TACDGB's SparkPeople Blog

Getting off my chest

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 23:15:15 EST

Today has been one of those day...... So now I need to get it off my chest. I always feel better when I do. I have had lots of good things happen today. I love having girl moments so I got dressed for work........really looking like a girl...pink and all. I had a real healthy breakfast. I spent some quality time with Jesus.........and read my prayer book. I had a nice walk to work. The kids at church had so much fun playing with the new play dough. They had requested some so at home ...

A goal is.......

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 22:57:45 EST

A goal without a plan is just a wish......I do know that. I have wished for so many things in my life. I wished to become a mom. I took my wish gave it a plan had a goal then found out through a fertility doctor that my body doesn''t make babies. For years I wished I was not fat. I wished and wished I could find the magic pill or cure to be thin. Then I asked God to help me. He did as He found Sparkspeople for me. He also helped me with my emotional eating. He gave me a love for exer...

Rambling on...about my life.

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 23:28:41 EST

I can tell as I am sitting here that I could very easily eat my way through the kitchen. So because of that I thought I'd ramble on about my life these days. Yesterday I was able to go to weight lifting class. Loved it........missed it. Love doing those dead squats. It felt so good to get back to it. Having that pinched nerve in my lower back was painful and no fun. It made it hard to sleep and to get around. It put all of my workouts on hold. And because of that I got a little depre...

Missing it........not the Pain

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:18:57 EST

I sit here in pain as I pinched a nerve in my lower back. When I think about the pain I am reminded of how much I miss my workouts. I have not been able to walk very far. I walked through walmart today and came home in pain. I have not been able to go to weight lifting class either...........Miss that so very much. In this pain I do know it's about taking care of myself. I have been putting ice on my back to help it improve. 2 friends have given me some pain medications to help. Anoth...

Amazing Life..........But

Fri, 8 Mar 2013 21:42:14 EST

As I was doing dishes I was thinking about my life. God's allowed me some amazing adventures. I got to take a 10 day bus trip to California to see a friend. I loved walking up the hills in San Fransisco. I loved seeing Fishermans Warf. I took a train trip. Riding through West Glacier was so PRETTY..........WOW God made a pretty place. I had a 4 day motorcycle trip with Dennis. We had such a good time even tho his ice chest fell off his bike trailer and we dented the ice chest. Bei...

My Mantra......

Tue, 5 Mar 2013 21:33:03 EST

As I sit here I think about wanting some chocolate. But my mantra about this is "Chocolate won't heal the pain"....! I have had a super busy day. I love those kind of days. Always have and always will. I have always loved being busy. This morning I had a morning staff meeting for my job. After that I had a therapy session. Then after that Dennis came to the house to have lunch.........then we had a play date. We went to look for some maps for a motorcycle ride he is planning, then ...

Pain/Eat...Deal With It....

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 23:32:55 EST

As I sit here I realize how much pain I am in. My arthritis in my left knee hurts. My psoriasis hurts and I emotionally hurt. Through out my life I have had to deal with pain. Most of it being emotional. Now as I sit here in this pain I am dealing with it by writing about it. This is a new page in my life. In my past I did not deal with it this way. When I would get in a BIG fight with my ex hubby I would go and find something to eat. As a child when my father would come into my bedr...

vitamin D

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 16:02:05 EST

I do know that vitamin D is the sunshine vitamin. I do know that it is so good for me. I was making sugar cookies for the kids for tomorrow and I saw the sun out my window. It was calling my name. So when I got the cookies all done I put my walking shoes on. Being out in the sunshine felt so good. I do know that emotionally I was not doing so well so the sunshine was what I needed as it helps me have a sunny attitude. As I was walking along I was chatting some with Jesus. He's my walki...

Emotionally Tough

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 00:16:04 EST

I just finished watching a romantic comedy. I thought about my life of today and I cried as I watched this movie. For me that is a good thing. I have come a long way. In my past I would of cried as I ate my Ben and Jerry's. I would of watched the whole movie with a HUGH bag of m&m's but not tonight. I just sat through the movie cried and ate nothing. Being an emotionally eater this is a big step for me. I am do dang proud of myself for this. I must admit I am proud of me for today. ...

Ramblings, thoughts and other stuff

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 23:16:24 EST

WOW.........she writes a lot of blogs. Well yes I do I figure it's better for being known for this than being known for eating every thing I see. I have always been one to write from my heart so today is no exception.
Now today is valentines day. I do that lots of people are celebrating it. And me.........well I am not at this moment. My friend Geri came over the other night with some dark chocolate and a homemade card. Then tomorrow Dennis is suppose to come down so we can g...

Sometimes U Just

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 00:33:46 EST

Sometimes you just need to write from your heart before you blow up,eat your way through the kitchen or SCREAM............!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I am going to write about my today.....or life in general. These days I feel so frustrated by somethings in my life I can't change. I am so tired of fighting for what I believe in is right. I had a fight with Samsung about my Media Player. I lost the fight........Just makes me so MAD.........! I am so tired of the whole thing. I am tired of struggli...

WOW

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 23:55:02 EST

WOW.........that's the only way I can explain today. As I sit here writing this I can feel the stress of today. I must admit that I don't handle stress very well. I never have. I tried to relax by taking a candle lit bubble bath. While I soaked in the tub I chatted with God. I was hoping that would help. I do know I was able to get things off my chest and I needed to do that. I do know that stress makes me tired and I am that. I must admit I am also tired of fighting for things I be...

Love Hate Relationship With Life.........

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 22:26:34 EST

I realize that I like many other people have a love hate relationship with life. I love eating healthy but I hate brussel sprouts. Glad I don't have to eat them. I love God's amazing creation but I hate winter. I hate walking where it is slick outside. I hate feeling closed in as I have cabin fever. I love summer. Love spending time outside walking, riding Dennis's motorcycle and going camping. I love positive relationships but I hate the one with my sister and she's not willing to w...

New Day New Thoughts...........

Sun, 20 Jan 2013 09:13:12 EST

I just finished spending time with Jesus. My message from him was this. Can a mother forget the baby she has born and have no compassion for her.....? Thought she may forget I will never forget you..........I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. So after yesterday I so do need this message. When I am given words of wisdom I so do like remembering them and using them. I think about all the people who have said that I am too skinny. I also am reminded of what my therapist told me...

Birthday Meltdown

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 19:55:47 EST

Usually on your birthday the only things that melt are the candles on your cake or the ice cream that has set too long. So not true in my case. Today is my birthday. And the only thing that has melted is me. I am having an emotional melt down. I am melting faster than the candles on my cake or the ice cream on my plate. Oh wait a minute I didn't have a cake. Oh I forgot there was no ice cream. Yes I am doing my very best to live a healthy life style so I am ok with no cake or ice crea...

My Love Life Has Changed

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 19:49:50 EST

I have come to realize that my love life has changed. In my past I was in love with M&M's and 2 guys named Ben and Jerry's. I loved the way they made me feel while I was with them. But I didn't like the way I looked or felt after. So I ended our love affair. I now have several new loves in my life. I found a new love just today. And his name is deadlift squats. We did those for the first time at weight lifting class. This is a new love that I want to get closer to and spent more tim...

More Than That.

Tue, 8 Jan 2013 15:41:36 EST

I am such a hugh fan of the Biggest Loser. While most people see that as overweight people trying to get skinny or lose weight I see more than that. I see people with emotional issues that cause the weight gain. Emotionally the issues keep them stuck. They can't be the real person they are designed to be. It causes them to eat from hurts, wounds and what negative comments they tell them selves. I do know that the negative stuff can cause you to be stuck or you can change your thinking a...

The Choices...

Sun, 6 Jan 2013 01:13:28 EST

The motto 'The choices we make for the life that we live" is so true for my life. I am thinking about that right now as I sit here writing this. I am sucking on a sugar free hard candy. I came home from my friend Geri's and I am so unhappy and upset about something in my life that I could just eat. But no instead I choose a sugar free candy to suck on instead. Such a better choice. This reminds me of many choices I have made. These choices have made me a healthier better person. The...

New Year New Me...........

Tue, 1 Jan 2013 13:49:20 EST

As I sit here thinking about 2013 I am reminded of how I feel. In the past I always dreaded the coming new year. It was due to the fact I was in a really UNHAPPY marriage. But since my divorce I have become such a happier person. So today I feel so much happier. I so do like that. I do know that because of how I feel it has translated into me taking so much better care of myself. I got up this morning and ate a healthy breakfast. I had my date with my treadmill. I got a Happy New Ye...

Much to do about nothing.

Sun, 30 Dec 2012 16:31:30 EST

Today feels like a "Much to do about nothing" kind of day. So what do I mean about that. Well.......it's like this. It feels like a "STRANGE" day. I was walking down to work and when I got close I didn't see any cars parked in front of the church. So I thought to myself "is it Sunday"....? When I found the church doors open I felt ok that it was. I went and got things ready for the kids. When it was time for them to come I had no one. I thought is this going to be a day where I have...

Interesting Day...

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 19:50:28 EST

I woke up this morning feeling so FRUSTRATED..........! My mind kept going back to yesterday (Christmas day). I kept thinking about the people in my life who gave me a "HAVE TO" Christmas present. My sister for example gave me used torn yard sale stuff. You might say well that is all that she can afford. Well I do know better as I use to be her money manager as she wanted me to do that until she got married. I do know that she can afford a nice inexpensive gift. Something that comes fr...

Happy Birthday Jesus..........Blessed...upset and all.

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:26:02 EST

I do know that Jesus has a birthday coming up. I do know that I happy about that. I plan on celebrating His birthday. So you'd think knowing that I'd be a happy camper. Well....I do know that He loves me....He's blessed me with good things. I went out to Christmas lunch with Dennis then we went to Big R and he bought me a "Cool" cross necklace for my up coming birthday next month. I love it so much as it is so pretty. Jesus has blessed me with good health. That feels so good too. So ...

Therapy in print.....

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 09:07:48 EST

As a child I was not allowed to express my feelings. But when I became an adult that all changed. I said I was going to express how I felt. I knew that getting it off my chest was so theraputic for me. I know now that is the right thing to do. In my last blog I wrote I needed someone to listen. Well about 10:30 last night I talked to Dennis on the phone. He's my best bud and we have been through the good the bad and the ugly of life. Sounds like a movie title who'd of thought............

?????!!! I Need

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 00:25:40 EST

I have had people call me "Chatty Cathy". When I was a little girl there was a Chatty Cathy doll that when you pulled the string on her neck she would talk non stop. Sometimes I do that. I guess I just have a lot to say. Or genetics as my dad and his brother talked a lot too. I do know that I have been told that I am a good listener. A good trait I think. Now at this moment I sure could someone to listen to me. I need someone to listen to me when............my heart hurts....when pai...

Page 4488 Chapter 4

Fri, 23 Nov 2012 21:44:24 EST

I was told by several people that I should write a book about my life. Some of those people have said "You've been through a lot". Well yes I have......... So I have been working on getting all the negativity out of my life. One person, one negative thought and one bad eating habit at a time. It's like cleaning the junk out of my life. Well today has been one of those days were I feel in what I call a "bad head space". This morning I thought I was going to have a melt down. I didn't.....

never been but.........now

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 23:54:36 EST

Here I am again. I said I would write when I wanted to eat and didn't need to. I have mentioned in several blogs about my tough life........abusive childhood and rotten marriage. Through all of this I have not really been angry about any of it. I have been frustrated, hurt,lonely, hopeless and sad. But right now I do feel angry. Angry about the things in my life I can not change that have happened to me. Things I had no control over. I can tell that my anger is coming out in wanting t...

Off To Bed.........Thinking

Sun, 11 Nov 2012 00:36:35 EST

I am off to bed. I have work to get to in the morning. While I am sitting here I am reminded how far I have come in this life. Also how far I have to go. For me life is about a journey. A jouney of ups and downs. To be honest have had a lot of those. And everytime I have fallen down God has picked me up and I have gone on again. Thanks Jesus for that.......! I do know my self esteem is so much better. I like that. But I do know that I have room to grow in that area. In my past I ...

Drip...drip....drip....grumpy.........ok

Fri, 26 Oct 2012 12:57:37 EST

As I sit here listening to my music.........love music it is so much a part of my life I also hear it raining. Now I do know that we sure can use the rain but it makes me grumpy and down in the dumps a little. So I thought it was a good time to write about my day so far. I made this pact with myself that I was not going to eat any chocolate for 3 weeks and so far I am right on track. I decided that I am going to treat myself with a small gift for a job well done. So on November 1st I a...

Raw Emotions

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 01:00:45 EST

When you eat right and work out most people will tell you that it's about loosing weight and nothing more. Well I am here to tell you that it is about so much more than that. I have learned that it is about raw emotions too. I have had so many of those experiances. One morning I was standing on my porch as I had just finished my morning run. I was so excited that it went so well that I was praising Je...

Talking in Circles........Living the Same.

Sat, 13 Oct 2012 22:53:20 EST

Some times in life I catch myself talking in circles. I just go around and around about the same thing. How silly...! Now sometimes I live my life just going around in circles and yesterday felt that way. I spent more time at Wal*Mart than I did at home. I hadn't planned that either. When I was there clothes shopping my cell phone went off and it was Dennis. He was coming down to do somethings for me. So I waited at Wal*Mart for him as he neede to buy fish food. While I waited I rem...

Promise I made to myself

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 00:42:14 EST

I made a couple of promises to myself that I am going to try real hard to keep. One is to journal when I need to so that is what I am doing. The other is to take care of myself and especially when I have a bad day where my rotten childhood come up and bites me in the butt. Now today has been one of those days. So I am here to journal about my today. It started last night when I didn't sleep so well. I had a f...

Am I

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 00:09:42 EST

Am I is the question? I think about this question. Am I doing what I need to be doing to live a healthy life style...........? Am I eating right.........? And what is right for me........? Right for me is eating very limited processed foods. I do eat peanut butter, ketchup and fat free mayonaise. Those are the only processed foods I eat. So in that respect I am eating right. Am I eating a low sugar low fat low salt diet...? Well I am trying to do that. I do struggle with the sugar s...

Life????????

Wed, 29 Aug 2012 21:44:34 EST

Sometimes life can be such a blessing. Then there are other times it can be such a pain. Now today life feels like such a pain. Financially I am struggling. But I must admit there are blessings in this too. I am financially living on living expences only except for 1 small credit card bill (don't owe much) and that is the only bill I have that I can pay off. Can't pay off montly living expences. It feels so good to be in that place. But on the other side of the coin living on such a t...

Missed But Blessed

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 00:03:31 EST

I made this promise to myself to write from my heart when I needed to so here goes. I do know in my life I have several things I have missed. I missed getting the love of a family. When you've been abused it just isn't there. I missed the love of a man. When you've been in a bad marriage the love just doesn't exist. So as I sit here I am so needing some of those things. But I do know on the other hand that I have things I have been blessed with. I have been blessed with good physcial ...

2 new sets of tires.

Sat, 28 Jul 2012 01:06:04 EST

I went tire shopping today. When you hear that you think "oh she bought new tires for her car". Well..........no not exactly. I went to Big 5 and bought me 2 new pair of summer walking shoes. You see I don't drive ( bad driver) and my feet take me where ever I want to go. When I was trying on shoes and the salesman saw my old ones he said "Wow those are in bad shape and how old are they"? I said 2 months and he said "WOW really". I told him that I put as many miles on a pair of shoes i...

The Big Picture

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 19:10:23 EST

I went shopping with a friend today. She is one of my friends who has not made an issue about my weight. She just accepts me as I am. I am so grateful for that. So while we were out shopping I ran into a lady I have known for years........we grew up together. Now when I saw her she made issue about my weight. Her comment was "You're getting too skinny'........! When I heard her say that I realized one thing. People only see the body size and don't see big picture. So when she said t...

learning how to

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 00:42:41 EST

I am learning how to deal with my emotions without eating my way through them. As an emotional eater that can be tough. Now today I have been so grouchy. Part due to having PMS. Another part is there are things in my life that make me so unhappy that it makes me grouchy. I have landloard issues, a friend who's not acting like a friend and taking advantage of me and relationship issues with another friend. With all of this going on I can see why I am grumpy. Through all of this I have b...

Venting Frustrations..........!

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 00:33:35 EST

I made a promise to myself that I would write down my feelings when I am upset so I don't eat instead. For me writing is such a better choice. I feel so good about doing this. It helps me to get it off my chest. Today I have had some challenges. I believe that challenges aren't a bad thing it is all about how you handle them. I had come home from work today and found an evitction notice on my front door from my landloard. He said I was in violation of the trailer park rules because I h...

I surprise myself..........

Tue, 5 Jun 2012 00:10:01 EST

I am finding in this life style journey that I surprise myself. I have been able to do things I thought I never could. I never thought I'd be able to walk 10 miles and I have done that 2 different times. I never thought I'd give up those m&m's but I have. And to find I like my clean eating life style surprise me the most. I can tell that each day surprises me in what I am able to do. Take today for instance. I was at weight lifting class and I was able to go up 2 1/2 lbs. in doing bice...

Negative into Positive

Tue, 29 May 2012 00:04:39 EST

I do know on this journey to better physical health we can have a negative attitude about things. We can say " I should of not eaten that " so I am a bad person" or we can say " I should of ran a little faster". It can be all about what we could of done better. I am always trying to change my negative thinking into positive thinking. For me it's all about what I am doing that is positive. When I think about that I think about my 3 miles of cardio today. I was out and I saw this guy abou...

Heart one place mind another

Sat, 26 May 2012 23:54:31 EST

I do know that my mind and heart or emotions have not been on the same page today. My mind wanted to eat right. I made chicken and veggie soup in the crockpot. I also made cevche (a clam and veggie meal). I made sure I ate enough protein as I struggle with that. My mind also wanted to workout some so I walked on the walk track 3 laps with the neighbor lady. I feel pretty good about all of that. Now my heart or emotions had other ideas. I could of very easily eaten my way through the k...

Rambling on in a good way.

Thu, 10 May 2012 00:41:42 EST

In my past when I had an unusual or emotional challenging day I would ramble my way through the kitchen. I was looking for anything and everything to eat. I didn't care what went into my mouth. I did reach for carbs to consume or lots of peanut butter. If that didn't do the trick I would go to the store for some ice cream or m&m's. Well in my life of today I do things different. Take today for an example. It was one of those unusual or emotionally challenging days. I did I ramble my w...

Amazingly Good Day

Mon, 7 May 2012 00:23:15 EST

I am here to write about my amazingly good day. I told myself that I would keep up on my blogs. I still believe that writing is so good for me. Last week it rained a lot and my joints hurt. Now today it was so sunny out that I got my lawn chair out and soaked up some sun. The sunshine is so good for my mental health. It helps me have a sunnier attitude and I like that. I had a mostly lazy day. No working out for me today. Now is that a bad thing? Well..........no as it is my day off...

SCREAM.............!

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 18:50:30 EST

I have moments in my life where I just want to SCREAM..........! For me it's been my way of releasing the pent up feelings I have. I remember in my past when I was a preschool teacher the boss lady would be her irritating self and I would excuse my self from class, go out to the back play yard and let out a BIG SCREAM................! I would come back in feeling so much better. Now today is one of those SCREAM moments. A moment where I have had it with something in my life. I do know t...

What doesn't kill u.........

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 17:27:17 EST

When I was overweight I didn't just pack around extra weight I also packed around a boat load of excuses to go with the added weight. Anything from I can eat that because I am fat anyway or it is ok to eat that I don't feel good. When I was fat the excuses came natural. I was 60 lbs. over weight with 60 lbs. of excuses. But when I lost the weight I also found that that I lost the excuses too. Take today for an example. It has rained all day. My joints hurt. I have not let that stop me....

You've come along way baby........

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 23:31:15 EST

When I was a kid there was a commercial that said "You've come a long way baby". Well in this journey called life I do know that's true for me. Some days I am really amazed how much I have changed my body for the better. All of my adult life I have been overweight and on this 5 ft 3 inch frame that is not good. My overweight size came with asthma and poor self esteem (childhood abuse didn't help either). At my highest weight (182) I was a size 16. That's a lot of weight to pack on a sm...

I Told Myself..........

Sun, 1 Apr 2012 23:41:06 EST

On this journey of good physical health I told myself that I would write when I felt the need to. In my past I would eat through my emotions but now I write instead. I feel so proud of myself for writing instead of eating. It's a much better healthier choice.
The last 3 days sure have been emotionally interesting. Friday was a really good day for me. I walked to town to go to work and put in some time. I work at nursery so I wanted to get things ready for the month of April for t...

Selfish

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 15:16:02 EST

In my life I have always had someone tell me how to live my life. They act like they know what is best for me. In this journey to better physical health that has been no exception. I have had people tell me that I am selfish for looking out for my physical health. But if I am suppose to love my neighbor as myself (like God says I should) then taking care of me is not selfish. So to those who think I am being selfish I want to share my life with you. Now today I did something nice for my...

letter from a friend

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 04:01:08 EST

Dear Terri:
I am here to tell you what is on my heart. I do know that you have been through a lot in life. I am sure that your abuisve childhood was not pleasant. I also know that your bad marriage was no fun either. I do know that your walk through life has been a painful road to travel. But I am here to tell you that I am so proud of you for all the hard work you have done to get to a happier healthier place. I do know that all those years of therapy was hard work. I am ...

doing what is best for me......

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 22:17:33 EST

I have come to realize that I need to do what is best for me. I have learned that me and Jesus get to decide that. In my life people always try to tell me how to live my life. Well have they walked down my road.........Well no...........they haven't. So they have no idea of where I have traveled. So in this journey called life I put one foot in front of the other each day. Now some days I plant my feet firmly on the ground and make positive strides. While other days I try and put one ...