this weekend. <BR> <BR> Some of it has been depression. I've been without my meds for most of the week, which doesn't help matters at all. It makes it so hard for me to motivate myself to do anything. It's part of the reason my apartment is a mess again. On top of that, it's... that time of the month, so I'... Fri, 8 Oct 2010 18:12:03 EST I've got more right to be proud of myself than I thought My doctor's office is through one of our local University Hospitals. They have a website where patients can check lab results, make appointments, message their doctors, check on their appointments... pretty much any kind of routine thing that you might need to call for. <BR> <BR> I was on the website today to check with my doctor about getting my flu shot when I have my yearly physical in November. While I was there, I thought I'd take a look at my reports, hoping that it would show what... Fri, 1 Oct 2010 21:45:22 EST Today is the first day of the rest of my life This is a mantra I'm trying so hard to live by. What happened yesterday is over and done with and cannot be changed. What will happen tomorrow is still a dream. But today... today is what I can make happen. <BR> <BR> As I blogged yesterday, I felt horrid and didn't get too much done. Thanks to Nyquil, I got a bit more sleep. I'm still coughing (a LOT) but at least I feel like I have a bit of energy. After I dropped my boys off at PDO, I decided that I needed to get a few things done. ... Fri, 1 Oct 2010 13:46:14 EST One Bad Day Does Not a Failure Make I didn't work out at all today. I didn't even clean. I've caught the cold from hell. Last night, I spent most of the night coughing. So aside from feeling drained, I was also exhausted from lack of sleep. I was supposed to go to the zoo with a friend and her kids, but I just needed to rest. So it's been a less than productive day. <BR> <BR> However, I HAVE tried to make sure to keep up my end of the bargain when it comes to eating. I had a small bowl of Cheerios for breakfast, along w... Thu, 30 Sep 2010 18:38:47 EST Jumping Back on the Wagon This past weekend was bad for weight loss. My in-laws were in and, since I have no dining room table, we ate out at every meal. I tried to get healthier options everywhere I went - water was my drink of choice every time, and I went for grilled rather than fried foods. But it didn't always work out as well as I would have liked and I knew that I was going over calories eaten and under calories burned. <BR> <BR> But today I decided I needed to get back on the wagon. I'm still drinking the... Wed, 29 Sep 2010 13:40:28 EST Back to feeling like I rock This week has been a rough one. I've been cleaning like a fiend, taking care of a sick 4 year old for a couple of days, stressing about money and the cleanliness of my apartment and, in general, not feeling like I was keeping on top of things the way that I should. <BR> <BR> But then came today. I managed to get a boatload done in the apartment (everything except the pantry and my bedroom at least neat looking and vacuumed). I got the boys' in the tub before PDO, made their lunches, got... Fri, 24 Sep 2010 16:27:51 EST Step forward or step back? I didn't exercise today. At least, not in a traditional way. Instead, I spent 5 hours cleaning my boys' bedroom. I went through every toy and every book in their room, separated out the ones that the boys would keep from those that we would try to sell in a consignment sale from the ones that were broken and needed to be thrown away. Before I started the cleaning, you couldn't walk across their room without stepping on something. Now, you can walk, play, roll, lay down, exercise.... pr... Mon, 20 Sep 2010 21:32:39 EST A productive day Today was my off day for exercise but that doesn't mean I didn't lay around doing nothing. It was a day of unpacking, combined with harsh decisions on what to keep and what can find a new home. I've got two bags full of clothes (so far) to go to Goodwill or to a consignment sale. We've also got another box full of odds and ends for Goodwill and another box full of mixed media to go to the Used Media store. We also got a lot of laundry done today. There's still quite a bit of laundry left... Sun, 19 Sep 2010 20:34:00 EST