THECRAZYMANGO's SparkPeople Blog THECRAZYMANGO's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Need to Get Strict with Myself Even through I juggled two jobs while going to college, it was so much easier to fit working out in. Most times I'd do it in between classes. Now that I am an adult, it is so much harder. I get two choices - before or after work. Either way, I am tired when I do it. The last couple weeks, I have been going through a daily cycle of procrastination. It goes like this. <BR> <BR> 10:00 pm: Sets alarms for 5:45 am. <BR> 5:45 am: Reset alarm for 7:00 am and get up at 7:00 am for work. <BR> 7:00 a... Tue, 9 Dec 2014 21:28:55 EST Pivotable Point? Nothing like coming home to a note to call your landlord to get your anxiety up and running. Basically, he was wondering if I was going to renew my lease in June. Apparently, he's has alot of people asking about availability. It'd be my third year in my apartment if I renewed. <BR> <BR> Ironically, this weekend I brought up (again) to my boyfriend about moving in together. On one hand, I understand some of his reasons such as he can't afford to move because rent is lower by himself than us ... Mon, 8 Dec 2014 18:53:02 EST Spicy Hamburger Soup I really struggle with food. I truly love it - good or bad food. I love it all. This week I decided to make spicy hamburger potato soup. It was very fulfilling but I don't think it's a healthy item at all. I came to that conclusion at work today when I heated it up and all the fat was coming to the top. Than, I promptly I got a tummy ache (probably from all the fat). I think this is one recipe I will limit myself on. Soups are always so hard for me. They either aren't filling or are too many... Wed, 3 Dec 2014 18:32:01 EST Fit Camp Yesterday, I went to the first day of Fit Camp. <BR> <BR> Everyone was really nice and welcoming. For whatever reason, I didn't feel out of place or like everyone was watching me fail at my exercises. Maybe it helped that the two body builders in the class were whining out loud what I thinking inside my head somewhat. However, when they did it, it was humorous and I knew I wasn't alone. <BR> <BR> We did however many reps we could do in a set time of 30, 60, or 90 seconds. Maybe this is wh... Tue, 2 Dec 2014 23:31:19 EST Starting December Right! Today I decided to track and will try to continue this. I am pretty excited. It's 5:30 pm and I am at 1450ish with my range of 1400-1700. I think I might be might be stay in range. This morning I skipped the banana in the cereal than stopping somewhere for morning coffee. Who knows how many calories are in a cup of coffee these days? It's not like I just drink it black. <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Right now I am trying to resist my craving for chocolate. In fact, I popped a piece of gum to get... Mon, 1 Dec 2014 18:47:15 EST A New Ending I am not sure if everyone can understand this. <BR> <BR> I have been a success story. <BR> I have lost 100 pounds. <BR> Maintained for two years. <BR> <BR> And, sometimes I know don't if I want it back. Than, sometimes I do want it all back. This is a mental struggle I have fought in the last couple months. <BR> <BR> I realize I don't want to feel guilty about eating cake. I don't want the saggy skin on my tummy. I do want my solid legs from hours of running. I want to run half marath... Sun, 30 Nov 2014 22:19:50 EST Touching Base Thank you everyone for making my last blog post a top blog for Sparkpeople. I did read all the comments and it's a great reminder how supportive everyone is here. <em>304</em> <BR> <BR> This weekend has been emotional. <BR> <BR> We found out that someone I knew when I was in 4-H as a kid lost her cancer battle. Just a week ago, she found out her breast cancer moved to her brain. She decided not to go on chemo again. She passed this weekend. <BR> <BR> Than, yesterday I found out a fri... Sun, 30 Nov 2014 18:24:37 EST When It Ain't Broke, Don't Try Fixin' It So, for the last week, I have been cheating on Sparkpeople and been tracking on My Fitness Pal. I know how to cheat on Sparkpeople with my calories but I guess I am really cheating myself. Anyhow, I gained THREE pounds in the last week. I think it's sufficient to say My Fitness Pal is not working. <BR> <BR> I know what works. Sparkpeople. I did lose 100 pounds and I need to stick with it. <BR> <BR> Also, I know it's the support I really need as my self esteem has really taken a hit in the... Mon, 24 Nov 2014 19:54:43 EST Doing It Differently One of my qualities, good or bad, is that I am a deep thinker. I think about a lot of things and lately, I have been thinking about my journey. For most of my journey, I was focused on the number on the scale or compliments from friends and family. These are considered extrinsic motivators. They were much like the junk food I was liking to wean myself off. I would feel good for a moment or two but it never stuck. When I got to my maintenance weight, I realized I still wasn't happy. <BR> <BR... Sat, 22 Nov 2014 16:48:20 EST New Job and November Goals Recently I accepted a new job and I am really excited for this new opportunity. I am not even sure where to start with the positive things about the position. There is just so many things that it just feels good. <BR> <BR> - Positive working environment from the sounds of it <BR> - No more working overnights <BR> - Resume skill builder <BR> - Experience with physical therapist to see if I really want to do it <BR> - About $1-2 dollar higher pay per hour which means I can afford health insu... Wed, 29 Oct 2014 10:07:07 EST A Lesson in Loving Yourself I give love unconditionally to everyone I meet but to myself. For whatever reason, I struggle to love myself. I thought it would happen after losing weight and becoming the perfect body media promised me. As I got to my goal weight, it seems the hatred for my stomach grew. <BR> <BR> Every morning, I would wake up, stand in front of the mirror and just hate myself. I would look at that flaw and never appreciate the rest of me. I knew I needed to accept my stomach but just couldn't. Maybe it w... Sun, 5 Oct 2014 11:13:12 EST Some days you just have to tell your inner voice to be quiet! Some days you just have to tell your inner voice to be quiet. This morning I did that exact thing! <BR> <BR> Work was very stressful. I don't really want to go more into that on a public blog. Let's just say I was so stressed and felt like puking, lol. <BR> <BR> I know what I needed... the gym! I needed to run, hop, lift... whatever I had to do. I knew if I didn't go, I'd be craving carbs and sweets later and that's just dangerous cycle. So, I worked out after being on my feet, walking, a... Sun, 24 Aug 2014 09:46:45 EST Quick Update Time seems so elusive these days. I've been wanting/needing to write a blog but I seem to be always running out of time. So, I am going to try to make this short and sweet! <BR> <BR> Today, I weighed in at 205.8. Thanks to my new job as an overnight CNA where I walk and lift people alot, I have lost almost 10 pounds. It really helps that besides the negative nelly co worker, it hasn't been as stressful as Americorp VISTA was for me! <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> So, basically, I am not cravin... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:33:36 EST Pensive I have been doing alot of thinking this week. <BR> <BR> It started with rethinking my choice to work as a CNA as an Assisted Living Residence and entertained the idea to go back to school for Physical Therapist Assistant. I found I was really unhappy. After some reflection, I realized I am not happy at all with the job. In fact, I like it. I am unhappy with the co-worker I will be mainly working with. Basically, every time we would work with a resident or about to enter their room, she'd be... Thu, 31 Jul 2014 09:03:22 EST Today's Mission Since my hips were still sore from yesterday's run, I decided I would try to put up my curtains myself. It was a work out by itself! It would have been nicer to have an extra hand. I don't really know anyone and my boyfriend lives 30 minutes away. Besides it is like pulling teeth getting him to leave his place... so I did it myself, lol. <BR> <BR> The mission... <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> The curtains to turn my home into a cave... <BR... Sat, 19 Jul 2014 21:10:31 EST First Day Last night was my first night working as a CNA. I will be working NOCs. Pretty much as soon as I heard I got the job and knew I'd have to change my sleeping schedule, I started to work on my sleeping schedule. This means I wasn't tired. Tonight will be night two so we will see if I get tired tonight. Last night, I invested in some curtains. Sometime this week I will have to figure out how to get them up. <BR> <BR> Tonight, I was thinking I might want to try tracking calories again. But, sin... Sat, 19 Jul 2014 08:16:26 EST Frustrated Just yesterday I posted a blog about being down two pounds and weighing in at 213.8. Today, I weighed in at 216. There is no way, Jose, that I gained THREE pounds over night. I know it was too much mac and cheese and salted pretzels. <BR> <BR> I am so frustrated and mad. Frustrated at myself for weighing in. I am now measuring my tummy measures the same so I don't know what that dumb scale is talking about. Mad at society for making women feel less worthy because they are overweight. <BR> ... Wed, 16 Jul 2014 17:14:30 EST Two Pounds Down It has been two weeks since my committed ending as an Americorp and it feels <em>345</em> ! Not only am I happier overall, I am starting to lose weight. With this morning's weigh in, I am down TWO pounds. SP shows one because they round up. Don't they know there is no rounding up in this weight business, lol. <BR> <BR> If I can just keep up with losing one pound a week, I could drop this week by next summer! That would be awesome if I could fit into my summer dresses by than! And, maybe e... Tue, 15 Jul 2014 20:03:16 EST I love feeling happy again! I am really happy to announce that for the first time in like year, I am feeling like myself - happy and not stressed. It is wonderful. It is like, "Ahh, here I am." For the last year, I have been in such a stressful situation that it has bogged me down. I knew stress is bad but this work stress has felt like a handicap in it's self. <BR> <BR> I am so happy that I do not work in that environment anymore and am starting to feel happy and like I have the ability to get healthy. I am no longer... Thu, 10 Jul 2014 00:06:28 EST July Goals I am sure alot of many other people are talking goals today on the first of the month. It really helps me think outside on paper (screen) my goals and try to be accountable. <BR> <BR> Goal 1: Workout 4-5x a week or 16-20 times a month. <BR> <BR> I have been pretty consistent for the last year actually with working out 3-4x a week. Last month it was 12 times but typically it is 16 times. <BR> <BR> Goal 2: Track calories this month. <BR> <BR> I think I am going to try to track my food ag... Tue, 1 Jul 2014 12:20:20 EST The Good In My Life Energy can really affect a person and that is one reason I try to be positive. Lately, I have been focused on the negative job situation but there are alot of positive things going on in my life, too. <BR> <BR> First of all, I am alive. Sometimes it seems like clique but it's true. As I get older and more of my acquaintances get terminally sick, I appreciate that I am fairly healthy and call run out my dreams. I mean I can run 2-3 miles on any day. <BR> <BR> God seems to always provide for... Tue, 1 Jul 2014 01:46:01 EST Lucky Penny Thank you everyone that read my blog, "Wondering What Mirror I Broke" and left a supportive comment. I really do appreciate it. You all gave me alot to think about and I started to realize I am not happy. (I can be a little slow on the get up.) And, I started thinking what was going on in my life when I was happy last. It was when I was training for half marathons, working at the Y teaching newbies how to use machines and working as a CNA. I got to thinking, I can do that here. I don't have t... Wed, 25 Jun 2014 00:05:51 EST Wondering What Mirror I Broke I am really depressed by my situation. I feel like I am going no where. Just a year and half ago, my life had so much promise. I just graduated from college with Exercise Science and had the huge accomplishment of losing 100 pounds. I am hardworking, outgoing.. yet this isn't enough. <BR> <BR> I took an Americorp VISTA position and relocated from everything I enjoy. I knew the job would end in June so I started looking in April. I accepted a job full time than it took it back a couple weeks ... Mon, 23 Jun 2014 21:33:46 EST Finally A New Chapter Today was my last day as an Americorp VISTA. It was tough to stick with it but I did! Woot! In the midst of an office job where people were constantly complaining about their co-workers, I learned that a sedentary office desk job is not for me. I need to move and groove. Over time, I found out that sitting was more exhausting than any standing job I have had. Maybe it was the stress that was exhausting me. Either way, it’s over! Woohoo! <BR> <BR> Many volunteers have asked where I will be g... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 18:39:06 EST How Stress Affects Health For the last five years, I live and breathe health and fitness. My major in college was Exercise Science and love learning how our body responds to exercise. My last job (before my current) was working at the Y. My best friends are either weight loss success stories or fitness fanatics. My social media accounts are all about running and fitness. My life is health and fitness. <BR> <BR> As we are often reminded through personal lessons, health is intertwined with other component. My personal ... Wed, 23 Apr 2014 00:43:34 EST Bummed I am feeling kind bummed. Two days ago, I was 203, so down two pounds. Than, yesterday I did 25 minutes on the elliptical and 40 minutes of running. Basically, I burned alot of calories and stayed in my calorie range until I started to get a headache. I get headaches when I don't eat enough. It's a hard balance for me. So, I ate some chips. Not the best choice but fruit wouldn't cut it. In fact, I tried that and it wasn't making it go away. <BR> <BR> This morning I was up to 205. So back to... Wed, 16 Apr 2014 03:25:58 EST Things are falling in place... A few months back, I boxed up clothes that I no longer wanted to see in the closet. They were depressing me everything I had to get dressed for the day. It was like staring at failure every day. Anyhow, tonight I went though the boxes and sorted out what to give to the Salvation Army, what to sell to Platos Closet and what to give one more try. <BR> <BR> To my delight, I found the sizes ranged from 10-14. Right now, I am a size 16/18 and at 203. (I saw a weight loss this week!) Maybe I will... Mon, 14 Apr 2014 20:48:55 EST Making Small Progress This will be a short blog because I am pretty tired. I just wanted to write real quick on some progress that I am happy about that does not involve the scale. <BR> <BR> So, yesterday I saw I reviewed my nutrition and noticed problem areas. One being Starbucks and other drinks with empty calories. This is actually related to getting decent sleep. If I get decent sleep than I wouldn't want coffee to keep me wake. <em>102</em> Other things I need to work on is increasing protein, eating les... Fri, 11 Apr 2014 22:43:57 EST Just a little bit more... Some people have addiction personalities and I can see I have one. When I am eating junk food like pizza or cookies, I am always saying, "Oh, just one more." Before I know I ate a dozen cookies or a half a pan of pizza. Both things happened this week. <BR> <BR> Than, this morning I was supposed to be getting up to work out before work, and it was just a couple minutes more. Before I knew, I slept in and I had to get my butt moving to eat and out the doors or I'd be late for work. <BR> <BR... Fri, 11 Apr 2014 00:13:36 EST Memory Lane When I started this journey, I was 260 and lost 30 pounds that first summer. I am not sure if I have the ability to shock my body like that again. But, I think I want to try. This got me thinking of what did I do that summer that worked. Here is what I have come up with... <BR> <BR> Committed to 60 minutes of cardio everyday. <BR> Walked alot - sometimes 3 or 4 walks a day. <BR> Tracked my food. <BR> Strength trained three times a week. <BR> Never gave up on myself. <BR> Drank tons of wate... Wed, 9 Apr 2014 23:31:21 EST Lack of Time A few weeks ago, I felt good about running 4 miles consistently a couple times for a few weeks and signed up for the Minneapolis Half Marathon. I decided to take my running outside and did 4 miles. It was hard. Like I could feel the impact on my hips. I eventually got home, very defeated. I haven't ran since. <BR> <BR> Tonight, I was on Facebook and a few of my friends liked my activity of me joining the event. Than, I started to feel like I should attempt to train at least. I couldn't let m... Wed, 9 Apr 2014 01:39:32 EST Americorp For the last year, I have been working as an Americorp VISTA and it ends in June. As part of the program, they pay us at the rate of poverty to help us relate to people we are serving. I guess I never guessed how this program would change me. Tonight I found out different. <BR> <BR> I was scrolling down my Facebook Feed and came along "Watching a guy use his EBT card to buy 2 cases of Mountain Dew at Holiday gas station. Things that make me go hmmmm...." I had a not so nice comment on it bu... Mon, 7 Apr 2014 22:23:27 EST Brunch Plans Thanks everyone for your favorite recipe. Even if I choose to not cook that, it inspires me to try new foods! <em>244</em> This morning my boyfriend's parents are taking me to brunch because it's my birthday. I slaved over the menu and I have decided on 2 eggs, 2 pancakes, and 2 bacon. I think it will be around 500 calories with my rough estimate. <BR> <BR> It really feels good to be back on Yesterday, I had a cinnamon roll with frosting at work and typically I would have... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 11:28:22 EST Need Advice on Obstacles Today I broke down and got internet. A Spark friend/Facebook friend mentioned that having internet may be just as important as a gym for me. I think she is right. I need the online community support. It was what I helped me lose 100 pounds in the first place. I realize I do need that cheerleader and together all of you are a cheerleader for me. <BR> <BR> I am still figuring what exactly what I want and where I want to go. <BR> I DO know I want to be 165 again. <BR> I DO know I want to be ... Sat, 5 Apr 2014 00:49:11 EST Is it June yet? Thank you for giving me some feedback about meeting people. There are classes I would try but my work hours really don't jive with the times they are offered. I work 9:30-6:00 pm. All the classes are done after 6:00 pm. My new Y really caters to the folks that work typical work hours. <BR> <BR> I have tried different things to get fitness into my day - working out in the morning, working out at lunch, working out after work. I find I do not care for the morning or lunch hour workouts. They ... Wed, 2 Apr 2014 21:02:35 EST Feeling lonely... A year ago when I moved to a new city where I knew no one, I knew making friends wouldn't be easy. Almost 9 months later, I still know no one but my co-workers, boyfriend and his family. It's not enough. I need more. <BR> <BR> This town has makes me feel so lonely. I go to the Y and I don't know anyone. It just makes me want to go home. Sometimes it's nice to know someone. Even at work, my co-workers are sarcastic, negative outlook people. I feel I am becoming like them. I hate it. I know I... Sun, 30 Mar 2014 22:00:34 EST I Don't Want To Be A Hero Even through I haven't been on here talking about it, I have been thinking about my body image. When I was at my goal weight, even after losing 100 pounds, I hated my body. When I was on all four, my tummy hung and kinda looked like an extra set of boobs. My skin felt like crepe paper. I even had saggy skin on my breasts. I hated my now ex boyfriend trying to fool around with my breasts. <BR> <BR> I simply did not feel sexy or attractive and was extremely uncomfortable naked. I dove under c... Fri, 28 Mar 2014 21:29:56 EST An Emotional Day Sometimes we wake up and it know it's going to be a tough emotional day. Today is one of them. <BR> <BR> Minutes after I wake up, my boyfriend asked if I watched the Biggest Loser. Than started in talking about how fat people are on there. Than, for the next twenty minutes, he talked about fat and skinny people. All I heard is fat - fat - fat and each time my anxiety went up - up - up. Because I kept internalizing I am fat. Whether I am or not is NOT the point. <BR> <BR> As I am all down ... Sun, 2 Mar 2014 16:28:25 EST Staying connected... I bet you're surprised you're getting a blog notification from me. Don't get too used to it. I have a limited access to internet except at work. I do occasionally use my boyfriend's internet but that is like once every other month. Like today. I wanted to take a quick opportunity to let you know how to get contact with me. <BR> <BR> 1. Personal or sparkmail <BR> 2. Follow my blog at <link> </link> <BR> 3. Facebook <BR> <BR> If you want to stay connected with me... Mon, 3 Feb 2014 17:46:52 EST December Goals Hi all! I have been thinking of how I wanted to write my next blog for a couple days. I've had a lot on my mind and I think I am going to just go with the straight forward touching base approach. <BR> <BR> First of all, the office is the office. There was some more office drama. Everyday I am trying to figure out how to deal with it. I will most likely stay and just deal with it. Learning there is no easy button to life. The sooner I learn this the better. Sounds like I am being tough on mys... Mon, 9 Dec 2013 00:49:53 EST No Rainbows Here! This is not a sunshine and rainbows blog. This is a blog I wrote a few days ago about how I am feeling about my current situation when I wish there was someone to just listen... but I have no internet! <BR> <BR> The last few months I have been really unhappy. I remember being unhappy before I joined the Y where I felt I belonged. At the Y there were a collective group of members and employees that were positive and supportive in everything you do. I have not had that kind of support and lov... Mon, 2 Dec 2013 14:41:44 EST Body Image In the last few weeks, I have reading Food: The Good Girl's Drug by Sunny Sea Gold. I really like this book. If you are struggling with stress or emotional eating, I would recommend it. I found I am not alone in this struggle and it helped me realize I need to get some real, solid help. I can no longer act like this isn't an issue. It is. <BR> <BR> My body image needs help. In the last 5 years, I have been a wide array of sizes - 26, 16, 10 and now 12/14. Each size I remember hating my body... Tue, 19 Nov 2013 13:04:33 EST Do I really want to get back to 160? Before I start this blog, can anyone tell me any shortcuts to get to "Add A Blog Entry". They moved it off the main page and now it takes like 4-6 clicks before I even get to start writing! <em>387</em> <BR> <BR> Moving on... <BR> <BR> I have been giving the number on the scale alot of thought while reading Food: The Good Girl's Drug by Sunny Sea Gold. I really love this book as it gave me some food for thought while being able to relate to it. Anyhow, back to what I was saying, the nu... Sun, 17 Nov 2013 22:19:48 EST What is my identity? This week I have been thinking alot about my identity. It has really changed many times in the last five years when I lost weight. I went to someone that was a reader, overweight girl to a runner, skinny girl. Some of these identities were hard because it meant not fitting in with family or friends anymore. Maybe it also meant being an individual when I am just trying to figure who I want to me. <BR> <BR> Than, this year happened. <BR> <BR> I went from runner, skinny girl to I don't what w... Thu, 14 Nov 2013 18:31:10 EST Tracking Goals Tracking is important. It really can be a helpful tool to see if we are doing well or not. The last couple weeks I seriously fell of the exercise train. I am not exactly sure what happened. One day I was seeing the scale go down day after day than I went out to eat and I threw my motivation out the window. Anyhow, I decided even through my working out hasn't been the most consistent, I decided to see what my average workouts this month were. <BR> <BR> Drum roll please. <BR> <BR> I did 19... Mon, 4 Nov 2013 16:46:53 EST Short & Sweet Sometimes when we focus on what has gone so terribly bad, we forget how we have succeeded. This week it seemed like I fell off the wagon. After my cheat meal, I wasn't as strict with eating. I haven't even exercised since than. But, I have continued to track calories. This is a WIN. It means I am still trying. Tomorrow I hope to start working out again. I may not get my 5 days like the last three weeks. But, I WILL get back on track. I will NOT throw in the towel after a lesson about cheat me... Wed, 23 Oct 2013 20:47:24 EST Cheat Meals I know some people do cheat meals and always have wondered how cheat meals are a component of a lifestyle change. I mean, if one is not on a diet, than who are we really cheating? Ourselves? <BR> <BR> I have been so "good" this week and everything points to it. I have been working out longer and consistent. I am feeling "good" because I have increased my veggies and fruits. I even lost two pounds this week. <BR> <BR> Feeling good about me, I thought I'd give this whole cheat meal concept a... Sun, 20 Oct 2013 19:11:09 EST Support Everyone comes to SparkPeople for all kinds of needs. Typically, we have part of the pie but other parts were missing. For me, I feel support and encouragement was missing from my life in order to make my journey successful. I joined SparkPeople and BAM! I lost weight with the encouragement and support found on this site. Basically, SparkPeople (you guys and gals) believed in me when I no longer could. <BR> <BR> After a bad relationship that tore down my self esteem, I am starting to find m... Fri, 18 Oct 2013 01:37:55 EST Making Strides (no pun intended!) Sometimes I get really sucked into numbers. Tonight would be one of those times, lol. But, than again, those same number show me I AM doing a rocking job. I have worked out five days and tracked everyday for the last seven days. The last three days I have stayed in range! <em>244</em> Now tracking doesn't seem like a big deal but it IS! Tracking feels so tedious. But, I am doing it. Because I know Sparkpeople works and this weight has to GO! <BR> <BR> Even more so, I am super proud of ho... Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:49:02 EST I am BACK! For the first time in over a year, I feel like I am BACK. Now, if you are reading my blog for the first time, you might be wondering, "Well, where did she go?" I guess I have always been around but not really attending. I feel like I have not been excited about too many things in my life like I was stuck in a coma. I would peek but than I would go back to feeling nothing and showing no emotion. If you have through any abusive relationship, I am sure you understand you just start to shut down ... Sat, 12 Oct 2013 01:45:07 EST