SUNSHINEGIRL311's SparkPeople Blog SUNSHINEGIRL311's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I'm back Hi everyone, <BR> <BR> I know it has been a long time since you have heard rom me. I need to take some time for myself. Well I did that and I am happy to report that I am doing much better. I started college in September. emotionally I still have my ups and downs but I am doing a lot better then I was before. Well I hope everyone is doing well. Sat, 15 Feb 2014 21:25:12 EST won't be on for awhile hi everyone, <BR> <BR> Just wanted to let you all know that I won't be on for awhile.I am deal with a lot right now and I need to take sometime for me and take care of myself. I am not sure when I will be back. I just wanted to thank all of you for your support and encouragement. You have no idea how much it means to me. I wish you all the best. take care <BR> <BR> Tanya Sun, 7 Jul 2013 13:57:58 EST very worried and stressed and scared Hi everyone, <BR> Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile but a lot has been going on with me. I am still trying to find the right medication that works for me. I know that it is a process before you get the right medication that works but at the same time it is frustrating I just want to feel better. On top of that I went to the emergency on June 19th because I was having a very bad pain in my side around where my ribs are on the right side. The did an ct scan and ran blood test. When I went it wa... Fri, 28 Jun 2013 01:09:15 EST May 14th 2013 Hi everyone today was better weather wise. Mood wise it was better then yesterday but still not a good as I would like it to be. Sometimes I am not sure if this is the right medication for me. Don't get me wrong I feel better then I did but I am still feeling low and sad etc. So I don't know if it the right one. I also been having a craving for chocolate the past few days. I want it sooooooooo badly but I know if I give in that will be the end of it. Hope everyone had a great day. Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:09:17 EST june 13th 2013 Today was another rainy day. Once again I didn't do much. I hate it when we have blah weather it makes me feel the same way. I am hoping that tomarrow will be better. Sorry don't know what else to say. Thu, 13 Jun 2013 19:02:52 EST june 11 th 2013 Today was not a good day for me. I was feeling depressed and I didn't want to get out of bed. So I spent the whole day inside once again. I didn't do much just watched tv and spent time on the computer. It iwas a very unproductive day. I also ate a whole bunch of juck food which wasn't the best decision. I feel horrible now. I wish I never gave into my cravings. hopefully things will be better tomarrow. Tue, 11 Jun 2013 20:39:30 EST June 10th 2013 Today was a pretty good day. I had an appointment with my counsellor today. It was the first appointment I had since I found out that things will be ending in August. To be honest I am still upset about the whole thing. We talked about how I was feeling which helped a little bit. It was raining all day here which really sucked. Mon, 10 Jun 2013 22:05:44 EST june 9th 2013 Today was an okay day I didn't do much. At least I didn't feel really depressed like before. I think the medication is finally starting to work. I am a bit disappointed that I didn't go outside today. The sun was shinning it looked like a really nice day. Well we are starting a new week. Lets up this week is better then last week. Hope everyone has a great week ahead. Sun, 9 Jun 2013 15:52:58 EST June 7th 2013 |It was hard for me to et out of bed this morning. I just wanted to hide under the covers. Finally around 10:30 am I managed to get out of bed. I got myself ready and went to a mental health drop in that I go to. The weather wasn't all the great today it was cold and it rained a lot. Besides all that my day was pretty uneventful. tonight I am going to relax and watch a good movie. Hope everyone had a great day. <BR> <BR> Tanya <em>30</em> Fri, 7 Jun 2013 19:05:08 EST June 6 th 2013 Hi everyone I just got out of the hospital today. I am feeling much better. I am finally on the right medication that works. It is so good to be back at home. I am going to try and take things one day at a time. How is everyone doing? I missed everyone one. hope you all are doing well. <BR> <BR> sunshine Thu, 6 Jun 2013 18:47:08 EST May 24th Hi everyone things are still the same nothing has really changed. I still very stressed out and depressed. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am going to be gone for awhile. I am going to go back to the hospital I can't take the way I am feeling and its not getting any better. My friend is on here way and she is going to take me. Fri, 24 May 2013 20:08:46 EST Aprill 22nd Today really sucked. I am still dealing with the shock and upset feelings of losing my counsellor. I don't know what I am going to do. I am even more upset at people who think I should just get over it. I have built a very good relationship with this person. Honestly thought I could let my guard down and be myself. Once again I got slaped in the face. This is just making me feel worse. It's hard enogh being depressed but to have this on top of it it's worse I feel like I am all alone I can't ... Wed, 22 May 2013 21:31:51 EST May 21 2013 I am so upset and pissed off. I can't believe this is happening I am so frusturated. I went to my counselling appointment. I have been with this counsellor for a few years and today I was told that changes are being made and as of September I no longer have counselling. This is the lst thing that I need to be dealing with. It's like ane bad thing after another when is it going to end. What is going to happen next I can't deal with this. I am so upset. Tue, 21 May 2013 17:49:17 EST may 18 th Thanks everyone for the suggestions on my previous blog. I managed to get out side a little bit today. I had to do some grocery shopping so I didn't really have a choice. Besides that my day has been pretty much the same as the last few days. Still hanging in there and wanting the medication to start working. I think I am going to watch a movie tonight to try and get my mind of things. How is everyone's weekend going? <BR> <BR> Tanya Sun, 19 May 2013 17:52:25 EST May 18th 2013 Today was pretty much the same as my last few days. I am tired of feeling this way. I just want the medication to hurry up and start working. I don't know what to do everything seems so hard right now. I can't go on like this. There has to be a better way. I am so frusturated I hate this I really really do. Sat, 18 May 2013 18:10:42 EST may 17th 2013 Hi everyone, <BR> Sorry I havn't been posting it has been a rough couple of days for me. I hate it when i feel like this. All I want to do is stay in bed under the covers. everything seems like a task. I just want this depression to go away. I am sooooooo tired emotionally. I want to thank evdryone for all the support you have been giving me it means alot Fri, 17 May 2013 21:11:49 EST April 14th 2013 Today was not a good day for me. I am still feeling very depressed. I did get new medication but I was told that it can take 2 to 6 weeks before I start feeling better. I feel so down. I just wish that this depression would go away. Thank you everyone for all of your support you have no idea how much it had meant to me. <BR> <BR> Tanya Tue, 14 May 2013 19:51:25 EST I was in the hospital Hi everyone, <BR> <BR> Sorry I didn't mean to worry you. I was in the hospital. My depression was really bad and I called a friend and told her that I didn't want to be here anymore. She got worried and call 911 and I was admitted into the hospital. I am feel a bit better now. I still am feeling depressed but I don't have suicidal feelings anymore. A lot is going on in my life right now. I am feeling very overwhelmed. I am just trying to take this one day at a time. I guess the good news is ... Mon, 13 May 2013 19:43:14 EST may 2nd I don't know what to do anymore my depression is getting worse as the day go by. I feel like no will listen to me. How do I get the help that I need? I just want all of this to end. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I know I keep saying that but it is true. I am emotionally drained and I don't know how much more I can take. I can't deal with thease deep feelings of self hatred as well as sadness. I am so close to just giving up and not caring anymore. Thu, 2 May 2013 16:44:49 EST my psychiarist appointment I just got back from my psychiatrist appointment. I am so frustrated and angry. He doesn't get it. Why won't he listen to me. I am getting worse and no one seems to care. I need help why won't anyone listen to me. What do I have to do to make them listen. Do I need to start cutting myself or overdose on pills to make them listen to me? I am getting worse and no one cares. I just want help I don't want to feel like this anymore. I can't even get a new psychiatrist because there is a waiting li... Wed, 1 May 2013 13:34:45 EST April 30th 2013 Hi everyone, <BR> <BR> Today was a little better emotionally. I managed to get out of bed. I am still feeling pretty down though. tomorrow I see my psychiatrist I am hoping he will listen to me once and for all. I have been telling him for awhile now that my medication is not working. I hate feeling like this. I went to see my counsellor today. We had a good appointment. At least he listens to me. I feel like he is the only one that does. I am thinking about joining herbal magic. I went to a... Tue, 30 Apr 2013 21:15:29 EST April 29th 2013 I had another dull day today. I feel like my depression is getting worse. I don't feel like doing anything. All I want to do is stay in bed under the covers which is what I did for about half the day. The other have I managed to make my self a nice lunch and Dinner. For lunch I had a salad some 40z of tuna and half a mango. For dinner I made myself chicken fajitas. I have to say they were good. I managed to do the dishes after dinner and now I am blogging. I wish this depression would just go... Mon, 29 Apr 2013 20:15:34 EST April 28th 2013 Hi everyone, <BR> I hope everyone had a great weekend. My weekend was okay nothing really exciting happened. I am pleased that I was able to meet this weeks goals of eating more fruits and vegetables and not ordering out. I am still frustrated about my limited mobility. Emotionally I am still feeling bad. I had a lazy day today I didn't do much just took it easy. I am hoping that this week will be a better week. My goal is to continue to eat more fruits and vegetables and continue not to orde... Sun, 28 Apr 2013 19:38:04 EST april 26th It has been a week since I have not ordered out. The weather was good today. I am still feeling pretty down. Didn't really get much done today. I am trying to hang on until my doctors appointment on Wednesday. Hope everyone has a good night. Fri, 26 Apr 2013 20:14:55 EST april 24 th Well I don't have much to say today. I feel the same as I did yesterday. I am just really frusturated. The sun was out today but It was very windy. I honestly don't know how much more of feeling like this I can take. I am so tried emotionally. I just want everything to end. Thu, 25 Apr 2013 16:01:44 EST april 24th 2013 Today was a bad day for me . I was really depressed. I feel so empty inside and it hurts so bad. I don't know what to do anymore. I try so hard to make my self feel better and nothing changes. I am tired of feeling sad all the time. I feel liks such a failure. I just want to fit in and belong some where. No matter where I go I feel like an outcast. All I want to do is hide under the covers. Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:28:39 EST April 23rd 2013 Today is exactly six months since I ruptured my Achilles tendon. it is so frustrating that it is still not held. I can't walk for long periods of time, I can stand for no longer then 10 minutes if that, I can't go up and down the stairs, I have to walk with a cane, when doing dishes or cooking I have to do it in stages cause I can't do it all at once. urggggggggggggggggggg it is so frustrating I hate this. I am in pain a lot of the time. When will this end? Tue, 23 Apr 2013 18:00:27 EST Aprill 22nd Today Is very cold here. I want summer to come so badly. I don't like the cold weather. Mood wise today wasn't a good day I can't wait until May 1st when I see my psychiatrist. I jus5t hope he is willing to help me if not I don't know what I am going to do. I feel like I am slipping deeper and deeper into a depression as the days go by. I miss my niece and nephew so much. I kind of miss my mom to believe it or not. I wish I could have my family back in my life again. But I know that I can't b... Mon, 22 Apr 2013 17:24:13 EST April 21st 2013 Hi everyone, <BR> <BR> I am a little late today. Today was cold weather wise. At least the sun was shinning though. I ended up watching my movie last night. it was a good movie. My day wasn't that great. I am glad that I got my taxes done though. I am still feeling down. I see my psychiatrist on May first, hopefully he will listen to me this time when I tell him that the medication isn't working anymore. It has been two week since I have been blogging everyday and drinking ten cups of wate... Sun, 21 Apr 2013 19:12:57 EST april 20th 2013 Today is another dull day there is no rain but it is very winding and freezing cold outside. My mood is also low today. I don't have a lot of energy to do anything. I just want to stay under the covers. some days I feel okay and other days like today I feel like crap. I didn't end up watching that movie last night. I ended up failing a sleep early. Hopfully tonight I can watch it. Well there really isn't much else to say I just feell really down. I'm tired of having to deal with depression a... Sat, 20 Apr 2013 16:06:01 EST April 19th Hi everyone, <BR> The weather here today was rainy with very high winds. I didn't do much again today. I was feeling very low today. I managed to get some cleaning around my apartment done though. I have also been trying to fight a craving for swiss chalet. I want to order ou so bad. But I know that I can't. I hope we have better weather tomorrow. well I hope everyone is having a good evening. I think I am go to watch a movie tonight. I let you know which one I watched tomarrow. Fri, 19 Apr 2013 19:00:04 EST April18th 2013 Hi everyone hope everyone is having a good day. Today was another sunny day here. There was some rain as well. As for my day it was okay nothing exciting happened. Didn't really accomplish a lot today. I am going to have a chicken ceaser salad for dinner tonight. there really isn't muich else. I hope everyone has a good night. Thu, 18 Apr 2013 16:06:49 EST april 17th 2013 Today was a beautiful day weather wise. The sun was shinning and it was nice and warm. I hope we are starting to get the warm weather and wither can leave. I went to an information session for a course that I will be taking in September. I got accepted the community development work program at Centennial College. I was embarrassed because the room number that was given to me was the wrong room number. So here I am sitting in the room waiting for the session to start and all of a sudden the ... Wed, 17 Apr 2013 18:12:39 EST i did it again I am very disappointed in myself I ordered out today. I don't know what is wrong with me. I know that I shouldn't be doing it but I still did. I had my appointment with my counsellor today and once again it was very emotional. When I got home all I wanted to do was to stuff the feeling I was experiencing with food. So I called up boston pizza and ordered out. Now I feel even worse. I feel guily for ordering take out plus I am still emotional form my appointment. Whats wrong with me? why can't... Tue, 16 Apr 2013 17:33:59 EST April 15th s013 The weather was much nicer today. The sun was out it was a bit chilly but defiantly better the yesterday. I went to physio therapy today. The soup that I made yesterday turned out really good. It has been two days with no take out. that may not seem like a lot but for me it is. Especially since I have been ordering takeout almost every day for the past little while. My mood was low today. I miss my niece and nephew. I wish things were different with my family situation. Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:37:30 EST April 14th 2013 Today has been a very blah day for me. It is very dull looking outside. I didn't get to do much today. I was in a lot of pain with my leg. So today was a take it easy kind of day. I just watch some tv, went on the computer and relaxed. even though I didn't get much accomplished today was preety good day. well I am going to go make some soup for dinner I will let you know how it turns out tomarrow. Sun, 14 Apr 2013 15:59:38 EST April 13th 2013 Today was a rainy day here so I was inside for most of the day. Last weekend I left a comment on my blog that my goal for this week was to blog everyday and drink ten glasses of water a day. Well I have been blogging everyday and I drank 10 glasses of water everyday except two. The first day I was less the 10 and today I drank 11 glasses so far. I am still feeling pretty low. I think I need a new psychiatrist. To be honest I find the one that I have now very intimidating and he is not very... Sat, 13 Apr 2013 20:21:08 EST april 12 2013 today was disappointing for me I weighed myself and realized that I gained weight. To be honest I haven't weighed my self in awhile. I feel discouraged. I know it is harder for me to lose weight because of my injury. But it is frusturating that I am gaining weight. I weigh 283 pounds that is so embarrassing. It is the most I have ever weighed. I wish I can get myself to stop orering out. I don't know what is wrong with me I know that it is bad but I still do it. I feel so depressed I just wa... Fri, 12 Apr 2013 16:42:14 EST depressed I cant do this anymore. I feel so depressed. I have tried to reach out to my supportsw and they won't listen to me. I honestly like they don't care. To be honest I guess I cant blame them because I am starting not to care either. I can't handle feeling this way all the time. I miss my niece and nep[hew so much. I hope they now how much I love them and that I will always love them no matter what. I don't know what to do anymore more I try to reach out for help and I don't get it. I feel so al... Thu, 11 Apr 2013 17:57:23 EST the way i feel It has been a rainy day here. I haven't accomplished much today. I spent most of the day in bed. Feeling really depressed today. I hate it when I feel like this. Not only am I depressed but today is also not a good day because I am in a lot of pain because of my Achilles tendon. I feel so frusturated and discouraged. Wed, 10 Apr 2013 16:39:57 EST todays appointment with my counsellor I had an appointment with my counsellor today. It was very emotional. I am a bit embarrassed cause I broke down crying uncontrollably. Even though I was so emotional it felt good to let it all out I have been holding on to it far to long. I told my counsellor that I feel unwanted. Do you know what it feels like to feel unwanted I mean really unwanted. It's not a very nice feeling let me tell you. As bad as it feels I was finally able to put into words what it is that I feel. I realize that I ... Tue, 9 Apr 2013 17:42:21 EST today Today has been a rough day for me. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I just wanted to hide under the covers. A lot has been going on for me lately. I am having problems with my family. I wish that they could just accept me for who I am and love me anyway. I wish I wasn't such a disappointment to them. I feel so alone and unwanted. Sometimes I think everyone would be better off if I wasn't around anymore. To be honest I have been feeling like that more and more lately. I don't fit... Mon, 8 Apr 2013 17:09:25 EST How am i doing Hi everyone, <BR> <BR> A few people have been asking how I am doing and how is the healing for my Achilles tendon going. I am doing okay it hard being stuck at home all the time. I did join the chair exercise team and I was doing those for awhile but then I fell off the wagon and haven't done them in awhile. I am frustrated with myself. I know what I have to do but I don't have the motivation to do it. I have been ordering a lot of take out lately to. I feel so discouraged right now. I have... Sun, 7 Apr 2013 10:16:21 EST I need help Hi, <BR> On October 23rd i ruptured my achilles tendon, because of that i anc't do the normal exercise routine. I have found a 11 minute cardio work out sitting in a chair but that is hard for me to do when i need to use my injured leg. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how i can exercise with limited mobility. i would apreciate any suggestions. Tue, 26 Feb 2013 11:33:26 EST frusturated I am so frusturated right now. Alot is going on in mylife and i am so overwhelmed. I am still recovering from rupturing my achilles tendon. Which by they i reinjured while doing physio therapy. Then i am dealing with my family who is not very support of me. All they do is call me names and make me feel crap. When is this going to end i don't know how much more of this i can take. I must of gainede about ten pounds from emotionally eating which i know i shouldn't be doing. I just feel like my ... Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:01:09 EST I'm back Hi everyone how are you doing? i hope everyone is well. I haven't been on for a few months. I have been dealing with an injury. I ruptured my achilles tedon oct 23 2012. I am still in recovery but i am making progress even though it is very slow. I missed spark people i am glad that i am back. Well i just wanted to say hello. Fri, 1 Feb 2013 11:58:35 EST frusturated I feel a week ago and ruptured my achillies tendon. I guess i won't be able to exercise for a while. Does anyone have any ideas on how i can keep active i can't put weight on my foot. I so frustrated i have to rely on someone to help me do everything. Sat, 3 Nov 2012 18:04:00 EST feeling blah and depressed I can't explain how i feel i just feel like i am slipping deeper and deeper into a deprssion. I just want to disapear. I feel like i am not living i am just going through the emotions of everyday life and not feeling anything. I have no motivation i just feel empty. all i do all day is eat take out and spend the rest of the time in bed. I feel so unwanted and alone. I don't know what to do anymore. I can no longer help myself. i have given up on life. Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:37:05 EST Feeling blah Hi everyone, <BR> <BR> I am finding it vey hard to get my motivation back to eat healthy and lose weight. When i first started on this website back in April i was so excited and determined to loss weight. For the first month i was doing great. I even lost 10 pounds and i was so excited. I don't know what happened after that but things went down hill from there. Now i am at the point where i have gained back the ten pounds plus more. I am no longer exercising or drinking water or anything el... Thu, 16 Aug 2012 19:41:14 EST how i feel Lately i have been really deopressed. I feel like i am reaching out for help and i am not getting what i need. Doesn't anyone understand how bad i feel? Donesn't any care? I am so tired of people telling me to snap out of it or get over it. Don't they realize that doesn't help. Why can't they just listen to me and understand what i am going through. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. If i had a choice i wouldn't choose to feel like this. I am tired both emotinally and physically. Some th... Mon, 23 Jul 2012 12:09:07 EST